Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Twilight Saga: The Mourning After

twilight-mourning-after

previous post: Parents Still Don’t Understand

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86 Comments

  1. FUCKING EPIC LOL

  2. same thing happened to me back in 86

  3. BAHAHAHAHAH, so perfect.

  4. Glitter & bite marks? Sounds like a typical night for us gay guys LOL

    Seriously though…why would he be bragging that he “sealed the deal” with a dancer? It’s not like they have any standards to begin with…..

  5. I wonder whether he ‘sealed the deal’ with a credit card or a cash payment. . .

  6. LET’S HOPE THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN ANY TIME SOON!!!11

    LOL

  7. I’m a little distressed at the punctuation of the word “dancer.”
    I’m seeing transexual stripper.

  8. Is fucking a transgender person considered gay? my boyfriend and I have been debating this for years.

  9. Call me, baby!

  10. @willa

    If you sleep with someone with a cock I think you are generally considered gay.

  11. @Tidy
    What if you’re a girl?

  12. still gay

  13. Hee! Hilarious.

  14. @Boz, would they sparkle or just half sparkle?

  15. @Tidy
    First of all keep in mind I’m talking transgender person, not just a cross dressing male, like she has tits and looks genuinely like a girl and is super hot.

    NOW what if you were dating a girl for a while, and she’s soooo beautiful. Nothing manly or out of the ordinary about her at all. You think you’re falling in love with her, you have sexual fantasies about her and masturbate to her pictures You haven’t had sex with her and then she tells you she was born a hermaphrodite and she’s got extra parts, she still has all the girl parts, but she has extra parts as well, are you gay if you have sex with her? Even though she was born with both working parts and chose to me a woman? Remember she has ovaries and can have babies, so she’s not, NOT a woman.

    OR…same type of scenario, BUT she tells you she was born a man and ALREADY had a sex change, so if you have sex with her does that make you gay?

    OOOORRRRR same scenario, but she tells you she’s GETTING a sex change, but you have sex with her by fucking “her” in the ass and never actually come into contact with the dick at all, and then she has the sex change and you continue to have sex with her. Does that mean you were gay and now you aren’t?

    OR same scenario and she tells you she’s transgender and she’s not getting a sex change even though she has had other surgeries to make her look like a women and you genuinely fell in love with this person and they are totally perfect for you and you want to be with them regardless, does that make you gay even though you would NEVER EVER have sex with a man who looks like a man?

  16. Wow how bout some troll Edward?!?!?! xD Bow Chika Bow wow

  17. Sean is a legend!

    And, you’ve really thought this through in detail haven’t you willa?!

  18. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    @willa

    WTF would it matter? If you love him/her, and she/he loves you – or even you just enjoy sword-fighting with whatever genitalia you have between you: as long as you’re both happy, why would you worry about what label to put on it? It’s the 21st century, things have moved on, feel free to loosen up.

    Fucking Edward from Twilight though – that would be totally gay.
    But not in a good way.

  19. @Willa
    I guess whether or not you’re gay depends on whether the ultimate conclusion of someone being male or female lies in their physical attributes (read: genitalia) or in their personal feeling of “being” a man or a woman mentally/emotionally.

    I’m not sure I even want to think of the discussions I may have just initiated.

  20. @19: pro-tip: it’s all about the genitals.

    I don’t care if he feels like a she; if it’s got a dick it’s a guy (and vice versa).

    http://ihatejade.com/?id=cc3bm90gpbjlm3twupu0j3xn9a6ikp

  21. #15, Willa; As long as they love each other & ok with it, it don’t matter whether he/she is trans

  22. That said, anyone who has a problem with gay people needs to come on over to the 21st century. Rational, reasonably functioning human beings got over that whole stigma quite a while ago, and Leviticus also says that you can sell your daughter into slavery, so using the Bible as a crutch for your own ignorance is retarded.

    http://ihatejade.com/?id=cc3bm90gpbjlm3twupu0j3xn9a6ikp

  23. That said, anyone who has a problem with gay people needs to come on over to the 21st century. Rational, reasonably functioning human beings got over that whole stigma quite a while ago, and Leviticus also says that you can sell your daughter into slavery, so using the Bible as a crutch for your own ignorance is retarded.

    http://ihatejade.com/?id=h1fwxgifity424aachjr0meqmnby1v

  24. hahah that’s awesome. Sean FTW!

  25. Would you morons stop whining about gay people and LIGHTEN UP? This is a freaking comedy website. Go argue politics and other crap no one cares about elsewhere.

  26. Thank you, C.
    About time someone said it.

    Loving the Twilight comment :D

  27. Best. Comeback. Ever.

  28. Lamebook Name Stealer

    I steal names on lamebook and post random shit because my anus got torn when I was gang raped in the bronx.

