Friday, October 2, 2009

Pollock’s Masterpiece

Pollocks Masterpiece

Pollocks Masterpiece

previous post: Sherry, Sherry, Quite Contrary

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284 Comments

  1. so how come when i added tommy as my friend and i looked at the original post bernie isnt there? this makes me sad.

  2. This is a AWESOME fucking post!!! I havent laughed so friggen hard at how stupid a girl could be U blatently warned her not to start and she did Kudos Buddy 🙂 Fucking hilarious however if i was in jades shoes ide prolly be mad too but everyone knows U DONT ADD ONE NIGHT STANDS TO FB especially if your a PHREAk between the sheets that ammo for situations like this LMAO too funny

  3. Tommy G looks like he’d be a great choker….I won’t use teeth or throw-up you sexy bitch!

  4. lol..he lives near me.

  5. This post makes me happy 🙂 <3 Thanks, Jade.

  6. Undeniable proof that christianity is good. But I would be concerned if I were Tommy. The phrase “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you” takes a whole new meaning when you are thinking of a girl who wants to get raped and thrown against a wall.
    But kudos to Tommy.

  7. C. Proseedcake KSC

    Thomas is a wanker from the original status onwards. He deserves no respect at all.

  8. C. Proseedcake KSC

    Also, a moderator should delete that photo link. There’s little point pixellating faces and names on this site if a guy can just link to an un-pixellated picture of someone he’s trying to ridicule.

  9. every bitch named Jade is a stripper and crazy

  10. Holy fuck, i registered just to say that this post has made my night. Jade = FAIL

  11. Those kids look like fucking trash. Oogly.

    And those eyelashes are fucking disgusting, Jade.

  12. What photo link? The whole conversation is a screen capture.

    1. Well, one commenter said they watched it go down in their feedm therefore it must be real. Not really. If Tommy is playing both Tommy and Jade, then he is duping all the rest of his friends who are posting as if the conversation were real, as they assume it must be, so the feed would be in “real time” without being authentic.

    2. It could be real, and her pic would still not be there depending on her privacy settings. The person taking the screen capture was not her friend and couldn’t see her pic.

    3. I think Tommy was pranking everyone, but it could be authentic. Who knows?

  13. C. Proseedcake KSC

    @Trammell: The photo link Tommy put in a comment on here.

  14. second 265. jennycore!

    lol i just wish the post continue… like season 2 of “crazy facebook chick~” they should film it into a movie!

  15. Eh, Tommy just seems like a cool guy making a dumb poston purpose for the sake of humor.

    Damn Jade, if I was a dude, and you tried to gnaw my Johnson, I’d bitch-slap you and knock the tar outta you. BJ right, and get a life, you Christian, you.

  16. Meyanna = little pussy 🙂

  17. That Thomas kid is a goddamn douche and a liar.
    I hated him as soon as i read his status but cheered for him when Jade couldn’t maintain her cool but it didn’t take me long to realize that there is no Jade…she does not exist.

    Thomas IS Jade and probably the creep serial killer from “Silence of the Lambs.”

    Eat a dick and choke on it Thomas, i hope you die.

  18. this shud be number 1!!!

  19. i think your quite cute Thommy… and still ripening nicely at that age… always remember for some reason or another… some ppl just have to judge and be arsholes… your humility and honesty is very refreshing 🙂

    And this is lamebook people!!!!!! Not Cluedo!!!! Or ‘spot the fake’….. idiots

  20. hahaha this just made my day!

  21. Serial Thriller

    @patch pumpkin and Pirate Bunny: Agreed. Don’t know who “Tucker Max” is, but I’ve known egotistical dipshits like Tommy-boy. That kind’a shit he spewed out at first, that inadvertantly goaded Jade into commenting, is the kind’a shit that makes me want to feed a fist down his esophagus and watch him choke on it.

    Also, I feel bad for Jade, too. It’s hell not havin’ anyone on your side.

  22. i think it’s funny that she doesn’t have a profile picture.

  23. #278

    Guru says: Both Fake and real.

    I’ve studied all the comments and surveyed all the photos and submitted evidence and have come up with one painless conclusion that makes everyone a little right and a little wrong and puts the whole damn thing in perspective.

