Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Few Wins for your Wednesday

previous post: Stoned to the Bone

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124 Comments

  1. Bwahahaha!! Go, Bianca!

  2. I actually LOVE Bianca. Hayden is a douche, I hate it when people break up and then bad mouth their ex’s!
    2nd one: Meh!
    3rd one: A slight giggle =)

  3. Haha and who counts the number of times you sleep wih someone!LAME

  4. clever user name here

    Go Bianca! Hayden is indeed a douche, and now everybody knows he’s hung like a squirrel, too!

  5. Hahahahahaha!! Bianca is my hero

  6. I dont understand Bianca’s “… exactly” comment.
    Is she verifying he’s a douche by counting the times.
    Or like, he’s too small to break her hymen?

  7. Love the first one. don’t see how the last one is a “win” though…

  8. i feel like all these posts could be enlivened immeasurably by some accompanying gabe illustrations…

  9. OOoooo that is indeed a ‘sick burn!’.
    @Mike Hunt (*Giggles immaturely*) I can imagine him creeping over to his calendar after each sexual encounter and putting little gold stars by that date. Perhaps with different stickers corresponding to what they did. Bless.

  10. And good luck Hayden finding a girl who is not only content to put up with your pothead layabout ways, but who is also happy to give up any chance at a better future for herself in order to be constantly available to you.
    Douche.

  11. Holy shit Bianca is funny as hell! Hayden on the other hand is a douche who might want to pick his battle better. The other two meh not so much win as they are just dull.

  12. My reaction at “… exactly”

    Noooo! Ohhh my god! Is that… Nooo, that can’t be… Noooo, not possible! Omfg!

    Then I went on laughing hysterically at how small Haydens dick is when he thought the exact opposite.
    Bianca, let’s hook up. It’ll only hurt at first.

  13. Mwuahahahahaha!!!
    I laughed hard at the first one. Fawking hilarious!

  14. I want to be Bianca’s friend! <3

  15. The first one is an Ultimate win the best “Lame” I’ve read so far. That one will go down as a classic in my book.

  16. @15

    then i guess you haven’t been aware of this site for very long?

    granted, she ‘boyed him off’ good. but it wasn’t particularly razor sharp. she just said what needed to be said to a nobsack like hayden. i would suggest most of the satisfaction of reading the post comes from seeing a nobsack getting owned.

  17. I want to marry Bianca and bear her children

  18. I’d like to know how Bianca and Hayden got together in the first place. It seems like they’re two very different people. I guess opposites don’t always attract. Anyway, good going Bianca.

  19. a sitcom should be made based on Bianca & Hayden.
    I wonder what it should be called?

  20. Ahhh Racism, you never fail to deliver!

  21. Is the girl’s name in the last one really “Shapely”? Really?

  22. I would like to correct Bianca’s statement. Bianca’s hymen *was* in tact before the examination. ;)

  23. Hayden is stupid. It is very possible for a girl’s hymen to remain unbroken after her first time. Mine didn’t break until a few months after my first time, and I had sex quite often between then and the time it actually broke. Lol, fourteen year old CoD addict, I bet.

  24. I just pushed my shopping cart over here to say: Bianca… nice job.

    Where’s malteaser these days, we* wonder?

    *there’s several of us here.

  25. LOL @ Bianca for owning Hayden. Very nice.

  26. I don’t post very often but I just had to say this. Bianca is bloody awesome, very well said.

    And I love the fact Hayden took the time to spell out 17 in capital letters, just makes him look more of a prat

    Second and third are just very bad jokes

  27. Dawn of the Dan

    Everyone’s acting like they don’t keep a running tally in their sex journals. pfft…

  28. Dawn seems like a smart girl. Doesn’t seem like she’d be into porn. However, if she were smart enough AND looked at porn, she would have done this before their first time:

    http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/8248/poutzcom9oa7.jpg

  29. I can’t quite bring myself to giving Bianca any props. We need to know if she told him she was dumping him then changed her status, or if she dumped him BY changing her status. If it’s the latter, she’s a loser too and they’ll be back together by the end of the month.

  30. Aw, Hayden. You’re so precious. You can’t bust a pinata with a pencil. Even if you try SEVENTEEN times.

  31. hehe nice, nothing better than a small wiener.
    sex is going to be a whole new thing for bianca the next time she does it, haha weird.

  32. I agree with aubrei24, this one does go down as a major LB Win!
    And I have been visiting this site daily for six months and read the archives!

