Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A Little Too Personal Information



previous post: Background Check



  1. First.

    This hurts my head

  2. people that type like that should do us a favor and open a vein

  3. bOOQ bOOq
    That’s my favourite quotation from the eloquent Amber (and as far as I could read, which was way too far!).

  4. I find it funny how the girls who type like that always feel the need to mention shit like “I’m crazy, I’m random, and if you don’t like it then fuck you, I’ll do what I want and I don’t give a shit what you or anyone else thinks about me”, and ALL they give a shit about is what people think about them. I’d love to meet one of them so I could tell them my fascinating insight. And then crack their head open with a hammer.

  5. What a complete mong

  6. @4:
    Whateva…Whateva…I do what I want!

    Is this Amber actually Cartman?

  7. poor Amber, trying sooooooooo hard. Now where is my excedrin migraine?

  8. stareacrossthisocean

    I think I just lost a fifth of my brain cells reading that second one. Jesus fucking christ.

  9. I’m with Beabob on this one, mong suits her well. To think she went to all that trouble with the upper and lower case letters to write utter bollocks about how great she thinks she is. MONG

  10. I hate it when people type like that… @___@’

    Seems like Amber is a wee bit too full of herself. Perhaps SHE was the one who put that other guy in Prison…

  11. I think I got eye cancer reading this.

  12. tl;dr.

  13. I don’t know if its Amber who has dementia or her computer…

  14. How the hell do people type that like? Do they have some sort of program that turns caps on and off, or do they do that themselves? Seems like a ridiculous waste of effort.

  15. Amber Amber Amber you crazy don’t give a fuck bitch! Everybody on here is gonna give you a hard time about how you write like a complete retard, how your seemingly incisive insights are actually just the standard pubescent ramblings of a hurting teenager.

    They may even take pot shots at your overweening pride and bloated sense of self ego, not me. I want you to get that crazy no nonsense mouth of yours to work on something more suitable than spouting drivel.

    The guy at the top post is the definition of the phrase ‘Idiotic, pre-op, bottom boy.’

  16. first one was kinda ok until i read the last part. second one is a bitch and TL;DR. She should learn to type correctly. It irritates me sometimes. It takes more effort, its not cool and they look stupid! Why do people keep typing like that??

  17. Caps lock- Cruise control for cool

  18. @Pdogg985—yeah!!! that totally sums it up I think! “Cartman on Springer” is exactly what I think of when I read the stupid ass things these girls have to say about themselves. And why is it that girls think they are making themselves more attractive to others by telling us how “crazy” they are and that they are fucked up and “damaged”…puhleeze….damaged how??? I’ll bet Amber is a 15 year old girl who thinks she’s seen everything and been through it all because her little boyfriend broke up with her and her daddy didn’t give her money to spend at Aeropostale…..what a twat.

  19. The first one is just annoying.

    Amber isn’t even consistent. Right in the middle of it all, there’s this sentence: “I’ve been through more shit than you see on T.V.” What happened to your cRaZy CaPiTaLisAtIOn, Amber? (My keyboard just gave me a dirty look for emulating her.)

    The nearer you get to the end, it’s like even Amber can’t be arsed with it any more. I’m sorry, I would pick out examples, but I fear lasting brain damage.

    Amber needs a slap. Then a week in wanker rehab. Then I might talk to her about grammar and punctuation.

  20. Can I have a translation for AMbEr’s post please?

  21. also…I think Amber reads (and quotes) too many of those Flair buttons.

  22. dudewheresmyprofile

    there’s a marilyn monroe quote in amber’s little rant that she’s obviously tried to pass off as her own.
    what a tool.

  23. nah, she’s at harvard law. she writes the whole thing out in the queen’s english, then translates it into tool. she didn’t have time to put all the symbols in towards the end as she had a paper due.

  24. She needs to have her tubes tied and removed from the gene pool. Can you imagine what kind of excrement she would give to??

  25. I gave up after paragraph 2. Does anyone know how to type like that? I’ve tried but I just can’t master it. Amber, I want to be your student.

