Thursday, July 1, 2010

Wins for Everyone!

previous post: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Quips



  1. Cartoons having homosexual intercourse? Toy Story 3 just goes to show how the liberal agenda in Hollywood is trying to sexualize our children. Disgusting sinners, all of them.

  2. laaame

  3. I bloody hate people who post on facebook in clubs/pubs.

  4. what does “sexualize our children” even mean??

    Dan, I realize you’re trolling…but seriously…Stop making Christians look bad.

    and Annie, I know the feeling…

  5. The first one bothers me. It’s not the actual status that bothers me, but something that was done incorrectly in that movie. I’ll tell you why.

    The actual quote from the Bridge Of Khazad-dûm in The Fellowship of the Ring is, “You cannot pass!” It appears thrice, and never does “you shall not pass” appear. Why does this matter? First, “you shall not pass” is shitty grammar. Second, “you cannot” means “you do not have the ability to,” whereas “you shall not” is merely a statement about the occurrence of a future event, and says nothing about ability. Why am I ranting about this? Because I’m bored, and these posts are kind of lame.

  6. rokprincess182

    What ever dude. I know her an she got like 85 likes for that status. I’m sure everyone else i just as pissed off as you about the fact that the movie wasn’t correct . . . but LOVE YOU ANNIE
    Totally a Win all around!

  7. @ I am not here
    Well, Captain Smarty Pants, Annie double WINS because you’re wrong. The second time he says it, it’s “shall not pass”
    Check it:

  8. @mighty me
    Um, re-read my post. I wasn’t commenting on what Annie said. Then go and read pages 344-45 of the Fellowship of the Ring (Houghton Mifflin Company edition) if you don’t believe me. Annie might win, but the movie loses.

  9. LONG time reader first time commentor….Please bring me up to speed in regards to the whole “BEN” and or Steve thing. Is it whomever logs on first to comment?

  10. @rokprincess182
    In that case, give Annie my sincere regards for coming up with a clever response to a difficult math exam. I’m sure it was quite awesome to see on facebook, especially for friends who took the same exam.


    If you’re a long time reader, you should know the whole deal with Ben, and the Stever thing was summed up nicely in a recent (within the last 5) lamebook posts.

  12. I thought some of these were pretty good. The Inigo Montoya one made me laugh, Gandalf makes me laugh, so does Chris with his collect all four.
    At least these weren’t all lameassed penis jokes which is par for the course on this site.

  13. and I have to agree with VJ. ANY long time reader should know about Ben and Steve. It is repetitively explained ad neauseum nearly every day. I’m sick to death of Ben and his pool and all the rest of that shit.

  14. i dunt no abowt ben an steve butit seems ta get peple propa angry so i wont ask but then to be onist i dunt relly care

  15. @I am not here

    The movie doesn’t lose just cause it doesn’t directly quote every line in the book, which Tolkien wrote more than half a century ago, so Walsh, Jackson and Boyens made the diction more accessible, and a couple dozen oscars says they did a good job. Tolkien himself admitted that he wasn’t the best writer of dialogue and the strength of his legendarium is in the power and creativity of the story and its characters. You shall not pass is fine because they were trying to emphasise the prophetic nature of what Gandalf was saying and not his uber kung fu skills.

    Sorry but I couldn’t resist part of my dissertation is on Tolkien.

  16. @I am not here
    I’ll change Annie’s win to be for having a life. Silly Annie, only remembering the movie quote and not being a nerd sitting online yanking it to Tolkein.

  17. krasivaya_devushka

    Hahah the first one is hilarious!
    Probably the only one lately that has made me laugh out loud.

    I just took an auditing exam, and yeah Annie, I feel the same way. :(

  18. WTF I know 2 of the people whose statuses these are. The first and last…is this Aussie win day? :)

  19. lamest three things about this post:

    1) dan_fargis
    2) i am not here
    3) rokprincess182

  20. Oh Annie, I feel your pain. I’m pretty sure Gandalf was there during my metaphysics exam as well.

  21. Melancholy43920

    Really Dan? STFU already

  22. Weighing in the shall vs cannot pass debate…I think shall is more formal than cannot. however, i prefer cannot as its more modern than shall not.

