Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Tell Us A Little More About Yourself

previous post: Current Currents



  1. Ben First @@@@@ etc…

  2. Excellent priorities Nikki, good for you!

  3. Oh and Melissa … I seriously don’t like my ass eaten out …maybe it’s a generational thing or maybe I just find it fucked up.

  4. People like Nikki are those who give me no faith in the next generation of youngsters.

  5. Isn’t Josh’s status deliberately wrong?

    80% of the time I can’t do anything right, the other 25% I’m alright.

    I read it as a joke.

  6. robotninjazombiebear

    oh god. nikki could be my waste of space sister. using child support for your own personal b.s. way to go mother of the fricking year.

  7. YorkshirebornNBread

    Looks like melissa chronicled her relationship with the lucky guy until the point where he ran out of excuses and RAN LIKE HELL!!!!

  8. Oh dear lord. Applying for foodstamps and using child support to by an iphone. Wtf is wrong with you?

  9. Melissa’s Guy Lies (*I don’t like my ass eaten out).. I am assuming that the guy said this to her and she found out it was a lie.. How? Oh God, Gross.. Fucking gross.

  10. Nikki come here so I can bitch slap you for being a dumbass

  11. It’s people like Nikki that give the right wing a good reason to cut social safety net spending. Thanks for ruining it for everyone, Nikki.

  12. I really hope that someone on Nikki’s Facebook would save that statement to show to the appropriate officials (would it even matter?) I can’t stand that shit!! I PAY TAXES SO YOU GET AN iPHONE??? What a shame.

    I always classify the word “infertile” with women, not men.. but that could just be me!

    Alright, I’m done now.

  13. Whhhhhhhhhat! the f!

    I eat rice 4 or 5 times a week so I can afford to feed my kid, and my cell phone is 7 years old. I want to punch that chick!

  14. men who can’t have kids are sterile not infertile…aka “infertil”. and wtf, “i don’t like my ass eaten out”. tmi!

  15. So is Melissa saying that all men are married? Her list of “men’s lies” seems too specific to her own experiences to be of any use as a general list.

    Also, it takes a special kind of moron to lie about your penis size, because as soon as you get it on in the bedroom, she’s gonna know if you were lying or not.

  16. It’s my experience that nearly every man says he has a big dick. And the ones that tell you they have a small one are usually hung like a horse.

    And what about the lies women tell?
    “I’m SLIGHTLY overweight.”
    “I’m not high maintenance like other girls.”
    “I’ve only slept with 3 guys.”
    “You’re the only guy who has ever made me come.”

  17. I have a small one.

  18. I’m thinking Josh’s was on purpose.

    Kind of like…
    86% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can’t.

  19. @nublet so fricking true because i only slept with 3 guys my entire life lolzzzz

  20. @bry
    Nikki states she is buying the iphone with child support money which comes from the father, not from you paying taxes. Still is pretty selfish and wrong of her though.

  21. And I desperately want to start in on Nikki, but I’m not sure there’s enough space in the comment box to allow for everything I have to say about her.

    So, I’ll leave it at this

    (sarcastically) “Work harder, millions of people on welfare depend on you.”

  22. hey don’t be hard on Nikki being a welfare mom she needs to be in constant contact with her social worker and how else can she berate her baby daddy except via cell?? skanky bitch makes Brittney Spears look like mother of the year!

  23. ksleeve

    Actually, the money she’s getting from child support should be going toward feeding the kids.

    Instead, she’s going to get food stamps instead of using the money she has to feed the kids.

    Therefore, she’s also using tax dollars to buy an iphone.

  24. Actually…there is no designation for child support money…it doesn’t have to go to food…do you really think that all kids need to live is food? she could pay her rent with it or by clothes with it…it doesn’t matter…

  25. jjh, I think really, people are objecting to the fact she’s using the child support to get an iphone, not that she’s not buying food with it.

  26. I think JJH point is it can be spent in any way that benefits the kids. Technically having a phone qualifies as a necessary expense. Obviously a high tech super expensive phone is not so necessary when a cheap 50$ phone will do.

  27. I’m 105% sure that something doesn’t add up about Josh’s status.

  28. Nikki is pretty much everything that’s wrong with the world.

  29. The money is SUPPOSED to be spent to benefit the kids, not to buy an overpriced cell phone for the mother. Moms cell phone and plan certainly aren’t necessary for the kids survival.