  33. Hahaha the first one is hilarious!

  34. krasivaya_devushka

    Hahaha the first one is hilarious!!

  35. I spent way too many years,
    Battling in the Middle East.
    My tiny penis was quite the beast;
    Leaving hymens intact allayed the fears.
    Yet all the bombs made people burst.
    My sexual needs were just so urgent,
    I was willing to bang all the insurgents,
    Subjecting my dong to the worst.
    Although my time in the war was a crazy hitch,
    It still was better than dealing with a bleedy bitch.

  36. i think i am in a minority of one here. i would expect anyone with a few brain cells to be able to rattle off a suitable put-down like that in person (or perhaps i’ve been watching too much sex and the city).

    bianca had the leisure of spending a total of half an hour coming up with her response to hayden, who must be the world’s easiest moving target.

    meh. i can’t really give bianca any kudos because she was with him in the first place.

  37. Take a bow Bianca you made me get over Ben! (time to change my screen name)

    …and friend me while you’re at it

  38. @douchetastic
    Actually it says her name is Shapleigh. I am surprised that no one else has commented on that name, it made me lol. Oh the names parents burden their children with.

  39. @ ksleeve
    I’m going to go with the trend and be TOTALLY original; I’m going to name my kid some other name, but BACKWARDS. Hmmm, Neveah, for heaven. Too unoriginal.
    I know! I’ll name my kid Angel, because she’ll be my angel, but BACKWARDS! Aren’t I smart?
    Legna, it’s got nice ring to it.

  40. Heaven backwards is “Nevaeh” Bonus points to who knows how Nomar Garciaparra got his first name.

  41. @ Braysl
    I had to make this account just respond to your comment. You should name your child Naomi, but BACKWARDS!

  42. @Dave……… Ramon spelled backwards.

  43. Chinchillazilla

    Bianca won the argument, but at what cost? Seventeen shitty sex sessions.

  44. Dawn of the Dan is spot on. Everybody keeps a tally of something (Don’t deny it, people)… be it partners, how often you do it, and how long you do it for, orgasms in a session, or sadly, on the flip side, how many weeks or months it’s been since you last any.
    And as they say, if you have to think about it, it’s been too long.

    So who has to think about it? I bet I get no takers.

  45. I will raise my gnarled and well lotioned hand.

  46. So I’ve been preoccupied tonight and missed all this wonderful fun. Damn me!

    I have to say though, I can relate with Bianca. Same boat for me with a man/boy/child (figuratively for the child part btw) for two years who popped ee’s cherry and it wasn’t anything to brag home to mama about.

    Also word, I kept a journal (think reality bits) with all of my sexual conquests, I plan on publishing a book someday!

  47. *bites (ee’s been drinking, excuse me)

  48. Two years eenerbl? Why didn’t you do anything to try and improve the situation? I’m pretty sure that after 24 months I’d be able to last at least 2 minutes.

  49. Soup, good for you, and I’m prepared to answer my own question, and say that sadly, I too, have to think about it.

    ee, I think most of us girls have had at least one experience with a micro dick, and they’re remembered for all the wrong reasons. I kept a mental journal when I was younger. I haven’t updated it in a while.

  50. Soup, feel sorry for me…I didn’t know the grass could be greener on the other side. I had nothing to compare it to. Two years Soup, I went with out an orgasm. Now that’s sad! I have since rectified the situation and found my release.

    I have high hopes for us Soup, very high hopes.

  51. word, I’ll have to share some of my stories with you some day, I think you’d get a good chuckle out of some of them. Those poor, poor boys.

  52. Can I read the book first, ee? Send me the first draft.

  53. That’s a promise word, you will get a first draft. I value your opinion, you could critique my work.

  54. Well swap stories, ee. I have some rip snorters.

  55. You girls have nothing on us boys. First time I put tongue to snatch, I did my best to get the gumball out of the bottom of the ice cream cone.

  56. Soup, I just checked and it seems you have a weaponized penis? Amazing!

  57. Excuse my punctuation and word omissions, ee. I’m sleep deprived due to the World Cup. That’s currently my substitute for pleasures of the flesh.

  58. Yeah, he doesn’t want to bang me any more.

  59. Thanks for the mental picture of the creepy ice cream driver from my childhood. By the way, the gum was the best part, so how did that work out for you?

  60. Soup, I’m saddened by the link change. Don’t upset word, I like her.

  61. Word, you know I will always want to do you. It has been established as a constant. Like gravity. Inescapable.

    Eenerbl: Not well. I thought I found the prize, but once I started chewing all I heard was screams.

