Melissa sounds like she understands the Lord’s message. Derek seems to be a filthy little hoodlum. Sounds to me that he needs to get less “up close and personal” with the harlots in his magazines and get “tighter” with the Lord. Were I his father, I’d send him to evening mass every night for 2 weeks (which he should be doing anyway).
Masturbation may not give you hairy palms like the old wives tale, but spilling your seed is every bit a sin as stealing a car.
dan so u neva wank? wankin anit actuly a sin is it if sumone dus it to get rid of secshal frustraton its a gud fing cos wat if they dint an then got so depryvd of se that they got relly crazy an despret an rapped sumone? surly wankin betta than that
@katypants – The Lord does not have a favorable view of masturbation (see Ezekiel). To masturbate is to have lust in your heart which is a sin. Of course, were you married and masturbating to the thought (or picture) of your husband, that would be less sinful.
That said, based on your earlier posts of engaging in drunken anal sex parties, I’m sure you do not care about sinning and you are simply trying to get a rise out of me.
Haha, What The Fargis, that’s good!
I suppose he’s ALLOWED to do it as much as he likes, but that doesn’t mean he should.
Perhaps he should concentrate on getting a girlfriend who can take over all the pleasure-giving, instead of staying indoors trying to accomplish it himself with his plastic, distant, lady-friend photos…
brad lern to cum up wiv sumfing origanal fuckaroon lik i anit herd that befor an like it bovvas me u wana tak me down ur guna hav ta be a bit mor intelajent than that my niece cums up wiv beta insults and she onli poped out 2 munfs ago
cocacola its also aparntly tru that if u fink of jesus wen makin luv to litle boys it anit a sin as ya doin it in the name of god they the morls dan was browt up wiv he lernt it from his preest the pope says its ok so it must be
I always get scared when people say they’ll pray for me. I like to think if by some miracle* there is a god to pray to I have managed to stay under his radar for this long by not asking for anything and drawing attention to myself.
*yes, I see the humor in using the word miracle while claiming there is no god.
yoink, I dunno. If it came down to a fight between you and him, I think I’d have to take his side. He’s got the power and wrath of God on his side, and you’ve just got your girlfriend and those six points on your drivers license.
personally, i’m so tired tonight, and have to get up early to meet my friend gregoire tomorrow in lincoln – i’m just not sure i can fit one in. but you know what they say – where there’s a will, there’s a way.
alord wat wud u rava do tho sat an listen to sumone preech to ya abowt wats rite or rong wen u no hes a lowlyf that fucks up peples lif foreva orstay at hom and chiiiiiiiiiiill i relise go owt on tha pis is also an opton but im doin the chil one looool
I may be a little late weighing in on this, but I don’t see how dan_fargis can possibly be real… it seems to me that someone of such avid Christian faith, who interprets the bible so literally, would not be frequenting sites like this one… I could be wrong, though.
Oh, and happy early birthday, yoink. I hope it’s a great one!!
Guys lamebook is gay I am normally just an observer but I registered just to say this, I have a guy on my facebook that I went to primary school with and i’m convinced he is yoink there’s far too many coincidences for it not to be. I actually submitted his status yesterday to lamebook to try and bring it to you guys attention but lamebook haven’t put it up. I commented on the status asking if he was yoink and he deleted the status. Firstly lamebook why haven’t you put it up? and secondly ‘yoink’ care to clear it up for me if it is in fact you?
@shelbyartois i hope you don’t mind, i’ve been reading lamebook posts for over half a year now, but i never felt the need to register – until i read your comment today, i knew i wanted that as my username. so here i am, hi guys. i love you all, the comments you guys leave are WAY funnier than anything lamebook’s ever posted.
Doesn’t matter anyway. Oliver mate I take your silence as confirmation that it is in fact you and along with the deleted status I take it you don’t want people knowing for some strange reason? You should you’re an undercover genius!
Also, to Gazza, it’s not that I don’t like yoink, I think he’s pretty funny. It just gets tiresome having the website becoming YoinkBook. It’s like that period where nobody would shutup about Ben all over again.
Oh I get you Britishhobo, from what I know of him he’s a pretty decent guy he can be annoying as hell but the sort of person you cant help but like, as I said I’ve not seen him since primary school though.
Aye, he does seem pretty funny.
