Thursday, October 7, 2010

Background Checks

previous post: Wonderful One-Liners

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125 Comments

  1. Don’t get the 3rd one. And the rest are hardly worthy of comment

  2. 1. Marcia Brady called, she said duck.
    2. Time and place dude, time and place – see also: if the pants are still on, you’re doing it wrong.
    3. Jansport – the source for all your dead-hooker-storage needs.
    4. WTF – is that a baboon??

  3. Ok I’m still at a loss with the 3rd one. Why is a guy wearing a backpack with jansport (a company I’ve never heard of but they appear to make backpacks) on it funny?

  4. These suck so bad. Lamebook, you’re fucking killing me.

  5. I agree with word. The last one is the only remotely funny one.

  6. Baby pleeease explain numer three. Please baby I’m getting panic attacks!

  7. Pendant, if you have a panic attack I’ll call the police.

  8. Ped – I’m guessing its the scale of said backpack. It should be about the size of his back but is, instead, cartoonishly large. It’s not really that funny.

  9. Really? That’s what passes for humour on lamebook these days?
    Oh look, some bloke who, while admittedly being dressed like someone who goes backpacking or hiking, seems to have a large amount of items in his backpack!
    Someone summon the chirurgeon ere my sides split asunder.

    Good jabbering fucking jesus on a tricycle Lamebook. At least make a fucking effort! You’re turning me into Hobo

  10. And we can’t have that.

  11. Shut up and get on the pool table you

  12. Also, in number three, if you look in the top right corner, on that window/ door/ whatever the fuck, it appears that someone threw themselves on it.

    Quite lame, baby, and not in the good way. The bad way where you refuse to talk to me until school tomorrow.

  13. The pool table?

  14. Never mind, I have now cross-referenced the pool table.

  15. Steups!

    I can’t even express my disgust for this post in standard English. I have to pull out my dialect. Try again, Lamebook.

  16. Trinidad?

    Good god, it’s 1.15 am I can’t sleep and I need to be entertained. Not going to happen with these submissions obviously

  17. Check out the size of that backpack! It’s large!

    There.

  18. Heisenburg, are you certain about that?

  19. Pedant Yep, Trinidad it is. :) You familiar with it, or have you just seen me mention it fifty times?

  20. Eh, #1 deserves to be Marsha Bradied for intentionally making that horrid face and gesture for a picture.

    I think I shall learn to throw a mean spiral, smuggle a football with me everywhere I go (in a prosthetic pregnancy stomach?), and extract my revenge on those who afflict such facial and hand contortions upon us.

  21. Never seen you mention it, but you said you were on a small island and having lived in a part of london with a large carribean population I’d heard it used by some people of that extraction. So much more attractive than kissing your teeth :)

  22. Well, I feel oblivious – I’ve never caught a Trinidad reference. I was going to ask where that was from.

  23. I love pho-do’s!

    The backpack one is awesome!

  24. Ped, your powers of deduction are admirable. :D It is much more attractive than ksiing teeth. Why? Because Trinidad is cooler than Jamaica, that’s why! (ahem. Excuse my outbursts of inter-island rivalry.)

    Comments, don’t feel too bad. I really didn’t expect anyone to catch it…I was/am just utterly borefd and wanted to initiate some sort of conversation.

  25. Ped, your powers of deduction are admirable. :D It is much more attractive than ksiing teeth. Why? Because Trinidad is cooler than Jamaica, that’s why! (ahem. Excuse my outbursts of inter-island rivalry.)

    Comments, don’t feel too bad. I really didn’t expect anyone to catch it…I was/am just utterly bored and wanted to initiate some sort of conversation.

  26. Oops. It sent before I fixed the error.

  27. And I still managed to leave one in! That should be ‘*kissing’, folks. Yes I am persnickity.

  28. Being borefd sounds more like how I feel at the moment.

    And noone appreciated my quantum mechanics joke :(

  29. Sorry Ped, anything with quantum mechanics goes way over my head.

    You studying it or what?

