Friday, July 2, 2010

Screwed

previous post: More & More PROblems

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284 Comments

  1. How about adding three more weeks for being dumbfuck enough to not block Mom from seeing your updates?

  2. Oh boy, that sucks. Back to the old imagination I suppose…

  3. Melissa sounds like she understands the Lord’s message. Derek seems to be a filthy little hoodlum. Sounds to me that he needs to get less “up close and personal” with the harlots in his magazines and get “tighter” with the Lord. Were I his father, I’d send him to evening mass every night for 2 weeks (which he should be doing anyway).

    Masturbation may not give you hairy palms like the old wives tale, but spilling your seed is every bit a sin as stealing a car.

  4. Weeeeeeeeee!

  5. So, Dan, it’s a sin for a man to masterbate and “spill his seed”, but what about me? Can I masterbate, sin free?

  6. My new WTF = What The Fargis?!

  7. scottishstereotype

    Awww man now I feel like i should find a church and pray

  8. @Dan_Fargis…

    You have GOT to be kidding me. I’m so happy my dad isn’t like you, but instead smoked pot and drank; at least I turned out cool.

  9. dan so u neva wank? wankin anit actuly a sin is it if sumone dus it to get rid of secshal frustraton its a gud fing cos wat if they dint an then got so depryvd of se that they got relly crazy an despret an rapped sumone? surly wankin betta than that

  10. So basically Derek stays inside and jerks off to Internet porn and nudie magazines.

    Grounded? How can you ground someone who never leaves his room?

  11. @katypants – The Lord does not have a favorable view of masturbation (see Ezekiel). To masturbate is to have lust in your heart which is a sin. Of course, were you married and masturbating to the thought (or picture) of your husband, that would be less sinful.

    That said, based on your earlier posts of engaging in drunken anal sex parties, I’m sure you do not care about sinning and you are simply trying to get a rise out of me.

    I will pray for you tonight at evening mass.

  12. Derek fails for having his mom as a friend on facebook, he deserves the grounding for that reason alone…

    oh, and lol @ “What The Fargis”

  13. I know many people have said this, but… yoink, you’re amazing.

  14. an ys tha fing al criscrosd?

  15. fanks karate

  16. @yoink

    learn to spell moron

  17. lol
    lol
    lol
    lol

    Anal sex parties

    lol
    lol
    lol
    lol

    I am seriously dying over here.

    Too funny.

    LoL

    @Yoink: I would love to see someone get “rapped”. Is that the term for an MC battle?

    Ahahahahahahaha

  18. Haha, What The Fargis, that’s good!
    I suppose he’s ALLOWED to do it as much as he likes, but that doesn’t mean he should.
    Perhaps he should concentrate on getting a girlfriend who can take over all the pleasure-giving, instead of staying indoors trying to accomplish it himself with his plastic, distant, lady-friend photos…

  19. brad lern to cum up wiv sumfing origanal fuckaroon lik i anit herd that befor an like it bovvas me u wana tak me down ur guna hav ta be a bit mor intelajent than that my niece cums up wiv beta insults and she onli poped out 2 munfs ago

  20. haha, oh yoink, you make me smile and for that i thank you:)

  21. glad i can b of servis

  22. dan_fargis_is_a_fag

    Wow… Never been inclined to post a comment, but the obvious poster had made me go and do it, and yoink has inspired me, too… Cracking me up!!

    Does anyone else belive that dan_fargis is not everything he purports to be, but is simply trying to get a rise out of people and has found the right medium?!

  23. Dear dan_fargis,

    is it true that if I think about Jesus while masturbating,it is not a sin? If it is true, give me a link to some jesusporn.

  24. KatyPants I will pray too.

    Pray that there are more girls like you in my neighbourhood.

  25. yoink: When I read your posts the voice in my head makes you sound like a scouser.

  26. cocacola its also aparntly tru that if u fink of jesus wen makin luv to litle boys it anit a sin as ya doin it in the name of god they the morls dan was browt up wiv he lernt it from his preest the pope says its ok so it must be

  27. errr cynic i anit no fuckin scowca they sound lyk they got flem

  28. Lapis Lazuli Long

    very good point yoink. Also, I was surprised to see you spelt niece correctly. I have a hard time with that one for some reason.

  29. yoink: I have no idea if you’re serious or not, but either way, I always seem to crack up at your posts, and for that, I thank you. :)

  30. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Yoink rules.

    On the same note, “Melissa sounds like she understands the Lord’s message” made me lol for some reason. Dan Fargis is really starting to have a pool.

  31. yeah lapis i luv my niece so woodnt faget that one looooool

  32. yeah lapis i luv my niece so woodnt foget that one looooool

  33. This is amusing, and I agree, Derek’s an idiot for letting his mom see that status.

    Yoink is funny.

  34. CommentsAtLarge

    “What the Fargis” is amazing.

    I’m going to use that offline and no one will understand me, but it will still be totally worth it.

  35. Save Fargis! Oh Dan, you’re all religion and no spirituality. I wish you understood “the Lord’s message.” Sad that you called Derek a “Filthy little hoodlum.” Jesus totally wouldn’t have done that.

  36. Dan, will you pray for me at evening mass? I knocked ne out just before reading your comment, but now you’ve worried me.