Just starting to wonder what Soup, ee, etc are getting up to… seen word around but the whole ‘gang’ seems to be coming on less and less (slim seems to have disappeared completely )… and the yoink worship going up and up…
Just a thought, is dan_fargis still at evening mass? Lasts a while, doesn’t it…
He doesn’t update his status often at all krasivaya_devushka and I guess it could be something ‘big’ I guess it was: “Oliver … is propa pissed of at the fuckin pigs givin me a spedin tickt so i cant go see my gracey tonite il cut of there fuckin snowts! pigs”
I would love to see that, for someone who talks/types so ….. crudely he really does have some very sophisticated and intelligent views and the way he puts them across makes it hard to take them seriously sometimes but also gives them comedic value.
an fink british meens wiv dan bein homifobic an religus but that was alord he sed he wanted frow a javlin at him an i sed make it in tha shape of a giyant cock so at his funral they say he dyed bein pentrated by a giyant cock. Tht was alords ideer relly not mine.
Hi. Long time reader, first time poster. Am I the only one who thinks Fargis is an atheist on a mission to make bible bangers seem even more annoying. I commend you and wish you well on your mission, brother Fargis.
hi, as an experienced nurse, i’d just like to point out that if a man does not somehow release sexual tension (be it during sex or in masturbation) the following (bad) things happen. research them, they are very real.
1. sperm do not live forever inside the body. they die. new sperm is made to replace the old ones. the old ones (the dead ones) need to be ‘released’ from the testicles somehow. if a man does not masturbate or have sex, then he will simply have wet dreams. a wet dream is the body’s way of getting rid of excess sperm. that is why so many teenage boys have wet dreams- they make so much sperm. it has to go somewhere.
2. it is believed, and there are studies to prove it, that a man who masturbates/ has sex several times a month has a HIGHER sperm count then one who doesn’t ever have sex. it’s believed to have something to do with hormones. if you never have sex, your body is not prepared for it when it happens. however, having sex every day is also not the answer- sperm count again drops as body can’t keep up with production. so be sensible boys
3. i have a little link to an article here that proves my last point. men who masturbate or have sex frequently have a REDUCED risk of prostate cancer. again this is believed to be because you are assisting the body to free itself of dead sperm and to make new healthy sperm, rather than forcing your body to expul dead sperm in wet dreams.
oh and Fargis. one doesn’t need to die to go to hell. cancer patients, dementia patients, people with chronic health issues, rape and abuse victims, people kept in concentration camps or other horrible prisons for no reason- that is hell on earth. go and look after those people and stop preaching.
@dan – fuck off, seriously, I have no problem with people having faith but do not try to preach to others, like your seriously going to convert anyone who visits this site, if god didn’t want us to masterbate he would have given us hooves, that said horses still rub one off, does god dislike that?
Don’t worry BritishHobo. Dan will be going to confession later to repent on his sin, it’s all ok, but that was hilarious. Totally makes ‘cherchgooers’ even more hilarious! That is one of my new favourite words.
And GazzaT, you got to learn to respect other people’s privacy. It may be only a first name and a status update, but that makes you one hell of a fuckaroon. I realize you didn’t mean any disrespect, but think about the big picture first, it’s not really -your- business to begin with. Also, I can’t believe I nearly read all the comments… At some point, I was just breezing through the comments for specific posters to make it quicker.
nuff I do see what you’re saying but read what you wrote then have a look at the site you’re writing it on. Every single post (save for the few that people submit themselves) is ‘Disrespecting other peoples privacy. It may only be a first name and a status update but that makes you (and everyone that submits and laughs at any post on this site)one hell of a fuckaroon.’ in actuality.
ijkl0marissa, there is actually a way to post under someone else’s name, as proven in the ‘BritishHobo’s a bellend’ experiement I once performed on a Lamebook post… somewhere… back when Ben was whining that that people were posting as him. Maybe I’ll find it someday. Doubt it though.
in just 24 hours the LB world is on it’s head…Dan knocks one out, GazzaT states that we are all, in essence, in the great big wobbley dangle-low of things, merely fuckaroons performing in life’s lamebook…and Word suggests that Yoink may be a secret mensa member.
This whole penis, sperm, wank, jizz, dribble comment thread must surely be cuming to a climax by now?
@Alordslums this will sound weird but a good way of keeping cool is if you spread toothpaste on your wrists, really cools you down, as I said I know it sounds strange but give it a try you’ll be cool in no time.