    Once she spends the money on the phone, she has to choose a plan for it. Now looking at AT&T’s website we can easily figure that the CHEAPEST monthly payment she would have would be $59.99 (which is more than I pay for my cell phone, and I’m not on food stamps) The most expensive would be $114.99.

    How exactly, does mommy having access to her Facebook account at all times, benefit the kids in any way?

    How exactly is mommy having a $200 phone with a $59 (or more) plan going to benefit the kids more than a free phone with a $39 plan?

  30. Bitches like Nikki should have been drowned before their eyes opened.

  31. @mass I appreciate your comment and I hope the rule applies

  32. A lot of the guys I meet also use the “I’ve only slept with 3 guys” crap.

  33. bollywood_rocks83

    Nikki and people like her piss me off! It seems she’s one of those that can play the system. How come the ones who ACTUALLY work and pay taxes get turned down for social welfare because they make too much? It’s like the government encourages the likes of Nikki. “Have a kid”, “overpopulate the country”, “we’ll pay for it”. Any wonder you get so many unmarried mothers who refuse to get married because if they do, the welfare stops coming in?

    As for the child support, if she can prove the phone was/is for the benefit of the child(calling babysitters,calling work,etc), it’ll pass. I have a friend who gets 900 a month and uses it to pay her college tuition. Her reasoning: she’ll get a better job with a degree and won’t have to depend on baby daddy.

  34. bollywood_rocks83

    And seriously, why do men use that dick one? I’ve found out that the ones who go on and on about how big they are usually disappoint. I also won’t call “I love you” a lie. The words get thrown around a lot that it’s lost all meaning and like my grandmother says “Get that ring(Get married) and then believe whatever they say”

  35. Lies? “It’s your baby!” will trump any story I use to hide my tiny penis.

  36. christopherlovet

    Exhibit B:

    I have a crappy car, a 5 inch penis, I’m quite virile, I deliver pizza so I have little money, I do like my ass eaten out… and *spoiler alert* I actually am single. Surprise!

    I think I should try lying.

  37. christopherlovet

    By the way, Nikki has only applied for food stamps. She’ll be accepted based on her income (which includes child support) and rent. If she spends her meager income on unnecessary crap, that makes her a shitty mother. It’s not a good reason to stop social programs like food stamps.

  38. mymomruinedfacebook

    Wow people sure are hating on Nikki quite a bit…Say she uses the child support money to pay for the child’s expenses, and then uses the food stamps to buy food. The money she makes from her job will pay for the iPhone…Obviously she should be spending her $$ on other things, but saying people like her should drown before they were born wtf?

  39. If Nikki can afford a better phone than me, and a more expensive plan, that seems to me to be a perfectly acceptable reason that she should not be given food stamps.

    The difference between people like me and people like her are I have an college education, I work for a living, I try to live within my means and I chose not to reproduce.
    People like her barely have a high school education (as evident by her spelling) don’t want to work, spend more money than they can afford (as evident by her looking at more child support as a raise) and can’t figure out how to use birth control.

    Why should any of the money I earn be used to pay for someone who’s uneducated, lazy and stupid? Her not being able to keep her legs together shouldn’t be rewarded with “free” money that comes out of MY paycheck. And it certainly shouldn’t be rewarded to the point that she can afford luxuries I can only dream of.

  40. mymomruinedfacebook

    @Caution this seems to be a sensitive topic for you….Wow I bet people would really shit if Nikki got the iPhone for her kid…then it’d be one of those annoying fuckers on twitter with 39,847 tweets that are mostly “goin to b l8 agin fer werk LMAO smfh…#dead”

  41. I’ve known far too many people who’ve learned how to play the system, and in many cases their ex’s. And every one of them has had kids and used them to get more money and more “stuff” that ends up being paid for by taxpayers. There’s nothing like driving a 13 year old car, working more than 40 hours a week and living in a crappy little 39 year old house while people are living a few miles away aren’t working are receiving welfare, collecting child support, receiving food stamps, driving 5 year old SUV’s and living in newer, bigger houses. It’s not exactly a warm-fuzzy feeling either.

