but thennn she verbally kicked his ass, so i’m gonna go on pretending she’s from my town cos god damn i love this.

Guru says: Real. This is so true-to-life it isn’t even funny and is hysterical at the same time. I had to check my facts about cunninglinguist who said she did that to her ex 10 years ago on AOL — could it be… her??? I was only on AOL in 1993 & 1994, so I guess she isn’t my ex, Lora… I was young then, and wasn’t cheating, just shopping, I guess but it all amounts to the same lameness — it certainly isn’t an excuse for being a tool like all the rest of my gender is on any given day of the week.

Absolutely the best one because this stuff happens all the time. It screams of true justice.

Becca (Ashley), if you don’t want to hear about your smelly skin, your attachment issues and how your BF would rather do someone prettier than you, just don’t go there — what did you expect? Certainly not the delusional B.S. that you’ve fed yourself for 8 months, thinking that you’re anything more than a choad’s convenient bed-mate…

Almost all men would fail this test if it were a real woman picking up a man — Ever seen The Maury Povich Show? Sure, women don’t ever hit on men or seek them out, and we should see it coming, but we seldom do — why? Men think that there are some women out there who actually do, and if a man thinks he’s finally found someone who is hot, without a boyfriend and likes sex AND flirts with the man without discussing a money-exchange, sure, only a horny fool would believe it — but men ARE fools! (When they’re horny for something that smells different than an old lady, anyway.)

Billy, you so deserved it, and it doesn’t surprise me that you couldn’t man-up and reply with a “You’re seriously, wack, chick…” No, you had to go back to the Liar’s Club and try to play it off — “Aw, honey, I knew it was you!” – Bill, you have truly set the record straight on the definition of an ass-hat. If you’re gonna be hittin’ and quittin’ with some strange, it’s best to look for something real and tangible and stop letting girls manipulate you online into getting wood over lame how-do-you/do-me crap that doesn’t even make my Plaster Of Paris harden. Next time, talk the girl into a three-way and mention how you love your girlfriend, but she just isn’t understanding enough, doesn’t listen to you enough and refuses to meet you half-way and all that… the crap other guys’ girlfriends always feed us single guys when they want attention, but not sexual attention… Hell, tell Ashley that, unlike your GF, she’s a real good listener!
Don’t offer to pick up the tab for a cab, talk about how your girlfriend isn’t into fun things that you like to do — things like bondage, spanking, Emetophilia, Coprophilia, watching late-night-amateur-Screw-Tube videos or even daring to have sex with other women for a once-in-a-lifetime threesome experience. By the time she’s wiki’d all that, you could probably think-up something else…
Next time a hottie posts a frowny-face after mentioning you are in a relationship, mention that you’d love to keep your GF around if she could just wear a little perfume on her overcoat, or shave her legs with some Patchouli-scented shaving foam or roll in bacon grease or something — inform Ashley that you’ve done all you could for your GF: You’ve prayed to St. Hygiene and that it’s all in God’s hands now… Not “never wants to do anything and has become a sort of drag on my life.” Try instead, “We’ve been together eight months and she still won’t do anal or call me Daddy or let me choke her and all my friends think she’s psycho — or something like that.” Keep the ball in your court, bro-

…This is absolutely my favorite one, because Bill is so like so many other men with nice girls out there who are fooling themselves into thinking they’re with a different kind of guy than that. Face it, ladies, all men are liars. The better they are at it, the more of an insecure little boy you will find within…”

These folks, as many other posts here, should have learned The Lamester Guru Mantra:

“If you don’t want anyone to know, never tell anyone.
If you don’t want everyone to know, never write it down.”

Peace Be With All You Lamesters,
-LGP4

What a bitch.