  37. i relly dunt like dan evryone seems to now but hes a propa dikhed i dunt like cherchgooers espeshly lik him wen they fink they betta than u

  38. YorkshirebornNBread

    @ yoink have you got some kind of language converter running? like the microsoft word for northerners that we use up here?

    http://www.uktfs.co.uk/manuals/humour/wordfornortherners.pdf

    @ Mr Fargis…dude, you’re insane, the good lord loves those who love themselves…and I can’t think of a more direct way of loving yorself than having a damn good WANK!

  39. Lapis Lazuli Long

    I always get scared when people say they’ll pray for me. I like to think if by some miracle* there is a god to pray to I have managed to stay under his radar for this long by not asking for anything and drawing attention to myself.

    *yes, I see the humor in using the word miracle while claiming there is no god.

  40. krasivaya_devushka

    Yoink, you are hilarious!
    Especially in your comment #19!

  41. yoink, I dunno. If it came down to a fight between you and him, I think I’d have to take his side. He’s got the power and wrath of God on his side, and you’ve just got your girlfriend and those six points on your drivers license.

  42. na mate i anit but im from yorkshire dude

  43. Nothing personal, I just wouldn’t rate your chances after pissing off God.

  44. A big part of me still believes that dan_fargis is a mean and persistent overgrown troll. Hopeless optimism, probably.

  45. he anit got the wraf of god british he just got yeers of bittaness abowt bein mowlested as a alta boy

  46. dan, enjoy evening mass.

    personally, i’m so tired tonight, and have to get up early to meet my friend gregoire tomorrow in lincoln – i’m just not sure i can fit one in. but you know what they say – where there’s a will, there’s a way.

  47. YorkshirebornNBread

    hey dan, what about it??? were you an alter boy? more importantly what happens if you’re in a stolen car and you have a wank? is that a direct highway to hell?

  48. alord wat wud u rava do tho sat an listen to sumone preech to ya abowt wats rite or rong wen u no hes a lowlyf that fucks up peples lif foreva orstay at hom and chiiiiiiiiiiill i relise go owt on tha pis is also an opton but im doin the chil one looool

  49. got nit owt tomora for my birfday :)

  50. nit owt? Was that an operation?

  51. i almost never use caps, but, YOINK’S BIRFDAY TOMORA.

    i vote yoinkinese for all – perhaps further yoink themes.
    maybe even the lamebook guys can get in on this one somehow…?

    suggestions?

  52. I may be a little late weighing in on this, but I don’t see how dan_fargis can possibly be real… it seems to me that someone of such avid Christian faith, who interprets the bible so literally, would not be frequenting sites like this one… I could be wrong, though.

    Oh, and happy early birthday, yoink. I hope it’s a great one!!

  53. Think I might just take a day off Lamebook and hide in the bath under a mattress. That way he can’t get to me.

  54. YorkshirebornNBread

    problem is if Yoink is out on t’piss tomorrow he’ll be in no condition to read your tribute.

  55. YorkshirebornNBread

    and yeah, have a good one yoink!

  56. loooool anit my birfday tomora alord its tuesday

  57. fanks yorkshire

  58. guna b old tho looooooool

  59. #50 .. I think you may be on to something there :O

  60. fuckmustard i luv ya name

  61. Thanks yoink, and happy early birthday! :)

  62. Guys lamebook is gay I am normally just an observer but I registered just to say this, I have a guy on my facebook that I went to primary school with and i’m convinced he is yoink there’s far too many coincidences for it not to be. I actually submitted his status yesterday to lamebook to try and bring it to you guys attention but lamebook haven’t put it up. I commented on the status asking if he was yoink and he deleted the status. Firstly lamebook why haven’t you put it up? and secondly ‘yoink’ care to clear it up for me if it is in fact you?

  63. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    YOINK RULES.

  64. haha ‘guys lamebook is guy’ – stroke of rhetorical genius. the ne plus ultra of exordia!

  65. alord what do you mean? ‘yoink’ i’m waiting for your reply!

  66. So why does it matter if yoink is the guy on your fb ?

  67. because I want to know if I know yoink! or knew him anyway.

  68. oh, ok gotcha.

  69. @shelbyartois i hope you don’t mind, i’ve been reading lamebook posts for over half a year now, but i never felt the need to register – until i read your comment today, i knew i wanted that as my username. so here i am, hi guys. i love you all, the comments you guys leave are WAY funnier than anything lamebook’s ever posted.

  70. The coincidences are ridiculous if it’s not. He’s got the same birthday, from hull, is sickening with his girlfriend and the status was about speeding ticket.

  71. oh and talks exactly like yoink including the ‘anit’.

  72. What the Fargis?!?!?ROFLMAO!

    If I read yoinks posts and think of the Gumby brothers, it all makes perfect sense!

  73. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    And he also makes your ball tingle GazzaT? I suggest you get yourself a pool.

  74. makes my ball tingle? get myself a pool?

  75. Doesn’t matter anyway. Oliver mate I take your silence as confirmation that it is in fact you and along with the deleted status I take it you don’t want people knowing for some strange reason? You should you’re an undercover genius!

  76. oooh, there’s the delicious chance that gazza could reveal to everyone who yoink is……

    but that would ruin things…

    wouldn’t it?

    if we found out who yoink was, he’d suddenly have 500 more facebook friends! he’d have a thousand comments per status update!

  77. I like not knowing who yoinks is, it adds mystery ;)

  78. Thank Christ, if GazzaT reveals who yoink is, maybe the comments pages will go back to NOT being eighty hundred billion comments about yoink.