  26. I think Amber may have some sort of palsy that causes her “shifting” finger to randomly twitch thereby depressing the shift key as she is typing. She meant to type all of that in all upper or all lower case.

    That is the only explanation that would allow me to keep what little faith remaining I have in today’s youth.

  27. Why do people feel the need to type in random capital letters?

  28. DaysWithDave,

    You know what hurts my head? Feeble-minded, small-brained internet chimps who write “first” on comment pages like they deserve some sort of a goddamn cookie. Thanks for identifying yourself.

  29. It must be tough pointing out how cool you are Amber

  30. I can’t believe people read Amber’s little rant. I read the first line, and stopped cuz my eyes and head were almost going to explode. Kudos to all who read that.

  31. It must be tough writing like that Amber… I can’t even read it, it makes my brain want to gnaw its way out of my skull

    iN f@cT, I’d w4g3R iT tAKesssS m0rRre t1M3 thAn Wr1tINg Pr0PeRLy… Am i R1gHT?!?!?!11?

  32. I am willing to bet that Amber is the coolest fat chick in BuRliNGTon

    must’ve taken 10 times longer to write that with all that mUmb0 jUMBo0

  34. What a putz

  35. Who started the alternating caps idea??? It is TERRIBLE and extremely irritating!!

    Also, I find it amusing that people feel the need to tell everyone that they don’t care what other people think. Then why even tell anyone? You don’t care…or do you?

    Maybe Amber is bi-polar. She’s got the “fuck you” attitude as well as the “peaceful karma-believing” attitude.

  36. “I’ve been to hell and back, I spill shit, trip & embarrass myself.” I guess being a klutz is its own hell.
    I love how she runs out of steam towards the middle and starts quoting those fruity mantras middle aged women have on fridge magnets, chain emails, and Hallmark cards. Then she suddenly snaps out of it, and goes right back to being an asshat.

  37. what i don’t understand is that if she’s so hot, how come she “can’t just flutter [her] eyes and get that boy*”? obviously something isn’t right here.

    *quote edited for eye comfort :)

  38. Amber’s from New Jersey! Judging from the way she types, I don’t know any other Burlington that would be that gangsta. I have someone who types like that .. It’s terribly annoying.

  39. I don’t like her

  40. I just don’t like her

  41. @waltheof

    that’s probably a sensible decision

  42. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    I think Amber started off with something to say then decided “ah what the hell, let’s get this shit onto Lamebook”

  43. I have met so many girls like this. Hate them. But it’s very entertaining to watch them break because they will.

    And I think what bothers me more than anything on this post is how idiots are now actually starting to spell “their” as “they.” It’s one thing to say it, but to spell it that way is just………..retartded.

  44. @jextex

    if she is bipolar then maybe there is hope in it solving itself …

    leave a crate of razorblades & pills strewn around the room. problem solved

  45. One word … EMO!

  46. I tried so hard the read the second one, but now my eyes are bleeding. brb, ER.

  47. this is your brain on meth.

