Monday, January 31, 2011

Meet Kia

previous post: Out of Touch



  1. Gross. What an insufferable cow. I feel bad for ‘her’ dog.

  2. She’s “ecLectic”? To quote The Princess Bride,

    I don’t think that word means what you think it means…

  3. Dog?

    I feel bad for her unborn child…

  4. She needs to brush her “heLLa Long” tongue.
    The scum on it is making me feel too sick to cry sufficiently over this complete waste of life.

  5. Of course she’s pregnant…

  6. OK.

    Eerily accurate spelling. Pretty capacious lexicon. WTF is going on here?

  7. Kia needs a tongue scraper.

  8. Thank you Mimi.
    I’m not the only one ignoring the atrocious typing just because of that.

  9. Seriously, it’s disgusting!

  10. I’ll say something nice. Umm.. at least she spelled most of the words correctly and isn’t homophobic? That’s all I got.

  11. Whoa…i dont have ANY friends/L0llll either!!! I think we’d get along swimmingly…til I asked WTF is with the fucking capital L’s.

  12. What does based mean?

    She looks cheap and busted…just like a Kia. Name suits her.

  13. Seriously, it’s manageable! It’s a slightly dry tongue with a more than normal amount of light hitting it. Gasp!

    I often wonder how most of the posters here get through life with their capacity for squeamishness and/or derision. Hint: Scoffing, I’m sure much to your bewilderment, does not make you superior.

  14. Oh no, another lamebook funsucker.

    Sit down before you hurt yourself.

  15. Nah. Real fun is when OPs are fun and comments are funner. Something is fishy about this OP. Too meticulous. My sarcasm sensors are screaming.

  16. i shaved my head in university… i thought it was a good idea until a guy in one of my classes asked me how i got out of auswitch:( apparently i’m gaunt.

    question: how do people open beer cans with nails like that??

  17. They drink out of bottles. Beer in a can? Pffft…

  18. well, pffft yourself. I would insult you, but I’ll let it slide because you’re NOT cheering for Calgary:)

  19. The most offensive thing here is her use of the word, ‘random’.

    Seriously, what does that mean? I always hear teenage girls use it, as if to say ‘spontaneous/bubbly/has a short attention span/gets high a lot.’

    You never hear boring people state that they’re normally distributed…

  20. I can’t believe how far down I can see into her throat. I’ve never really seen anything like that before.

    It’s all so… big and out there.

    I honestly find it a little hard to believe she has OCD.

  21. So, with the placement of those oral piercings, does it look like she has a bolt through her face when her mouth’s shut? Come to think of it, that might not be a bad idea…

  22. She could use her nails to scrape her tongue!

  23. her bf is “based”? as in “at Fort Leavenworth”? wtf does that mean?

    and “due on 42O??? October 42nd? huh?

  24. Nothing but L L o v e for this incredibly unique piece of humanity. Contrary to popular belief and pedantry, typing in the (more generally) accepted precepts does not, in fact, make you any more fun. Or good. Or smart. Or *insert other positive adjectives here*.

  25. Well, obviously OCD is one of those ‘cool’ illnesses a person can self-diagnose after being distracted by something one time and then feel special. You know, it’s like how it’s only people who aren’t bipolar or schizophrenic who use those words as nifty adjectives.

  26. Her tongue, for me, is still the main factor in this post.

    Maybe I’m OCD…

  27. Are you for real, historyprof?

    where do you get October out of 4/20? You know… April 20th…

  28. How is she random? is she possesed by a demon or something she has no control over.
    I hate the word random

  29. Yeah I’m sure she was one of the first girls to shave her head. Was she even born when Sinead O’Connor was popular?

  30. If she was really OCD, she couldn’t bear to have those spaces between the punctuation and the random letters capitalized but not the “I”s. My dad, who has been diagnosed, would probably keel over and die before he could produce something that looked like this.
    Then again, that might be true without the OCD as well.

  31. She’s dehydrated, maybe if she didn’t drink so much alcohol and drank more water, she might make a bit more sense.

    @manybellsdown lol I had the exact same thought! I was like “b*tch were you even born when Sinead O’Connor was around?”