  79. I don’t think he wants people to know who he is, I’m 100% sure it actually is him but I wouldn’t reveal him completely to everyone as if he wanted that he’d do it himself.

  80. Do you not like yoink Britishhobo?

  81. krasivaya_devushka

    Why would you want to reveal who he is? I don’t see anyone on here stating their real name or giving out their FB page.

  82. …and going back to people commenting on the acerbic comedy stylings of britishhobo?

    hehe ;)

  83. krasivaya_devushka

    Aww BritishHobo wants all the attention to himself. :)

  84. Krasivaya-devushka read back comment 77 I said I WOULDN’T reveal who he is, that wouldn’t be fair.

  85. oh. and krasi – i don’t have facebook, but my old link was to my flickr page – my new one is to a video – from there you can link to the band myspace and – shock horror – find out my real name!

  86. krasivaya_devushka

    Good, GazzaT! I didn’t see that comment! :)

  87. YorkshirebornNBread

    let the mystery lie people…

  88. And I only refered to his first name which really isn’t an uncommon name so therefore gives nothing away.

  89. alord: Of course. How it should be ;)

    Also, to Gazza, it’s not that I don’t like yoink, I think he’s pretty funny. It just gets tiresome having the website becoming YoinkBook. It’s like that period where nobody would shutup about Ben all over again.

  90. krasivaya_devushka

    @alordslums, I know, but you did all that yourself. It’s different when zomeone else comes on here and claims they know information about you.

    @GazzaT, yoink says he never posts statuses unless something big or important happens.
    The one that you submitted, was it something special? Haha

  91. Oh I get you Britishhobo, from what I know of him he’s a pretty decent guy he can be annoying as hell but the sort of person you cant help but like, as I said I’ve not seen him since primary school though.

  92. krasivaya_devushka

    Zomeone? I can’t type today..
    I meant to say someone*

  93. GazzaT is Frodo!

  94. Aye, he does seem pretty funny.
    Just starting to wonder what Soup, ee, etc are getting up to… seen word around but the whole ‘gang’ seems to be coming on less and less (slim seems to have disappeared completely :( )… and the yoink worship going up and up…

    Just a thought, is dan_fargis still at evening mass? Lasts a while, doesn’t it…

  95. He doesn’t update his status often at all krasivaya_devushka and I guess it could be something ‘big’ I guess it was: “Oliver … is propa pissed of at the fuckin pigs givin me a spedin tickt so i cant go see my gracey tonite il cut of there fuckin snowts! pigs”

  96. YorkshirebornNBread

    praise the lord

  97. krasivaya_devushka

    Omg, that has to be him lol!

  98. krasivaya as I said I’m not going to give people his surname or facebook or anything like that.

  99. Exactly it can’t not be him! and actually from pictures I’d be pretty pissed off if I couldn’t do and see ‘his gracey’ too! lol

  100. xD
    I quite like this GazzaT fella.

  101. Yeah fanks for that gareth thats enuff now

  102. Well BritishHobo you are one the people that made me continue coming on this site :) I will worship you instead of yoink if ya like ;)

  103. Wow yoink is that an admission? :)

  104. You Got Doddified

    Astonishing how we’ve managed to embrace a person like yoink whose complete lack grammar and punctuation are a typical example of Lamebook’s own ‘TypOHs!’

    It’s like a merging of two cultures :)

  105. You Got Doddified

    Oh, and happy birthday to yoink [on my end it's his birthday anyway]

  106. No it’s not his birthday until tuesday you got doddified.

  107. krasivaya_devushka

    It’s ok yoink! We still love you the same. :)

  108. if u want gareth but dunt get y u had ta do that? it anit abowt me dunt care if peple no a bit abowt me but dunt say stuff bowt grace that anit fair

  109. I was complimenting her yoink you’ve got good taste!

  110. fanks then she is awsum :)

  111. You Got Doddified

    Oh dammit. Misread and mistyped; not going well :(

    Reckon yoink should have his own Youtube channel based on his personal opinions? Would actually love to hear him talk about religion xD

  112. Here, this Lamebook post’s funny, isn’t it? That Derek fella’s getting grounded an’ that…

  113. Good on you boy she looks like a keeper to me. ;)

  114. i said this yesterday dodd.

    a yoink personal opinions page.

    however i wouldn’t want our yoink to turn into a karl pilkington.

  115. Yeah britishhobo it is pretty funny, thanks for bringing it to my attention mate I got sidetracked. lol

  116. grace is wickid – she’s an top girl he always gos on about that – he just wishs shed be a bit more into porn, but u can’t complain reely yoink cos she’s safe an dunt watch twighlight!!!!

  117. alord, what’s wrong with old Karly Pilkboids? Love those guys… more the older stuff though.

  118. i could never let our yoink become a figure of fun… :-/

  119. I would love to see that, for someone who talks/types so ….. crudely he really does have some very sophisticated and intelligent views and the way he puts them across makes it hard to take them seriously sometimes but also gives them comedic value.

  120. Alord I have got to say for Grace she is a stunner! when yoink said he was lucky he wasn’t lying, cute little redhead, the boy done good. ;)

  121. I liked the one about the wooden penis.

  122. Alord you’ve actually grown quite protective of yoink haven’t you? lol

  123. Well apparently keyboards don’t work so well after a full cup of coffee is spilt on it. :( Please pardon any typing issues I may have.