    With her spelling, I’d have to believe Nikki is kind of a child herself and probably no more than 20 (this is why I always tell people spelling counts. If you type like a kid, people will think you are a kid) so hopefully her kid(s) aren’t more than a few years old. Although even if she’s 20, that doesn’t necessarily mean the kid can’t be 8.

    But you got her “tweet” wrong, you actually spelled the word “to” It’s gotta be a number! I don’t understand most of what’s written when people type like that. Maybe I’m just too old. I know there have been several submissions to this website that may be very funny, but because there are no actual words I read a few letter groupings, get a headache, and move on to others.

    How can people type like that? A typo here and there is one thing, but dang….

  42. Funny, I’ve never told any of those lies.

    EXCEPT, ‘I’m infertile’. I find that gets all the girls.

    Not actually read the rest of the comments yet, but the long ones look like jolly good fun, I must say. I predict the debate is not on the godawful mother, but… whether iPhones are any good? :D

  43. god melissa is self centered…

    oh and something about nikki. but seriously, the iphone is overrated, just like all Mac products. Not hating, just saying they are overpriced for what they offer.

  44. I also just noticed Josh’s is a double negative…

    “80% of the time I can’t do nothing right”

    Which would then mean 80% of the time I do everything right…oh crap…they don’t teach this stuff in school anymore and I’m dating myself, aren’t I?

  45. PeanutButtercup

    Wow, Melissa is all kinds of crazy

  46. Melissa isn’t so far off with the ass eaten out thing. I know quite a few lads who admit secretly to liking it, and having a finger up there, in the heat of the moment. But they wouldn’t dream of telling their mates, and wouldn’t tell a girl they liked it either in case she thought he sounded gay.

  47. Sorry Caution, I stole your ‘There are 3 types of people in the world’ thing for my Facebook status, just couldn’t resist :D .
    I hate girls like Melissa, they think all guys are dicks and all girls are angels. Why not get it into your thick skull that people in general are just lying, fake arseholes. That way you’ll get through life prepared, and hopefully not sexist.

  48. “My dick is huge.” I’ve that heard before, it always seems to be false. Like they don’t already know that I’m going to see it and know!

    I’m so glad my taxes pay for some chick’s iPhone. What can I say, I aim to please. (that was dripping with sarcasm, by the way)

  49. @ eenerbl I don’t get that, why would a guy who is planning to have sex with you lie about his dick size. Pretty obvious you’re going to find out the truth if it’s going that way. My policy is honesty throughout, even when I had to tell people I was a virgin(at 19 years of age, yes). Got no reason to lie.

  50. krasivaya_devushka

    I agree with Caution on this one! :)

  51. Well, I’m proud of my 3 inches…most women don’t like it any wider than that, right?

  52. Your Honor, to prove my argument that America is fucked, I present Nikki as exhibit A…I rest my case.

  53. @Caution- I’m with you, I really am, but “Why should any of the money I earn be used to pay for someone who’s uneducated, lazy and stupid? Her not being able to keep her legs together shouldn’t be rewarded with “free” money that comes out of MY paycheck.” Well, because sadly that “uneducated, lazy and stupid” person is going to bring children into this world that have done nothing to deserve a mother like that fucking piece of shit Nikki. Do you think that if Nikki had to choose between an iPhone and something her kids needed (but technically could survive without) that she’d give up the phone? You bet your ass she wouldn’t.It’s a fucked up system, I know. BNut it’s what we’ve got and the mother (and human) in me just wants those poor babies taken care of and I truly don’t care who the fuck has to pay for it. They shouldn’t be the ones to suffer.

  54. BNut. Haha. I wonder if that was a Freudian slip. I guess I’ll never know.

  55. i noticed the double negative as well. we’re a bunch of oldsters.

  56. I’ve never told any of those lies either. But why is it important if a man’s car is in the shop or not? and how would a guy think that would be something a girl would even care about? and why does she care about if her man’s car is in the shop?
    “Hey baby baby baby, my car is in the shop. Can I buy you a drink?”

  57. A lot of what Melissa said was just wrong and weird, but I like to imagine her finishing the line about men’s claims of size, then stepping away from the keyboard to snap on her push-up bra.