  32. I don’t get this hating on the OCD thing. You can just as easily be OCD about ‘random’ capitilsation as OCD about this continual prescriptivist grammar bullshit.

  33. @historyprof “Based” is Cali/Berkley area slang for “cool” or something…Lil B of the rap group The Pack is known as Based God…and has a bunch of little followers who call themselves “Based”

    Dont ask me how i know this.

  34. How can you have OCD and be random???

  35. I thought sandcat had wrote one comment using regular normal words, but no I was mistaken

  36. I think natdigga knows his shit: this girl also said hella, and I’ve only heard Californians use that.

    sandcat, I hope you’re being ironic in those last two messages you wrote.

    Conor, is English your first language?

  37. Paint_my_nails_please

    Please, I hear “hella” in Indiana so that means it’s just about over everywhere else.

    I also notice the impressive purple tonsils but I didn’t think the tongue itself was amazing. That bolted face concept is what’s amazing, nice thought.

  38. Your mom is my first language. BOOM

    Why? Are you gonna give out that i misspelt a word or cant use a thesaurus, if so you missed that train. sorry buddy.
    If your gonna go all grammar nazi on my jew ass it is half 2 in the morning here.

  39. Also is it just me or does there seem to be a lot less people complaining about the posts and a lot more people commenting about them and saying how good they are.

    Ah Lamebook

  40. I’ll perambulate to that

  41. No, I wasn’t being ironic, I was being drunk. There’s a subtle difference, about the same order of magnitude as the difference between what you mean by slinging around irony as if it was sarcasm, and what irony actually means. Is English your first language? Before you get all into deep conversations about yourself and how it’s not, it was just an excuse to raise the point that it’s not mine. I’m from Brazil, first language Portuguese (for those who were about to start talking to me about “Brazilian”).

    Conor, in plain old simple language, I was sticking up for you (and everyone else) and your right to speak and type however you want.

  42. Where are you going to walk to Hawkbit?
    Stop using a thesaurus please

  43. Nah, it wasn’t your grammar, inability to use the pluperfect correctly, or the fact that you seriously think people keep thesauri nearby to write lamebook comments that stood out the most.

    I just keep noticing that you say vague things that make little sense. To just stay within this thread: go look at that ‘demon’ comment… (?)

    But on the topic of Judaism…You heard about what’s goin’ down in Egypt? Hmm…I think Israel should’ve taken Hamas and negotiations with Palestine a bit more seriously, ’cause whoever comes after Mubarak ain’t gonna be a US/Israel puppet. Have fun with those settlements in the new neighborhood. Wonderful idea. Hmm…

  44. And yeh the hella thing I think originated in Cali, my ex about 4 years ago was from there and used it hella too much. Bizzarely she then moved to Indiana.

  45. sandcat, English isn’t my first language either. I was making fun of Conor because I believe it IS his, but that he’s just retarded.

    You’re funnier when you’re drunk.

  46. Pep, iI think you’re winning me over to Vincent’s team. Take all my comments from this thread with a big crystal of NaCl, I <4 you really. The mention of the demon concept in particular was what sealed the deal…

  47. By demon i meant that a human cannot be random, its her self conscious that does all that ‘random’ stuff. So if she was possessed by a demon that would control her actions and would be random for her. As Pep said earlier about all the teenage girls being random, same gist more or less

    Yes Sandcat, its my first language.

    Political commentary in the comments…… right. I think we should build an oven and just have a gas time and cook.

    Also who even has a physical thesaurus these days, thats what google is for.

  48. Can we put the put the salt up our arse? I hear you get a great buzz of that when the sodium dissolves into your rectum, the chloride takes a big longer

  49. sorry i meant sub conscious.

  50. Good sir, I don’t believe I understand this talk of the self-conscious, sub-conscious, the random, and demons.

    Could you please elaborate further?

  51. Jesus,thats awful.

    Sure look boil the kettle and we have a cuppa.