  124. YorkshirebornNBread

    what wooden penis?

  125. Yeah i’m interested in the wooden penis too?

  126. Well not interested in it that came out wrong- Interested in the story behind it, I remember the chimney on a coffin for the dick is it that one?

  127. Dunt talk bowt grace like that gareth i dunt wanna get angry wiv ya so plees stop it an she anit a ginga u make it sownd like she is.

  128. YorkshirebornNBread

    oi hobo, you can’t throw wooden peni about and not respond…

  129. I didn’t say ginger Oliver, I said redhead, but ok sorry mate I’ll stop.

  130. fanks

  131. an fink british meens wiv dan bein homifobic an religus but that was alord he sed he wanted frow a javlin at him an i sed make it in tha shape of a giyant cock so at his funral they say he dyed bein pentrated by a giyant cock. Tht was alords ideer relly not mine.

  132. YorkshirebornNBread

    ah.
    ta for the clarification

  133. @GazzaT

    Hi Yoink

  134. I agree Dan Fargis! Stop masturbating in your bedroom, and get to church, and the Priest will get the poison out of you! It can’t be a sin if you’re masturbating wif da preest, canit?

    Holly shite I need subtitles!

  135. It has gotten to the point that I don’t really look at the posts any more, just down to the comments. Nobody can top yoink’s #129, so I won’t bother trying.

  136. This is the reason why middle schoolers should not be on Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg, you can suck a cucumber.

  137. I LOVE YOINK

  138. sucks to be derek.

  139. Hi. Long time reader, first time poster. Am I the only one who thinks Fargis is an atheist on a mission to make bible bangers seem even more annoying. I commend you and wish you well on your mission, brother Fargis.

  140. What Would Fargis Do, WWFD

  141. Can you pray for me tonight as well Fargis?
    Better make that twice.

  142. I like that the mom’s all “Grr, no Internets” when his update was via text.

  143. Yoink, I don’t believe you’re from Yorkshire. You wouldn’t be saying “ain’t”, you’d be saying “in’t” ;)

  144. Well Derek, no TV, no internet, and no porn mags. That’s a tough gig, but buddy, all is not lost, you still have the spank bank. Great for groundings and power outages.

  145. Walter Sobchak

    Thanks. Reading the lovefest in these comments made me vomit all over my new flatscreen computer monitor and my keyboard. I had lasagna for dinner.

  146. Fargis should try wanking sometime, might shorten the stick up his ass. C:

  147. oh dear, dear Fargis. please read….

    hi, as an experienced nurse, i’d just like to point out that if a man does not somehow release sexual tension (be it during sex or in masturbation) the following (bad) things happen. research them, they are very real.

    1. sperm do not live forever inside the body. they die. new sperm is made to replace the old ones. the old ones (the dead ones) need to be ‘released’ from the testicles somehow. if a man does not masturbate or have sex, then he will simply have wet dreams. a wet dream is the body’s way of getting rid of excess sperm. that is why so many teenage boys have wet dreams- they make so much sperm. it has to go somewhere.

    2. it is believed, and there are studies to prove it, that a man who masturbates/ has sex several times a month has a HIGHER sperm count then one who doesn’t ever have sex. it’s believed to have something to do with hormones. if you never have sex, your body is not prepared for it when it happens. however, having sex every day is also not the answer- sperm count again drops as body can’t keep up with production. so be sensible boys :P

    3. i have a little link to an article here that proves my last point. men who masturbate or have sex frequently have a REDUCED risk of prostate cancer. again this is believed to be because you are assisting the body to free itself of dead sperm and to make new healthy sperm, rather than forcing your body to expul dead sperm in wet dreams.

    link: http://menshealth.about.com/cs/prostatehealth/a/ejaculate_ptate.htm

    oh and Fargis. one doesn’t need to die to go to hell. cancer patients, dementia patients, people with chronic health issues, rape and abuse victims, people kept in concentration camps or other horrible prisons for no reason- that is hell on earth. go and look after those people and stop preaching.

  148. Dude, dan_fargis is trolling.

  149. Also, did I just use the word dude?

  150. I think when a woman’s body has a baby in it, the vagina thinks it should have a real long rest and prepare for some extrenuous work it’s going to have to do. And then there’s also lots of snoring.

    But a man’s body just still wants to go along planting seeds. And I can’t sleep either.

  151. dan_fargis makes me laugh a lot. Thanks dan.

  152. I just made myself vomit on my iPhone. :(

  153. @dan – fuck off, seriously, I have no problem with people having faith but do not try to preach to others, like your seriously going to convert anyone who visits this site, if god didn’t want us to masterbate he would have given us hooves, that said horses still rub one off, does god dislike that?

  154. I just knocked one out and it felt so good, please disregard any of my previous spiel.

  155. Ahahahaha, good job over the past few days, dan_fargis. You haven’t fooled me for a second. Love your work.

  156. Now all we need is yoink to reveal he’s a member of Mensa, and the world will be back on its axis again.

  157. Aw, I hope that’s someone else using dan_fargis’ name and not him giving it up, I was kinda getting to like his crazy Christian trollery.

  158. ^Hobo, only one person can sign up to a lamebook account name. I tried to be “yoinks translator” a while back, but someone had already taken it, and told me I couldn’t use it :/

  159. Don’t worry BritishHobo. Dan will be going to confession later to repent on his sin, it’s all ok, but that was hilarious. Totally makes ‘cherchgooers’ even more hilarious! That is one of my new favourite words.