    Though I just googled the definition of shall and apparently people in England use it a lot still. Weird. You’re a pretentious assclown if you use it in the U.S.

  23. Umm, there’s heaps of fb groups about Gandalf saying that, grats to Annie for copying someone elses almost-creative idea.

  24. @mighty me
    That’s the lamest bunch of bullocks I’ve ever heard (and it’s not the first time I’ve seen somebody tell somebody else they “have no life” on the internet). Both of those posts took me less than five minutes to write out, with maybe a minute spent on the second one to recheck the novel to see if I was mistaken. Eleven minutes spent typing online (now this post makes sixteen) and I have no life? Yeah…um…you’re an idiot.

    Points taken. My thoughts relate to more to the character of Gandalf than to quoting things exactly from the novel, though. He differs throughout the films differs in several seemingly small ways from the novel, but together, those small ways give us a completely different character. Take all of what you’ve read by Tolkien, and compare it to the character in the movies, and it just doesn’t add up. In this case, the “prophetic” nature of Gandalf’s statement IS the problem; by focusing on that, the filmmakers missed Gandalf as one of the Maiar, and missed that he was the Balrog’s equal. The entire scene leading up to the bridge plays into that, too. If you want to go through specifics, I can do that, but not now, because I have a life and am going out in a little bit. Honestly, I’ll probably forget about this later, so…

    Sure, the films were good (I didn’t say otherwise). But they failed to capture some of the nuances of the novel, and to somebody who paid attention to the little brilliant things, the films aren’t nearly as good as they could have been.

  25. see post #19.

    cf. post #24 ‘vivis, et vivis non ad deponendam, sed ad confirmandam audaciam.’
    – -cicero

  26. @slippyslappy
    The grammar isn’t really a matter of formality, but it’s also not that important. I was being an ass there. It’s an old grammar debate, in which some people say “you shall” is only correct when referring to more than one individual, and some people don’t care.

    And with that, having spent twenty minutes of my life here and thus somehow proving that I have no life, I’m done.

  27. Inigo Montoya is always win in my book. I can never look at Mandy Patinkin without quoting The Princess Bride. “I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”

  28. LOL @I am not here. When I googled the right usage of the word shall it was two loooong paragraphs long and didn’t make any sense anyway.

  29. @I am not here!! marry me!!

  30. @alordslums

    In response to your 3 lame things, 3 Lamebook questions:

    1) Will dan_fargis tire of this place before he breaks character?
    2) Do you think I am not here would hate fuck me?
    3) When yoink finally reveals that he can actually write correct English, will it be entertaining or anti-climactic (oops, did I spoil the big surprise)?

  31. I like to eat soup.

  32. I relee hate wen peepel type lyk dis so dat dey dunt haf 2 spel enyting korrect. Does it really take that much longer to spell correctly on a computer?! You look like a moron and I hope you are sterile!

  33. Long time reader here, decided to throw my oar in about the Gandalf debate. I have read many, many books and the only one I haven’t finished is Lord of The Rings. I found the writing to be ponderous and tried to be incredibly detailed and descriptive but conveyed nothing to me at all. Before you say I have no imagination, I adored the Shanara books when I was younger, much younger.
    I love the comments here and Yoink is my new fav, you are amazing buddy, keep me entertained daily please.
    I also like Soup, eat, read, have strange, strange dreams about.. yeah Soup does it for me

  34. soup:

    1) (i can’t do the bold names thing) dan_fargis is not real
    2) no, but he could summon gandalf to.
    3) i’ve been toying with this one for ages. but if you knew england, and specific parts of it in particular that i’m thinking of, then perhaps you’d be a little more inclined to entertain the possibility that yoink is actually real (blows my mind too).

    to quote some more, slightly less arcane rhetorature:

    ‘surely the second coming is at hand.’

    (no dan, i’m not talking about you or yours).

