Friday, March 16, 2012

Bless Your Little…

previous post: EmBAREassed

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92 Comments

  1. Let’s see if you’re all afraid to comment after my comment…

  2. Challenge accepted.

  3. Just curious why that guy is holding an Asian’s penis? I’d call it a wang but that would be racist.

  4. @Beatusmongous – Why would I be scared? You’re just words. (head tilt)

    @the post – That’s a cute… ummm… fuzzy rodent?

  5. You guys couldn’t be any gayer. I’m sure you’d all try though.

  6. I think it looks more like a soft turd (or a frog if your feeling really creative!), seriously, blur your vision, or take your glasses off. But, then again he’s gripping the little furry critter like he’s stroking a flaccid penis.

  7. Is it a hamster?

  8. Hamster, gerbil, useless fucking pet, the only thing small furry fucks like that are good for is snake food man. Unless this is “The Green Mile” and the little fuzzball is named Mr. Jingles, that dudes a pussy for even holding the piece of shit unless he’s about the slam it against the wall or chop its head off. You know when you chop the head off a large rat with a meat cleaver and don’t hold it down for a few seconds afterwords it’ll bounce like three feet in the air and squirt blood EVERYWHERE. Go ahead, ask me how I know, sirs! :D

  9. What a vile piece of oxygen thieving shit you are, CapnJaques. Hope what goes around, comes around where you’re concerned, ’cause I’d like to see someone decapitate you with a cleaver, not hold you down and watch your blood squirt EVERYWHERE. On the other hand, it’s good to meet a real inbred redneck, so there is that.

  10. What’s that you say, Bota? I can’t understand a thing you say with that big black cock in your mouth. HEY, look guys, mi caught a fishy! Baited the hook and everything, poor lil’ sucker slurped it right up like the cum running down his masters gooch! Filthy cunt, NEVER have I ever heard someone say such nasty things Bota. Do you talk to your mommy like that little boy? Shame on you, you’ve been a BAD BOY! Somebody needs a spanking! Now bend over and take it like a man, you twink :D

  11. CapnJaques Youre a douche.

  12. Fuck, Capn. Next thing you know, PETA will be sniffing around asking questions. Damn but I hate vegans. They taste like tofu.

  13. Capn you pussy you don’t use a meatcleaver, you bite it. Put the head in your mouth, and bite down hard. If you’re lucky, the last thing the cheeky little rodent will do is chmop down on your tongue, that sensation is unREAL! Once said rodent’s head has been parted from it’s body, you still achieve the desired effect, but you also have the benefit of having it in your grasp. You can throw it against the wall and, as you mentioned, those death throws really make ‘em bounce. So really, you’ve destroyed some vermin, and created a free, fun toy for your kids. It’s like a juicy, red bouncy ball that doubles up as a tasty snack when the “bounce” has gone.

    Lighten up Bota.

  14. My brother had a hamster once.

    It’s dead now.

  15. My friend had one, it got too fat, got stuck in the tube and suffocated.

  16. I’ve always wanted to put one of those fuckers in a microwave on 5 minutes….

  17. krisw2317, I wasn’t going to say anything, but your probably one of those vegan cunts Bacchante was talking about. I bet you pussy tastes like a sour raddish, and don’t go and give me shit and try telling us you’re a man, you lack the chromosomes, and, we fucking know better you whale…watcher you. And, god no, Crusty, I might get aids (who knows what PETA’s sneaking in their food supply) putting a rat in my mouth like that, I don’t wanna end up like one a them starving african children with the big giant belly buttons you see on tv. Your execution is admirable though, I got bit on the finger once…but about smashing them against things…I once put one in a ziplock bag and had to slam it against the wall like 5 times to knock the disgusting little fuck out for my snake, now I just don’t bother, the little bastards are tough. And if that dude thinks we’re mean, he’s obviously never seen how a savannah monitor kill a mouse, it’s fucking BRUTAL! It’s like they have their own special M.K. Fatality!

  18. *your

  19. *YOU’RE DAMNIT I double fucked my spelling this time!

  20. *DAMN IT You know, I’m going to go have me some motherfucking coffee and try this again later….christ…

  21. ^hehe retard.

