Friday, August 28, 2009

Pee Pee Problem

alex-piss

previous post: My Name’s Mark

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66 Comments

  1. He didn’t specifically say ‘human urine’…

  2. your hired/not fired

  3. The funny this is, it’s not even for a drug test.

  4. FIRST!

  5. FIRST FAIL!

  6. Awesome.

  7. I’m genuinely not sure – do drug tests actually tell the gender of who peed?

  8. that boy needs a whizzinator.

  9. Unless you specifically search for something, you won’t find it. So if you’re looking for sex hormones, you’ll find them, otherwise, no, it doesn’t matter if the urine comes from a man or a woman.

    BTW Alexander, you just comitted a felony. Way to go!

  10. Drug test do tell gender

  11. @Aardvark……………………………………………………………………………………………………………no, he definitely did not.

  12. Donald Trump's Comb-Over

    Gotta love Chicagoans…

  13. I’m gonna give him my contaminated urine. How’s he gonna know the difference?

  14. I’d lol if a pregnant woman knowingly gave him urine. It would serve him right for being so stupid.

  15. Somebody give him some cat pee, please.

  16. tell him to just strain his own.

  17. Ahhh Chicago. I love you.

  18. all of you are SO STUPID! People who are unfortunate enough to be in CONTROLLING and INAPPROPRIATE workplaces have EVERY RIGHT to try to work around UNFAIR POLICIES! What kind of place asks to see someone’s URINE anyway? That is very INTRUSIVE not to mention NASTY!!!! THINK ABOUT IT! SHUT UP!

  19. @stfu: Kindly “stfu.”

    Asking a worker to submit an urine sample to be tested is completely legitimate, and there is nothing inappropriate about it. People do not have the right to submit urine that is not their own for drug testing, or whatever sort of testing it may be. And no, it is not intrusive or nasty.

  20. stfu – Thought about it, agree with you . . .
    Still fuckin’ funny though.
    Didn’t even hassle you for spelling either.
    (oops, actually, maybe I did)
    Well shit, welcome to the 21st century – guess that’s we get for shooting down unions and socialist principles in the workplace. They always wanted your blood, sweat, tears – and now they’re taking the piss too.

    Break-time’s over bitches: back to work . . .

  21. Fuck off Tyler you nasty and intrusive twat – it’s TOTALLY out of order.

    (Man, don’t you just hate people who don’t do *something* illegal at the weekend? – On THEIR OWN FUCKING TIME!)

    With apologies to stfu – apparently, that IS how you spell inappropriate . . . just looks wrong when you’re this fucked up.
    (On government approved, legally available drugs, obviously)

  22. Since when was Urine clean…Isn’t it supposedly composed of wastes from the body….Am I missing something?!

  23. Actually, urine is sterile when it leaves the “spout”, as it were.

    And Alex is a tool bag.

  24. Hope his possible work doesn’t do an internet check!

  25. Depends if he plays sport.

    Or if his workplace wants their workers clean. Particularly those involved with machinery.

  26. Sometimes work will ask for a sample if there has been an accident. Example, you drove a forklift into a wall or another person because you were on drugs. In such cases, a drug test is completely reasonable. It helps keep non-users safe.

  27. Ignoring the obvious troll, yes, they always check for the gender of the person providing the urine sample. Especially when it’s a guy giving it, because pregnant women are usually the go to source because they figure they won’t be using any drugs.

  28. i like green apples and i eat small children.

  29. @pussy What sort of sick crazy bastard likes green apples?

  30. Whenever you start thinking about how intrusive or unfair drug testing is, and how it just shows that your company distrusts its employees, just remember:

    These people who get submitted to Lamebook have employers also. Can you really make an argument against drug testing them?

  31. You’re all assuming that he wants the clean urine to fraudulently pass a drug test.

  32. @ 31 – and you have another scenario?

  33. @32 – if you knew the guy like I do, it would be pretty clear he just wants to have it, you know, sitting around his home, but is super anti-drugs so he doesn’t want to own the urine of someone who has been using drugs.

  34. …also, he is sexist and finds women’s urine to be inferior to male urine, at least in color and enjoyability to look at…and taste.

  35. Kids, the answer to the ethics of drug testing in the workplace:

    It’s morally fine. You do not have the right to a job. Your non-compulsory, voluntary association, by whatever terms you like, with any particular employer, gives them the right to freely associate with you, on whatever terms they choose. It’s the same issue with a polygraph. They’re kinda bullshit, but you have the right to be irrational and choose bullshit. If you cheat on a drug test, it’s defrauding a party in this contract. Sure you can call their terms ridiculous, but don’t kid yourself that you’re not defrauding someone for personal gain.