You make a good point, I suppose the angle I was looking at is that it’s a bit more personal when you out a regular commenter on here, and start mentioning other parts of their personal life and the names of gf’s and such. But I will agree, that was a pretty fuckaroonie thing of me to say, though I thought what you did was just a little bit over that fine line. If I could share a brew with you and cheers, I would and say ‘that’s that.’ Though, it might be a bit more respectful to refer to yoink as yoink.
Now, I need to go wet my lips with that there elixir of the gods known as beer and go back out for the rest of the night. Cheerio folks.
Heatstroke can be very unpleasant, and dangerous. I’m not sure coke cans are going to save you, alord. Don’t you have something better laying around to cool you down? And as for toothpaste, GazzaT, I don’t think so.
@Nuff fair enough I know what you were saying and I do take your point, Yeah I should refer to him as yoink it’s just in my head i’m now saying his real name and typed it without thinking a few times, I won’t be sticking round long as a commenter anyway I’m nowhere near interesting or funny enough, I will soon go back to observing from the sidelines and leave that to all the regular commenters that are funny and interesting.
GazzT, I was never asked to go get the colgate tartar control when working in emergency, it was more like ice packs and IV fluids, but maybe the medical profession has it all wrong. I will be sure to pass on your treatment advice to my medical colleagues.
exactly. Now all we need is a legitimate medical use for Listerine (apart from drinking a bottle an’ claiming that’s the reason you’re over the drink driving limit) and we’re on the way to a nobel prize.
lol, since it seems fargis was joking then i’ll have to say: that was very well done.
seriously though, i do know people with those exact beliefs in real life. scary, scary people. do you know there are several cultures in the world that cut off parts of the womans vagina and sew the vagina closed simply because it makes future sex completely painful and unenjoyable? why? it stops the woman from having sex. oh, at least until her husband gets to her..
seriously hoping god doesn’t actually condone that.
if someone had listened to humbert heatstroke’s awesome joke, i think this thread might have had the legs to last the few hours until the ambulance comes, and kept my spirits up. but it’s really run out of steam, and i’m flagging…
Which is insane as at the lower end of the supermarkts, booze is cheaper than methalated spirits. I once worked for a guy who cheerfully admitted to drinking it…but then he did hum ‘la marseillaise’ whilst staring at an excel spreadsheet all day…
I would shit in your coffee and call you a cock whistle. No offense to you, just your alter-ego.
I’ve probably done the same, but that’s your own business to share that information. If someone were going to try and figure out who I am, by all means, though I would only tolerate so much before I find where they live and leave a steaming pile of burning shit on their welcome mat. That, and I haven’t had a good chance to use my paintball gun this season yet, just been too busy you know?
Excessive, by all means, but it would be so much fun… and deterring.
Haha I’m actually loving the conspiracy theory that I’m yoink I really wish I was but can say I’m not and if lamebook hadn’t have been well… lame and decided not to post my submission then you would all know that but hey believe what you want, I’m actually thrilled to be mistaken for him. lol
Also as I said in a previous post I’m not cut out to be a commenter, I will go back to observing other people being funny, witty and smart so this will be my last post. Stay classy.
I for one happen to enjoy the anonymity of Lamebook and would like it to stay that way. If you want to put YOUR personal information out there then that is for you to decide. But I do ask that you leave other people out of it.
Wow…Listen at me being nice for a change. I’m not so sure I like it. I will now go back to being a ruthless prick who demeans everyone else to make myself feel better about my tiny penis.
I know that nobody would be able to figure out who I am because 99% of everything I say is a lie.
But seriously, it isn’t acceptable to call somebody out on their real life identity. I mean I don’t actually even bother reading Yoink’s posts because I don’t have tons of free time, but it seems he has developed a following and he could get some real life stockers.
@ Hobo: This is the time for many birthdays. I along with my best friend had our birthday Friday, along with a few other people I know. There is also a few other people I know with a birthday very close to this time.
Walter, I’m confused that you said we should not bring up people’s private lives and then you meentioned yoink’s girlfriend. I’m not being like, rude or anything, I hope I don’t sound like I am, but I think mentioning her annoyed him before when Gazza did it, so maybe we shouldn’t do it. I dunno, I just agree with keeping people’s private live’s off here. I don’t want another one-armed girl situation going down.
hobo – how can you not want another one-armed wonder? best thing i’ve ever seen on this site, possibly in my life (and my life does have some sparkly bits in between the white noise and static crackle).
also, walter could pass for a very drunk yoink. hesaidwhat is definitely not yoink.
wateva hesaidwat a be an electric fenc a electric pencal sharpna anyfing that teeches u u anit gettin ya dick nowhere neer my gf an that u got no rite to evan menshon her name an yea i used gareths name he used mine so y cant i his
Well yoink, I have grown to like you for some strange odd reason. So I will leave your “gf” alone. I understand why you are so upset with Gazza, the thing I love the most about this website is the anonymity of everything. I would be very upset myself if somebody came on here saying who I am, and there is a few of them out there that know who I am.