  30. I didn’t get it, Ped, but I still appreciate you – especially when you order me around like that. I could sing you to sleep, or I could whisper sweet somethings in your ear, huh?

  31. Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle. Never mind ladies, don’t worry your pretty little heads about such things.
    Not studying it, that stuff just interests me. Though I do know the mother of one of the physicists at CERN. Yeah, bet you’re impressed now huh?
    And Wordy, I’m afraid you’re cheating on me with Mass so I’m heartbroken.

  32. Very impressed. I’m practically ready to strip off my clothes and offer you my pretty little head.

    On a more characteristic note, I bet I could out-talk you in world history or journalism though :D

  33. #1- that’s what she gets for the duck face.

  34. Pedantic #6 lol :D

  35. Well I’m now out of teabags so I thought things were about at rockbottom, but the prospect of a me/june/wordy 3-way on the pooltable has cheered me up considerably.

    And June, journalism I’ll give you but I’ll take your bet on world history

  36. Ped, don’t get too banged-up. mass and I have a history. We’ve a very established mutual desire. You and I, on the other hand, are just getting started. So, cheer up. It’ll happen.

    You got junie wanting to take it all off for you. Life is good.

  37. 3-way? When did that get proposed?

  38. I have to propose before we can have a 3-way?

  39. word, I think he was trying to sneak that idea in.

    Ped, we shall see about that world history…we shall see.

  40. Ped you have to propose with a two-headed ring engraved “3wayplz kthxbai” in diamond.

  41. Damn right we do, word .. and plane tickets, Friday it is!

  42. I think people should be less concerned about the risque pose in #2 and more concerned about what the fuck they’re playing in??? It looks like stale cheetos.

  43. ladyrisk it’s corn.

  44. dont get number three at all, even tho its been explained I still dont see anything lame in it. I personally hate anyone who does those stupid gang signs, they should have rocks, not footballs, thrown at them.

  45. junie, if there is any 3-way to be had, I’d prefer to kick it off with you and Saffer. I’m not a les, you know that, but I just love us girls. There hasn’t been enough of us around here of late. I always work better with other girlies around me.

    Oh, and I’ll challenge anyone to a musical discussion. That’s my thang.

  46. Great, now it’s a 3-way with lolcats

  47. mass, can’t fucking wait.

  48. word, I’m in. Should we discuss it with Saff, or just ambush her with fluffy handcuffs? =

    Ped, the lolcats can watch, but they can’t join. I have standardzor.

  49. junie, ha! Soooo funny you mention fluffy handcuffs. I almost bought a pair the other week. Black. They were awesome. I might still do seeing as though mass is on his way.

  50. Well, thank you to the lovely ladies of lamebook for keeping me so royally entertained into the wee hours but I must go up the wooden hill to bedfordshire to at least try and sleep (Although the image of the 3 of you and fluffy handcuffs may make that somewhat problematic)

    Goodnight all

  51. Buy them buy them! I’ve been trying to get my hands on some non-pink ones for ages. :D I’m sure mass will appreciate it.

  52. Guhnight Peds, may your dreams resemble Pakistan :)

  53. There were leopard-print ones, too, but they reminded me of my maniac stepmother, so noooooo to those, but it will be a yes to the black ones. I always bet on black.

    Goodnight, you oldgit.

  54. I think I might just turn in as well. It’s fairly early by me, but I’ve got a fairly early morning to look forward to. ‘Night all <4

    (And for the slower kids: by Pakistan, I meant wet.)

  55. Ped, I’ve worked at the Los Alamos National Laboratory at the neutron beam.
    Word, if you aren’t les but want a 3some with all girls I think that means you are bi.

  56. Night junie. I’ve been a little poorly the past few days, hence my daytime presence here. I’m about to have a nap, myself.

    mad2, honey, take me with a grain of salt. It’s all in good fun. And by the way, it’s not bi, it’s try.