    GOVERNMENT jobs and a statist context make the moral issue more complicated… but most of the time the government should never be in that industry in the first place.

    Chill, smoke moar, and get a job that doesn’t demand an inventory of your body’s chemicals.

  36. Dudes, dudes!

    What if it’s his mum who wants to do the test? Why, it seems like yesterday my own mother wanted to test me for the cheeba. I could’ve used some urine then. Instead I enrolled for Summer school and fucked off for the required 15-30 days it stays in you system for.

    I digress.

    I reckon it’s his mum. And it would be so sweet if she was on fb.

  37. You're not alone in your stupidity

    Ok, when you get drug tested you can’t bring anything in the bath room with you. I’ve even been asked to leave my shoes outside the door. Also they check the temperature of the urine to make sure it’s fresh. They do not check the gender, nor do they check for pregnancy harmones.

  38. im having your baby

    what idiot turns to facebook for clean urine. thats what craigs list is for.

  39. High much?

  40. Protip: Don’t do fucking drugs when youre trying to get a job/keep a job. Fucking losers.

  41. Urine or you’re out?

  42. @lolwut Read “Nineteen Eighty-Four” to see the problem with that.

    @Jax I can think of loads of uses for clean urine! Can’t you?

  43. @37: you’re right. it’s completely impossible to hide bag of pee anywhere on your person, especially if you’re clothed. because all drug-testing clinics also have you remove your clothing before you enter the restroom.

    people who are desperate enough and surprised enough will try anything to pass a drug test.

    also, i think that whether they test for gender depends on the clinic. people from my (incredibly classy) place of work have been fired for attempting to us urine from the opposite gender.

  44. use*

    please pardon my occasional inability to utilize ending vowels.

  45. Poor guy. I’m with him. Performance should count at work, not the legality of using drugs. There would have to be very special circumstances to justify drug testing at work.

  46. It’s a company’s choice to require drug testing. Workers compensation insurance companies will require it depending on the type of work. If you have employees in high risk situations like roofing, surgery, or flying commercial airlines, do you really think it’s just that person’s own business what they do? Some drugs can take quite a while to leave your system. And if you get injured by someone else’s negligence while they were stoned or drunk, you’ll sue that company for not preventing that person from doing their job under the influence.

  47. Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous. #43 wrote:

    “it’s completely impossible to hide bag of pee anywhere on your person, especially if you’re clothed. because all drug-testing clinics also have you remove your clothing before you enter the restroom.”

    Baloney. Having worked many years in a job that carried a certain amount of risk, I have been through both pre-employment drug testing and random drug testing numerous times. I’ve been to quite a few drug testing clinics in several cities, and I have never had to remove my clothing. I have never had to remove my shoes. I have never even had anybody watch me pee.

    The most intrusive it has ever been is when I had to go into a bathroom stall (and close the door) with the testing tech sitting on a little chair right outside the partition where she could hear what I was doing. Most of the time they just tell you not to wash your hands and not to flush the toilet.

    Employment drug screening is really no big deal. If you’re having to take your clothes off for a drug test, you’re not there for an employment screening. You’re there because you’re an addict or criminal being tested as part of your court-ordered rehabilitation.

  48. Maybe he’s an ancient Greek and he needs to clean his toga. We learned about it in history class. Sucks not to live in the era of detergent.

  49. I’d have asked for bloody urine. Tastes better.

  50. @no coconuts:

    A drug test is no indicator of executing a high risk operation under the influence, and you know it. Stop with the demagogy. I said unless it reflects on the performance; operating under the influence is affecting the performance. Getting fired because you smoked one joint in a weekend party 10 days ago is not.

  51. Alexander, urine trouble!

  52. Ha! If he’s paying….well…I’ll no doubt need to urinate at some point during the day. Someone could earn a quick dollar here!

  53. #47:

    um, sarcasm font?

  54. Sparky: upon further consideration, i think that i owe you an apology.

    i’m sorry that you created that whole diatribe directed toward me because i didn’t make it clear enough that i was being sarcastic about being forced to remove clothing before a drug test. that was probably a lot of work.

    i’ll try to do better next time.

  55. i wish i could say i dont know this guy

  56. @sarah

    You can.

    ?

  57. My dad used to have to conduct drug tests where we worked. He said the highlight of his job was sitting men down to tell them they were pregnant.
    Idiots.

  58. whoever you want me to be i dont care

    @Anna haha that’s pretty funny. @lolwut drugs have never been ‘socially acceptable’ calling people losers/under achievers is just pointless, its been said countless times.