  35. @alordslums,
    I am from Scotland (though not living there now) but why do you English always claim that the good things are yours? Yoink might be Scottish, he could be, we kinda talk a lot of shit in a haze of booze, it’s the cold you see.

  36. I don’t have anything clever or insightful to add to this conversation… so…. Anyone else think that the Model in the Snorg-tees ads is especially attractive? :)

  37. you’ve been on the buckfast mate, he’s from hull!

  38. @FlipFlop
    I appreciate the sentiment, but full disclosure: I’m like a hearty beef barley. The beef, of course, being my huge pendulous cock, and the barley being all the small white pustules afflicting my entire pubic region.

    In your dream tonight, it will be the four of clubs that the leprechaun pulls out of his butt after I pull him out of my butt. Taa daa!

  39. p.s. sukki

    don’t start market trading when you’ve had a drink:

  40. @alordslums, ok you win you have Yoink but…..

    @Soup, is it a continuous loop of leprechaun pulling, I am getting strangely aroused

  41. and soup’s been watching too much twin peaks.

    i’m surprised you could even see it with your cock in the way. i suppose the cock blisters are an occupational hazard? i have blisters on my hand from… playing the tambourine. :-(

  42. @alordslums

    1) He left plenty of clues as to his intentions, but he still managed to generate an impressive amount of misguided hate.
    2) But there would be no anger. I’m almost certain he would try to caress me at some point.
    3) I have no doubt that that dialect exists. I’ve seen it. But watching the intelligence slowly replace the faux-stupidity kind of negates the initial persona. Once the curtain is pulled, the wizard will remain exposed.

  43. Look at it this way, alord. By playing the tambourine, your hands will never become gnarled like those of Keith Richards. You’ll be able to use them for more enjoyable endeavours… like running them all over me.

  44. @alordslums, I love the bit ‘an expensive round of golf’ that makes me giggle.
    Soup’s large, blister afflicted genitalia have just made my dreams even stranger, bless you Soup

  45. unless the intelligence is accidental and the stupidity not ‘faux’?

    i’m sure derrida and lacan would have lots to say about yoink’s post-structuralist wisdom.

    but i’m also quite sure some little kid with a shaved head and an earring with a fine down of hair above his top lip and a can of beer/cigarette/brick in his hand would too.

    it’s a conundrum which typifies the kind of soul-searching questions we ask ourselves as good 21st century citizens.

  46. Just one leprechaun. What am I, some kind freak?

    My wang might be huge, but it is prehensile. Like an elephant’s trunk. It gets out of the way when I’m shitting Irish. The blisters are just natural lube. Since I can’t get a woman wet on my own, I consider them evolution in action.

  47. @Wordpervet, I aspire to be you of the comments section of Lamebook, you are a beacon for us women to emulate. I am being serious here

  48. word,

    now you’re just flirting with me to make soup jealous.


    (don’t worry soup; really you get a welcome mat AND a fully illuminated runway).

  49. @Soup, I only digested a few words, huge, prehensile, wang

  50. Why thankya, Sukkiilicious.

  51. I am not desperate to get into the lovefest here, oh no. Am I trying too hard guys?

  52. alord, so not true. Soup knows where he is on my totem pole.

  53. We will have to agree to disagree on the curious case of yoink. He’s already broke out the proper spelling of polysyllabic words, while absolutely mutilating words he was quoting from a previous post. It’s only a question of his willpower.

  54. i thought we were talking about ingestion, not digestion…

  55. I have to agree with Soup on the curious case of yoink from Hull. My jury is still out on his authenticity.

  56. well anyway word – i think it’s important to groom me (i’m quite influential in certain circles) if you want to remain the female icon, the queen bee around here; katypants’ harem seems to be growing by the day….. i wouldn’t like to see your dynasty crumble into ruins.

  57. and whatever yoink is i am genuinely in awe of him.

  58. alord, so what is it you would like me to do in order to prevent this from happening in your eyes?

  59. And that wasn’t a figurative statement by word. She shoved a carved piece of native American wood up my ass. Now I need Apache so I don’t shit my drawers.

  60. oh soup. ((superman logo)oup).