    I just youtubed the monitor lizard, that shit is fucking brutal .

    Sounds like slamming them against the wall could be pretty tiring though Capn? Hope you don’t use your masturbation arm, that would be detrimental and I’d have to frown upon it. A neat trick I like to use for feeding is a potato masher. Because obviously small goldfish couldn’t tear apart a mouse, (in fact, a mouse could cause harm to my fishes – and that would be cruel) so you hold the mouse down, and mash it. It breaks it down into manageable pieces, plus your fish get some ruffage from the fur. Better than flakes.

  22. See Bota, a joke! I don’t even keep fish.

  23. Yeah, and I don’t have my snakes, OR evil ass lizard anymore. I never really used my hand, I just taped the tail, or if it was long enough I tied it around my dick and spun it like a helicopter as I walked towards the wall/counter until I heard a few thuds! Another neato idea would be to use a large syringe and fill them up with water and toss ‘em at passerby’s like furry water balloons. Reminds my of the time when I use to breed mice and I separated one and tried to get it to drink whiskey (ended up being the only one I ever named, whiskey, of course…), she spilled the lid and ended up passing out on the fumes. I though she was dead and possibly sterile at that point, but to my suprise it woke up several hours later, obv. brain damaged and didn’t even have retarded babies. When it came time to breed she was a fucking champ….all mice do is run around, piss and fuck, but, smoke some pot and it’s better than fuckin’ prime time tube.

  24. my neighbor’s step-mother makes $63 every hour on the laptop. She has been laid off for six months but last month her paycheck was $13278 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read more on this site CashLazy.com

  25. #24 Does she make that $63 an hour doing anal bong swats and queefing on webcam like YOUR mom? She may have been laid off for six months but she probably been fucking your dad in the garage while you sit in your cave and play WoW and spam this bullshit all day…queer!

  26. @Capn: *Dammit.

  27. It’s a mouse, people.

  28. *Fuck it, Beatusmongous. Just, fuck it. I give up on spelling today…lol…

  29. CapnJaques, you talk of people lacking chromosones and other things. one thing i think we all can agree on here is, that you lack in, is a life. get one you faggot.

  30. Coming from the internet personality that no one likes?

  31. coming from someone who thinks internet acceptance amongst commenters is something of worth and care ?

  32. ^ Personality, Crusty? Really? I’ve yet to see any evidence of personality.

  33. Cheers Beatus, I’m quitedrunk and it would have taken fucking will power to sit through an entire post about why hes a cunt

  34. hahaha, bunch of fucking try hards

  35. One day there will be a post with comments where everybody is pleasant and accepting of each other… sigh.

    Actually, probably not.

  36. TotehFwames! BOy! I thought MY spelling and grammar was bad today, then you come along and Riverdance all over your fucking keyboard. How’s that for holiday cheer? I appreciate and value your opinion, however, today, pick a fucking number and stand in line, like you’re at the deli picking up some meat. You are used paying for the meat you stuff your mouth with, right? You’re just mad because EVERYBODY fucking picks on you. Maybe if you didn’t eat your buggers in front of us….

  37. Oh, and THAT is why he’s a cunt*

  38. Capn I must admit I like your theories on nice deaths. Very interesting. I had the misfortune if owning a staffy once and she used to brutalise them. Not as bad as the Goanna mind you but fuck she caught more than my deadbeat cat.

    Flames we should it to a poll
    Those who wants flames to stay say I those who don’t just say fuck off.

    You should stop whining and join us in the macabre ways of killing mice and commenting that lamebook oh so much enjoy. People may actually like you for once in your life.

  39. Man, glad you agree. I use to HATE cleaning the enclosure I fed him in afterwards. He always smeared blood all over the side glass. If I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure you can almost hear the bones crunching, esp. when they occasionally break their wee lil’ necks!…lol

  40. I can imagine :) . Besides there’s plenty to go around and it’s not like those fuckers didn’t start first. Rodents caused the black plague. I think of it ad payback and good “clean” entertainment.