    And GazzaT, you got to learn to respect other people’s privacy. It may be only a first name and a status update, but that makes you one hell of a fuckaroon. I realize you didn’t mean any disrespect, but think about the big picture first, it’s not really -your- business to begin with. Also, I can’t believe I nearly read all the comments… At some point, I was just breezing through the comments for specific posters to make it quicker.

  160. nuff I do see what you’re saying but read what you wrote then have a look at the site you’re writing it on. Every single post (save for the few that people submit themselves) is ‘Disrespecting other peoples privacy. It may only be a first name and a status update but that makes you (and everyone that submits and laughs at any post on this site)one hell of a fuckaroon.’ in actuality.

  161. ijkl0marissa, there is actually a way to post under someone else’s name, as proven in the ‘BritishHobo’s a bellend’ experiement I once performed on a Lamebook post… somewhere… back when Ben was whining that that people were posting as him. Maybe I’ll find it someday. Doubt it though.

  162. @154

    word.

  163. YorkshirebornNBread

    in just 24 hours the LB world is on it’s head…Dan knocks one out, GazzaT states that we are all, in essence, in the great big wobbley dangle-low of things, merely fuckaroons performing in life’s lamebook…and Word suggests that Yoink may be a secret mensa member.

    This whole penis, sperm, wank, jizz, dribble comment thread must surely be cuming to a climax by now?

    Lamebook, time for something new….

  164. @Dan and Somedude – did you pray for me? I hope you did… several times…

    And Dan, what if I was masterbating to the thought of Jesus and serving God? Is that sinful? What if that’s really what gets me off, and not spanking and restraints?

  165. Yorkshirebornnbread I wasn’t saying it like that I was really just pointing out that about me was being rather hypocritical if you consider what lamebook is all about.

  166. i’m home alone and with self diagnosed (and therefore questionable) heatstroke.

    i’m sitting on the living room floor typing with a coke can under each arm.

  167. krasivaya_devushka

    Wow, what’s going on here?

  168. Wonder how pissed oliver is by now? would love to see him drunk I’ll be keeping an eye out for drunk statuses on facebook. lol

  169. YorkshirebornNBread

    @ alordslums…are the coke cans open?

  170. YorkshirebornNBread

    @GazzaT I know mate, this place can get a little too sensitive sometimes

  171. Yorkshirebornnbread the world can be but that’s the fun of it.

  172. YorkshirebornNBread

    true.

  173. no they aren’t.

    one of them is now tucked in my groin. i pity whoever drinks it. i wish it’d been diet coke, then they’d've deserved it.

  174. YorkshirebornNBread

    at least the keyboard will stay dry…and seriously, that’s beyond the valley of good taste in keeping cool…

  175. yorkshire – it’s life or death.

  176. YorkshirebornNBread

    it will be for you when the next guy sniffs the can he’s drinking out of….

  177. @Alordslums this will sound weird but a good way of keeping cool is if you spread toothpaste on your wrists, really cools you down, as I said I know it sounds strange but give it a try you’ll be cool in no time.

  178. @158
    You make a good point, I suppose the angle I was looking at is that it’s a bit more personal when you out a regular commenter on here, and start mentioning other parts of their personal life and the names of gf’s and such. But I will agree, that was a pretty fuckaroonie thing of me to say, though I thought what you did was just a little bit over that fine line. If I could share a brew with you and cheers, I would and say ‘that’s that.’ Though, it might be a bit more respectful to refer to yoink as yoink.

    Now, I need to go wet my lips with that there elixir of the gods known as beer and go back out for the rest of the night. Cheerio folks.

  179. Heatstroke can be very unpleasant, and dangerous. I’m not sure coke cans are going to save you, alord. Don’t you have something better laying around to cool you down? And as for toothpaste, GazzaT, I don’t think so.

  180. @Nuff fair enough I know what you were saying and I do take your point, Yeah I should refer to him as yoink it’s just in my head i’m now saying his real name and typed it without thinking a few times, I won’t be sticking round long as a commenter anyway I’m nowhere near interesting or funny enough, I will soon go back to observing from the sidelines and leave that to all the regular commenters that are funny and interesting.

  181. @wordpervert as I said it does sound weird but it works wonders, try it and you will never look back, don’t try it and well… everything will remain the same I guess but whats the harm in trying?

  182. i think heatstroke has the potential to make me funnier in some way, so perhaps i should cherish my ailment and give it a name so it’ll feel wanted, and help me out a bit with my gags a bit.

    it’s worked for me before. who can forget the punchy one-liners that peter the pile used to write for me? or the sterling support i got from henry the herp-blister throughout my sellout uk tour?

  183. GazzT, I was never asked to go get the colgate tartar control when working in emergency, it was more like ice packs and IV fluids, but maybe the medical profession has it all wrong. I will be sure to pass on your treatment advice to my medical colleagues.

  184. krasivaya_devushka

    @GazzaT, stick around & comment! :)

  185. YorkshirebornNBread

    Word? what if it’s Mint flavour? that may have slipped under the ol’ medical radar..

  186. York, well I suppose it wouldn’t been the first time something did. We all know they can get it wrong at times. Gazza boy may onto a breakthrough there.

  187. YorkshirebornNBread

    exactly. Now all we need is a legitimate medical use for Listerine (apart from drinking a bottle an’ claiming that’s the reason you’re over the drink driving limit) and we’re on the way to a nobel prize.

