Friday, June 11, 2010

Planetary Updates

previous post: Van Der Slut



  1. STEVE!

  2. Dude, that’s bullshit. Do you REALIZE what kind of power “heart” is? According to Wikipedia: “Ma-Ti uses the power of heart to instill caring, passion, and sympathy into the people of the world to care for the planet” One could only assume that Ma-Ti would be able to channel feelings of “passion” or “caring” into causes or motivations OTHER than just the planet.

    That’s right.

    Ma-Ti has the power of being able to get laid by anyone on the planet. Think about THAT the next time you shit-talk “heart”.

  3. Erica, STOP helping your kid with their homework. PLEASE! The cycle must end!

  4. CommentsAtLarge

    Erica, Pluto WAS a planet but got demoted… oh and your kids is screwed.

    While you make a valid argument on Ma-Ti’s behalf, let us not forget jagermeister has that power too.

  5. CommentsAtLarge

    *your kid

    oh karma, I see what you did there…

  6. Maybe Erica is the mom of the kid with the question about oil spills and councilmen? And if she were the mother, does the entire family lack the ability to use search engines instead of embarrassing themselves on FB? I am glad they posted though, because I laughed so hard!

  7. Jaegarmeister can’t unleash a furious stampede of rhinos while simultaneously getting into a girl’s pants.

  8. Erica, you’re an idiot. Just deciphering your status alone gave me a headache. If you feel like ‘fighting it’ then go ahead, I’m sure I’ll be reading your column in Astronomy magazine in the near future once you promote Pluto to a planet again.

  9. Looks like Erica’s astronomy knowledge comes primarily from watching “Harry Caray’s Infinite Frontier” sketches from SNL.

  10. Oh, yah. This BP publicity stunt is working out well for them.

  11. CommentsAtLarge


    If that’s how it goes down, his neighbors have to be cockblocking him constantly — less colateral damage that way.

  12. CommentsAtLarge

    *collateral (damn!)

  13. Fight the power, Erica. You dunno what teachers’ll try next these days, do you? It’s bloody ridiculous.

  14. MsBuzzkillington

    I really want to comment on Erica’s profile. How come no one set her straight?

    Next time her son fails a spelling test and spells ‘and’ like n, she is probably going to fight that too.

  15. Oh, Erica. The moon isn’t a planet, either. Maybe you should start reading your kid’s textbooks with him.

  16. I wonder why more teachers don’t kill themselves?

  17. Maybe Erica should home-school her kid if she thinks the teacher is so stupid.

  18. Only Dentists kill themselves.

  19. mass, I can understand that.

  20. Folk er idioter

    I’m a foreigner, English is not my first language, yet I’m enraged by Erica’s miserable spelling skills. And no, Erica, Pluto is not a planet. There’s something called Google or Wikipedia or other easily accessible sites at which you could find that info in a shorter time than it took you to write you illiterate piece of trash.

  21. Always confused me…why Dentists? They have a decent salary, job security and a professional title. I’m assuming a closet-alcoholic wife and a couple of dysfunctional children with a house in the ‘burbs goes along with that, but they have it far better than most.

  22. krasivaya_devushka

    I agree with Folk er idioter lol! Well said. :D

  23. Decaying, discoloured teeth, foul breath, plaque, coated tongues, mouth ulcers and gum disease. All day, every day. There’s your reasons.

  24. And that’s just England!

    Good luck tomorrow!

  25. Pluto was a planet for years and years, and some people aren’t too up to date with astronomy because it’s not headline news.
    Or maybe they’re too busy looking after their kids to be up to date with everything.

    Go Erica for fighting the system, Pluto should totally still be a planet.

  26. @Lemon – pluto has recently been discovered to not be a planet, which can be excused. the wretched spelling can even be excused since it’s text talk. But the moon a planet??? INEXCUSABLE! and completely lamebook worthy.

  27. suckmebeautiful

    I think the worst part of it, is that google is so readily available. How hard would it be to google “is pluto a planet” and get the response. How do these people even know how to reproduce, if they can’t search the net for answers? It honestly disgusts me.

  28. OK, Captain Planet was awesome. Came on right after Dark Wing Duck. Whoa, flashback in the works.

    I was saddened when they demoted Pluto, all that schooling and it’s tossed down the damn drain. Fuck you IAU, you’re screwing with my childhood education. ‘Dwarf Plant’ WTF? Obviously this still pisses me off. I’m going to drink more.

  29. @Lemon: it WAS headline news.

  30. I did feel betrayed when Pluto was stripped of it’s planetary designation. As a child, I fancied myself an amateur astrologist. I thought, “how can celestial mechanics work without the muffler fluid that is Pluto?” However, once its orbitz fucked up my travel plans, I realized it was all a sham.

  31. You need to drink more Soup, then it will all be better. Trust me, my wine has never failed me. Pluto has left my thoughts for the evening and things are ok with the world/Galaxy.

  32. Speaking of Captain Planet, what was the guy with the heart ring’s power? Make people love? Psssh, that’s what money is for!

  33. Grammar, your missing it. Plus, ‘heart’ as I believe was more ‘Soul’ not love. Money can’t buy you love (Beetles reference anyone?) and I doubt your soul. Unless you deal with the Devil, then your on your own my friend.

  34. going back to the dentist thing, they are the single most hated/feared professionals. that’s why they have the highest suicide rate.

    fun fact: in road construction, the most dangerous job is the flagger person. they have the highest death rate of all the construction jobs. they also get paid damn well.