    Thomas’ only lie is who is in the photo he’s provided. He’s at a Waffle House all right, but that isn’t Jade. That’s him and Tammy, his second cousin twice removed — the one from Bulgaria, where they wear rings on their fingers and bells on their toes. She was in town last year for a family reunion and Thomas saw this as an opportunity to cover his tracks a little and add validity to his story among us Lamesters. This known, of course, one might ask: “If that wasn’t Jade in the photo and the conversation was real, why would he continually post here and embellish his yarn with photographic “evidence” and explanations to further assert his claim?” Oh! The joy of discovery! Read on, dear Lamester, and the Guru will reveal all…

    The conversation did take place. Just as it was written. None of Thomas’ friends knew Jade, yet Jade had somehow gotten on his friend’s list. How are these facts even relevant? Praytell!

    “Jade” is an over-emotional, S&M-lovin’, 43-year-old transvestite and part-time exotic dancer from the Castroville district of san Fransisco. He and Thomas met 3 years prior while he was vacationing with his family in Santa Cruz to attend a free Greg Khin concert on the beach and just happened to wander into Lucky Louie’s 24-Hour Lingerie Shop and All-Male Review. The part about Jackson Pollock and the one-night stand was all true; only the fact that she was female was the lie and is why Jade took the abuse from Thomas at all and why it reads so fake, the common reader surely knows that no woman would sit idly by and let a man trash her so completely without making reference to the small size of his penis or his bad breath or something. The answer is simply: Jade is a man.

    That’s the word on the street, anyway… Sure places the conversation and Thomas’ comments into a whole new context.

    Be fun, Lamesters!
    -LGP4

  24. #279

    “Both Fake and (R)eal”

    Forgive my shift key. It shifts when it feels like it.

    For those who wish to debunk my theory:
    As far as how “puked on my couch” comes into play while on vacation in California, Thomas was “roughin’ it wit’ da homies” in his parent’s RV while they stayed at the Motel 6 that offered continental breakfast — ergo, his need to venture to the Waffle House before his art session.

    “The Guru Sees All…”

    LGP4

  25. ay wat sumfink ur fuckaroon

  26. @yoink — was that in English? Bugger off if you can’t play nice, fuck-face.

  27. Okay, I know I’m waaayyyy late on saying *anything* to this post, BUT, since I sat here and read ALL of these comments and (surprisingly) no one mentioned this, I felt it was finally time to cease lurking and wade into the muck. (Purely for educational purposes.)

    To all the people giving ‘Tommy’ a virtual slap-down for not jumping on all that awesome freakishness that is/was “Jade’s” masochistic sexual request, you might want to think twice about that.

    For all who don’t know, in the United States, sex play that involves any type of physical ‘assault’ on another human being (including choking & spanking) is actually ILLEGAL, regardless of the consent of the parties involved. It’s not something that they ‘go after’ you for, usually, but even in a case of full mutual consent for such an encounter, the possibility still exists that you can end up in hot water with the law. (Bonus Factoid: So drunk you’re puking on couches = too inebriated to consent to ANY sex, in the eyes of the law, kinky or not.)

    Secondly, just say Tommy HAD taken her up on her offer (remember, at this point, he supposedly didn’t know she was a psycho) and choked her out while he was hitting that [Wham, >SQUEEZE<, Bam, Thank you, ma'am 😉 ]. What do you want to bet that tomorrow, the cops would have shown up at his door with an arrest warrant, because she'd filed assault and/or rape charges against him. There's no way he could prove she literally asked for it.

    Whew. To summarize: Never, EVER, participate in kinky sexual practices with people you don't know. It could end very badly.

    Smart move, Tommy-boy. Smart move.

    ****This has been a public service announcement. Now returning to your regularly scheduled program****

  28. THIS WAS SOOO FAKE… WHAT GIRL WOULD SAY.. U GOT IT IN MY HAIR AND NOT ON MY FACE??? … VERY FAKE BUT ENTERTAINING AS HELL

  29. Tommy is an ass..but Jade shouldn’t have called him out..

  30. All I can say is, thank you God for not having an obsessive-clingy-psycho like that chick in my life! I don’t even care if it’s fake or now, it’s fucking scary!

  31. Thomas you should give us Jade’s number

  32. It’s fake. I’ve seen this same post verbatim under different names.

  33. Oh wow.

    To Fake, #11: Yeah, this might be fake, but this could also be real. Do you have any idea how people understand the word ‘privacy’ these days? Some people spill and share *everything* on Facebook, including BJ’s and facials.

  34. […] Lamebook – funny facebook statuses, fails, lols and more The original – funny facebook statuses, fails, lols and more.. […]

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