  188. I have a picture of alord laying on the floor with coke cans in his pits and on his groin, and with toothpaste smeared on his wrists. Now that’s an attractive image.

  189. lol, since it seems fargis was joking then i’ll have to say: that was very well done. :D

    seriously though, i do know people with those exact beliefs in real life. scary, scary people. do you know there are several cultures in the world that cut off parts of the womans vagina and sew the vagina closed simply because it makes future sex completely painful and unenjoyable? why? it stops the woman from having sex. oh, at least until her husband gets to her..

    seriously hoping god doesn’t actually condone that.

  190. York, I feel the same way about methylated spirits.

  191. YorkshirebornNBread

    Word, doesn’t everyone?

  192. York, I’ve known people to drink it when they couldn’t get their hands on booze.

  193. if someone had listened to humbert heatstroke’s awesome joke, i think this thread might have had the legs to last the few hours until the ambulance comes, and kept my spirits up. but it’s really run out of steam, and i’m flagging…

  194. YorkshirebornNBread

    Which is insane as at the lower end of the supermarkts, booze is cheaper than methalated spirits. I once worked for a guy who cheerfully admitted to drinking it…but then he did hum ‘la marseillaise’ whilst staring at an excel spreadsheet all day…

  195. alord, apologies for not rocking your world, but if you’re that unwell, then it’s best you take that trip to the hospital.

  196. That’s quite amusing, York.

  197. YorkshirebornNBread

    He was a prime example of the dilbert principle…

  198. Now that’s funny.

  199. YorkshirebornNBread

    until the once a year appraisal, I have first hand experience of how to dumb down achievements lol.

  200. I hope Gazza sticks around, we could always use another body to draw attention away from my attempts at humour.

    And jesus christ, I hope llama’s comment doesn’t kick off a whole conversation, that was pretty grim, man :P

    In the absence of anything funny or of any actual worth to say, I will instead say goodnight, despite not previously being part of this conversation.

  201. Also, in the last few days with the sudden appearance of dan_fargis, yoink and GazzaT (who are all awesome, btw)… have any of us actually read the Lamebooks posts?

  202. YorkshirebornNBread

    @ BritishHobo someone tried at 110, but it was soon lost in the mele…
    Catch you guys later ;)

  203. CCBen

  204. does anyone notice that it said he sent it from a TEXT MESSAGE. the moms an idiot. he wasn’t on the internet haha

  205. @dearend…using facebook via cell phone certainly qualifies as accessing the internet in some way, shape, or form.
    I think derek’s the dweeb of the family, mom knows what time it is!

  206. i hope it doesn’t start a convo either :P

    let’s just say i was drunk and leave it at that. we come to lamebook for the funnies right? :D

  207. One down, one to go.

  208. I was relieved and distraught when I read anotherllama’s comment due to the fact I had rubbed three out by the time I got to the insanely long post.

    I am pretty sure i went to band camp with fargis.

    Why in the hell did I read all of those comments. I should of stayed at my porn site.

  209. Walter Sobchak

    I hate dan_fargis. Fucking quitter.

  210. Walter Sobchak

    Derek’s mom is a bitch. Was no magazines also part of the original punishment?

    Derek should steal some of his mom’s underwear and use them for clean up then let the bitch find them.

  211. Derek’s mum is a bitch. She needs a good seeing to to chill her out.

  212. I imagine by now she took his peanut butter and dog away too. Some people are just total cock masters. I’m sorry, that would be Derek. I should of said ass masters.

  213. @HeSaidWhat should OF would OF could OF

  214. dietpillpyramidscheme

    I have wondered if, like dearest Yoink here, I have incidentally posted enough information about myself on here, that a friend would be able to identify it as me.

    I gotta start dropping false hints to throw people off the trail.

    *Ahem*, how about that talented young band, Nickelback? I sure do enjoy listening to their songs…

  215. @ suzu

    he SAID should of!!

    -

    :D

  216. yoink = gazzaT

  217. gazzaT < yoink

  218. ok, ok, you got the conspiracy ball rolling.

    what would everyone say if i were to tell you i was dan_fargis…?

  219. @ suzu: But DIDN’T.

  220. @alordslums i’d believe you.

  221. @ alordslums: I would have to say “What The Fargis!?”

  222. Everyone stand and say, “I am Dan_fargicus.”

  223. @alordslums #216

    I would shit in your coffee and call you a cock whistle. No offense to you, just your alter-ego.

    @dietpillpyramidscheme

    I’ve probably done the same, but that’s your own business to share that information. If someone were going to try and figure out who I am, by all means, though I would only tolerate so much before I find where they live and leave a steaming pile of burning shit on their welcome mat. That, and I haven’t had a good chance to use my paintball gun this season yet, just been too busy you know?
    Excessive, by all means, but it would be so much fun… and deterring.

  224. Haha I’m actually loving the conspiracy theory that I’m yoink I really wish I was but can say I’m not and if lamebook hadn’t have been well… lame and decided not to post my submission then you would all know that but hey believe what you want, I’m actually thrilled to be mistaken for him. lol

    Also as I said in a previous post I’m not cut out to be a commenter, I will go back to observing other people being funny, witty and smart so this will be my last post. Stay classy.

