Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Expected

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44 Comments

  1. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Letted?

  2. Maybe it’s too early in the morning for me to do the math on the first one, but something just doesn’t add up. Anyone?

  3. I weep for humanity. On a different note I wonder where Missz lives? Any guesses. England maybe?

  4. Unless they do things differently in England, there are no pregnancy tests that can tell you that you are one week or two weeks pregnant, unless they are counting from date of conception, which is not the standard. In the US they count from the beginning of your last period, so at “one week” pregnant, the baby is not conceived yet.

  5. Exactly, Toodles. There’s no such thing as 1 or 2 weeks pregnant, and I’m fairly certain it’s standard everywhere to count it from the first day of the LMP.

  6. But what if she had been using a condom for ages and then on that night of sweet unprotected bareback lovin’ they didnt? surely they are able to do blood tests or any of their fancy tests she would be able to figure it out.
    come on with a name like Missz. you know she has immense brainpower to work out how the birds and bees come about

  7. I’m not understanding you guys. (Never been pregnant, or tried to get pregnant, so I guess I’m not up on this stuff?) What do you mean you can’t be one or two weeks pregnant? So you get pregnant, right, then one and two weeks later you’re one and two weeks pregnant… Do you just mean that there’s no test that can detect pregnancy at one and two weeks?

  8. They begin counting from the start of your last menstrual period.. the only reason I know all this is because I am pregnant right now and there is so much about pregnancy that I never knew!

    They start counting from the first day of your last period… So at one week “pregnant” you are just getting off your period, and at around two and a half week, you conceive the baby. I know that doesnt make sense but that is how they count it! Even a blood test cannot detect pregnancy until at least one week from conception, so technically at that point you are three week pregnant. I took a test at five weeks and it came up negative even though I was pregnant.

    RARELY they will count (not in the US) from date of conception, but not usually because that date is impossible to determine. In other words, I think this ho is a liar. Probably just told her baby daddy to get him to propose. haha.

  9. Obviously this girl got pregnant while she was gone, told her ‘fiance’ that she wanted to get pregnant so that he wouldn’t be suspicious when she turned out pregnant.

  10. I taught i was pregnant once, turned out to be a giant shit

  11. While some of the home pregnancy tests are now very sensitive to the HCG level in the urine (some picking it up even before the period is missed), they’re still very unreliable. Blood testing is far more accurate, but most doctors won’t bother with them until the period is missed. As Toodles pointed out, even a blood test in early pregnancy can be inaccurate. Congratulations, by the way.

    This dense bitch is full of shit and the poor kid is doomed.

  12. Conception for the uninformed:
    1. A woman starts her period, and this is called the first day of her cycle.

    2. The ovaries will start to develope an egg, which will then burst off about Day 14.

    3. Sperm, on average, live about 3 days. If you have deposited sperm around Day 14, you have a 20% chance of the sperm penetrating the egg.

    4. A fertlized egg will make its way down to the uterus, taking about 5 days to do so. You are technically pregnant but you won’t know until the fertilized egg attaches to the wall of the uterus and begins releasing a hormone: HGC.

    5. About the time you expect your period is when you can get a positive response from a test.

    There it is, conception in a nutshell. Now go wear a rubber and stop putting unwanted babies on this earth.

  13. But you’re not really pregnant from the first day of your last period, right? That’s just how they count it? That’s pretty lame. Doctors should try harder. And if she knew that was the first time they had unprotected sex, then she could conceivably count it as being two weeks pregnant? But you mean the doctor wouldn’t have told her she was one week pregnant, right? He just would have been like, “you’re pregnant from such-and-such a date of your last period.” I understand. Thanks for the info. Science is fun.

    Now explain this to me. If they were engaged, why would they all of a sudden decide they needed a baby immediately and not wait a few months so she doesn’t have to be pregnant at the wedding? Explain that! HUH? HUH? Explain THAT! :)

  14. Did anyone else read that as ‘me and ma’s fiance’? I thought she got it on with her mother’s intended! Stupid.

  15. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    lametothemin I’m pretty sure they didn’t “decide” to have that baby, she is just saying that to save face somehow. Either that or she cheated on the fiance and was trying to cover it up. You know how girls can manipulate their pussy boyfriend into a decision and then turn around and say ‘”We” decided.’

  16. Fleur.brings a new meaning to who’s your daddy?

  17. Counting from the first day of the LMP is just a simpler way to approximate pregnancy length. It’s the gold standard. The actual date of conception within a cycle is almost impossible to determine (IVF is the exception), as it’s different for everyone. It’s not lame, lame, it just makes simple sense.

    Wow, this is a serious conversation. We need to get dirty.

