Thursday, May 30, 2013

Lord of the Wheels

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32 Comments

  1. yournutsareshowing

    Getting tired of people declaring themselves heros for killing a spider. If you battle a lion in your shower or find yourself cornered in the basement by a wild boar feel free to post about it, until the shut your pie hole. You know who also kills
    Spiders? Kittens, sweet fluffy kittens, and you don’t hear them bragging about it.

  2. ^where do you live??

  3. Must be a Prius owner

  4. yournutsareshowing

    Tanzania

  5. He emerged as a wuss.
    It was probably a household spider, nothing serious about that.

  6. just kill it you pussy

  7. Yeah, what’s up with all this spider phobia…I took out at least a dozen of them fuckers while I was out working by the shed today…They were at least the size of a silver dollar…I used my boot…and maybe a couple of paper towels. It was mildly enjoyed, but kind of pissed me off because I had shit to do and they just kept getting in the damn way. Usually I’d prefer to keep them alive…you know…’cause they’re good for the local ecosystem…and all that jazz…

  8. Despite the weak concept, as pointed out by all you fucktards, the story is very well written.

  9. ^What kind of shit do you normally read? He missed what could have been the best part – where he Macgyvers a spider catapult one handed using typical carhold items.

  10. Spiders are fucking dangerous!
    In Europe, we have severel incidents every year, about spiders raping women and children, and, even worse, stealing peoples Playstation 3, replacing it with an X-box!

  11. Is spider European for some kind of mental syndrome?

  12. i’m willing to bet most of you quit reading after the second sentence like i did.

  13. WTF did he build? A torch? A catapult? A Mandelbrot? And what did he use to build it? That’s kind of an important detail that’s completely left out.

    My guess is he used his almost-full Super Big Gulp containing Diet Coke to contain the spider and tossed the entire thing out the window, and he’s too embarrassed to admit he littered like that.

  14. Remember when stuff here was kinda funny?

  15. Now see here, Jonathan, in these here parts we eat what we kill. How else are you going to get your proteins?

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  18. @ Gerryism, nope.

  19. #17, Jeans for $39, T-shirts for $20?! That’s fucking overpriced.

  20. Remember the time when clothes weren’t so ridiculously expensive?
    Neither do I.

  21. I was driving 2 times the speed limit (1 limit per person in the car) through the Fraser River canyon one hot summer day, concentrating through dangerous S-curves so as to avoid unexpectedly swimming with the spawning salmon.
    Layne Staley was ripping into some of my favourite lyrics and I was practicing my falsetto.
    A bumble bee appeared out of nowhere.
    Neither my passenger nor I bothered to acknowledge its existence except to give it a typical Canadian head-nod.
    It was just a bumble bee.
    The bee, however, disagreed.

    The bee spent the next 5 minutes flying in front of my face saying “hey douchebag, i’m a fucking bee! Notice me damnit! BZZ bzz.. Show me some respect BITCHES!” etc.
    Well, obviously my dramaqueenless non reaction was pissing it off and making it try harder and harder to turn me into a panicky teenage girl. It failed miserably.
    I dealt with this distraction in a calm and mature manner, only slowing down enough to reach for the SPF 30 sunscreen (for 97% protection, don’t want to catch the cancer, eh) and turned him into a coconutty (new word) sticky mess. Easy peasy.
    Bonus, with the coating of sunscreen on my windshield it saved me having to apply it to myself for the remainder of the drive. Although i did have to slow to the posted speed limit thereafter since i lost 97% visibility. RIP Layne

  22. A few things that bothered me here: 1)It’s a fucking spider, not a lion. @) Can it be called a “convoy” if it’s comprised of only ONE fucking vehicle? 3)This has been done to death, and it wasn’t even funny the first time. 4) NEVER compare yourself to Leonidas. And 5)

  23. 2*

  24. .@Jibby,

    Your second point bothered me, as well. I think asshole OP meant conveyance, which by all means, isn’t the traditional/common term used in place of “automobile”, but as we know, can be used as another word to describe a means/method of transportation. In this particular case, said nancy boy OP’s shitty prius or other god awful looking hybrid/economy car similar progressive, new age yuppie types might drive. The type of prick that would describe their car as a “conveyance”. Dennis Rodman would fuck his day up! Be well! (I hope someone else gets this reference)

  25. Wait are you fucking with us? What’s #5, Jibby?

  26. Hey, if a spider was directly in front me while driving I’d probably freak out too.

    Why is everyone calling this guy a prick?

  27. ^I once almost drove off a bridge when a spider jumped out at me. You don’t see me boring the fuck out of everyone with a bullshit, over-elaborate, check out how good at prose I am, “story”.

    That’s why.

  28. #7 I don’t get it either I actively encourage spiders to be in my house. Then I almost never get flies or mosquitos about for long.

    #26 Because when someone is driving and a spider turns up in the car it’s expected that they not act like a three year old.

  29. #28, We left a Daddy Long-Legs alive for that very same reason. He’s getting good and fat now :D

  30. Well, I think everyone’s missing the point. The spider incident is so small that’s he’s over emphasizing the mediocrity of the stunt.

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  32. All I read is “blah blah blah”.

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