  62. What can I say? Even my cyber lovers have abandoned me.

  63. But I’ll always have ee.

  64. Soup, the screams are a good sign, keep digging for that gumball, obviously you’re doing something right.

    word, right you are!

  65. Soup, it’s all good. The world needs to know about your WMD.

  66. Interesting. Initially, eenerbl was hurt by my singular dedication to someday railing word. Now she’s advocating for it. What is an internet sexual dynamo to do?

  67. I have to leave now, see you both some time soon.

    ee, I’ll search my cerebral hard drive, and get back to you with some sexploits, and I expect the same from you.

  68. I don’t know word, that sounds like some scary penis. I want pleasure, not get torn up. But then again…sorry my mind wondered.

    I’m sill wondering why the change Soup, are you gloating? Conquest of a recent lover, or am I missing something?

  69. word, I’m always happy to deliver, have a good evening.

  70. Jealousy Soup, that’s all I can say. Then word became more, I was happy for her fame.

  71. Eenerbl, I need to be free. Mix it up. Not be tied down to a single motif. And since my knowledge of women could be inscribed on a quark, I’m going to continue playing it cool.

  72. Keep your fields open Soup, let the come to play in your arena. I understand completely, it was wrong of me to judge. Forgive me.

  73. Such poetic words as usual Soup.
    word, I have to think about it when it’s been a few days. When it gets to a week, I splurge on hookers and blow.
    On another note, counting how many times you’ve had sex with your girlfriend over the course of a relationship is lame. Now, counting how many times you banged her on that long weekend? Awesome.

  74. nuff! I’ve missed you!

  75. What can I say, I like to build up a little anticipation before I come back around, ;)

  76. Pardon my ignorance, but aren’t Hayden and Bianca names for (was about to say ladies) females? So, they’re lesbians? Righteous.

  77. yeah, I know you’re a tease, you like to keep them waiting. I still think you’re an ass, but I like you non the less. I’m screwed!

  78. Stephan Botha, I believe when Hayden was born, his parents believed that he was a female because they could not even tell that he had male genitalia it was so small.

  79. Eenerbl, drop to your knees and give your penance. I will only receive it by proxy, but your acolyte will love your Gargling Marys. Communion in the liquid form is how you prove your love of god.

  80. ee, being an asshole is all part of the game. How else is a guy supposed to get a girl all riled up and aggressive before things have even started? My favourite shirt was ripped a couple weeks ago :( But it was worth it, lol.

  81. Soup, whatever church you make, i’ll join if that’s how women pray.

  82. nuff, I have no doubt. I’m rightfully jealous of the lass who got to tore that shirt of yours. I’m hoping to enjoy that experience, remember we have a hockey date, accompanied with a bottle of vino.

  83. Soup, our love runs deep, but dropping to my keens? I need more persuasion than your sultry words to make me do so. You should know this! I know I’ve done you wrong, but is this my punishment? I need more.

  84. The wait is killing me! Gonna have to wait until a bit later into the season so I can work my golf trip in to the week as well when the weather is good. You’ll have to keep me updated on that! ;)

  85. I’ll keep you posted nuff. Till then, it’s very late for me, and my bed beckons. nuff I’d hug you if I could and leave you with sweet words. Night.

    Soup, you should be expecting a photo soon of me in penance, keep a eye open.

  86. Have sweet, erotic dreams ee.
    Goodnight Soup, if you’re still kicking around.

  87. YAY!

    However, because I’m such a selfless motherfucker, my goal was to get your boy a slobby knob, not for you to be punished on my behalf. Abraham don’t got shit on me.

  88. I’m always around nuff. I’m just that lame.

    I just bought a new set of clubs. Can’t wait to see how they ruin my game. Goodnight folks.

  89. My wife and employed the gold star method once to settle an argument.

    I was upset that our sex life was slowing down a little. I told her we were only having sex around 5 times a week lately. She said I was crazy, that we were having sex at least 20 times per month. I said no way, she’s wrong.

    I don’t remember who was right, just that I learned that my wife is bad at math.

  90. I’m too ill, I was actually on Hayden’s side for a moment there.

    Fuck it, I need to see a doctor.