  52. No no, I get it. Seriously, I do. Both of you. (By the way, it was Pep who asked if it was your first language.) If we’re to believe the facebook hype, French is your first language Pep (I don’t believe it, but let’s just run with that for the sake of entertainment), but I was throwing your suppositions back in your face by mentioning the language; in fact English IS my mothertongue, although I was indeed born in Brazil. All kindsa meta-sarcasm going on here. Shit I bet you feel like The Riddler when he first meets Bruce Wayne right now, not that I don’t have better graphic novel analogies to make, but I use this one because it’s one you’ll get (and when I say “get” I mean easily from Google).

    Conor there are roughly six things available to me withint 100m2 that I’d rather have dissolving in my rectum right now than salt, although Vince is a bit further away probably. Salt is good the next day though.

  53. I now picture you as a cloaked man-hag, wandering about an Irish forest in search of firewood for your makeshift yurt.

    How did you get internet? Did an iphone fall out of a Ryanair plane while you were bundling twigs to repair your thatched roof?

  54. No, there isn’t meta-anything going on here, you’re just jumping back and forth. And no, I didn’t use the word irony incorrectly. You ever actually look in a dictionary? There are multiple uses of words, for multiple contexts, so the connotation you’ve developed for ‘irony’ in relation to strict literary use means nada.

    And you were looking so fine, sandcat, so fine…

  55. I just presumed ye had molded into one sarcastic cunty person. Apologies.

    No no no the IMF bailout bought us all new laptops so that was nice of ye, thanks guys.

    I find salt is good to run into the open sores after

  56. rub

  57. Shit Pep you hit so close to home I thought you might be someone I knew till I realised you were referring to Conor.

    Here’s a page that will help you understand the differences between rhetorical and cosmic irony, neither of which you in fact used.

  58. Yup thats me, a big hairy ginger freckly pale faced drunk Irish cunt.

    Irony is as hard as random to describe or use correctly. especially if your quoting from a shitty english tabloid.

    Its no ‘sun’ thats for sure


    Oh whoops, that’s the OED. In case you’re too retarded to figure it out, here ye’ go:

    ‘A figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used; usually taking the form of sarcasm or ridicule in which laudatory expressions are used to imply condemnation or contempt.’

    Yes, that’s right. It says what the word IRONY means, not what your cool friends on the internet bitch and moan about because they don’t like that one song by Alanis Morissette.

  60. I accused you of speaking ironically, because I couldn’t believe you would actually mean what you said in the first two messages you wrote in this thread. You know, I said I hoped you were saying the opposite of what you meant, via IRONY. Remember, my drunk friend?

  61. 1) Look up tabloid.
    2) Stop being so pedantic about the irony issue, it’s starting to get ironic. (Nah for serious you’re right though Pep, unfortunately.)
    3) Stop mocking my Irish heritage.

    Ah shit kids I really do love y’all but bed is calling. It’s been fun though, we should do it again soon. :-) x

  62. Last paragraph aimed at me???. i have no friends, i sit here refreshing the page 24 hours a day

  63. Night night, sandcat.

    Sorry Conor, I guess it’s time to go talk to the trees for a while. You’re much more decent than I thought. Eat some treebark for the two of us.

  64. I laughed so hard at that comment, Connor that I woke up my housemate and almost choked to death on my beer.

    No Pep, I don’t remember. You’re talking to two drunkards, remember? Just be glad most of the letters are landing in the right place…

  65. Your drinking on your own? you are most definatly Irish so.

    Ya i gotta go and try catch some rabbits and get potatos for soup in the morning, also gotta dig my pit to cook it all in.

  66. Bed didn’t quite work out, but that’s the exact thought I had about you (it took me until now to realise that you, too, are Irish). Let’s hear it for free laptops, and bail-outs by the IMF and the English! Also alternating typing with drinking and hitting refresh.

    I gotta go set up my poitin distillery.