  29. Ah, that’s not true about dancers. I’ve known plenty of slutty ones, but I’ve also known really REALLY picky ones. I’ve known a few girls who did it because of negative body image, it helped, and they quit. I’ve known other girls who were literally on the streets and trying to pay bills, and it beats hooking or dealing crack.

    That being said, she sounds like a slut. All the dancers I know who were picky kept it strictly business and never slept with customers.

  30. omg sean FTW i crackkeddd uppppp looool

  31. @Skora
    Cheers to that!

    @jelly
    Nail, head, you.
    That’s exactly what I’m asking. How does one define sexuality? How can we all be so sure about the labels we stick on things when it’s all just a sliding scale not black and white categories.

    @Thesaurapist 13(F)

    You have it all wrong, I’m totally down with freedom to do whatever makes someone happy, you’re right this is the 21 century and people need to be more accepting and loosing up and chill the fuck out. I’m not angry or upset, while I’m typing these words, or trying to pick a fight, completely the opposite in fact. I’m just asking questions for the sake of making people think about things differently. Mealy putting it out there to hear other peoples views/reactions. I’m asking questions with no true right or wrong answers. Everything is all based on self perception and self bias anyway. We all make up our own labels. I just enjoy hearing other people’s opinions, even if it is over lamebook. Even if someone calls me a peasant for it, hahaha. Who cares if it is a comedy website? I laugh at this shit all day I KNOW lamebook is meant to be fun. However that shouldn’t stop people from having real conversations and voicing their true opinions every once in a while. It’s not going to kill all of you to step out of your bubbles.

  32. If he “sealed the deal” with that dancer, I bet he woke up with a lot more than glitter and bite marks.

  33. @willa: Or what if it was like that House episode where the girl appeared to be the perfect female specimen and had all the female body parts on the outside, but it turns out that she was actually a male with testes inside of her and she was impervious to testosterone or something, so she was just a person with an X and a Y chromosome with tons of estrogen?

  34. @ willa I guess it’s the same deal as the pregnant “man”. That was the biggest media beat up of all time…in that instance how can shim call him/herself a man when he/she still had working female genitalia? I would say in that case it was definitely female, maybe they identified as a male but if you’re pre-op i don’t think u can go around calling yourself a man. Perhaps there needs to be a new category for gender benders…maybe they can be she-mans or shams?

    Hemaphrodites are different, I think in that case it would be whatever they believe they are…like Lady Ga Ga he/she clearly thinks he/she’s a chick so let sham be.

    The moral of the story…don’t fall in love with really tall chick with an adam’s apple

  35. Willa,

    Gender is not on a “sliding scale”, it is a bimodal distribution.

  36. Sean deserves to get laid for that joke alone.

  37. @Boz

    If they’re born with both they’re neither in my book. You’re just working outside of the box. If however you make use of their penis you’re still gay(or at least as gay as those boy’s who experiment at camp).

    Those other situations were gay in my book. Those surgeries are not perfect and do not turn men into actual women or vise versa. In my opinion on them you’re just with a mutilated man(no offense).

  38. Sean’s comment was awesome btw.

  39. If a guy told me he took home a stripper at any time in his life and we were married- i’d divorce him

  40. @southernbelle
    Why is the “dancer” the only slut? Zach also went home with and slept with someone he didn’t know. That, therefore (by your own rule), makes him whatever the name for a male slut is.
    One rule for everyone.
    I’m not in anyway saying it’s wrong (if there’s no one getting hurt) by the way. These things happen from time to time – sluttiness comes from the attitude and the amount of times it happens etc. We know nothing of the “dancer” therefore we should not judge.

    All I am concentrating on is the AWESOME one-liner at the end.

  41. the idea of not realizing someone is pre-op is a foolish excuse , I’m not gay I had no idea that was a cock, so the tranie question must be post-op if you love a woman thinking she is a natural woman and find later she can’t have children this might affect your feelings of a future together finding she was a man would as well but if this realization makes you question your orientation for more than a three count the thought was there already if the thought that your girl might be a boy turns you on you are not straight just as if thoughts of men turn you on not straight I’ll go as far as to say if thoughts of someone else f’ing your girl turns you on not straight may not mean your gay just not straight if women turn you on your not gay may not mean your straight but not gay so many deviants so few words

  42. ^ So any words, so little punctuation! Two whole commas to be precise. I have no idea if you were talking sense mate, I couldn’t read it.

  43. *many

    FECK. I really can’t type today

  44. The reference to Edward Cullen, pretty funny.
    The fact this guy is bragging about sleeping with a “dancer”, pathetic. Although, I would have loved to hear his reply to Sean’s comment.

  45. http://cheating-revenge.com/sarah/?q=Ra0gLYOk

  46. @Willa
    Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure hermaphrodites are sterile, so I think your first little scenario is out of the picture.
    Still I don’t think people should have to classify themselves as gay or straight, there are definately some grey areas.