  91. Hayden is obviously a giant douche, and he deserves everything that’s coming to him, but I can’t help but feeling like Bianca is a bit retarded for getting together with him in the first place. Also, it does feel like she’s breaking up with him through facebook…? :/

  92. I don’t think Hayden is a douche! cant see why everyone says so!
    And why do everyone think that Bianca owned him?
    First of all, you can be loose in your vag by never have had sex before,,, its about the amount of muscles in you vagina,you can train those.
    And second, a doctor cant see whether you have had sex or not, neither if your hymen is “broken” or not. the hymen gets dilated, no ripped… For some people it hurts a lot, other dont feel a thing..
    ghad whats up with stupid people

  93. All I have to say is that I love you Mike Hunt.

  94. Thumbs up to whyieyesya being romantic with her vagina but talking dirty to it at the same time.

  95. Thia, a doctor can tell if it’s still intact or not, but you’re right not everyone feels pain, and it’s not only sexual penetration that can “break” it… i think… apparently riding a bike, other forms of excercise, or dancing could do the trick

  96. soup, word, ee… you couldn’t have taken your nothing-to-do-with-anyone-else-but-lets-hog-up-the-public-forum-and-steal-bianca’s-thunder conversation somewhere else? i’m not annoyed as much as I am dissapointed that soup’s starting to go downhill, esp in these post slimjaz days

  97. HAHAHAHAHA Bianca is amazing. Have fun with your tiny dick and video games, Hayden.

  98. Ok, so both Hayden and Bianca said some really nasty things. While not condoning Hayden trashes Bianca at the start, he did just find out she was breaking up with him via Facebook, so he deserves a little bit of leniency on the spiteyness. If what Bianca said wasn’t true, then it’s even more of a dick move on her part.

    If what Hayden said *was* true, and she’s taking 20 hours then complaining about him “partaking” and playing video games, then I would say she’s the self-centered one, not him. It seems people are quick to criticize him and say he’s expecting her to be at his beck and call while she’s trying to better herself. From what he said, it seems like it’s the other way around. It seems like while she’s doing massive amounts of schoolwork, he’s enjoying the college lifestyle, and she’s upset with him that he’s not attending to her while she’s busy.

    Anyways, I know this was tl; I d even r myself

  99. Thia, I think you are missing the point… Bianca was just getting back at the kid.

    I highly doubt she went to see a doctor to ask that question. She is just putting him down because he is a douche.

  100. @Shipoopi How do you figure she is breaking up with him via FaceBook? You clearly tell Hayden already knows all the resons for the break up and she just changed her status after the event happend.

    I am a guy, I play alot of video games and I know sometimes we can go overboard with the amount of time we spend in our virtual world and we have all gotten speachs about playing Halo etc. So I know the strain it can put on a relationship, especialy when the other partner spends her time trying to pursure her dreams while he just sits around and smokes up.

    She just had “bigger” things to do in life.

  101. @bucketofscuzz

    how do you know he knew beforehand? I took it as they had fought about that before and he figured that was why she had broken up with him. I’m not criticizing her for following her dreams, but since when does smoking pot and playing video games preclude someone from pursuing higher things? Case in point: the President of the United States, he readily admits inhaling, says it was the point, and I’m sure he’s played some frogger or some such in his time.

    I mean we don’t really know what preceded it, it’s altogether possible I have it all wrong, that’s just what I took from it. I just felt like mentioning that I didn’t really see a connection between her taking 20 hours and him being selfish, or her pursuit of her studies and his pursuit of happiness.

  102. @ Shipoopi don’t get me wrong bro I do not know the real situation either.

    But this just feels like a classic case of “You are a bum, get up get showered! and please for gods sakes do not bring the controller to the bathroom”

    Oh and I am not saying pot stops anybody from pursuing higher life standards, but when the stoner is not the one trying to advance their career they can have a negative effect on people who are a bit more “stressed out”.

  103. taking time for schoolwork is smart not selfish. So what should she do Shipoopi, sit around and play all day like he does? Because that pays the bills right? I would also dump a guy that didn’t support me trying to make a name for myself.

    We don’t know what he does for a living but it really sounds like they have different priorites. I’m siding with BucketOfScuzz on this.

  104. IMissBen,

    You missed my point. I never said it was selfish of her to do schoolwork. What I said was that from him saying “sit around doing nothing but sit around waiting for you” it seemed like maybe she was expecting him to just sit around with or around her while she did work.

    This has gotten out of hand, all I was trying to say was that people seemed to demonize him just for partaking and playing video games, that if she was upset about him doing stuff other than sit around bored while she was doing work then she was selfish, and that both of them said some dumb stuff that didn’t need to be broadcast.