  41. I say I. The more people who post on here the better, even if they do come across like fucking morons.

    Here’s an insight for all you fuckers, I’m a falconer. We take public out hunting rabbits with harris hawks and there’s nothing more brutal than a 2.5lb hawk chowing down on the bulging eye of a still breathing rabbit which can literally do fuck all to defend itself except wiggle uselessly until we break it’s neck. Occasionally the poor fuckers will have a ferret attached to it’s back side at the same time.

  42. What century do you live in? We have rifles now fyi.

  43. @damagecontrol – that was f*cking disgusting, what good would it do by putting a hamster in a microwave? o.O

  44. FYI you ain’t seen fucking shit till you’ve seen a hawk hurtling through the air. Shooting is fun but it does not fucking compare so less of the condescending tones you prick.

  45. You’re so eloquent. lol ‘hurtling’.. I envision you throwing the hawks at the rabbits.

  46. @confused…I can understand why you asked the question, but I rather doubt there will be a satisfactory explanation forthcoming.

    damagedcortex seems to be of the opinion that he’s something he most assuredly is not.

    retarded poll, dickhead.

  47. @MsAnneThrope
    I specifically made this account just so I can tell you how sad and moronic you seem. I’ve been following lamebook for awhile now and every time I see your comment it’s just a sad, lonely attempt at attention as well as trying to make yourself feel intelligent. I hate to tell you this but there is nothing intelligent about commenting on a lamebook post and flaming people for saying ignorant things. You use essay style vocabulary which makes you sound like the biggest douche, if you seriously talk like that I’m not surprised you don’t have any friends and you’re on here looking for attention.
    In conclusion:
    a) get that sand out of your vagina
    b) let people live their lives
    c) don’t comment if you’re just going to attack people
    d) grow the fuck up
    That is all, farewell.

  48. @tigerwoods Quit now while you’re ahead. You don’t want to go down the path that Edge chick took

  49. Capn-whatever: You are trying WAY TOO HARD. We already know you were never cool. As for the rest of you blowhards picking on rodents I think it is safe to say you never had a knock-down drag-ass fight with a adult Bengal tiger. I did not humiliate him too much and we are friends now :)

  50. Hey hawkbit I always thought you beat up big pussies.
    @ms. That was uncalled for. Sorta like asking you why you are such a big cumbucket fuck all loser that tries to shit on everyone. Bet you can’t answer that?

  51. Mehehehe @ tigerwoods – sooooooooo many people agree with you.
    @ the post – ugly hamster!

  52. So much troll food.

  53. It’s The Rise of The Idiot.

    as ’twas foretold.

  54. Hawkbit, you’re boring. You’re supposed to make this fun, and entertaining, and for someone who claims not to care what anyone on the internet thinks, are you trying to make something here out to be a popularity contest instead of what it really is? (the comments section on lamebook). I wasn’t aware picking out various squares in a very specific order on a keyboard was hard, but It’s ok, I understand. I’m not mentally deficient, even I can do that without managing to cock it up. What I am, is colourful, but not rainbow colourful, the foul mouthed whimsical type. Rainbows are for fags, and hippies. If I’m going to agree with you on anything here it’s that a rodent is NOT a tiger, it’s reptile food. And those concerned with damagecontrol’s microwave idea, don’t be so quick to dismiss such creativity, ADD to it. Instead of putting a mouse in there, lets find a microwave big enough to fit that Bengal Hawkbit singlehandedly fought off. I’d pay to fucking watch that! What are you going to do next? Accuse me of pressing too many fucking keys? Has anyone ever reached lamebooks character limit? Does it even have one? I was being fucking nice you tool, but if you want to talk shit you can go back to sodomizing your sister and eating mayonnaise sammiches with uncle cletus. I’ll be be reasonable with you dude if you stop acting like a nancy boy, otherwise clear off before I slap you with my bell end! :P

  55. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    @51 you’re back? Really? Speak for yourself and not behalf of others. To me you’re nothing more than an oddly dried piss stain. Now go fuck yourself, with a broken bottle.

  56. Fuck off Mass – you’re boring.

    Sam girl, I’m not with you, or against you. Not because of your opinions, to me they are irrelevant. I’m just hoping that in some crazy fucking way, that if everyone here is nice to you that for some reason you’ll post a link to a picture of your boobies. Then we would have some real ammunition to mock you with.