  58. lol Nikki needs a kick in the c**t

  59. Nikki is a stupid little b***h.

    Also Melissa, why would you put the ass eaten out thing? I seriously don’t like it, I mean… from all the other shit men do and lie about it you had to pick the ass thing? Really… there’s so much more material like:

    1. I watched porn before but I don’t find it that arousing, I don’t know what the big deal is.
    2. I wasn’t looking at that girl, I actually think she looks kinda funny that’s why I was looking.
    3. (while playing videogames and girlfriend is nagging about it) 10 more minutes love, I swear.
    4. Who’s Veronica Zemanova again? Never heard of her.
    5. Sex and the City was a good movie.
    6. Oh boy do I wish they made more Twilight movies so I can watch them all with you love.

    I’m actually quite fortunate that my girlfriend hates chick flicks, twilight, sex and the city and all that crap, but still those 2 are way fucking better than “Oh yeah I don’t like my ass eaten out” while you actually do. Honestly, who lies during sex? If anything you’d want your girlfriend to do whatever gets you off, be it ass licking, dressing up as sex slave Leia from Episode 6, or having your girlfriend prancing around dressed as a french maid while you sing “La Marseillaise”… I dunno, whatever floats your boat. I mean, it’s not like there’s any peer pressure or any guy around to say “Man she’s eating out your ass, that’s gay”… who cares?

    Also, why would you lie about having a big dick? She’s gonna find out eventually, might as well say you have an average looking one so you don’t get her hopes up and have her take her own conclusions. This just leads me to believe some guy picked up Melissa dropping the “I have a big dick” line, which apparently doesn’t only work in porn movies. Just shows the kinda chick she is.

  60. Melissa should become a lesbian if the only men she can get is small-dicked, and taken.

    I think Josh is 5% out of luck.

    I think you’ve all already said everything about Nikki except: LOL. What a catch.

  61. lialia
    No, I agree the kids shouldn’t be the ones to suffer, but we need stricter policies on what government money and even child support dollars can go toward.

    Someone on food stamps, receiving child support (and quite possibly welfare) shouldn’t be allowed to have something like an iPhone unless they can prove a NEED for it. If they can’t prove that somehow that the extra $440 spent the first year on that iPhone is more beneficial than a cheaper phone, then her government assistance should be lowered by $440 per year.

    This should go for all unnecessary purchases…pizza a couple times a week…fast food restaurants daily…all alcohol…these should all be included in unnecessary purchases.

    Food stamps should be STAMPS again, not something designed to look like a credit card to make people on them feel better about themselves. They should be only valid on staples again. Bread, milk, eggs, meat, fruits and vegetables. You should not be able to buy things like crab legs using food stamps (yes, that’s what people buy with them now)

    If someone really does fall on hard times and needs temporary assistance until they get back on their feet, they won’t mind these regulations, they’ll be happy with the help. The people who want to use public assistance as a way of life are going to be upset about it, but maybe it’ll encourage them to get off of it and go get a job.

    As for the child support, there’s no real way to regulate what it’s being spent on, and I completely understand that it can (and should) be used to pay for any number of things including utilities, rent or even a vehicle to shuttle the kids around if needed.

    However, whenever the person receiving child support finds out the father has a new job, they tend to run to the courts and demand a re-evaluation of the child support payments. Usually the payments are a percentage of what they payer makes…they assume when he/she gets a new job they make more and can therefore pay more. This should also be able to be turned around, when the payer finds out the payee just bought a new Cadillac SUV (while they’re driving a beat up Dodge), he/she should be able to go to court and have the payments re-evaluated to see if perhaps he/she is paying too much child support.

    I believe this will help discourage people (almost always female, but some males do receive child support now too) from being careless with sex and risking pregnancy. Accidents do happen, I understand that, but when the same person makes several mistakes with several different men, it becomes more and more difficult to feel empathy toward that person and you lose the desire to help them.

  62. Nice job Caution… That was well-said…

  63. Now you see why I actually try not to get in on conversations with this topic. I have so much to say about it that once I start it’s hard to stop.