  48. A translation of Amber’s post. Now I’m going to do some study to hopefully rejuvenate my brain cells.

    The name’s Amber, so it it’s in your mouth bitch swallow it. I live in Burlington, where the drama spreads just as fast as the legs do. I’m loud but you will get used to it. I will say what ever is on my mind, I’m selfish, impatient and a little hard to handle but if you can’t handle me at my worst. Then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.
    People tend to talk shit about me from jealousy but I’m one of those bitches that really don’t give a fuck what you got to say!! Most the time bitches talk cause they can’t keep they’re man home I’m sorry booq booq *(WTF is that!??!)* didn’t know one ask ya man to come find me.
    I’ve been throught hell and back. I spill shit, I trip and embarass myself I can’t just flutter my eyes and get that boy. My life is messed up.
    I’ve been thrugh more shit than you see on T.V.
    Nobodies perfect.
    I’ve been lied too, cheated on and had my heart stolen.
    I’ve fucked up, fucked people up and got fucked up but every hit was worth it because I felt it.
    I knew it was real.
    Life is real and I’m living it wrong everyday.
    I’m fucking up royally and doing everything opposite but do I regret one thing?
    Never because at one point I did was what I wanted and I got my fucking satisfaction my life is mine and no stupid bitches or immature boys can fuck it up for me anymore I’m the real deal and I’d love to see you try and fucking break me because you can’t/ You and all your dramafied ass friends can try but I could care less about your issues *(I think the saying actually goes ‘couldn’t care less’ there love.)*. Life is too fucking short. Grudges area waste of true happiness. Laugh when you can and apologise when you should and let go of what ever you can’t change *(I think Amber should be listening to her own advice)*. Love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances. Give everythin g. And have absolutely no reggrets. Life is way too short to be unhappy. Take in the good with the bad and smile when you’re sad, love wht you get and always remember what you had. You should always forgive but never forget, learn from your mistakes. People change and things go wrong but always remember life goes on. So laught out loud and love with all your heart and never take anything for granted. *(I thought I had gotten to the end of the page then, but then I scrolled down.. ARGH! I hope you all appreciate what I am doing here. This is like self sacrifice.)*
    For any person that ever did me wrong. Intentionally hurt me or betrayed me, I’m not going to dwell on making your life miserable or tell you I’m going to fight you. Better yet I’m going to sit here and tell you the karma’s a mother fucker. And you will definately get yours.
    I’m different but I’m just me.
    I believe in Lust, Sex and Romance and I don’t want everything to add up to that perfect equation, I want a mess and chaos. I want someone to go out of his mind for me. I want passion, heat and maddness. I want it all.
    I love all that glitters, I love high heels, make up, fake eyelashes and hair extensions, but at the same time I can walk around with ni make up, in sweats and still be hotter than the next chick. Cause I’m not your fucking average bitch. I love crazy ass random outfits that make the haters stop and stare. They do that anyways. I believe that everything happe

    *(It ends so abruptly, I think the keyboard jumped up and killed her. Oh well. No great loss.)*

  49. Amber’s doing a pretty shit job of selling herself up, so far all I’ve gleaned is that she can’t get the boy she wants, is insecure, a complete wack job, clumsy, selfish and has a shit life. Her own admission!

    Put her with Bailey and LaurRr and we have ourselves an unholy trinity of complete morons.

  50. Just noticed a few mistakes. Sorry!!

  51. Read that?, not bloody likely

  52. BOOQ BOOQ? I suppose Amber is the Swedish Chef.

  53. Amber, or I’m sorry, 4/\/\|33R needs a captive bolt pistol to the forehead before she breeds.

    And anyone that says music is their life and doesn’t read a goddamned book deserves the same.

  54. Just registered to say jackanddiane, I love you for that translation.

    I just can’t get past the first line. “If it’s in your mouth bitch swallow it!” Does she have something against slow eaters?

  55. seriously, do the chicks who write this drivel actually believe all that???

    “I will say what ever is on my mind, I’m selfish, impatient and a little hard to handle but if you can’t handle me at my worst. Then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

    Well THAT’S gonna land you a good man! Nice piece of self advertising there lovey

  56. The weird thing is, most words were spelt correctly.

  57. @jackanddiane
    Hmm, maybe MS word has a new font. Would explain the lack of spelling errors.

  58. Oh Amber Allison, looks like I’ve found you and you’re just as orange tanned as I’d expected

  59. Oh Amber. You live in the same town as I do. This scares me.

  60. haha thats kickass gold lame! My favorite quote

    “Cause I’m not your fucking average bitch. I love crazy ass random outfits that make the haters stop and stare. They do that anyways. I believe that everything happe”

    Average bitches talk just like you, also wear “crazy ass random outfits” and say haters.. therefore you are one average BITCH.

