Monday, February 1, 2010

Needo Guido

previous post: I’m With CoCo

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71 Comments

  1. First for my grandson.

  2. Jeez? Seriously?

  3. Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Isn’t Denver a little pale to be a guido?

  4. No wonder MTV’s programming is crap. I am assuming she really does work there and didn’t just make that up.

  5. This, more than anything else I’ve seen on this site (including comments), makes me fear for the future of the human race.

  6. I’m hella pale bra… need ta get my tan on bitches

  7. pathetic…

  8. Of all the questions I have to ask, I just need to know one thing, what is a “boricua”.

    And very creative spelling of “SEXCI”. *sigh*

  9. Maybe my “sexci hair” is to blame, but would anyone care to explain what I’m looking at? This makes no sense to me.

  10. dood, what I got out of it is that Sharon is trolling the Guido pages in desperation.

  11. @cursormortis

    Agreed, we’re starting more and more to look like a real lost cause as a species

  12. @ msjessiemaghan: Maybe that’s barracuda?

  13. I suppose a Guido is a tanned douche bag, but what is a Boricua? Looks like an African tribe or something like that.

  14. Boricua is sometimes used to refer to a Puerto Rican.

  15. Worst. Show. Ever.

  16. All I can think of is the youtube video I saw “My new haircut”. I will grace you all with an excerpt from it:

    “Yeah I get my grunt on when I go to the gym, because I’m the fucking man, and I want everyone to know how jacked and tan I am”

  17. What crazy made up language are these people talking?

    Cue people pointing out they’re actually talking a legit language and I’m a racist cock.

    Oh, and Denver… there’s confidence, and then there’s just looking like a wanker. You’re on the wrong side. Good luck, Guido.

  18. @cursormortis – yeah, teenagers who can’t spell are new to this generation.

  19. Dracula, I don’t think the spelling is what is concerning Cursormortis…

  20. Bad news. I don’t think I’m strong enough to make up for these people. I can feel my speling powr weekning… s0 mUcH Pa1n…

  21. What is a guido? :/

  22. My theory is that Jersey Shore exists solely so that lazy comedians can have something easy to parody. Note that SNL, which employs more lazy comedians than any show in history, has a Jersey Shore parody almost every week. The people on the show (from what I gather, I haven’t watched it) are essentially self-parodies already, so poking fun at them is like shooting fish in a barrel.

    Note to comedians: shows like this are good for cheap laughs, but when your take on them is essentially dressing up and saying EXACTLY what they say, and acting EXACTLY like they act, you’re being lazy. Sure, you’ll get some laughs, but you’ll die a little inside each time, and before you know it you turn into Jay Leno, rehashing old jokes for octogenarians on NBC.

  23. What on earth is a “guido”? I checked the groups and all I can tell is that the guys look like total douchebags.
    Oh, and Sharon is an engaged carrot.

  24. Guido:

    A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

    WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

    NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week’s pay on (most likely spotted shopping at “Bang Bang” in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketting, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin’ system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

    GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. “wiggers,” A.K.A. “wegros;” urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy’s. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predece…

  25. Sorry if that was too long for people to read.

    These guido and guidette fucks make me ashamed to be italian.

  26. @Penny Lane – yeah, teenagers who aren’t that bright are new to this generation.

  27. and enjoy laughing at guidos from the world’s smallest soapbox, dudes (do i detect a hint of jealousy, considering they’re your social superiors, intelligence notwithstanding, and wouldn’t waste their time nitpicking over what complete strangers put on their facebook profiles?)

  28. @beckyboo: Thanks ;)

  29. Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Dracula is Frodo.

  30. I can’t tell exactly where you are coming from Dracula…your humor is so edgy that no one gets it.

  31. what is a guido? What is a boricua? Maybe if I know those terms I’ll understand what the hell else these idiots are talking about.

  32. oh haha just read becky’s post. So I know what a guido is now.. how about a boricua?

  33. So, these people placing personal ads are unaware that the groups are there to make fun of them, or are these groups serious andunironic celebrations of guidodom?

  34. * and unironic

  35. @danica: As stated above, a Puerto Rican.

  36. @yall – pretty sure these people have a trait known as “self-confidence,” found in many emotionally healthy people. Don’t think they care too much about what people who make comments on lamebook.com think of them.

  37. then again, the outside world is their realm, and solitude in front of the computer is yours, so I guess they don’t stand much of a chance here.

  38. Extremely similar gino and gina. These people make me throw up in my mouth.

  39. I’m not American , so I have to ask here :is guido considered a derogatory word towards italians or not?

  40. Desolation Row,

    Yes, yes it is. I’m not sure these guys/gals got the memo.

  41. HELLO AM A SINGEL WOMIN HU IS LUKIN 4 A MAN WIT A TAN. I also think this post on lamebook is a harsh and derogatory view on women with tanned skin and light lipstick, if you have any faith in humanity, please remove it. Thank you

    PEACE OUT BITZES!!11!

