Thursday, July 22, 2010

Big Winners!

previous post: The POORposal

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65 Comments

  1. :]

  2. >:~|

  3. :(

  4. ?:/

  5. Savannah sounds like a big ass whore. If you wake up next to her after a long night of drinking I suggest you start scrubbing yourself with bleach and just hope none of those Sexually Transmitted Diseases stick to your skin and cause your penis to melt off.

  6. Hey, Walt, what’s your beef with Savannah? I think she translated Shamia’s words beautifully.

  7. Errrr….maybe Walt speaks of Shamia?

  8. Eric could also hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route.

  9. aha yes the Maury show, i love those types of shows. what else is better than watching a attention seeking loser lose their last piece of self respect on t.v…. priceless!

  10. #3 is def a fail, not a win

    while his heart is in the right place, just avoid the copy and paste

  11. Sometimes I watch Maury so that if I ever hit rock bottom, I’ll be able to recognize it.

  12. So is David a teen or a middle-aged woman??

  13. I don’t get the second one.

  14. The third one isn’t a win; it’s actually pretty lame. The fact that I’ve read the same post before verbatim (probably on YouTube) suggests that David DID copy and paste it himself (unless, of course, he’s the FIRST person to write that, and the whole world is copy-pasting it – but the odds of that are too low).

    Copy-pasted messages aren’t wins. David’s status is as lame as a Justin Bieber-hating message. Funny at first, lame after a couple of weeks.

  15. Teo,

    Lazy Sunday win!

    Two, no six, no twelve, BAKERS DOZEN.
    I told you that I’m crazy for these cupcakes, cousin.

  16. Google maps is the best.

  17. Dawn of the Dan

    True that.

  18. Double true.

  19. People as inarticulate as “Shamia” (what kind of name is that?) shouldn’t be having children. There’s no way that she can afford to take care of “3 bootiful chiren” with the intellect of a skunk.

    Of course, we live in a country where the liberals insist on having ebonics and spanish taught in our public schools and then cry racism when we don’t accommodate the ghetto trash. So, I guess it’s not surprising that we live in a country where the ability to articulate oneself properly (or even somewhat properly) has gone the way of the DoDo.

    Just one more reason to pray for a Palin/Barbour victory in 2012. True Americans understand that this country was founded on speaking English and making this country English-only would go a long way to improving the grammar of idiots like “Shamia”

  20. powerstanceyall

    savannah seems like a pretentious bitch.

  21. powerstanceyall

    also, what is up with the guy wearing such short shorts in the american apparel ad.

  22. dietpillpyramidscheme

    Fargis, you should run.

    “You’ll go far with Fargis.”

    “Tough on immigration, tough on stains! Fargis is your industrial strength [ethnic] cleanser!”

    “Fargis! Yeah, I’m moderate… Just stand me next to Westbro Baptist Church.”

  23. Dawn of the Dan

    Dan Fargis fails SO HARD for suggesting that putting SARAH PALIN in the White House would improve the country’s speaking abilities…

  24. dietpillpyramidscheme

    No, Fargis wins, because everything he says is satirical. By suggesting Palin, he is ATTACKING Palin.

  25. I must not understand the second one because I don’t find it funny. if I AM understanding it correctly then it’s just not funny.

  26. The first one has already been posted.

  27. Savannah’s is good, but I have to be picky on this one thing– you can commit adultery if you aren’t married yet. It’s not adulterous if he’s just her boyfriend. Adultery is strictly defined as a married person having sex with someone besides his/her spouse.

  28. can’t not can. dang.

  29. Savannah AND dietpillpyramidscheme FTW!!

  30. Am I the only one who thinks Bryan wanted Savannah to translate ” yep:) i do\nsjt:)” to English, not Shamia’s rant?

  31. Oh Mr. Fargis, unfortunately the your comment especially the end is a total fail. You see, the U.S. was not founded on speaking English it was founded on rebelling against taxation without representation. Shocking I know. The U.S. is in fact one of the few countries without a national reason, probably because our ancestors spoke a myriad of languages.

    Are you full blooded English because if you are not. You fail again. Whoops, your bad. Furthermore, you have issues with only ebonics and Spanish. Did you know that there are many cities in the northern United States where people speak German or Norwegian or, God forbid, SWEDISH. Holy crap, get your torches the vikings are invading!!! (The Navaho language was used as a code to help win a world war. Is that a problem? Can we ignore that and get rid of them too? They probably came from Asia, we can send them back. It really doesn’t matter if we stole the land from under their feet. The strongest wins! Right?)

    We should probably get rid of all red heads while we are at it. You know those dirty Irish having their bastard Catholic children all over the place. Geez. Wait, Catholics believe in God, maybe they are okay. Oh shoot most Mexicans are Catholic! What is this world coming too!! We can’t discriminate appropriately. I guess Sarah Palin would have this all figured out. You know, because she totally comes up with her own ideas and is great at that sort of stuff.