  64. Okay, I just have to rant on this one because it’s eating me up inside. Nikki can go to hell for what she is doing. Call me crazy but I think that anybody who owns a cell phone at all does not need food stamps. Believe it or not, people have lived fairly comfortable lives for thousands of years without cell phones, the internet, or cars. Here is a statement that may have some people fainting: I’m 22 and until I went away to college, I did not have a cell phone! I used a landline (costs about $15/month) and if necessary, a pay phone (yes, those still exist). I honestly feel that anybody who owns a cell phone, computer, or car should not receive any government assistance at all. People think they are entitled to these things. All of the aforementioned items are LUXURIES! You do not deserve them unless you work for them and have the means to pay for them yourself. Anybody who thinks these items are necessary to live “in these modern times” should check out a library or a bus. In my mind, we are not entitled to anything that we do not work for. Three things are essential for survival: food, housing (which may actually be an apartment although everyone seems to think that they are entitled to their own house), and clothing. I have no problems with the government using my tax dollars to provide truly desperate people with these items. I am a generous person and I would never want people to suffer when I have the means to help them. But I do not want my money used for anything other than those 3 things! The problem with our society is that people feel that they are entitled to everything their neighbors have. We complain that we are in a recession and that the cost of living is too high; but it is only our perception that has changed in recent years. The “cost of living” now includes $90/month for cable and internet, $60/month for a cell phone, and $100/month for gas. These days, if a family can’t afford a computer, they are considered by the government to be “underprivileged.” Privileges are rewards you get for working hard; they are not rights! If Obama could get that concept through his head, we’d all be paying less taxes.

  65. Krazy Eyez Killa

    I don’t understand the ‘I’m only talking to you’ comment? What a clingy bitch. No wonder she’s single.

  66. I think the “I’m only talking to you” comment may be on electronic messages of some sort.

    I once dated a guy that, if I took too long (in his mind) to respond to his IM’s or text messages he’d start asking “Who else are you talking to?”

    I may be way off though, I keep forgetting that I’m old now. LOL

  67. Oh my, Nikki is surely living the dream.
    ps. @soup @malteaser love you guys!

  68. only talking to you= getting to know you, kicking it with you, dating you, etc….

  69. @67 – <3

  70. melissa forgot this one – “you’re cute”

  71. Ugh. Am I the only one utterly grossed out about the ass eating thing?

  72. AMEN, Caution. It reminds me of a news story I saw. This 50-something woman had lived in section 8 housing literally since birth. She said she worked for one year and that having a job is “a hardship” that she “wouldn’t wish on anyone.” The news part of the story was that she said she was being discriminated against because her flat screen TV they provided in the housing wasn’t plasma.

    Meanwhile, I worked 2-3 jobs at a time to put myself through college and law school, I live in a cramped apartment, and I feel guilty spending the money it takes to buy a new pair of sneakers (mine are falling apart), nevermind even thinking about things like TVs. People who use the system as a way to be lazy make me sick.

  73. I just love how she is being offered a perfectly good Blackberry but instead will go buy an iphone.

  74. keepitunscripted

    nikki, thanks for being a piece a shit.

  75. Perstephane I completely agree. It’s horrible that there are people like the one that story was about draining the system.

    The whole government assistance system was a wonderful idea when it was developed. Help people who are suffering financially due to a catastrophic event in their lives such as losing a spouse who was the bread winner, becoming severely ill and losing your job, becoming handicapped and being unable to continue in your current field, family emergencies that leave people jobless or even just seriously in debt. Even losing your job due to downsizing or any other uncontrollable loss. However, too many people have found ways to take advantage of it.

    I have no problem with the thought of helping people out who just need some time to get back on their feet. I’d have no problem knowing that my tax money is going to pay for food and rent for a single mother who’s 7 year old was diagnosed with leukemia and she can’t afford the doctors AND a place to live. Hell, I’d be HAPPY my money is going to someone who deserves and appreciates it. I’d even donate money to help people who were in a bad situation through no fault of their own and who would appreciate what they’re given.

    I actually have a friend who is blind. Not “just poor vision” but walks with a white cane blind, and was born that way. He had a job for a couple years doing computer programming but that job went over seas (big shocker there) He had a few interviews for jobs, but with the economy the way it is, he wasn’t hired. When his savings was about to run out he tried to get public assistance or get back on SSI. When he tried to tell them he was blind, they insisted he go to a doctor to be examined and have the doctor submit the results. Funny, three years earlier they knew he was blind, do they think he had some miraculous eye-transplant?

    Why is it that some bimbo who just doesn’t want to work can complain that her big-screen TV isn’t plasma, but someone who has never, in his life, been able to see has to jump through hoops to get help?