  42. Luciaarr isn’t a real name is it? Was her dad a pirate?

  43. @dracula: The guidos must sit in front of computers also or they wouldn’t be on facebook. So is their realm the outside world or solitude?

  44. I mean I guess you can pretend you didn’t know what I meant, but why not save the energy and just not comment?

  45. Dracula, I am having a dense day/you are being unclear. Are you defending these morons? Or are you being cute?

  46. I’m not defending anyone. I’m wondering why people who need to scrape together tiny shreds of ego by making petty anonymous comments about strangers’ facebooks think they’re any better, for some reason, than people who may not be as smart, but definitely enjoy their lives a lot more than you guys must.

  47. and if we’re judging social skills as a form of intelligence, which I think we should, I’d say they may have the edge on some (most?) of you anyway.

  48. Dracula, why is “ego” so important? Isn’t ego generally something that has to be gotten over?

    Secondly, yes, with all my flaws and imperfections I can boldly (and egotistically?) say that I am “better” than east coast oranges.

    I still, to this day cannot wrap my head around the idea that these people are serious. I still wonder if this isn’t just a huge joke that I don’t get. How can these people walk around looking so supremely ridiculous? They CANNOT be real!

  49. You think these people have “social skills”? In what way does having Cheeto orange skin, ridiculous hair and tiny clothing make someone socially skilled? What about their behavior is socially superior?

  50. hey don’t knock the guidos! Guidos unite!

    Nah, just kidding. As an italian guy from jersey, i’m appalled by this subculture. Or actually, i just don’t give a shit about them.

  51. So, poopcalculator, these people are REAL? It’s not just some weird joke?

  52. this

    “Dracula, why is “ego” so important? Isn’t ego generally something that has to be gotten over?”

    then this

    “Secondly, yes, with all my flaws and imperfections I can boldly (and egotistically?) say that I am “better” than east coast oranges.”

    love it

  53. Spray tanner and porcupine hair are SEXCI!

  54. Looks like Dracula = Guido? I’m thinking so. In any case I hope people realize that these people do not represent that whole. Meaning all Italian Americans. p.s. If you’re orange, have perfectly man-scapped eyebrows, and use at least, if not more then, one bottle of gel a week, you should be lined up and shot. And who the hell are these woman that date them? Quit encouraging this madness! We shall line you up and shoot you too.

  55. No, SomeRandomChick, I don’t have to be part of a stereotype to think it’s ridiculous that a bunch of ego-starved geeks are bashing them on here, despite them being pretty much harmless.

    And yeah, I think people do realize that not every single person of Italian descent dresses that way, but thanks for the reminder.

  56. Dracula, that was deliberate. Your social intellect is stunning.

    SomeRandomChick, I think you are right about Dracula. I do have to say I am married to a man of Italian decent but we live in the west so not only do I not have any of these stereotypical ideas, I still feel like I’m missing some part of a joke!

  57. But Dracula, you call people who post morsels on the internet “ego-starved geeks” while doing the same thing yourself in the form of bemoaning judgment of stereotypes. This is exactly why I cannot imagine you to be real either. So, orange or not, you have something in common with these tangerine weirdos…you are beyond belief.

  58. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    Has no one noticed that Denver is “accepting applications”?? I wonder what that application looks like…

    What a douche.

  59. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. I’m pointing out truths about your life that you weren’t aware of. Now you are. You’re welcome.

    Anyway, fun for these “weirdos” constitutes the relatively normal activities of leaving the house, interacting with their friends, and having sex. Fun for you, the “normal” one, is sitting in front of your computer and looking for petty reasons to make fun of people you’ll never meet. Insecure much?

  60. Dracula, The Truth Pointer!

    What does your super suit look like? It’s it skin tight and orange?

  61. Just sayin’.

  62. @42- Let me just say that I have not laughed that hard in a while! Thank you!

  63. Haha @ Penny Lane, I just had a really horrible image thanks to the skin tight orange supersuit comment lol

  64. OK, what I was wondering is if the Facebook groups were seriously people who are pro Guido or if the groups were facetious.

  65. oh, sharon.

  66. very well put penny lane…

  67. Sharon types with a blocked nose

  68. jelly FTW. lol.

  69. @poopcalculator – As an Italian girl from Joisey, more specifically hailing from…dun dun dun…The Shore, I feel your pain. Passing the time mocking the guidos (and bennies) was part of our everyday routine growing up. And while I no longer live there, it cracks me up to watch people’s reactions here in the NW upon realizing that these kooky caricatures of a region/nationality can and do exist.

  70. So a guido is an italian wigger?

  71. Some are dirty, EMO Italian Wiggers and some are plain ole’ dirty, EMO Spic-Aro.

    Either way, intellect and cleanliness are not prerequisites to holding such an esteemed title.

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