  61. @Sukkiilicious

    Not at all. Just be careful. I know the folks that run this place and if you’re too intriguing, I will stalk you.

  62. If yoinky isn’t offentik, I quit the internets forever.

  63. word. i can some it up in a sentence. the band needs groupies.

  64. alordslums how many songs does your band have?

  65. sum! why didn’t i go to sleep hours ago?

  66. What did you just do alordslums? You know internet bitches are territorial. Why would you initiate a competition between two women to vie for the affections of the male….

    Nice work.

  67. fuckmustard:

    it depends which incarnation of krishna we summon on the night. it ranges from about 8 to about 15.

  68. If that’s what it takes, then I will be your groupie, but I kinda already am. I’ve like told you that already, eh? You’re sleep deprived.

  69. Well I vote that you need to make more videos, or put more up so that I can listen to more than one song.

  70. what, have we swapped pictures of our genitalia yet? i must’ve missed that one.




    (soup, high five!)

  71. Please make that into a witty and slightly comical statement in your own mind because my brain is done for the day. :)

  72. Bad Bad Bird needs to have a show in Hull on December 18 – I will literally plunk down the $1000 or so to fly across the pond for Hull City v. Bristol City in the afternoon followed by a romantic dinner with yoink (and guest) followed by some awesome music. Gandalf commands it, and it shall be done!

  73. yoink’s promised to come to one of our gigs. :-D

  74. Having the link to your song may just well get you some good exposure. Is it generating interest? Anyone wanting to have you gig for them?

  75. word, at the moment it’s doing a fantastic job as a smokescreen for my ailing writing career. if i become your votary, such considerations will become academic.

    at the moment we’re focusing on local promoters to see us and gives us slots higher and higher up as we don’t have any kind of following of note to date. putting it as my url link was pure whimsy, and also i thought to bring a smile to people at their office desks watching me and my mates prance around completely baked. perhaps it was also a subconscious rallying call to get more people to url link so i can be nosey about everyone. i would love to see a yoink website along the lines of ‘yoink’s handy tips’, or ‘the yoink meditations’. i think it could be quite lucrative. maybe i could get him to lay down some rap tracks to go over our music…

  76. Well alord, you have me at your service. I would like to hear more of your stuff. If it’s as good as that one, then I’d be impressed indeed.

  77. agreed

  78. So who wants a little laugh at little ol’ me ?

  79. So ee has been drinking ALOT this evening and hasn’t bothered to read all 76 wonderful comments, but I would like to state that the Princess Bride is a wonderful flick. That is all. Oh, and Fred Savage as a youngster rocks, but he never grew (literally, so his later life was spent look up to the spot light.) poor Fred.

  80. God, now I want to watch wizard. Stupid Princess Bride!

  81. @Sukkiilicious
    Not being into the Lord of the Rings is alright. It doesn’t mean you’re unimaginative, it just means you couldn’t get into it for some reason or another. There are things about it that are inherently well done because of good writing, but if you can’t get around to reading it, those don’t really matter. I agree, Shannara is awesome.

    Can we get to know each other first? Give it a few months…or a week or two, at least?

  82. FuckMustard, go on….

  83. Well this one time I got home from the beach and of course came on here first but then I proceed to the shower. So as normal people do I get undressed get into the shower close the curtain and realize I am not naked and I left my glasses on.

    Yup it has been a long day and it is really not that funny.

  84. after I ran the water

  85. Hey ee! And amen to the Princess Bride, but the problem with that one is Mandy Patinkin. I can only ever see him as that character, I just couldn’t get past it when he was in Chicago Hope or that Criminal Minds show. That happens with some actors. Case in point, Sir Anthony Hopkins. He will be Hannibal to the day he dies.

  86. Arrg I realized it after I ran the water.

    wow I have some issues today.

  87. Long shot, but… ee calling word!

  88. word, seems like minds think alike!

  89. and there i was priming myself for a herpes confession!

    i am now terminally tired. i will hug my pillow in my arms and dream of mustard and pervert both being sopping wet for entirely different reasons.