  67. I really do think if she turned the lights off, her tongue and fingernails would glow

  68. All you had to do was click on my link and put 2 and 2 together.

    Drink with the left, refresh with the right. Thats the new slogan of my political party. aint got too many people on board yet

  69. Natdigga.
    Comment section is reserved for angry comments and a place where people can come to hate the English for 800 years of oppression rape, pillage and tyranny. They also stole our spuds in the famine

  70. Hella/the more obnoxious hecka for those who don’t curse is a NorCal thing. It’s used in SoCal…but mostly NorCal. And there’s your California language lesson for the evening.

  71. hee hee, Pep said pluperfect, hee hee,

  72. I’d do’er.

  73. Hmm. I had never heard of the “pluperfect” before reading these comments, but I bet only a retart would want to use it anyway.

  74. I ran out of sleepy time tea, so I figured I would stalk Lamebook and read the comments. But, jeebus, these were atrocious. Bleh.

    I just don’t understand why this girl felt the need to show me her tracheal area while also listing a bunch of useless information that is definitely not going to win me a round on Jeopardy.

    Maybe if she starting using her mighty tongue and so thoroughly cleared throat to put penises in, we wouldn’t have to suffer her spawn’s wrath 15 or so years from now . . . Oh, the irony. (I use that word how I want, bitches.)

    G’night lamebook.

  75. I really think this “6O day chaLLenge !!” that lends the album its name is an impersonation of sorts, and Kia is actually rather smart and acting fully out of sarcastic (or, as rightly put above, ironic) intentions. But that’s me.

  76. She’s easy to please but will follow your every step to make sure everything is in place. Something is very wrong there. Conor, reading your comments gave me a massive head fuck. However, I like it.

  77. Oh Gawd..Tthings like this are bringing babies into the world…. how tragic…

  78. I must be really bored because I followed the comments like a soap opera. I was never good at following those

    So… Conor is an Irish leperchaun/wild man, Pep is possibly not French and sandcat is a Brazillian shemale of Irish ancestry. All three are drunk. Something about Irony. The rest is superfluous

    I like Amanda Sue

  79. @MsBuzz…Took me a bit to figure out what historyprof was talking about. It appears that what is written is 42O (with the letter “O”) not 420 (with the number zero) – it’s subtle though and is one of those WTF moments as in “How the fuck did you notice that is was the letter and not the number? And why would you think she meant anything other that 4/20? WTF”

    As for “based”…I have heard of the Based Gods, so it’s probably that. But Urban Dictionary lists several definitions – two of which stand out:

    1. Stoned
    2. Gay and proud of it.

  80. @wandr,

    Though I know not for certain, I shall graciously and modestly assume that sandcat alleges my not really being French on account of my voluminous and capacious lexicon in English. Being Irish, he has probably not studied any real foreign languages, just that loogie-ridden Gaelic stuff, and is therefore unaware of the fact that all native romance speakers, especially francophones, find it easier to reach for the polysyllabic and latinesque terminology in English over the more common and simple anglo-saxon words. If one need ask why that is, I shall merely curse that person’s darkness and laugh in his/her face.

    Oh, and I think we’re just supposed to presume that sandcat’s mommy and daddy are rich landowners and he’s had a jet-setting life, not that he has actual roots tying him to Brazilian culture.

  81. Yeah im a wild man who lives in the woods around shannon airport, but im not your typical small leprechaun ye Americans think we are. Leprechauns can also be vertically challenged.

    I can speak Gaelic although not very well.

    I think sandcat just has a brazilian and is proud of it.

  82. @ Pep – I feel you (the part about the “reach for the polysyllabic and latinesque terminology in English over the more common and simple anglo-saxon words”, although you make it sound so pedantic when it’s just natural.

    @ Conor – them Americans. Gaelic is sexy. Keep it up

    Also, I like brazilian (the underwear, not the tongue)

  83. @ wandr – :) Once in a blue moon, I like to write messages on lamebook that are ever so slightly arrogant and pompous. It gets the flames going, as long paragraphs do.

  84. @ccrashh You realise that the only place that writes dates month/day/year is the US…so if historyprof is from anywhere outside America the 4/20 wouldn’t even be a date – thus he would wouldn’t automatically translate that to 20th April.

  85. @pendragon – the US is not the ONLY place that writes the day as month/day/year. Nice try though.

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