  47. http://cheating-revenge.com/sarah/?q=Ra0gLYOk

  48. http://cheating-revenge.com/sarah/?q=fa6BUy8

  49. @ ish (Hopefully the “@” Police don’t attack me!)
    There actually was an episode of Southpark that kind of spoke about this – Mr. Garrison gets a sex change to “become” a woman. Like the “pregnant man”, except vice-versa. Just because they cosmetically change your outsides (penis–>vagina/vice-versa), doesn’t change the insides. I never understood the big deal about the “pregnant man”. It was someone with a PENO-plasty (lol -Southpark) but that doesn’t change ovaries, or PMS, or the natural insides! There was nothing interesting about it, but Oprah touched base on it, so it exploded, lmao.

    And I definitely vote that Zach DID screw the guy from Twilight. Don’t worry Zach, you’re making 12-year-old girls everywhere jealous! That’s a good thing right?

  50. What the fuck is it with people always trying to overanalyse these posts?

  51. I just laughed out loud.
    Thank you Lamebook, for cheering me up after a tedious day of studying.

  52. Freakin’ hilarious. Sean needs an award for this. Brilliant.

  53. Sean made my day.
    Pure genius.
    Marry me ?
    xD

  54. Erin, not that I’ve ever taken a stripper home, but holy crap you’re a complete and total bitch.
    Cheers.

  55. James is a squaky little gay boy! x x

  56. Zing!

  57. thanks for making me laugh Ish , i ll keep the moral of this sorty in mind

    btw Erin , get over your stuck up self now won’t ya

  58. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    @Louisa

    Well said. Came here for the funnies: stayed for the philosophy and theology lectures? No, did I fuck . . .

    Also, these links out to cheating-revenge.com are getting a little tired too. People, there’s absolutely no shortage of amateur pr0n freely available online, almost none of which requires you to persuade random strangers to click your link before you get to see it. Fucking peasants.

    Erin, you’re my kind of girl – meet me at Hooters, and I’ll let you buy me a drink.

  59. [...] finally, the guy who celebrated his 21st by seeing Twighlight [Lamebook] —————-ADVERTISEMENT———————– Leave a Comment Subscribe to [...]

  60. @ Ish, chicks have adams apples, they just don’t stick out. How tall is too tall? 183cm? (six oneish?) I’m asking from personal experience x) Some tall chicks are hot. I think its more that you should look out for pokey-outy adams apple, the deep voice, the man hands, if ‘she’ tends to wear 3inch colourful false eyelashes and really short pvc skirts while singing ‘I will survive’ in the corner of your lounge room. They are ‘signals’ to look out for. OH and if she has a penis.

    Seriously. If you’re a guy and you’re attracted to penis, you’re gay. Same with girls attracted to vaginas, gay.

  61. not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  62. @father sha
    Standards are a precious thing- is your gf a hooker?

  63. [...] Posted by: Wendy In: Misc. via lamebook.com [...]

  64. hehe Erin, not making the distinction between hookers and strippers (dancers) just makes it even more obvious that you are a judgemental, stuck up … (feel free to fill in the dots yourself)

    But hey , all is well – you can have all the standards you want
    and judge people all day long, i just felt it a bit harsh to hypothetically divorce a man that you probably love because he went out with a Stripper. Some people need to do stuff to get around. Just because she dances gogo that don’t make her a ho … Silly rhyme from a silly wyclef song

    enjoy your life

    Much love !

  65. That’s faaaaacking hilarious beyond belief.

  66. That’s HILARIOUS, OMG hahahahahahahaha

  67. bahahahaha ahhh brilliant!! fuckin epic!!

  68. Awesomeness!

  69. BAHAHAHAHa!

  70. Waaaaaaa now that’s funny!!! lol

  71. That was so hilarious and I cannot stop laughing. Zach the douchebag basically set himself up for that.

  72. AAJAJAASAODHAPFH;KHASP;HQG

    Twilight jokes are SO hilarious.

  73. hahahahaha
    twighlites soo gay.

  74. Fucking hilarious…. Win!

  75. This is by far the funniest lame book entry :) CLASSIC!

  76. this is hilarious (excuse the spelling) by far the funniest thing i have read today

  77. pvc cards

  78. lol soooooo funny!!

  79. Hahahaha thats so great

  80. lmao at this!

  81. Too funny, made my day! Has the ‘dancer’ seen this yet?

  82. perfect comment.

  83. wonders how you could reference sleeping with a werewolf….would there just be shit tons of hair and claw marks on you? I’ll stick to the vampire if that was the case.

  84. The vampire in twilight glitters and bites. The werewolf has nothing to do with this reference.

  85. LOL OWNED

  86. [...] What’s a stripper and a vampire have in common? [...]

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