  57. @54 if you really want to get creative why not stuff hawkbit and the tiger in there together. THAT should be entertaining. @ the hawking idea. Dude that shot is fucking ace. I’ve watched falconers go to work and watched blokes use wedge tailed eagles. Your right too, the way they demolish their kills us something to see. That’s better than using a gun :)

    And hi Sam.You still gotta hit me up sometime :)

  58. @Bacch, I know you’ll read this you son of a bitch. Just had a peek at your blog, the most recent picture you posted of Sam Girl…I’m going to be a walking hard-on all day after seeing that whale. I thank you. @DC, I wouldn’y be too sure; BACCHANTE THE WHORE has a picture. Makes you want to tear your eyes out.

  59. Lol really:o

  60. As usual poor Bac was looking for some acknowledgement again.

  61. You really don’t like bacch do you sababe?

  62. @stomabeutel? who are you again? nobody here knows / cares what YOU have to say????? seriously, fuck off?!
    @dc – ;)
    @ms – yaaaaaawn.
    @crusty – show me yours and i’ll show you mine :) im slutty like that yeah ms?

  63. Sounds to me like I’ve got you in my hand Sam :p

  64. @stomabeutel I care what you have to say, don’t listen to Sam she’s just an internet bully. and Sam, i would but i have neither a penis or a vagina..

  65. Yeah that sounds fair too Sam. I’ll show you mine and you show me yours. Crusty can always come join the party

  66. I would watch, and proceed to vomit as Sam’s vagina engulfs your hand, followed by your arm and then consumes your entire body. I would try to run, but the vacuum from her maw of a vagina would drag me back, no matter how hard I dug my bleeding finger nails into the creaky floorboards of her run-down crack-house.

    Across the globe, Bacchante would be tanning her fat ass on the beach when what she mistakes for a cloud, blocks out the sun. In fact it’s fat sam, in search of a new food source after eating all the fishes of the ocean. She is instantly plunged into an icy blackness. A chill so cold her nipples stand erect like soldiers standing to attention. In the confusion and darkness Bacchante stumbles, skewering the eyeballs of 17 innocent children on her javelins she calls nipples. You really want that DC? For the love of the children, keep her legs closed!

  67. It sounds like something we could expect on the 21st December 2012 – The end is NEAR! I will keep my legs closed untill then, just for you, sweet, sexy, cuddly, wuddly crusty <3

    Internet Bully?! ME?!!?!?!? NEVER!!!!!!

  68. #56 Yeah, and you’re entertaining? Not even close, bitch.

  69. This reminds me of the old ‘Check out the furry little mammalian in my pocket’ routine.

    ‘Haha! Fooled you, it’s a reptile really.. a big fucking milk spitting snake’

  70. @61 I don’t have a problem with her, but i wana see what the fuss is about, coz she just love doing it to me, even at the risk of it making her look like an idiot.

  71. I come on lamebook often, but comment relatively rarely. But it never fails to amaze me how many people, like tigerwoods there, create an account just to tell msanne they dislike him/her (i’m gonna go with it to save time). I think we should begin counting the number of accounts created due to msanne and that can be used as a measure of his/her success as a misanthropic (not sure if that’s a word) character. Whether msanne is just an online persona or a real reflection of it in real life is irrelevant, without it lamebook would be a lot less interesting and would have only about half the members.

  72. Oh yeah, and @sababe and @sam, shut up. Stupid cunts. @crusty, your comments rarely fail to make me come close to pissing myself with laughter!

  73. stomabeutel v1.1 with added empathic capabilities

    Sam aint no internet bully, she’s just a little cranky after my constructive criticism. My comment was my personal opinion as I speak solely for myself, Sam however is just looking from some sympathy cos she’s also suffering some serious butt hurt. Oh and let me correct you on one thing, sammy; it’s nobody knows you and nobody cares what you have to say. Speak for yourself, it’s okay to have your own opinion.

    PS You’re still my favorite South African Chinese! Even after seeing your picture on that blog. PS2 is that a lemon or an infection?

  74. Sam tbh, the thought of you gives me a wide on. An actual wide on.

  75. I actually took the time to read all this, to distract me from a horrible day. Made it worse, I guess. I thought this page had style, somehow. And I don´t understand why anybody would hate a hamster that much.