  32. Dan Fargis, fuck off. I have a couple of goats who will gladly show you the Kingdom of Heaven.

  33. obladioblada, life goes on, bra!, lala, how the life goes on…

  34. @ word
    you rock. Not hill, just rock.

  35. Dan Fargis I think, whoa, hang on, yup, there is a stick up your arse…. you might need to pull that out…..

  36. @obladioblada – your mostly nonsensical and poorly structured ramblings ignore the fact that this country’s founders (I believe you know them as the “Founding Fathers”) were all fluent in English which is why all the original governing documents of this country were written in English. You don’t see “nosotros la gente” or “us an’ our homies” in the Constitution.

    If people want to speak their native tongue in their own homes, that’s one thing. It has no place in the schools of this country and tax payer money shouldn’t be spent on teaching children how to talk like ghetto street thugs. Moreover, immigrants who come to this country should have to learn the primary language. Do you have any idea how much money is wasted on accommodating immigrants who are too lazy to learn English? As George W. Bush said “One aspect of making sure we have an immigration system that works, that’s orderly and fair, is to actively reach out and help people assimilate into our country, that means to learn the values and history and language of America.”

  37. Is it wrong that I actually find myself agreeing with fargis’s last post?

    :O

  38. .. I just picture word swinging her bra above her head as she sings obadioblada … or possibly I am misinterpreting the line with ‘bra’ in it.

    But yes, alilmonster… the last paragraph of Fargis ..I agree with. OMFG.

  39. … the only reason I agree is because my parents were both immigrants and made learning English a priority… and thrived.

  40. @dan_fargis
    I’m often entertained by your diatribes. Whatever you care to say about people … I can live with it.
    But I’m concerned about the anti-animalism creeping into your recent comments. Did you really need to demean the intelligence of skunks?
    And don’t think you can atone for it by double-capitalizing “dodo.”

  41. Actually I WOULD cry if I saw Edward Cullen on top of a building about to jump, because that would mean that he is real and just as melodramatic and embarassing as he was in fiction.

    Also he wouldn’t die either, which just compounds my misery.

  42. Wow, David. Wow. You are just SOOOOO funny. Bet you’re quite the comedian! And so original, too!

    I wonder what his witty and totally not over-the-top hateful stance he has on teen pop stars whose music isn’t aimed at him is? Gawrsh, he’s just so edgy and unique!

  43. Oh, Mr. Fargis, over the past few weeks I have been noticing your diatribes, and, I admit, at first, I thought you were the normal troll, which would mean you hang around a website for a week or two to keep an eye on your initial bull shit comment, to see what havoc it wreaked among the regulars. But then you kept coming back, which came as a shock to me. So I had to revise my opinion.

    You just like to stir up trouble, often by spouting exerts from the Bible, thus, I came up with my answer! You are a Jehovah’s Witness, aren’t you?

  44. Dear Mr. Fargis,

    I am sorry for my poor sentence structure. I was trying to be sarcastic, which not easily translated into proper English. I see I failed and I apologize.

    I would like to refute your last paragraph. Unfortunately, you does make a lot of sense. I would, however, like to see the schools that do actually teach ebonics. I have lived with a number of roommates who have taught various classes in schools in some of the lowest income neighborhoods. (People have been shot right outside the school in these neighborhoods.) Yet, none have ever been told not to teach proper English. Getting these children to complete their homework in terrible English is an onus in and of itself. Most of them perform much below grade level and simply have been passed due to age. There is no accountability. However, convincing them that they will live past the age of 25 is an even bigger challenge. They see no reason to learn anything because they do not believe they will live long enough to need it nor do they believe they will ever leave their neighborhood. Now, I believe this is bigger than simple party lines, though you may disagree. I think this is a cultural issue.

    Lamebook really isn’t a place to discuss this, though, so I shall simply swing my bra above my head, like suggested, and listen to the Beatles!! All you need is love!!!

  45. Savannah is awesome.

  46. Go Dan Fargis!!! I actually agree with him. What I can’t figure out is why you are on lamebook posting comments?? Seriously what really are you doing wasting your time trying to get through to some of these people?

  47. Kudos go out to #’s 8, 17-19.

    And I’m going to say this next statement in all honesty; I prefer MapQuest.

  48. No I meant Savannah. She’s a racist. I don’t like her.

  49. How is Savannah racist? She never said a word about the race of the person on the show. Are you assuming she is black because of her name and the way she speaks? You are clearly the racist one, Walter Sobchak.

  50. @ Walter Sobchak
    My god you’re a self-righteous wanker…
    Were you trying to be funny? You’re not.
    After reading other comments you have posted, i have to presume you are mildly autistic. Whatever insight you think you have is terrible. I lose respect for myself conversing with this site..
    I’d bet big on the fact the majority of the people in the “lame” posts, are far more interesting and well adjusted people than the ones commenting on them. You’re all dickheads(myself included for bothering) and i hope I never have to suffer the punishment of crossing paths with any of you.
    go die.