  90. I laughed, FuckMustard.

  91. Yay someone laughed, that makes me happy.

  92. Seriously my childhood was spend pining after Cary Elwes. All I ever wanted to hear was ‘As you wish.” Did I?! FUCK NO!

  93. and no herpes confessions lol, I am a clean girl, pun intented.

  94. As always, ee, and goodnight round 2, alord.

  95. Are you off word?

  96. Cary Elwes is creepy, ee. I’ve never liked him.

  97. No ee, I was saying goodnight to the slums. He’s been promising to go to bed for hours, but he couldn’t drag himself away from the wonder that is lamebook.

  98. Really? He dragged me in. Maybe it was the pirate part. I always had a thing for a man who could plunder.

  99. He is cute in the Princess Bride, then again I have not watched that movie in years. Really I just want any man to say “As you wish” to me.

  100. hahaha, we do fall into the throws of it. I understand.

  101. FuckMustard…That’s what I’m talking about. Where the hell are those men? All I hear is “get me another beer will ya.” It’s horse shit!

  102. I want to be plundered, just not by Cary.

  103. Yup, *sigh*

  104. I want to be plundered by anyone, well not just anyone. You get the point! Came out so wrong…

  105. Some plundering would be very nice indeed.

  106. We need plunderers!

  107. FuckM, I’ve had it said to me, but not in the good way. In a different context, it can sound condescending.

  108. Very true, I have heard it that way before and it is not what I want. Hmm, as you wish could sound good with that plundering.

  109. ee, I’ll plunder you. I know anatomically and geographically, it would be difficult, but I’d give it a damn good go.

  110. word, I’ll hold you to that. You know I will! Don’t tempt me with your saucy ways! What’s one little ocean? Stupid ocean!

  111. where are you guys ?

  112. In english now…

    Where are you guys from?

  113. FuckM, Florida. Where is hot as shit at the moment!

  114. Sorry, there should be an ‘it’ before that ‘is’.

  115. Ok, cool. Sorry I am just a curious gal. So how hot is it ?

  116. In Australia, FuckM. It’s the afternoon, and I’m already a few beers in. Must pace myself as I have to go out to dinner later.

  117. Where are you, FuckM?

  118. Canada where it is so close to being bedtime for me, but a beer sounds better.

  119. ee, it’s your birthday on the 4th, right? How appropriate and all, you being an independent girl and all that jazz. How are you going to celebrate?

  120. Well, with tons of booze of coarse! It will be a fine day indeed!

  121. FuckM, some of my favourites on here are from Canada, so I’ll take it as a given that you’re cool. I’ve been to Calgary. Nice city.

    ee, no surprises that you’ll be boozing. I just thought maybe something extra special might be happening.

  122. word, FuckM…I must leave you. I have a 3 year old to attend to who just woke up ill. Till another time. word, keep an eye out (much love :) ) . I’ll catch up later.

  123. Night ee :)

  124. Yay you think I am cool, and yup Calgary is nice though I haven’t been there since I was young.

  125. @word (#76) they have several more songs on the MySpace page that is linked from the YouTube clip.

    loving the abbreviation “FuckM” – although it could just be the half bottle of $4.99 Cabernet that’s making me giggle at it!

  126. no teo I like it too.

  127. Thanks, I’ll check them out, teo. Is it just me, or is everyone drinking on here at the moment? Ahahahaha.

    Glad you approve, FuckM. I shorten people’s names all the time.

  128. wordp, pretty sure it’s not just you. This is pretty much the ultimate website for browsing while drinking.

  129. Yup drinking some peach juice.:)

  130. It can get you into trouble, people. Believe me, I know.

  131. Yes it can, that’s why I am just having peach juice. Well it is time for me to go to bed so I guess I will talk to you tomorrow. Night night word.

  132. You need to add a lil somethin’ somethin’ to that juice, FuckM. Dilute it tad, it’s way too viscous, and by that I mean booze.

