Lamebook - from lame to fame

If I didn’t know better, I’d say my creepy-stalker-dolphin-loving ex found himself a new girl with the same name pretty damn fast. It’s only been a month since I got the restraining order against him….

DLP is quite cock-eyed.

Proposal story: My dad asked my mom to marry him, and she responded with, “Who, me?” He said, “…yes…” She said, “You’re kidding!” He said, “I’ve known you’re the one for me since I looked across the room and into your beautiful blue eyes.”

Her eyes were green.

Oh, and she was pregnant, too. Maybe that’s what made her eyes change color.

I’m sorry, I don’t believe that they’re not Twilight-related. I just don’t. Who on earth would wake up on day and think, totally randomly, “You know what would be cool? A tattoo of your bitemark on my wrist!” I don’t buy it at all.