  18. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I thought we were already being dirty Word, does that mean I have to stop fapping now? :(

  19. Lads, Its all fun and games until someone gets pregnant

  20. Not at all, Dukey. Carry on. Whatever does it for you, my friend.

  21. Calling it lame was just a joke, but I’m sure doctors everywhere will appreciate your coming to their defense. :)

    Dukey, entirely plausible explanation. I wouldn’t know anything about that last thing you said… I’d never do that to my boyfriend… Never… That would be wrong.

  22. Yeah the problem is sometimes an egg decides to play guerrilla warfare against the sperm. And so when you think you’ve surely waited long enough to release some sperm (like say a week on either side of expected ovulation) the egg jumps out and attacks them and takes one prisoner.

    And the eggs get smarter. It can take them 8 months or longer to figure out you’re trick them every month. So you have to use condoms or something else for at least half the month. Then you got like 5 days of bleeding. I recommend you just keep your girls on the pill. Trust me.

  23. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s depressed about the news, so I’m with the “It’s from another guy” theory.
    She’ll be a major hormonal bitch (gratuitious judgement, I know, but I stand by it).

  24. Walter is right. There’s almost no safe time within the cycle. Those pesky eggs can sometimes ambush the sperm just at the end of a period, or even during the period itself. It happens. Trust me, too. Those eggs are smart little bitches. It’s nature’s (sometimes nasty) way of ensuring the continuation of the species.

  25. …And she’s reproducing. Great!

  26. Can we talk about the woman who smoked throughout her pregnancy?!

  27. can we at least acknowledge that sperm can live inside a woman’s uterus for up to 5 days??? gamete guerrilla warfare, indeed…although these dirty germ cells are punkin’ our lazy, unsuspecting eggs on their own turf. true story.

  28. As far as I know, a woman’s body is a hostile environment to sperm and MURDERs them, EXCEPT during a period of time when it produces a fluid that will allow the sperm to live, just long enough for an egg to ATTACK them!!

  29. that is mostly true…in the vagina. but once they pass the threshold that is the cervix, the uterus has a different pH, or something of that nature, and can allow sperm to live up to about 5 days…not that they always will. trust me, though…eggs are kind and wouldn’t hurt a fly. err, sperm.

  30. I didn’t say “hurt.” I said “attack.” Like an attack with kisses.

  31. like a chromosomal tickle?

  32. Like a gamete grapple followed by a chromosomal tickle.

  33. i think my eggs might enjoy grappling. they are small but tough, and they never give up their back. ‘prolly why i haven’t gotten myself knocked up yet…sex cell circuit training.

  34. (actually, walter, scientists have proven that the courtship between a sperm and egg goes something like this… http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-58631917/stock-photo-funny-illustration-of-sperm-attack-an-human-egg-cell-in-times-of-ovulation.html . what can i say? i’m a romantic.)

  35. @rawnuh: Aw, I thought that was so cute!

  36. Missz should lay off the crack. 1 week is far too early for a test. Most likely she 8 or 9 weeks with someone elses sprog and is completely stupid.

  37. I have recently developed a test that can detect pregnancy as early as two days…

    It involves a delicate medical instrument, which resembles (but I can assure you it isn’t) a screwdriver sellotaped to a broom handle… I have yet to recieve my Nobel Prize invitation.

  38. Missz is a classy lady. “I letted him cum in me” – how eloquent.

  39. i have to say that i’m impressed that Mixxz knows where babies come from. +3 intelligence

  40. “Like a gamete grapple followed by a chromosomal tickle.”
    This made me laugh so hard I ovulated!

  41. As someone who has had two children born in the states I can say that my pregnancies were not measured with the LMP included. What they did is take my last period, figure out when I was probably ovulating and determined a probable conception date which is usually a week to a week and a half before your LMP. They then determined pregnancy weeks from there. In the case of my son, I had not actually missed my period yet when I found out about him. I will say that I was almost four weeks when I discovered him. It’s impossible for them to detect pregnancy at a week, even with a blood test. At a week, assuming we’re counting from conception, it’s likely that the embryo has not embedded into the uterus yet. If we are going from implantation, then the hormone levels are still so low that a blood test would still have trouble detecting them. An at home pregnancy test can sometimes detect a few days before a missed period (like in my case) but that is rare. I’m calling Bull Baloney on Missz.

    Oh, and I can’t stand for anyone to smoke in my already born children’s general vicinity, and it aggravates me to see a pregnant woman smoking. Do they not realize just what they are doing to their child? Grrrrr.

  42. people smoking in front of your kid, fine yea i get it. other people smoking (pregnant women included) non of your business! Worry about abortion.

  43. @wannafight – Worry about abortion? Uhh, pretty sure that cutting off your fetuses oxygen supply for 9months and risking brain damage, low birth weight, asthma, miscarriage, etc… is WAY worse than terminating a pregnancy before the fetus can feel pain. At least with an abortion you aren’t making the fetus struggle for life inside the womb. If you were really pro-life y

  44. **if you were really pro-life you would see how smoking during pregnancy is even worse.

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