  61. She’s Oompa Loompa orange!

  62. I saw a documentary on the Aryan Brotherhood, and they use a code in their letters to relay information between prisons. Every letter that is capitalized or written in block lettering stands for an “A” and every letter written in lower case or script stands for a “B”. Then put those letters into groups of five, and each grouping stands for another letter… anyways, the code gets pretty complex, but the point I’m getting at is maybe Amber is using some sort of similar code, and underneath the angry ramblings of a retarded teenager, is some eloquent message that only she knows of, and hopes someone will figure it out and she will find her soulmate.

    I don’t know, that’s what I am hoping for anyway.

    Most likely she’s some white girl who goes to an inner city school and is trying to make herself look tougher. Sounds like she’s gotten her ass beat at least a handful of times, and I would say with good reason.

  63. All she did was use a giant mix of quotes teenagers have been plastering on their Myspace pages in the form of graphics. Nearly every sentence she wrote I’ve seen as one of those dumb things. Some of them are from Marilyn Monroe, movies and books.

    Yeah you are so original and unique aMbEr.

  64. I see our tax dollars are doing good for the school systems.

  65. holy fuck, someone is confused with themself..

  66. jackanddiane you are amazing. id never have he patience. too bad i read the actual post before reading yours. would have saved me a good ten minutes. how do people write like that??

  67. jackanddiane you are amazing. id never have the patience. too bad i read the actual post before reading yours. would have saved me a good ten minutes. how do people write like that??

  68. sorry for the double post my comp freaked out on me a bit

  69. tsunami_of_bad_news

    this fine lady has a lamespace account. with a complete text which has the possible missing ending.

    to quote :
    “things go wrong so u learn 2 appreciate em – when there right, u believe lies&eventually no one but yoself
    i D0Nt live 2 please ne one – if u dont like me, its ure own loss..
    my friends&family r what matters 2 me the most&i dk where i would b without em
    im D0NE wit all these NIGGAs out here&all these GRiMMY A$$ H0E A$$ WANG$tER A$$ BitCHEs
    its time 4 some ppl 2 grow the FUCK ↑ – imma continue 2 b me&do me
    so if u dont like it, go 2 the top of the page, CliCK the red X&u can happily leave my FUCKiNG page – thanx!!!”

    giant orange photo at the top proclaiming “ima .badd; BitCH on all 4s”. status : “CHANGE OF PLANS STRIP CLUB WIT TARANNY TO C COURTDIZZLE TEXT IT MUAHZ” feeling : energetic. the tsunami is just trying to be thorough.

  70. not on topic, but funny >

  71. Thank you jackanddiane, I was gonna ask for a 12 year old to english translation but now I see I don’t have to… and I think boo q boo q means cry about it in 12 year old, but I’m not fluent :p

  72. Strawbilo,

    “I just can’t get past the first line. “If it’s in your mouth bitch swallow it!” Does she have something against slow eaters?”

    I pretty much cried laughing at this comment.

  73. You know, the majority of the people that I’ve ever met who were named Amber were all incredibly stupid, bitchy, and… well, some degree of this.
    There are some Ambers out there that are very nice, intelligent people, but it seems the majority of them are idiots. Strange.

  74. Antarctic Circle

    Interesting (or sad? hilarious?) how these slavish young followers of a teen subculture always proclaim themselves the “REAL DEAL”. (That part always have to be all caps.) No, lil’ Amber, there is nothing “real” about imitating other growth-stunted airheads in your upper middle class privileged ‘hood.

    And if you’re gonna copy so if it’s in your mouth bitch swallow it from the toilet wall at your fave rave, maybe you should do some research first into what that’s really referring to.

    LOL @ strawbilo (#46)

  75. I’m beginning to see a pattern here. The more a girl claims to be above drama/hate drama/find drama pathetic, the more likely she is to be the epicenter of, you guessed it, *drama*!

    Tootsie, the closest thing Burlington has to an inner-city school is the boarding school I attended for kids who fucked up. In fact, Burton had a program where they had kids from inner-city schools come and learn to snowboard. They provided transportation, gear, and lessons. For Burlington, they chose our school, which was a mansion located on the grounds of the Episcopalian Diocese. This meant we had acres upon acres of breathtaking nature all around, from rocky lagoons to sandy beaches to dense forests. Yeah, we sure had it rough.