  76. Wow cupid that was so interesting… But I was not in need of a bedtime story yet. Oh and another thing,before telling people to shut up, make sure that you are interesting enough to be acknowledged, I am not in the least trying or interested, but I got you to waste some of your valuable time and energy to acknowledge me bitch, more than I can say for you, now kindly crawl back into your mouldy cum drenched lair and get your monkey to sodomise you again.

  77. ^ Things that make you go “hmmm..”: Saying someone isn’t interesting enough to be acknowledged while acknowledging them.

  78. …not only that, but the lazy cunt just recycled all the insults we threw at her last week.

  79. @Captain Did you not see me when I said you are trying too hard? Or can you not stop it? @Damage you would not have the testicular fortitude to say that to Eviscerate’s face

  80. Haha, if my penis looked as cute as that I’d pet it all day!

    …….Who’m I kidding?

  81. Is that the name of the Ginger tabbycat you beat down singlehanded? Or was that your online screen name for WOW?

  82. @77 I was giving him what he craved so much so he can shut the fuck up and 78 don’t flatter yourself, I dont find you amusing in any way so why would I even remember anything you say to me… go get a life wont ya.

  83. Hawk, it’s beyond me why you seem to take this shit so serious, am I wrong in thinking that? I’ve tried being civilized with you, but you seem to want to carry on like a fucking child. This thread is pretty much dead. Please quit summoning me. I truly am getting bored with this back and forth shit on the dude gripping his furry penis thread. I respond because it would be considered rude for me not to. Maybe I don’t understand, so, by all means dude, feel free to explain. WHAT exactly are you accusing me of trying too hard at? I’m here for me, not anyone else. Yes I enjoy interacting with the other personalities here. I’m NOT the only person on here that does that, but just because some of us may agree on certain things doesn’t mean there’s some fucking special clique or secret society. This is EXACTLY what it looks like, a comments section, people comment on shit, even if it IS off topic, but who REALLY gives a damn? Is that a crime? The only things I’ve gathered is that you keep repeating yourself, kind of like a troll that accused someone of being racist, asks them to explain something, and saying oh, I’m sorry if you’re not, I was just curious, but are you? Successfully catching people in a loop. Other than that, what IS the purpose of you repeating yourself? Were you just upset or offended because I picked you for my snarky comment of the day? You provided the opening man, You COULD have at least been a good sport about it and had a little fun with it instead of reading too much into my smartass comment.

  84. ^tl;dr stfu.

  85. People in here are too touchy.
    Ironic that I should say that right :p

  86. Fuck off piper

  87. I’m pretty sure according to extensive research, and cracked dot com that “tl;dr” is on the top ten list of stupid and annoying phrases used by morons on the internet. I believe it’s claimed that to even use it implies that you actually did read it and just want to be a twat, your lack in any ability to insult me is downright depressing. Bad news guy, “tl;dr is one of those overused acronyms used by wannabe hipsters pretending to be clever “JICYDK”, so that makes you a poser, too. Which totally negates everything you just said, piper. They also claim that you’re now doomed to have a really big book fall on your head, and that is inevitably how your pathetic, lazy excuse for a human being is going to die. I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt, since I’m trying to be nice to cunts like you today, but that doesn’t make your sorry ass any less illiterate and uneducated. 10 Points to whoever can decipher this one for the piper before he manages to pick a peck of pickled peppers…”SL@SMPAL2R”

  88. I believe that “tldr” is used by morons who found the comment too long, so they truthfully didn’t read it. They DID however feel the need to share their moronic laziness with the rest of the world. I also believe that tldr-ers are the same dumb cunts who read comics and magazines instead of real books or verbose journals. However, it is a handy way of figuring out who isn’t (and never will be) educated past a C-grade secondary school level. This can be helpful.

  89. Capn Jock and Bacchante,
    TL:DR
    STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

  90. @Cap You are taking this much more seriously than me…

  91. There has been extensive research done focusing solely on people who use “tl;dr”? That seems like a big waste-o-time. I think you are exaggerating, sir.

  92. Oh, no, Cracked writers spend hours researching these sorts of things.

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