  35. christopherlovet

    eenerbl, *you’re* not one to be badmouthing anyone else’s typing. I also think you meant “Beatles” reference.

  36. Oh Erica. You would do your child a lot more good by giving him up for adoption than by fighting his teacher on this.

  37. lol Erica needs sterilising.

  38. Right you are christopherlovet. I should not be in the vicinity of a keyboard with wine in hand.

  39. I’m trying to figure how people who are literate, supposedly go to school, and know that Pluto even exists doesn’t know the MOON isn’t a planet.

    And then I figure she’s probably somewhere in North America and it all makes sense to me…

  40. lol@myredstar that last comment is brilliant! Why are there so many rednecks and idiots in a country that is always telling the rest of the world they are number one? God help them if the Maurie Povich “You are not the father” episodes are indicative of typical septic tanks

  41. lol well it was a planet when she was in school. That you can let slip by.. but the moon? never was a planet :P

  42. @Jim, The problem is we’re just making the numbers look better, not the actual system. A lot of kids were dropping out, getting horrible grades, etc, and instead of pinpointing the source of the problem and fixing it, we lowered the standards so it was easier for the kids to pass, so it required less and less work of the kids. It’s a sad system that damns our children to a life of laziness and poor education.

    @Shampoo; Oh, certainly! I mean, the whole Pluto thing is relatively new, so, yeah. But… man.. the moon… XD That’s just so sad… I hope that was just a random brain fart and that she doesn’t actually think the moon is a planet. Maybe she meant Mars? Please tell me that kid isn’t doomed (though, that was the only one he got wrong, so maybe there’s hope for him).

  43. haha, that was entertaining

  44. By the FUCK. Why are people like Erica allowed to have children? Why?

    (Yes, I actually use “by the FUCK” in regular conversation. It’s incredibly useful, and I still thank Lamebook for giving me access to this phrase.)

  45. Instead of a cap, why don’t they put a wedding band around it and it will stop putting out.

    I’m confused, I thought Pluto was Mickey’s dog.

  46. captain planet. what an amazing show. too bad when i was little and actually watched it, i didn’t get half the episodes. there was one about growth hormones in cows… how many 5 year olds are going to understand that?

  47. Just like Pluto, the moon was once considered a planet. The word actually means “wanderer,” and originally referred to the seven visible celestial objects that move against the background of stars: the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. That’s where we get the names of the seven days of the week!

  48. I fear the fact that Erica has added to the gene pool already. I vote sterilization.

  49. Guinevere I have also been using by the fuck in regular conversation. Even got a few of my friends to start using it.

  50. Alright, you know what, I’m about sick of all this redneck bullshit, I live in the middle of nowhere, drive a 4×4, wear cowboy boots and work my ass off, so I might be a redneck, but I’m also educated, so I’d also like to put a big “Fuck you!” on here for anyone that has a problem with Blue-collared people and the fact that America still kicks your ass!

  51. dbeyer92 you just showed why most of the world dislike us Americans, granted it is your right to say what ever the fuck you want but maybe just maybe you should think first on how your words will be perceived.

  52. No, I don’t really care, I’m an American remember ;], haha.

  53. Most of the world dislikes Americans because they choose to accept silly stereotypes as the rule. Dbeyer92 is thoroughly justified in his rant. It is rather tiresome to find every idiot we comment about being called American, and if they’re not, some commenter finds some sly little way to imply America is the base problem for all things wrong. If we have more stupid people, it’s because we have more people. Not to mention, we have a variety of people from all over the world, so mayhap some people should keep the blame closer to home.

  54. I’m an American from a working class family who spent the first 10 years growing up in Chicago Il, the next 12 in NYC and I can tell you two things: Both were great cities, and both have horrible education systems. In Chicago, I was taught to read in a way that absolutely screwed up the way I read forever, that I’m constantly battling because it was easier for the teachers to do it that way. In New York, I spent 8 years in a school system that kept dumbing itself down, lowering it’s standards, so more kids would graduate. The year after I graduated, all you had to do was show up once to each class and you had an automatic 40%, and passing was 60%. That means you just had to show up a few more times, hand in a little homework, get a passing mark (60%) on the standardized tests, and you graduate. Tada.

    So, I don’t say “well, she’s American” because “Lol, everyone knows those Americans are dumb!” but because I got to see first hand how that system fucking fails the children in it, how the parents do nothing to fix it, and when they try to get involved, they’re not looking at the right things. They go “Oh, but the kids are passing!” not “Hey, my kid can’t read the diploma they just handed them…”

    So, yeah, I’m educated. But that’s not saying a lot when that education isn’t measuring up to that of other countries America is supposed to be better than or equal to. Also, you would not believe how many kids in my high school, a school that was on of the better ones, don’t know what a vertebrae is, or that the moon is, in fact, a satellite. These people are supposedly educated, in what is supposed to be the greatest city in the greatest country in the world, and so many don’t even know that there are white people who are born and raised on South Africa!

    So, please don’t come at me with your self righteous “Oh, but America is the BEST!” bullshit. Yeah, we’re a great country, because I get to say all this. Now, if only our education system could reflect that.

  55. @myredstar Of all things, it is your post that made me signup. You’ve gotta tell me, in what way were you taught to read?

    Do you read right to left? Because I think you’re an idiot.

  56. @kamakula Yeah, I don’t know exactly what he means about the reading thing. But why is he an idiot? Because he is able to say that his country isn’t in fact the greatest in the world? Because he is telling the truth? I don’t think so.

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