    Sure, Burlington has wannabe gangsters and plenty of drug addicts, but it’s the softest city I’ve ever lived in (except for Syracuse, Utah; the Mormons and the hippies are about the same level of “hardcore”- i.e. not at all hard.

    In fact, we had an Amber who was just like this.

  76. I just cant read the whole thing…
    oh and her lovely and insightful About me comes from another site (myspace Im guessing?) because you dont use or on facebook, I doubt she even knows how they work!

  77. grr I meant you dont use those “br” or “u” tags

  78. steve gutenbergs hairpiece

    my favourite bit is ‘saTiFicaTIon’….. which i am now going to try and use in a sentence today.

  79. I fucking hate Amber.

  80. Hmmmm, this smacks of way too much effort. Reasonable spelling and symbols even. The only hood in her life is the one on her mom’s Subaru Forester. Pfffft.

  81. Amber, don’t listen to the haters. I can see that you’re misunderstood, under-appreciated, edgy, complicated and just a little bit dangerous. Or you’re a retard. Either way, hang in there girl!

  82. Pretty sure we saw this twat’s sister a couple weeks ago on here.

  83. Sadly I cannot find her on facebook :( . Not that I tried..

  84. People like that should die. Seriously. And something tells me that she is just as awfull at her best.

  85. this might already be pointed out but i haven’t read the comments – my favorite part is that she kept going but reached the character limit so facebook cut her off!!

  86. Amber.


  87. “Cause I’m not your fucking average bitch. I love crazy ass random outfits that make the haters stop and stare. They do that anyways. I believe that everything happe”

    Oh, btw Amber – I’m sure we’ll cya soon on

  88. Ow… My brain.

  89. This question is jokes.

    Also, “Satisfication”? Really, Amber? REALLY?


  91. i tried searching her about me to find her, the only thing i got was web results for shemale blowjobs. wow…

  92. YeAh DaWG BooKZ Iz JOkEs

  93. Aww, she’s so individual.. The sad thing is, I think she could almost spell, if she only tried.

  94. could i be totatlly wrong or were my eyes fucking up but all that was just one huge contradiction from what i could understand… man that really hurt my eyes and i honestly think i am now less smart reading it…

  95. Amber Allison

  96. High school- Southern Alamance High School Class of ’06. She’s super orange.

  97. How the hell did Amber make all those fancy triangles and arrows? Why can’t normal, grammar-abiding people make fancy shapes?

  98. God, that second one is a disaster area. I can’t even read it.

  99. it’s funny because i would never be able to type like that if i tried.

    Reading that made me feel totally “RaNdOm”
    Perhaps one day Amber will run for public office.
    Perhaps she will find the cure for AIDS
    Perhaps she will write the greatest novel of our time.
    Maybe all three!
    I believe that everything happe!

  101. Ouch

    I think I need to lie down, because reading this made my head hurt…

    I personally hate it when people tell me things I already know. I know I should live my life to the fullest, but thanks for making me rethink my entire life and changing all my beliefs with your insight, all the while making it fun with your “VeRy-CrEaTiVe-I’vE-nEvEr-SeEn-AnYoNe-TyPe-LiKe-ThAt” style of writing!!! ugh KOTS!

  102. @48 Of all the brain-hurting language and grammar, the one thing she DID get right was “could care less” (brain-hurt aside). “Couldn’t care less” is a double-negative, therefore implying that she DOES care…which she obviously does. So, maybe you’re right after all.

  103. or it could be that she couldn’t possibly care any less about the situation as in she doesn’t care at all…

  104. thank goodness they cut her off. hhahahaha

  105. Its the fucking Beatles

    People don’t talk shit about Amber out of jealousy. They talk shit about her because she’s a twat.

  106. ambernkenzie12





  107. Amber quoted Marilyn Monroe. Clearly they have alot in common in terms of class.

  108. Amber = whore.

    ambernkenzie12 = ALSO WHORE.

    My brain hurts. I vote for a world where capital letters no longer exist.

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