Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The “Vampire” Diaries

previous post: Minor Mishaps



  1. Vampire or not, I’m all for a stake to Beverly’s heart.

  2. sexclamationpoint56

    how can these people sincerely consider themselves to be vampires? i mean seriously if someone asked me to prick my finger so they could drink my blood i’d tell them to shut the fuck up and constantly bash their head into the wall until they realize how fuckin stupid they are

  3. I want to drive a stake through Charles’ heart more than I do Beverly’s. I fucking hate it when people write like that. Die, Charles.

  4. But they’re so unique. Just like all the other “retarts” who think they’re vampires. Oh for fucks sake, I can’t wait for these stupid “I’m a vampire”, “I’m a werewolf” trends to end. Idiots. I hope their iphones sterilize them.

    You know what? I’m a chupacabra, motherfuckers. I will eat your face and suck the blood of all your goats so your village starves. Fear me, ’cause I’m a scary made up creature now, too. It is decided.

  5. Is there a template for teenage girl’s bios? They all tend to read the same. I assume when Vampire Girl filled hers out it looked like this:

    Gangster ☐
    Emo ☐
    Goth ☑
    Philosopher ☐

    Would you like to add quotes from obscure authors relevant to your bio choice? Y/N

    Horrible spelling to assert your individuality? Y/N

    Capitalization randomizer: On/Off

  6. I do believe Miss She just started the rock-paper-scissors of the “mythical creatures people claim to be” set.

  7. True that, Comments. Chupa clearly beats vamp and were, because those idiots keep getting caught out in public. No one has ever captured my magical goat sucker! Plus, even a made-up creature can spell better than these morons, so bonus points there.

    Oh, wait… Now I’m transformed to kraken! I’ll drag you all into my sensual watery depths. Don’t worry that you can’t breathe. It’s not psycho; it’s romaaaaaantic that I want to make you my own.

  8. I’m Jesus!

  9. I’m a Dinosaur through the eyes of a Creationist!!! I defy God with my mere presence… top that bitches!!!

  10. When you put it that way Miss She, that DOES sound romantic ;)

    We may not have captured your magical goat sucker, but you’ll never get me Lucky Charms – that’s right, I just went Leprechaun

  11. Beverly that was such a fail. Really, if you’re about to start killing humans you shouldn’t advertise it for all to see on Facebook. Evidence silly. Keep it quiet next time.

    PS I’m a banshee in case you’re wondering.

  12. Curly… that means you’re a screamer? (sorry had to)

  13. Haha nothing wrong with that eh Comments ;)

  14. Dibs on Cthulhu.

  15. Vampire Girl #1 has a mummy?

  16. the fate of intelligence

    I’m a zombie.
    But hey, I just eat your brains if I really need them and if you give them to me willingly and I just eat them a little bit!

  17. Miss Shegas. You just made my day with that first comment.Ty.

  18. Not at all curly :D

  19. flying spaghetti monster

  20. hese comments just made my day!

  21. these*

  22. Dammit I got here too late and now all the good monsters are taken.

    Okay wait, I’m the Loch Ness Monster! Yeah, that’s it!

  23. Has “mummy” been taken yet? ‘Cause if not, I’ll be one.

  24. I think I’ll be a baba yaga. I am so cut out to be a crazy old Slavic witch. Children, nom nom.

  25. Welcome, hysteria. It’s always a pleasure when my general ire can provide amusement to the public. I feel like the Lewis Black of slightly past prime, but still pretty hot, chicks some days.

    Oh, it’s cute for a few more years. But I’m on the road to “crazy shouting old lady who pokes people with her cane” town, and taking everyone with me, dammit.

    @ Rodo, I think you won this round!

  26. I’m a Brain Tumor! Run bitchez, fucking run!!

  27. Guys, I’ve been hiding this from you all but I am actually the mythical centaur! Although it may appear I ride a mere steed of broom with paper mache; it is in fact my lower torso! I spend my days riding around seeing shit in the stars and then returning to tell everyone about it on facebook…Even though I may appear to be a socially inept loser with no athletic strengths, If you challenge me I will…er…centaur stomp you mere mortal! Now I must ride! I have important centaur things to do! I also enjoy my chemical romance and long walks on the beach if any lady vampires are interested…? you know what they say about horses down there!

  28. Also, Don’t be mad at Charles. He’s just here doing what we’re all here for: sweet, sweet vampire tang.

  29. Shotgun Ringwraith

  30. replace the word blood with anal and it almost matches my profile.

  31. Comments were great; especially SOUP

  32. The vampire girl asked me if she could prick my finger. I got a weird look when I asked her to finger my prick instead.

    I’m an imp, by the way.

  33. I love how the first post’s tone just suddenly changes half way through.

    Oh, If we are all “coming out” i feel that i should reveal that i am Krampas. I see at least 2 children I’ll be visiting soon…

  34. So god’s not taken yet? no? I’ll be god, because that’s kind of like being on facebook: constantly look into people’s lives but never bother replying when they call on me.

    so many wins from the comments, I want to do the backstroke through them: especially #5

  35. …and #9

  36. Wow 17, you are so cool and such an individual.

    I love how at the start she says don’t judge me and then later says you only get one chance to make a first impression with her (just kidding). One day, if she has half a brain, she will cringe at her 17-year-old self.

  37. where’s the resident goth, mad2, btw? Whoever goes with being the easter bunny gets to make out with him.

  38. We eliminated him already.

  39. That first chick must not like herself very much if she hates posers.

  40. lol

    Wow, rarely do posts get a double lol from me.

    Wait, $0 for Lamebook legal funds? Triple lol!

  41. mad2 is still here. As sure as those white butterflies on that reusable period pad will turn red, he’s still here. Somewhere.

  42. I don’t mind wierd fuck pieces who think their vampires, it means their already expecting to see some blood and so they won’t start screaming straight off the bat the moment they see some.

    I am a Dickwolf (yes, that is a mythical creature look it up twat) I will rape the fuck out of all you other monster types with my wolfy cock limbs of feral squirting.

  43. Don’t really get the first one. anyone explain?

  44. if she is a vampire does that mean she drinks her own period?

  45. Oh man, all the good mythical creatures are taken. I guess I’ll be a Keebler Elf. Cookies!

  46. I’m Catbus. What could be more awesome?

  47. I’m Navarre. Yeah, I’m romantic like that.

  48. Anyone else worried about that young woman as a business person?

    Btw, I am a succubus.

  49. Can I be a fucking mermaid?? I’ll be right there with you, Nessy!

    And @lllllb, Baba Yaga, good one, I was almost thinking about picking Domovoi but I’m a lady, so it would be a tad awkward lol.


  50. Also, the 17 year old “vampire” might have Porphyria, haha. She should probably get that checked out.

  51. Charles’ spelling and grammar makes me want to shoot him in the face.

  52. No-one’s said Bigfoot! Dibs.

  53. Hahahha, these comments are so much funnier than the actual posts :D

  54. Biggest laugh in this post was wannabe vampire saying “I HATE posers!” I almost spit soda on my monitor.

  55. I think I laughed the hardest at Beverly being surprised she’s single…

  56. I’m a LlamaMan

    or doudragen….

    i could be a tiolet tentacle

  57. Yo, I am a taniwha… I eat vampires and emos…

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