  51. @ Titsonabull:

    Go pull that stick out of your ass. DO NOT EVER compare stupid people to special needs people. My son is autistic, and has a better sense of humor–and I’m assuming he is also more intelligent than you from the comments I have read.

    It takes a lot to offend me, so congratulations, pal–you just earned the “Douchebag of the Week” award.

    That is all.

  52. @ohwickedwendi

    Agreed.

    Smells bulltitties got owned.

  53. *smells like. lolwtf

  54. Tits,

    Thanks for your feedback. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine. Sometimes people disagree and that is ok. But it is always a positive thing when there is at least some common ground in a disagreement and it is wise to focus on that and build on it. So although you may think I am a self-righteous wanker and I think the same about you, at least we both agree that you are a dickhead.

  55. magicman, I deduced that Savannah is racist by her status update. In a similar way I have deduced from your username that you are probably a gay, middle-aged paedophile who uses tacky and poorly rehearsed magic tricks to get close enough to small boys to smell them, which brings you great pleasure. I could be wrong.

    Now by your logic, I am “clearly” the middle-aged magician paedophile, but I can assure you that I am over 75 years old.

  56. so i have a correction for lamebook. i submitted Savannah’s post. i am not savannah but i am the one who translated “Shamia’s” statement, not savannah. just saying.

  57. Premise of the “translation” is a bit absurd. “Ebonics” is English, plain and simple, just like we don’t call what they speak in England something different from what we speak in the US.

    Oh, and Fargis: People who come to the US are not “lazy.” The act of getting here in the first place (labyrinthine immigration system or border fence, either way) takes a lot of effort, and on top of that, imagine not knowing the language that well. Have you ever tried to become conversational in a new language as an adult (especially one as messed up as English)? It’s not easy.

    And yet… I know plenty of people who are products of the Spanish-language EARLY education system in various areas. To enlighten you a bit: all they do is teach the little children in Spanish until they understand English well enough (through ESL) to be taught in English. End result: a population of bilinguals set to contribute to society. More than you can say, perhaps?

  58. @vaaarr

    Ebonics is not English, sorry.

    Fo, wat, bootiful, frand, etc., are NOT words. Please point them out to me in Websters.

  59. @candidcamera

    What you said was so dumb I had to register just to let you know.

    1) Languages evolve.
    2) English has no central authority declaring what is and isn’t English. Words and vernacular styles evolve from popular use, slang, new words being coined, cross-pollination from other languages, etc.
    3) Ebonics is a popular name for “Black Vernacular English.”
    4) Being a prescriptivist is for pompous assholes who know fuck-all about how language works but want to lord their spelling and pronunciation over other people as if it’s some great accomplishment.

    Congratulations. You speak and spell better than an uneducated ghetto mess on a daytime talk show.

    Get murdered.

  60. @fucktron

    Your comment was so perfect I registered just to tell you so. :D

  61. I am an english teacher. There is no reason for you to be such a rude prick. Go fuck yourself.

  62. @fucktron

    Likewise, I registered just to compliment your post.

    Four days after the fact. THE INTERNET NEEDED MY OPINION!!

    Btw, “fo, wat, bootiful, frand” are all words. They’re just phonetic spellings of dialectical pronunciations of the words “For, what, beautiful, friend.”

    Man, as a future English teacher I hope folks like Candidcamera aren’t my colleagues.

  63. @dan_fargis, i apologize to you in advance for my pronunciation and lack of capitalization on my part so you don’t attack me on my grammar skills, but i am a 21 year old woman who migrated to U.S. from Russia in 2001 with my mother. i picked up the language fairly quick, unlike my mother, and to this day, she has issues speaking English. she has not been too lazy or too ignorant to learn the language, but it is nearly impossible for her, since a lot of people are unable to understand her with such a heavy accent. therefore, i plead, stop being such a prick, and shut the hell up!!

    and

    @vaaarr, thank you so much! the process of JUST applying to come to America is a pain in the ass in itself. we came here legally, and filled out plenty of paperwork, did interviews, etc. i applaud you for standing up for people who have come here and are still unable to speak the English language. and ATTEMPTING to start a conversation with someone in different language is a hassle, and is very frustrating. therefore, THAT’S why most people from other countries stick to their primary language and really do not make an effort to learn English.

  64. @dan_fargis

    Please do not credit George W. Bush with that quote. It “seems” intelligent. He must have read it off a cue card or telepromter. If his administration wanted us to believe that he actually thought of this himself, they should have REALLY dumbed it down.

  65. @reyelee

    You do realize that George W. Bush was the first president since John Quincy Adams to hold multiple Ivy League degrees, right? The man’s not an idiot. He’s not a gifted orator, but he’s certainly not stupid either. Learn to criticize the policies, not the person.

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