By the way, I love the pencil sharpener bit…that one was pretty good.
Then you already have one up on him. I’m not trying to overstep my boundaries here, but from what he is saying you should be proud. Man I get the same thing all the time, you have to take it with a grain of salt and enjoy the fact that you have something that everybody wants! I am not the best looking guy but somehow I manage to get some beautiful women come knocking on my door. So I always end up seeing someone “check out”, “hit on”, and also have them told they deserve better than me. But you know what? They always leave with me at the end of the night.
Yeh ur rite its just sumtyms i worri a bit cus i fink wat the hell is my gf doin wiv me i anit nuffin speshal an she is it dunt mak sence to me so thats y im a bit parnoyd bowt it an dunt like peple sain stuf
That is the last thing you should do. Everyone is special in their own way. It is not one in a million or one in a billion. There is to many people for that to fly. You are just one of a kind and she likes you for you. I will tell you one thing you have on your side and it is defiantly humour.
There are two things you can do to get to a real woman’s heart.
1: Make them laugh.
2: Is through their stomach.
Big penis is just a plus. Even if you have one you still have to learn how to use it.
That is very true yoink, I went out with this guy who was constantly talking about how he was punching above his weight and was completely paranoid about every guy that looked in my vague direction, so eventually I got sick of it and got rid of him.
yeh dats y i dunt say it much jus try make her no how lucki i no i am an my ex gf was oposit fing i liked her an that but want as much an she wanted me there al the tym an wanned to no wat i was doin al the tym i jus got fed up wiv it in the end so am carful not to do same
Yeah, jealousy will make you lose those closest to you. Don’t let that destroy your relationship.
@ Beatrix: Just curious, how do you punch above your weight? Also, I imagine this guy having “little man’s syndrome.” You know, the ones who are five foot four inches and ready to jump the first guy that is three inches taller than him.
Poor kid. A lot of kids can’t have facebook unless their parents are on their facebook. Parents rules and all that. This kid needs better, smarter friends who know better than to post about something that will get the kid in more trouble! As for the mom, she needs to take a chill pill. Why punish a kid for porn mags? Two weeks for that? Please, what a joke! Good thing they cross out names on here, or she’d be getting the third degree from me!
@He said, Have you never heard that term before? Maybe it is an Aussie thing. It is an analogy, borrowed from the boxing ring, referring to a couple where one member of the partnership is more attractive than the other, the lesser attractive one being the one fighting (literally or figuratively) at a level above what they could be expected to.
No he didn’t have little man syndrome, he was over six feet tall, however his other inadequacies probably led to his insecurity.
@HeSaidWhat: I’d be finding a better class of friends, then. I have no time for people who try to make trouble for me. But then, I’m speaking from 30 years of experience… and maybe that explains why I never had that many friends as a kid.
It all depends on how you were raised. He felt like he HAD to do that because that is all he knows. Which is sad because that poor soul will never know empathy. I am sorry you had to deal with his inadequacies. He is one of the ones who obviously couldn’t learn from them.
Gazzat has narcissistic personality disorder. He is entrenched in cyber-world and he has been insulted many times by anonymous people. Gazza sees lamebook commenters as the epitome of people with an ignorance that causes them to think they are better than him.
Gazza has created Yoink to enact some sort of revenge on his perceived insults. He laughs to himself at how so many people have been fooled by his character and hoe they think they are smarter than him. He tells himself he is superior, that they are fools, and this knowledge makes gazza feel better about himself.
Gazza has emerged in these comments to obtain some attention for his real self. But he enjoys the attention and the feedback he receives as Yoinks more than as his real self and so he pretends to acknowledge an inferiority to other commenters and to Yoinks himself and return to a dark corner.
Gazza can promise that he won’t reveal yoink’s real identity because he knows yoinks has no real identity.
@ Clover: I have, there is one person that I still hang out with from school. He was always the one sitting next to me saying “Damn, we fucked up!” I have changed quite a bit throughout the years and I imagine I am not done yet. There is no more time for trouble anymore between being a single parent and holding down a 40-50 hour a week job.