    You’re never gonna get rid of drugs. Some of the biggest addicts are high achievers CEOs etc. coz they have the money to do it. Drug addiction is a mental health issue I reckon people should have some more fucken respect actually. You gonna diss someone with bipolar or schizophrenia? People choose to who drink too much and have drug addictions to escape coz they have low self esteem. so maybe its people dissing other people thats more the problem. if people feel accepted most the time they’re quite happy to along with the crowd. rant rant haha

  59. @boz… sadly i can’t say i don’t know him… i had class with him lol

  60. I worked at a drug screening clinic for a few months and I saw some pretty crazy things. One time in particular, a lady hid a condom full of pee in her fuzzy snizzaroni

  61. depends on the clinic/reason for test how easy itll be to fake it. if a\its a bullshit place they only ask u to empty ur pockets which is fine cuz theonly way to pass the temp test is to put the piss ina condom and strap it to ur balls to keep the body heat. and alsou have to go to the clinic either when they JUST open and their is no one in their or are like 10mins til close or else they purposely do all the blood test on other patients for an hour or so and do the piss test scattered throughout so that it starts to getcold and ur body heat cant sustain it any longer.

    but this is still pointless in sum scenarios cuz when i was on probation for felony drug charges they piss test u weekly or sumtimes more often and they go into the bathroom with u stand nxt to u and watch u pee so its impossible to fake it. and if u get stage fright they make u sit their and drink at least 4 cups of water every 20 minutes until u can pee or else they arrest u for non-compliance. it sucks so no more drugs for me tilits legal! btw anyone else down for making liquor illegal in excahnge for legalising weed?

  62. I have to take a drug test in Illinois for a job I have been offered. I havent smoked in over a week. I smoke every other day. I weigh 145 pounds (not much fat). I have been downing water and cranberry juice. I would consider buying a shake but am afraid it wont work and i cant mess this up. I think i am going to buy some synthetic urine with heat pads.

    I wouldnt have smoked but this job was offered out of the blue. I am afraid i will be watched while I pee at the clinic.

    Any suggestions because this job is extreamly important to get.

  63. @eh, he’ll yes! alcohol causes more death & disfunction than all other illicit drugs combined! ( this is fact, globally, check it out b4 u dismiss it). I have a friend who dveloped mental illness due to weed use, but in her case, & much of the most up to date research reflects, that this was caused by extreme & prolonged use from a young age. It was clear the 1st time she smoked that it didn’t agree with her, but kept going. Much less harmful than alcohol, & governments would save money rather than lose it due to the reduced crime & health issues as a result. Weed is by no means harmless but any informed person knows it’s a lesser danger than alcohol!

  64. Yes, well if you’re predisposed to a certain condition (for example, you are high risk for schizophrenia) then smoking weed can trigger that condition. Paranoia can also be a serious issue that very much depends on the user.

    The problem is that you don’t know what health problems you may be at risk for before you take it. It is difficult to compare to alcohol as the risks are structured very differently. In my mind they are pretty comparable (equal) but that’s a pretty hard position to objectively defend.

    That never stopped me lighting up though! ;)

  65. @ # 58 whoever you want me to be i dont care

    Actually drug addiction is not a mental disorder. While bipolar is clearly a imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain but is caused by other naturally occurring chemicals in the brain (Such as ephedrine, andrenogen, and testosterone) Any substance whether its illegal or not can cause an addiction. Certain plants and chemicals release these things in your brain called endorphines. Now those are happy chemicals natually released in our brains at specific times especially when we are enjoying something. Now drugs and certain plants and chemicals force your brain to release those endorphines. With the increase in endorphines in your brain your bound to release more adrenaline which increases the blood flow in your veins arteries and capillaries. Some times when you drink take in a lot of sugar all at once thats what creates that flush feeling.

    With the Endorphines and Adrenaline working over time your body releases several other chemicals which included Testosterone, estrogent (Yes every human body possesses both sex chemicals. Estrogen is high in women, Testosterone naturally higher in guys), as well as a mix of chemicals released by the pituitary gland and Adrenal glands.

    If you have not followed thus far I will explain, see we have things called cannibinoid and opiod receptors in our brains. These are indeed triggered by Cannabis Sativa and Various forms of opiate plants such as heroin, cocaine, etc. Now lets say the part of our brain thats releasing endorphines is like a dam, letting only a little out when needed and preserving the rest. These receptors are like giant valves once activated the endorphines pour through them at incredibly high rates which give people that “High feeling” However when those valves close and you start to come down off of the endorphines and cocktail of other chemicals you start to feel down again. The reason is because the body is going through a sort of shock withdrawal from its own chemicals. The endorphines have such a high impact on the body while its operating that it begins to physically need it.

    As such any addiction is usually defined by doctors as any substance that forces the body to over produce and consume the endorphine chemical released from the brain.

  66. @synapticchaos

    Fuck you.. Nobody is gonna read that… Go on nd fuck offf.. :S

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