    I was in no way attacking her for taking classes or trying to prop him up if those two leisure activities are *all* he was doing.

    Oh, and btw, people do pay the bills by doing that, it’s just not many :)

  105. @bucketofscuzz

    no harm no foul, handshake?

  106. @ Shipoopi

    Absolutely! we are just sharing our different points of view that is all :)

  107. biancashymen, you say ‘post slimjayz days’ as if you’ve always been here, yet think it’s new that word, ee, Soup etc are having a normal conversation?

    Just to clarify, I’m not complaining about you guys, (while some people get stupidly annoyed with it, I love the friendliness here as compared to other places online) just wondering how biancashymen has managed to be here so long and never seen it happen before… hell slimjayz (where is that guy? :( ) used to get involved with ‘em too.

    Confuused.

  108. IMissBen, no a doctor cant see whether or not a girl have had sex or not…the reason of that is because everyone are different down there, and as i said, nothing gets ripped open, it just get widener. end of discussion
    BucketOfScuzz, meh didnt miss the point. Just had to make it clear that she had lame comebacks. not that his were any better, though! (:

  109. Krazy Eyez Killa

    Oh dear, Hayden, way to look a dick. Yes, she is clearly serious. Who the fuck complains about their partner studying? What a childish fucking loser.

  110. Bianca is my heroin.

  111. heroine* Goddamnit.

  112. wait, wait wait: cheap racism is ‘win’ now?

    i don’t seriously believe there are any black people in worcester, either

  113. Actually, there are a lot of black people in Worcester.

  114. I don’t know if I’m wrong in this, or if Hayden’s lying or what, but when I first read it I just took it as Bianca had been studying/working non-stop, and then going mental at Hayden for not spending any time with him, because he said ‘good luck finding a guy who will do nothing but sit around waiting for you’. Looked to me like Bianca broke the news to him by changing the status on Facebook, he got annoyed that she was always mad he wasn’t there waiting for her all the time, so he insulted the sex, and she retaliated and they’re both pathetic little kids.

    Because of reasons I’m assuming in my illness-riddled brain.

  115. G’night Lamebook. At 8 in the evening too, goddamnit.

  116. wow, Hobo, that is *exactly* what I got from it too! Neat!

  117. She probably broke up with him via Facebook because he was too busy playing videogames while baked to return her calls.

    Just saying.

  118. @BritishHobo and @Shipoopi I’m the one who submitted the entry so I wanted to add to the HaydenBianca saga ;)

    Bianca did not break up with him over Facebook. She broke up with him the day before, he was just mad she made it public.

    Bianca and Hayden were BOTH doing loads of coursework for uni towards engineering degrees but a few weeks ago Hayden suddenly decided to drop out of university after three years towards his degree. But he’s not a BIG douche bag, just a “tiny” one lol

  119. @Thia actually depending upon the hymen (as you said everyone is different), sometimes it must be ripped/punctured for there to be any penetration. And if it is your first time and you haven’t used toys, etc. and you are with a well-endowed guy, yeah, trust me, it can rip.

    http://www.healthystrokes.com/hymengallery.html

  120. SEVENTEEN WHOLE TIMES!

  121. I just created this account so I could represent Wor-town!! It definitly wouldnt hurt locking your doors there though

  122. @rebecca89210
    “Actually, there are a lot of black people in Worcester”

    So which worcester would you be talking about then? If it’s Worcester in the UK, which i was assuming it was (hey: my mistake if so) then a quick fact-check from Wikipedia states that the honour ‘largest ethnic minority in Worcester’ falls squarely on the shoulders of the Pakistanis, who make up a massive, culture-changing 1.3% of the population. Hence my “pfffft”.

    In fact, a further nose round Wikipedia shows that the page “Worcester (disambiguation)” is full of many Worcesters from all over the world. The reference to the “stop and shop” perhaps makes it most likely to be Worcester, Massachusetts – but then my knowledge of Massachusetts, and ‘Stop & shop’ itself, is based pretty much entirely on the lyrics to “Roadrunner”.

    Does it matter though? Shit still stinks. The depressing, “blak ppl commitin crime lol” tone of the above just bummed me out a little, that’s all – along with the tacit approval of lamebook itself. but i’ll shut upp now anyway, coz there’ll probably be a picture of someone vomming along pretty soon anyway. “LOL”!!

  123. LOL

  124. Bianca, you are epic in so many ways.

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