  133. So it’s goodnight to you too, FuckM. Well that’s the name of the time difference game.

  134. Well maybe tomorrow but today has been too long to add alcohol to the mix.

  135. The time difference game has no winners. Fuck you, International Date Line.

  136. Agreed teo, and seeing as though it’s been a bit of a love fest today, I’ll thrown in that I enjoy your comments, and love your link. I must away myself, spruce up, sober up, and get ready for my evening. See you soon.

  137. *throw in. Damn Stellas.

  138. Good night. Or good afternoon. Again, the Prime Meridian and its longitudinal cohorts are really starting to make me angry. Yoink it up this evening!

  139. Ah man, the good Lamebook commenters are back. Thank christ, I was starting to think it was just me and yoink sat in a room.

  140. Let’s get druuuunnnnnkkkkk!!!!!

  141. Alright.

  142. Paranoid Android

    Teetering on the precipice of normality <<< Me in about 4 hours.

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

  143. The Lamest thing on this page is the fact that ‘Greenstrings’ wrote part of their dissertation on Tolkien. What was the other part? The Hardy Boys novels? Did you do a queer theory reading, comparing the lack of female protagonism in each? Sheeesh…

  144. I take it back: Iamnothere was lamer

  145. Ee, couldn’t agree more. By far the most upsetting thing about the first Saw film was what’s happened to Cary Elwes.

  146. discussing lord of the rings? really? this is all too simpsons comic book guy for me

  147. *yawn*

  148. Lord of the Rings are the most boring books I’ve ever read – except the Hobbit which is great! And does anyone really care that the film changed one word?!

  149. @I am not here

    “The actual quote from the Bridge Of Khazad-dûm in The Fellowship of the Ring is, “You cannot pass!” It appears thrice, and never does “you shall not pass” appear. Why does this matter? First, “you shall not pass” is shitty grammar. Second, “you cannot” means “you do not have the ability to,” whereas “you shall not” is merely a statement about the occurrence of a future event, and says nothing about ability. Why am I ranting about this? Because I’m bored, and these posts are kind of lame.”

    I’m a linguistics student, so I’m gonna pick some holes in this because I’m ill, I’m obscenely grouchy, and I can. “Shall” when used in the second or third person is NOT bad grammar and is NOT merely a statement about the occurrence of a future event. It carries a sense of determination and command – if Gandalf says ‘you shall not pass’, then he really means ‘you will not pass because I won’t let you’ or something along those lines.
    It is actually considered to be quite rude to say ‘you shall’, as it is seen as an order. This is why careful speakers/writers differentiate between ‘I shall/you will’.

    Rude? Yes. Bad grammar? No. Merely a statement? No.
    It is a well-worded and powerful war cry. Well, to the right people anyway.

  150. Well Obviously if there is a discussion about the replacement of one word then yes people do care about it Fuckaroonie!

    P.S. I prefered The Hobbit as well, but The trilogy comes in a close 2nd

  151. @BucketofScuzz: I can’t think of anywhere better to discuss it than a website about lame Facebook statuses!

  152. haha the tide of opinion has slowly and inevitably shifted, as the earth has grated round on its axis, to the opinion expressed, most ‘umbly, by myself in post 19.

    i seriously thought i was alone in wishing really hard that the lotr talk would just go away.

    also, ‘fuckaroonie’, what’s one of those?

  153. @AlanDente

    Dud, if your gonna insult someone for doing a small part of their dissertation on Tolkien’s contribution to philology at least have the decency to know that Tolkien did a lot more than writing 4 books about elves n shit. What I wrote had nothing to do with my dissertation and if anything your lame for considering what is a worthy academic pursuit to be lame…
    ……Bloody Rednecks….

  154. Gandalf is Frodo.

  155. The Asian one made me giggle.

  156. Lapis Lazuli Long

    I spend entirely too much time reading these comments and not working.

  157. With you there, Lapis.
    Also, greenstrings, I think it’s awesome you did your dissertation partially on Tolkien. Sounds fascinating.

  158. I call ytterbium!

  159. I’m actually starting to both understand and enjoy yoink’s comments.

  160. ahhh princess bride, what a good movie

  161. “Stop rhyming, I mean it!”
    “Anybody want a peanut?”

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