  225. I for one happen to enjoy the anonymity of Lamebook and would like it to stay that way. If you want to put YOUR personal information out there then that is for you to decide. But I do ask that you leave other people out of it.

    Wow…Listen at me being nice for a change. I’m not so sure I like it. I will now go back to being a ruthless prick who demeans everyone else to make myself feel better about my tiny penis.

  226. Aw naw, I like GazzaT :( I hope he comes back… and that dan_fargis hasn’t given up.

  227. @fangora I know what you’re saying but I mean he obviously can send a text message update of his status. That’s not using the internet that’s using his cellphone.

    I don’t have the internet on my phone but I can send text messages to a certain number to upload a status.

  228. Two things…

    ee, if you’re out there, happy birthday baby! Have a great one.

    And the powerhouse that is the German football team is one step closer, and as much as I’m hot for that Spaniard, David Villa, it’ll be Germany all the way.

  229. CommentsAtLarge

    @the lovely and talented EE

    Happy Birthday! May your day be filled with fireworks (both literal and figurative).

  230. I’m just hot here in S.O. … both literally and figuratively… and as a full blood German ..yay!

  231. @ ee: Hope you’re having as much fun as I did Friday! Be safe!

  232. It’s ee’s birthday? Happy birthday ee :)

  233. Happy birthday, ee! Miss hearing from you amongst all the trollery.

  234. Walter Sobchak

    I know that nobody would be able to figure out who I am because 99% of everything I say is a lie.

    But seriously, it isn’t acceptable to call somebody out on their real life identity. I mean I don’t actually even bother reading Yoink’s posts because I don’t have tons of free time, but it seems he has developed a following and he could get some real life stockers.

  235. @ Hobo: This is the time for many birthdays. I along with my best friend had our birthday Friday, along with a few other people I know. There is also a few other people I know with a birthday very close to this time.

  236. I know what you’re saying Walter, I usually make it through the first three words and realize that I really don’t want my head to hurt from trying to decipher a dead language.

  237. Walter Sobchak

    Da chruf is iv ulredy bukd me flite to da norf uv England. Ferst ding to do is tak out dat ‘luuuuuuvly’ gracey.

  238. Das moost be dun. Gracey shull be iv da noo muve whist Walter und me. Aff two norf uv England.

  239. HeSaidWhat: Ah. Hope you had a good day. :)

    Walter, I’m confused that you said we should not bring up people’s private lives and then you meentioned yoink’s girlfriend. I’m not being like, rude or anything, I hope I don’t sound like I am, but I think mentioning her annoyed him before when Gazza did it, so maybe we shouldn’t do it. I dunno, I just agree with keeping people’s private live’s off here. I don’t want another one-armed girl situation going down.

  240. Well Hobo you called me on being a Hippocratic ass pole and for this I thank you. I did not realize what I was doing. Damn! It is difficult to be an ass hole with standards.

  241. Oh and thank you by the way.

  242. ‘hippocratic ass pole’ :D

    hobo – how can you not want another one-armed wonder? best thing i’ve ever seen on this site, possibly in my life (and my life does have some sparkly bits in between the white noise and static crackle).

    also, walter could pass for a very drunk yoink. hesaidwhat is definitely not yoink.

  243. ah fa fuck sayke dickswabs go take a piss agenst a beehive

  244. Walter Sobchak

    Hobo, I brought up Grace’s name as a part of my point and a part of my joke And if anybody reads this far into the comments they would have read it already anyway.

    Yoink’s best defense is to protect himself – he could have denied his identity. I’m not going to take on the responsibility of protecting somebody who I don’t even know is real anyway.

  245. wateva u say walter yeh i coulda deniyd it but wat wooda been the poynt? an i tel u now if i see gareth agen hes serusly guna find out how fuckin reel i am fuckin prick

  246. I prefer electric fences yoink. For some reason I get a charge out of them. I need to stop talking about it before I have to take a bathroom break.

  247. And uh…I’m not sure cause it is so damn hard to decipher this shit but did yoink just use a form of Gazza’s name?

  248. wateva hesaidwat a be an electric fenc a electric pencal sharpna anyfing that teeches u u anit gettin ya dick nowhere neer my gf an that u got no rite to evan menshon her name an yea i used gareths name he used mine so y cant i his

  249. Well yoink, I have grown to like you for some strange odd reason. So I will leave your “gf” alone. I understand why you are so upset with Gazza, the thing I love the most about this website is the anonymity of everything. I would be very upset myself if somebody came on here saying who I am, and there is a few of them out there that know who I am.

    By the way, I love the pencil sharpener bit…that one was pretty good.

  250. yeah i anit upset im pissed off an it not so much bowt me its bowt my gf dint like the fings he was sayin bowt her

  251. an i cant evan do the same bak to him cos hes singal

  252. Then you already have one up on him. I’m not trying to overstep my boundaries here, but from what he is saying you should be proud. Man I get the same thing all the time, you have to take it with a grain of salt and enjoy the fact that you have something that everybody wants! I am not the best looking guy but somehow I manage to get some beautiful women come knocking on my door. So I always end up seeing someone “check out”, “hit on”, and also have them told they deserve better than me. But you know what? They always leave with me at the end of the night.

    Don’t let their jealousy make you jealous.