  57. I’ve been away, and it seems I’m missing out on a three- nay, foursome (including Saffer now) ?

    @word leopard print and black are my favorite colors. I would love to find fluffy cuffs in those colors. Though, I do have some rope and a chain. If I can find one of those emo/ goth/ Hot Topic collars for the neck, I’ll bring my share of fun. ;)

  58. Keona, this is an Aussie company, but I’m sure there are similar ones in the States. Maybe they post to the States. You should look into it…

    http://www.pashparties.com.au/shop/products.asp?op=PlayTime

    Nap time.

  59. Hmm I thought someone would have asked this by now, I guess it’s just me, but what is that yellow stuff in #2?

  60. @word Bookmarked and noted. I’ll take a look-see around.
    Fucking a, I hope they send to the States.

  61. I think the 3rd one is that it’s a bigass backpack.

  62. No word, ‘tri’ means you like males, females, and hermaphrodites.
    Excuse me while i feel ashamed of myself for an horrible pun.

  63. christopherlovet

    Maybe all you regs could go to a chatroom or messageboard every day? No big deal, but sifting through a bunch of posts that are meaningless to the rest of us so that we can find one relevant to this website is a bit of a chore, don’cha know?

    [braces for imminent wall of flame]

  64. No wall of flame chris, you’re right, but why don’t you join in the discussion? There’s really no “regulars”, it’s an open forum anyone can come and leave as they please.

    I don’t know how I feel about just an all girls “get together” anyway… So you’re in Chris? From what I gather Junie and Word are bringing the cuffs, Keona is bringing some goth stuff, and I’ll bring you :)

    And about the post:
    #2- why are they playing in corn?
    #4- is it lame because the baboon is taking a dump?

  65. I believe that’s a dog, Saffer. Dog.

  66. these are shit, none of these girls have big tits

  67. I’m a natural full C/ small D… just saying

    err Scarab83, I still see a monkey. I zoomed in 400% but what ever. Monkey, dog, alien, why is it supposed to be funny?

  68. I love pics with fucked up shit going on in the background(s).

  69. No thanks, Saffer, I’ve fallen for that before. You know the expression that ends with ‘fool me can’t get fooled again.’

    Besides, with me there it won’t be “all girls.”

  70. @Saffer, I wish I were that well endowed naturally. I assume you’re at a healthy weight. I’m supposed to be about 90lbs. I have Bs at 140. I bet I would have an concaved, inverted chest were I skinnier. Pear shapes fail.

    I bet this gets my kicked out of the orgy group…no one likes small breasties. :(

    Also, whenever there is an animal in the background checks, usually a dog, it’s squatting for a shite/ shart. (I hope I spelled those right) It’s about as funny as seeing a geriatric slip, fall, break a hip, and most likely die from it.

  71. Be honest Keona, do I have spinach in my teeth? Chris declined. Were you fooled before Chris? Anyway, jokes aside. The point was that there’s no exclusive group going on.

    And, K, nothing wrong with small breasts. Aren’t most women a B anyway? I think it’s usually guys that make a big deal of it- like #66. :)

  72. @Keona, there is nothing wrong with small breasts. They come in all shapes and sizes and should be assessed and appreciated on a tit by tit basis!

  73. @Saffer, I know. I am only slightly insecure. I shouldn’t be, but meh. Let’s just say I had a super asshole ex that turned me from a very confident woman into not so confident.

    Yup, no group, just a running gag for fun. I love this site, and the members. Never a dull moment around here.

  74. @purebs tit by tit basis? hahaha, good one. I needed a laugh, thanks for that. :D

  75. I didn’t read/skimmed most of these comments but #67 certainly caught my eye. Saffer, that’s really impressive for a guy! More power to you, dude. You know what they say, if you got it, flaunt it (unless, perhaps, you spend some time in prison).

  76. I liked the first photo, by the way.

  77. 3rd photo, look up at the 2nd floor of the mall.

  78. typical. while I’m off getting my beauty sleep you guys are planning threesomes and all sorts. i miss all the fun :-(

  79. thnikkaman, if you have to look that hard to find anything vaguely inappropriate/amusing it’s hardly much of a background check. The whole point is supposed to be “ZOMG how did they miss that!!!!!11!!!lolololol” not “WTF am I supposed to be looking at?”

