Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Break In

previous post: The “costume”

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7 Comments

  1. Yeah, because the police are totally going to bother running that blood and looking for a DNA match in their database so that they can catch the guy who stole your £2.62 in change.

  2. The Beast Among Us

    Hopefully your lesson was learned: Don’t keep loose change in the cup holder of your car. The thief doesn’t care if it costs you £100 to replace the window that was in the way of him getting your £2.62. As far as he’s concerned, you’re rich and can afford it.

  3. Dr.LesterForeskin

    I’m sure they’re also quite willing to pay the insane amount of money it costs to do a DNA test.

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  5. Y’all beat me to it. One (or maybe more) of the scumbags who burglarized my home a few years ago cut themselves on the glass from the window they broke to get in. Sure, the crime scene tech they sent out collected a sample, but I have zero expectations they actually ran it. In that case, they stole about $3K in electronics and personal effects, so…

    Also, hilariously, when the tech walked me through my house and asked me to point out anything out of place (I appreciated this, since he dusted anything I pointed out as unusual for fingerprints, and that fingerprint dust was actually pretty hard to clean up, so I appreciated him not just dousing my house in it), I noticed the box of band-aids was out on the counter of the bathroom. Apparently the thief who cut himself took the time to peek in my medicine cabinet (not surprising, since they might find drugs with street value), found the box of band-aids (I carry my good drugs with me…sorry, thieves), and patched himself up…

  6. If you had just shared your drugs, Joda, the thief wouldn’t have had to break in.

  7. The Beast Among Us

    Generally speaking, the police don’t run the DNA in order to find the criminal, because they don’t have a DNA database of every human on the planet with their name and address. That happens only in the TV shows, which are fictional. What they do, however, is take the DNA sample, add it to their unsolved criminal database, and then, when they finally catch the guy for doing something else, they take his DNA and match it to any other crimes he may have committed in the past with DNA data. Therefore, when he’s finally caught for being drunk in public 20 years in the future, Mr. Tater Salad can also be charged with stealing your £2.62 in change or $3,000 in electronics.

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