  253. Well said Hesaid

  254. Yeh ur rite its just sumtyms i worri a bit cus i fink wat the hell is my gf doin wiv me i anit nuffin speshal an she is it dunt mak sence to me so thats y im a bit parnoyd bowt it an dunt like peple sain stuf

  255. That is the last thing you should do. Everyone is special in their own way. It is not one in a million or one in a billion. There is to many people for that to fly. You are just one of a kind and she likes you for you. I will tell you one thing you have on your side and it is defiantly humour.

    There are two things you can do to get to a real woman’s heart.

    1: Make them laugh.
    2: Is through their stomach.

    Big penis is just a plus. Even if you have one you still have to learn how to use it.

  256. yeh i gess fanks hesaidwat i no i gota stop worien so much bowt it cus i no fings like that u can make em a self fufilld profisy

  257. That is very true yoink, I went out with this guy who was constantly talking about how he was punching above his weight and was completely paranoid about every guy that looked in my vague direction, so eventually I got sick of it and got rid of him.

  258. Dan Fargis is my favourite troll. Well done, kiddo.

  259. yeh dats y i dunt say it much jus try make her no how lucki i no i am an my ex gf was oposit fing i liked her an that but want as much an she wanted me there al the tym an wanned to no wat i was doin al the tym i jus got fed up wiv it in the end so am carful not to do same

  260. Yeah, jealousy will make you lose those closest to you. Don’t let that destroy your relationship.

    @ Beatrix: Just curious, how do you punch above your weight? Also, I imagine this guy having “little man’s syndrome.” You know, the ones who are five foot four inches and ready to jump the first guy that is three inches taller than him.

  261. hahaaa fink hat y gaz tryna take me down cus he got short man sindrome loooool

  262. Poor kid. A lot of kids can’t have facebook unless their parents are on their facebook. Parents rules and all that. This kid needs better, smarter friends who know better than to post about something that will get the kid in more trouble! As for the mom, she needs to take a chill pill. Why punish a kid for porn mags? Two weeks for that? Please, what a joke! Good thing they cross out names on here, or she’d be getting the third degree from me!

  263. @ Clover: When I was younger we used to see who could get each other in trouble the most. This is typical for young children. I always lost this game because everybody had more on me than I did them.

  264. Hence the capitalization of “DUDE, WHAT ABOUT YOUR PORN HABIT?”

  265. @He said, Have you never heard that term before? Maybe it is an Aussie thing. It is an analogy, borrowed from the boxing ring, referring to a couple where one member of the partnership is more attractive than the other, the lesser attractive one being the one fighting (literally or figuratively) at a level above what they could be expected to.

    No he didn’t have little man syndrome, he was over six feet tall, however his other inadequacies probably led to his insecurity.

  266. @HeSaidWhat: I’d be finding a better class of friends, then. I have no time for people who try to make trouble for me. But then, I’m speaking from 30 years of experience… and maybe that explains why I never had that many friends as a kid. ;)

  267. It all depends on how you were raised. He felt like he HAD to do that because that is all he knows. Which is sad because that poor soul will never know empathy. I am sorry you had to deal with his inadequacies. He is one of the ones who obviously couldn’t learn from them.

  268. By inadequacies, I meant that he had “Small Penis Syndrome”

  269. ;) Like I said he couldn’t learn from them.

  270. Or overcome it either!

  271. I do have to say, I am very much enjoying this “Swim” advertisement that keeps popping up.

  272. It is better than the six dollar shirts guy!

  273. dietpillpyramidscheme

    271st!

    …I don’t have much more to add…

  274. Gazzat has narcissistic personality disorder. He is entrenched in cyber-world and he has been insulted many times by anonymous people. Gazza sees lamebook commenters as the epitome of people with an ignorance that causes them to think they are better than him.

    Gazza has created Yoink to enact some sort of revenge on his perceived insults. He laughs to himself at how so many people have been fooled by his character and hoe they think they are smarter than him. He tells himself he is superior, that they are fools, and this knowledge makes gazza feel better about himself.

    Gazza has emerged in these comments to obtain some attention for his real self. But he enjoys the attention and the feedback he receives as Yoinks more than as his real self and so he pretends to acknowledge an inferiority to other commenters and to Yoinks himself and return to a dark corner.

    Gazza can promise that he won’t reveal yoink’s real identity because he knows yoinks has no real identity.

  275. i know this is late but its weird how many birthdays are now .. my nans, my mums AND my birthday was last week :D and last week i posted happy birthday messages on 17 peoples wall, thats a lot lol

  276. oh and happy birthday ee, for yesterday or the day brfore or whatever, theres a big time difference over here lol

  277. Well Walter, that is a very elaborate explanation. Very convincing,a shot in the dark, though it does hold some light. I never thought I was better than him/her, but now that you mention it…

    If this really is the case, Gazza has more problems than just an inferiority complex.

  278. @ Clover: I have, there is one person that I still hang out with from school. He was always the one sitting next to me saying “Damn, we fucked up!” I have changed quite a bit throughout the years and I imagine I am not done yet. There is no more time for trouble anymore between being a single parent and holding down a 40-50 hour a week job.

  279. Whole lot of trollin’ going on around here lately…

  280. ‘go take a piss against a beehive’ is fucking awesome. I’m going to be using that a lot from now on.

  281. Lately??? There is always someone trolling in Lamebook.

  282. I thought the pencil sharpener was a pretty good one myself.

  283. @221 don’t you mean altar nuff?
    This is one funny ass, long conversation.

  284. Why would you ground for porn, the most natural thing for a young man?

    I would run away from that kind of parents.

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