    And, keona, I formally invite you to our little menage (it was my idea so I’m still going, even if I’m only in the audience) I don’t mind small boobs, I’m an equal opportunities pervert.

  80. lol, Sobchak. I’d get killed on my first day in prison, and I’m not a dude, not even close. Maybe I should have made my screen name Saffera? (yuk!)

  81. Wait… you knew that, you were kidding right?

  82. Wow… this thing turned into a full-on orgy while I was asleep. Hey, the more the merrier. Keona, when were done we could go beat up that asshole ex of yours. I’m sure you’re perfectly fine just the way you are, and you’re definitely perfectly welcome in the party. :D

  83. Morning Juney-poo, I must admit, when you said you wanted my dreams to be like pakistan I was a little confused. I could only think that you wanted them to cheat at cricket (allegedly)

  84. Thanks for the votes of confidence and invite, oldgit and june.

    Someone cuff the ex, I’ll tie him up and whip him with my chain.

  85. Morning Peds. :D lol@ the pakiscandal… has there been a new one or are we talking the same old time when the umps walked off and all that jazz? Haven’t been keeping up with cricket in a lonnnng time.

    Keona, how tall are you? My BMI is 19 and I’m around 120, so I’m sure 90 wouldn’t be a healthy weight for you anway. Unless you’re more on the munchkin side of life.

  86. I’m embarrassed to say: 4’8″ or 9. one of the two.

    Mom was 5’0 and dad 5’4″ I’m basically the height of the paternal grandmother…after she shrank some due to age. XD;

    ~I also have a small bone structure and pear shape. -.- I want a small ass, hips, thighs, and bigger breasts, but my fat proportions beg to differ.

  87. Ah, the wonder and the weirdness of time zone differences. You guys have just woken up (I think), and I’m almost off to bed. Just thought I’d say hi. Looks like there was some boob talk going down earlier. Nice.

    And yes, Keona, you are welcome. And I don’t discriminate against smaller boobs, either (B isn’t small, anyway). Everyone has something to offer, well, almost everyone.

    See you around, all…

  88. Oh Keona, if you were living in Trinidad you would be beloved by all men… there’s nothing they like better than a girl with a big ass.

    Hope my munchkin comment didn’t offend you :)

  89. Oh and bye bye Wordy, have a good sleep.

  90. G’night word, sleep well.
    june, it didn’t offend me at all. I’ve gotten used to the jokes. :) Damn America, where all we want here is the “perfect” hourglass figure, evenly proportioned, anorexic model look.

    I found a man that said no matter if I was bone thin, or 500lbs, no matter if I looked like Quasimodo, he’d still love me. He’s on the other side of the country, but he treats me better than any physical relationship I’ve had, so that helps to boost my confidence.

  91. @june, this is a new one, it always kicks off when they tour over here

    @keona, nothing wrong with short women, my ex-wife was 5’0″ my last girlfriend was 5’1″ and my dad’s second wife was 4’7″

    @wordy, g’night sweetcheeks

  92. Munchkin… ahahahahaha. Sorry.

    Keona, you are a shorty, though, aren’t you? Wow. I’m not being mean, it’s just it’s soooooo little. I’m 5’5″, and I thought that was short, but I’m a goddamn giant next to you. Cute.

    And now… goodnight.

  93. Well I hope that works out for ya. Sounds like a nice man to have. Mine says the same sort of lovely stuffs, but I could do with a bigger derrière and I’m sure he agrees.

  94. that was @ Keona by the way.

    Wordy, you’ve probably gone off to bed already, but I wanted to say, “hey! I’m 5″5 too!”

  95. @oldgit thanks you.
    @word, you made me blush. No worries, I know you’re not being mean, just stating the obvious in a nice way.