  76. Caution, if you think YOU are frustrated by who gets it verses who doesn’t, you wouldn’t believe how sick that crap makes the case workers who have to deal with it everyday. Don’t get me wrong – there ARE deserving folks getting their TEMPORARY assistance. I was one myself for two years after a divorce while I went to school. I am all for feeding the needy. But I am also for jailing the greedy and kicking them to the curb.

    After college, I went to work for the welfare department for fourteen years and promoted all the way up to the fraud department (AWESOME job!!!!) and then when I relocated to be nearer to family I went to work for child support (3 years now).

    Nikki – please consider just getting a decent reliable phone that does NOT need an extra $30 a month for a data package, and save that extra money each month to buy your kid(s) some new shoes, healthier food (as we all know the healthy stuff does cost more than the garbage stuff), school clothes, or to take them to the dollar theater for some family time. If you want I’m-A-Princess extra’s and frills for YOU, get a job. If you have a job, get a better job.

    *rant over*

  77. A few thoughts…

    1. Isn’t it actually more disgusting that Melissa is upset that her guy lied to her about not wanting his ass eaten? If my significant other told me they didn’t when they really did, they would be on my Christmas list forever…

    2. I also took dude’s as a joke. Since he starts off talking about how often he screws up, the second part is pointing out… forget it. I thought it was funny.

    3. I love how several people on here seem to think Nikki is going to log onto Lamebook, find her status comment, and read through the advice of people on the internet regarding her parenting techniques, all-the-while taking their words seriously. Is she a frustrating example of a mixed-up priority? Probably. Are the odds good that anything associated with a website dedicated to poking fun at flub-ups on facebook is going to put her on the right path to “Mom or the Year?” Less so.

  78. @Caution- Again, I’m with you, but I think you’re missing the point. You’re preaching to the choir. We all know the system makes no sense. Everybody’s known that forever. Who could refute that? The point is, you take away Nikki’s food stamps and tell her to buy food instead of an iPhone with the support money and those kids aren’t going to get fed. You can’t buy an iPhone with foodstamps. Maybe you can buy crab legs, but at least the kids will eat. Either way your tax money is blown, whether it’s by Nikki or by the policing it would require to babysit these morons and their purchases. The whole system/society is a mess and nothing’s going to change. The uneducated and underpriviledged will continue to have kids they cannot support and cannot raise properly no matter how much of your tax money is or isn’t used to assist them. You’re ideas are great and all, but the real solution would be to confiscate Nikki’s kids. Then take her out back and shoot her. But that would take tax money, too. See, can’t win.

  79. lialia
    Yes and no, had someone taken her kids away from her when they were born, they could have easily found adoptive parents for them. Maybe they still could, depending how old they are. And a bullet is cheap compared to an iPhone.

  80. I love you, Caution. Please marry me immediately.

  81. Caution…I made a username just to tell you how right you are.

    Keep on being awesome.

  82. Thanks :)

    And to think I still have some people tell me I need to stop keeping my thoughts and feelings so bottled up…and not sarcastically. Maybe they just haven’t hit on the right subjects yet.

  83. I know I’m a bit behind, but I must say, Caution, you are quite right. I’ve had countless conversations about this exact kind of scenario. It is infuriating on many levels, one being that I’m a taxpayer making minimum wage and helping her get a new iPhone when I just bought a 2 year old, regular-ass phone off eBay. Secondly, this is the reason I hang my head in shame for my own gender. Stupid, stupid woman. All that’s left to do is *facepalm*… for the future of this world.

  84. @ Caution:

    I know the Lamebook comments section is not the ideal place for intellectual discourse, but I don’t think your last reply to lialia is accurate. There are thousands of children in American foster care systems who grow up never being adopted, plenty of them entering the system as babies just as cute as the ones adopted from private agencies here and overseas. It is a sad fact that there even though there is no shortage of childless families in this country, there is not some endless pool of loving, stable adoptive parents just waiting to take in these children. So… that isn’t really a viable solution or a productive comment.

  85. 1. Men lie, she’s right.
    2. Maybe she’s giving 105% LOL
    3. Didn’t have any relation to 1 & 2. WTF?
    I am “hoping” this wasn’t just another racist post by the lame-os at lamebook.

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