Thursday, November 26, 2009

Ultimate Updates

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43 Comments

  1. this absolutely makes my day. happy thanksgiving!

  2. I like Turkey!

  3. oh and sorry john…but they def. do.

  4. Shouldn’t Sarah be calling 911 instead of making a facebook status about it? ;-;

  5. Dessirrea? I think I had that once – was off work for nearly two weeks . . .

  6. kanyewest: She’s probably waiting for help to arrive. They don’t materialize as soon as you call 911. (Honestly, I would update my status too, for the lolz — she must not be really hurt)

  7. Haha @ Thesaurapist!

    I firmly believe that the more weird/unusual/original (take your pick) the name is that one’s parents have bestowed on an offspring, the higher the odds are of ever appearing on lamebook.

    For every John and Sarah, there is at least one Dessirrea to appear in a submitted post. I trust that doesn’t mirror real life. Or… have I been indoors too long?

  8. I think the link with stupid/”original”/redneck names and stupidity of the named is strong. Stupid parents give stupid name to stupid child, proceed to not educate said stupid child, who then grows up shouting their stupidity to the world for all to see/hear (and presumably shake their heads in disbelief).

  9. #4 I’d think you’d be smart enough to realize that maybe she already did that and was killing time before someone came to help her. Then again she could be making shit up since all women are attention whores

  10. and that, Stubort, is why you aren’t getting laid. Now fuck off and take your inaccurate generalisations elsewhere.

  11. Kudos to Elizabeth.

  12. Dessirrea cha cha cha…

  13. I realize that help doesn’t arrive instantly… but facebook would not be on my mind if I was upside down in a ditch. I’d most likely be scared shitless, even if I wasn’t hurt at all :3

  14. Dessirrea is it really necessary to inform the world that you have inserted your new contraceptive?
    HAHAHA rectal herpes. Dude keep the beef poles out of your bum!!!

  15. I have been in a car upside down in a ditch. I was not seriously hurt, but I’m pretty damn certain my Facebook account was not on my mind. It just wasn’t a “Hey I should tell everyone where I am right now! lolz” sort of moment. I guess Sarah here was a whole lot calmer than I was. Props to her!

  16. Desirrea: Not to be “captain grammar” or anything, but, if you’re going to announce that you’ve showered and readied for action, can you at least keep a consistant point of view?

    …Unless you showered and then put in someone else’s vaginal contraceptive. In that case, your post just got much more interesting.

  17. “Desirrea: Not to be “captain grammar” or anything, but, if you’re going to announce that you’ve showered and readied for action, can you at least keep a consistant point of view?

    …Unless you showered and then put in someone else’s vaginal contraceptive. In that case, your post just got much more interesting.”

    Dr. Hymen that was my thought too, except for being a woman myself I don’t feel that way towards Desirrea.

  18. Sarah, that wasn’t lame, I’d do the same thing if I could. The comments would have been good

  19. You’re right Finn. Sarahs post wasn’t lame. It was hilarious!!!! – naturally like any human being i hope she is ok.

  20. insert clever name here

    I’m in a plane that’s upside down and on fire.

  21. #12 FTW!!

    <3 B&B

  22. Yeah ,do anal herpes exist? Don’t judge me…

  23. Further proof that contraceptives must not be relied upon to prevent STDs; nuva rings do not prevent the onset of severe Dessirrea. Nor anal herpes I would assume.

  24. Pregnancy is a STD is it not? :P

  25. @13: I agree, especially considering once help does arrive, I’m willing to bet she’s going to jail for DWI. Personally, I’d not be Facebooking, I’d be fleeing.

    Leaving the scene of a non-injury wreck will still get you less points than drunk driving will, and they can’t pin you with both if they don’t catch you till your sober!! ^_^

  26. How has no-one recognised that Sarah’s post is a Simpson’s quote???

  27. Dr Hymen and pugged, I think Dessirraeeeeeee is grammatically correct, because in both instances she is referring to herself in the third person. I think….

  28. Simpson’s quote? Really?? From which episode? Twat happens???

  29. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    My best friend got chlamydia in his eye. He was with a girl, there was some digital stimulation and then he rubbed his eye. Fact. It’s only mildly related to anal herpes, but it is jolly amusing.

  30. The Elcat – ‘Put in “her” nuva. “I’m” all set for the day.’ She is referring to herself in the third person when she says “her”, but not when she says “I’m”!

  31. Ps. hitmewithyourrhythmvic – How the hell!? What happens when you have chlamydia in your eye?!? eg. what are the symptoms? I’m shocked! And how did a doctor manage to whittle it all down to having chlamydia in the eye? Surely that was an insanely tricky diagnosis!

  32. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    I’m not entirely sure how they diagnosed, but he has told me how he contracted it, which was a delightful conversation. I bloody hate the word ‘fingering’. And the symptoms are your average swelling, pain and irritation. Doesn’t he sound like a whorey little treasure?

    This is why he’s my best friend, and not my boyfriend.

  33. Hitme , you hate the word fingering so you refer to it as digital stimulation ? Sounds pretty nice comparing to the original term.

    Chlamydia in the eye , that’s a first

  34. We convinced a naive drag queen to call shimself claire mydia for the first 6 months of her newfound hobby.

    Then she figured it out. Shim has a different name now, naturally!

  35. ‘O__o who are these people who divulge so much!!? wtf.

  36. @36: They are idiots that give us something to laugh at!

  37. Anal herpes does exist, i found a gay-black-jewish-nazi-commie-republican-democrat-transvestite who had it.

    Or did the tv tell me that?

  38. I like turtles.

  39. @12: like

  40. sevendarkdays – tell the truth for *insert random religious figure or random profanity here* sake you are the inbred-gay-black-jewish-nazi-commie-republican-democrat-redneck-transvestite who had anal herpes.

  41. Inbred, gay, black, Jewish Nazi?
    Nazi, communist, republican and democrat?
    Inbred, gay, black, Jewish, Nazi, redneck transvestite?

    Those described are at least 2 different persons. Can’t see how you missed that.

  42. Trying to apply logic to that gives me a massive headache!

  43. definitely was waiting for help to arrive in a 15 degree snowstorm for 3 hours. not hurt at all, but this is what boredom does to you….

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