Friday, September 24, 2010

Wins Before the Weekend

previous post: Fer Fetched

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36 Comments

  1. WIN

  2. I’d respect Stephanie Meyer more if she wrote an autobiography about her adventures with a corpse and wolf, Keep it real and cut out this glitter crap.

  3. Does #1 is just as uninformed on vampire legends and sex as Stephanie Meyer is…

  4. Oops, unnecessary “does” in that post.

  5. #1 isn’t even original, it’s taken from dearblankpleaseblank.com

  6. cracked me up….. for a change

  7. BWHAHAHA on the first one. FTW.

  8. #1 – Considering that he was supposed to be ‘hard as marble’ I was always under the impression that he has a forever stiffy.

  9. Like BlameGame says, #1 isn’t original.. It’s even indicated by the use of quotation marks.

  10. Poor Sookie’s endless sex games must be under target, too.

  11. So licking a battery is a bad thing?

  12. Kevin, quit bitching before she finds someone else to lick her battery. Besides, it’s a little ring – it’s not like she has voltage running through the damn thing.

  13. Haha Comments! You never know, they say it makes it better, maybe there might be some voltage after all.

  14. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Eenerbl took the words right out of my mouth.

  15. EE, true – but that isn’t the sort of voltage one would shy away from. Definitely not the kind you’d make sad faces on FB about. For Alejandra’s sake, I hope the little guy can suck it up and fire up a spark or two for her.

  16. No, he should definitely not! Maybe he’s has performance anxiety? Either way, I do believe he’s missing out on something that may be truly spectacular!

  17. Dear Eric,
    Please realize that vampires DO have blood flowing through them. They are UNDEAD, not dead. In fact, finding a coffin with blood in it was considered a sign of vampirism. Of course this goes for real vampires. How twinkletoes works is another matter.
    Sincerely,
    Facts about myths

  18. I follow that #1 isn’t an original, but it’s an argument that still bothers me. My girlfriend tried to make that point one time and I shot it down. You’re reading a book under the pretense that, by some kind of magic (unexplainable by science), there is a group of immortal people walking and talking long after they die. Your argument is that you can’t get an erection if you don’t have flowing blood? Well, if we’re following the rules of science (which is a pretense already implied by a person making that argumenta0, you can’t fucking WALK AROUND if you don’t have flowing blood.

  19. I wonder if Alejandra has her mother or father as a FB friend?

  20. @mad2physicist When I saw #1, I as going to agree, but then I glanced down and read your very valid point. Phew, almost looked like a idiot there. Thanks. :D

    The rest were lol and SMH worthy. The last one, I don’t see why girls continue to get those with the risk of it being done wrong, hitting a nerve, and permanently numbing that area, thusly defeating the purpose of getting it to enhance pleasure. I used to want one, until I read the risks. I’d rather not chance it.

  21. Ugh, I am so sick and tired of hearing about twilight. I am so sick and tired of hearing people complain that vampires don’t sparkles. Complaining that vampires can’t do this or that because they are undead/dead, whatever.utt

    They are fictional characters for crying out loud. A myth, not real.

    Stop correcting people on what a vampire “should be”. It’s just as bad as writing a fictional book and putting your own spin on vampires. Just breathe, and let it go.

  22. and with that, MsBuzzkillington closed down her computer with a well-deserved feeling of having righted a wrong. Satisfied, she settled more comfortably into her chair and picked up her Harry Potter novel.

  23. i hope for both kevin and alejandra’s sakes, he waits until that thing heals before he even dreams of putting his mouth on it.

    and fyi, vagina = the INSIDE. so if that part tastes like metal she needs to see a doctor.

  24. wow. The amount of people correcting vampire myths cracks me up. Surely a mythical creature can do anything, because it doesn’t exist outside your imagination. oh, and does anyone really care about twilight anymore?

  25. I sincerely believe status posts from ruminations.com, and other rip-offs from “good-for-a-laugh-once” should be kept off the site.

    Also, I sincerely believe, Shannon should be made President.

    Shannon \m/

  26. Dear People Who Don’t Like Twilight,

    Please realize that obody cares. Seriously. Every single fucking complaint about Twilight has been covered a billion times already. Think you have a new hilariously witty insight about some shitty plot element in Twilight? You don’t. It’s been mocked. A shit-ton. It’s been done to death. And nobody gives a shit. Not even those others of us who dislike Twilight. I used to despise Twilight, but now I would much prefer to actually read the books than read one more crappy unoriginal lame bullshit complaint about Twilight. You don’t like it. We get it. Vampires shouldn’t sparkle. We get it. Edward Cullen’s kinda camp. We get it. You’re all unoriginal fags (in the Louis CK sense of the word). WE GET IT.

    Sincerely, everyone ever.

  27. BritishHobo, will you have my internet babies? <3

  28. yeah, vampires are a myth, right….?

    think again!

    http://cgi.ebay.com/VAMPIRE-TRANSFORMATION-SPELL-BECOME-IMMORTAL-VAMPIRE-/260666836389?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3cb0f445a5#ht_718wt_1139

  29. alordslums, I just laughed so hard I got a 6-pack. Thank you.

  30. Agree x 1,000,000 BritishHobo but can we throw Justin Bieber in there too? It’s so boring reading about him all the time, if we don’t like Justin Bieber so much, wouldn’t it be more productive to just forget he exists? I personally don’t see where all the hate stems from, it’s not funny, just creepy so many adults have such strong opinions on a teenage boy.

  31. #26, BritishHobo, you just rocked my world – thank you!

    Keona, mind if we share him?

  32. All this talk of shoving metal spikes into parts of a ladies love garden reminds me of my new invention that i’m planning on pitching in next years Dragons Den.

    The ‘Pussy Magnet’ TM. Works on the basis that the owner points a huge fuck off magnet at ladies midriffs, all those ‘edgy’ pierced up punk pussy’s come sliding across the dance floor toward you, saving you the bother of having to go round asking if the have metal fannies or not.

    I want £8.50 for 75% of my company.

  33. @DespicableMe Sure. I’ll bet his opinions aren’t the only thing raging..

    @Imamofo That made me both laugh, and my love garden turn inside out, uterus twisting itself in unimaginable fear, and my eggs all become sunny side up and useless.

    …I suppose I should become a lezzy now since I’m no longer able to bear children.

  34. @Keona – I apologise profusely for making you as barren as the Sea of Tranquillity, but there is good news too!!

    Just because you are no longer able to spit young humans out of your fanny does not mean you automatically have to become a card carrying member of the Carpet Munchers Association.

    You can still enjoy cock… huzzah! it’ll be a bit like drinking Diet Coke and semi-skimmed milk, you can still enjoy the taste but the product will no longer make you fat.

  35. Imamofo…I…I have no humorous rebuttal for that.

    I’m glad I don’t have any metal in my hoo ha. I detest the idea of sliding around on it..

    I’ll keep that in mind for the future. :D

  36. Keona – VCH piercings don’t actually go through the clitoris, just through the hood. If a piercer is well-trained and knows what he or she is doing then there is no risk of hitting a nerve or causing numbness in the area etc.

    I love mine, ‘sliding around on it’ feels wonderful, heh, but they aren’t for everyone.

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