    The worst joke I had in high school about it was, (obviously by the taller guys) “Wow! you don’t even have to get on your knees, you’re the perfect height.”

    me: “yeah, and I’m also the right height to punch straight out into your nuts, too. :D ” then chasing and smacking and what not occurred, scolding by teachers. Good old days.

  96. The old joke is that the ideal woman is waist high with no teeth and a flat head to rest your pint on.

  97. @june, All I can do is pray, hope, and keep the faith and trust alive, right? I’m glad to hear you have a good one as well.

  98. Haha…so..basically a short geriatric with a oddly flat head. That makes me shudder to think of. Heck..doesn’t even have to be an old woman, maybe a young girl who had some horrible accident with her teeth.

    (The tallest guy in school had to be nearly 7ft, and I always paid attention to watch where I was walking around him. Still, one day I nearly ran face first into his crotch. My face stayed beet red for idk how long after I apologized and ran to class)

  99. minus the watch** 5:30am here. Fingers are failing some.

  100. Ahahahahahahaha Keona, that story is too funny!

    I do have a very nice one, although he can be a bit daft at times. :)

  101. Wank.

  102. I hope that never happens again.

    Nice of you to join us with a wank greeting, Paranoid. =P

  103. If you must PA, but please wash your hands before entering a food preparation area

  104. Anywho folks, I’ve got an early morn class so I best be heading off. Ciao, all and sundry :D

  105. Sweet dreams june, I’ll have to look up sundry.

  106. Ah, gotcha. Doh, I really should broaden my vocabulary more. *facepalm*

  107. Keona, you silly goose, I’m not going to sleep… I’m going to class.

  108. oldgit, PA, I think I’ll nap soon. Have a lot to do later in the day. If only I can put Kingdom Hearts II down..

  109. *just a constant string of facepalms* My bad.

  110. Finished.

  111. I concur with purebs, although I prefer pair by pair rather than tit by tit analyses.

  112. I’ll post in the right place this time! @ keona when i find that I’m beating myself up about boob size i think about this old woman i know who has big droopy boobs to her belly and thank the lord that i won’t look like that when I’m old :-)

  113. PA, 42 minutes? Quite a wank session. You have the endurance of a bull.

    @mad2 and purebs, I’ve never had mine analyzed except by my OBGYN. Apparently they’re in good health. :D

    Thanks, curly, I’ll remember that when I’m feeling low, pun intended. Alright, nap time for real this time.

    I’m disturbed if PA just put those at random time intervals to be funny, and also at the possible fact he DID do the deed and those were the actual times.
    If I have nightmares, PA, well..you’ll find out.
    Nodding off..eyes hurt. Bye, all. <3

  114. I’ve never heard of Tantric Wanking but I suppose it exists now. And I DO hope he washed his hands.
    G’night keona

  115. I’m going to assume that backpack one is funny because it looks like he is going around the mall stealing shit and just keeps stuffing up his extra large bag…. Still pretty lame. (lamebook go figure)

  116. I have a massive headache. Somebody tell Lamebook I hate them.

  117. You’re in good company there Keona: Kylie Minogue, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Lord Farquaad :)

  118. @Saffer Forgive me, I know of those three, but not why I’m n good company, haha. Just woke from a nap.

  119. I assume those, excluding Lord Farquaad of course, have small breasts as well. Thank you for that sentiment, though. Haha.

  120. no, they are all under 5ft

  121. Oh! lol, I figured either the height or the breasts.

    I really admire Jada Pinkett Smith the most. Only because just her appearance alone screams strength, power, and demands respect.

    Dynamite comes in small packages. :)

  122. I feel stupid. All these years I had a completely diffent impression of what the term “corn-holing” meant.

    Thanks Lamebook

  123. #3 – It’s NOT a backpack, it’s a body-board bag. Has no one here ever been to the beach?

  124. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Hey Jupiter look, that guy is carrying a pack on his back. What do you think we should call it?

  125. Must have that “not backpack” (lol @ Dukey) so i can use it the next time I hang w/ my friend who always complains about all the shit she has to bring… “Oh yea Nic? U think u have Alot? Check out MY bag!” God i love props…

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