Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Locked Out

Locked-Out

previous post: The Vagina Monologues

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99 Comments

  1. haha

  2. hahaha, I am a girl and even I think that Brandon’s metaphor is amazingly true and awesome.

  3. HA!

  4. Ah ha ha, that’s awesome! ftw!

  5. dude speaks the truth

  6. Sickipedia frowns upon this Lamebook entry.

    Funny nonetheless though.

  7. wtf is up with people stealing jokes off sickipedia now days

  8. Bahaha, thats tops.

  9. BRANDON BE MY KEY!
    ;)

  10. i dont check sicipedia. this is fucking golden

  11. wow, well said Brandon

  12. I love Brandon. HARD.

  13. im a girl and i think wat brandon said is true….

  14. Stolen or not, Still funny and worth posting

  15. Haha wow that was great. Well said

  16. I never comment but this is awesome so it had to be said. (I’m a girl also)

  17. I think girls are often the most judgmental. Let’s just say that I don’t care if you’ve lost your virginity as long as you still have the box it came in.

  18. Oh, ha ha, misogyny and sexism are soooo funny! /s

    FAIL.

  19. just pure win.

  20. Oh, I didn’t know women knew how to use HTML tags.

  21. Wow. There are a lot of self-loathing women on Lamebook. What makes this true besides what society tells us, which is exactly Shar’s point?

    At least there’s doctressjulia.

  22. This made my giggle at first, but I’m definitely on Shar’s side. Men are already sexist enough without us girls telling them how right they are just because they (or someone at Sickipedia, as it appears) took the trouble to put it in a smart way.

  23. It’s funny. Untrue, but funny.

  24. Brandon FTW!!!!!

  25. Exactly, Zrot!

  26. That’s perfect. I don’t even know what to say.

    Couldn’t have said it better!

  27. Humor is not for everyone, because most times humor is mean… but such humor also happends to be the best humor :D

  28. doctressjulia ftw, lolsexism ftl.

  29. Yes Shar, society is sexist and apparently so is Brandon. It’s either that or he thought he was being clever with that little retort.

  30. i have one of those sets of car keys where you push a button and the key bit springs out. i will never think of it in the same way again

  31. yeah so this is totally true, if a guy gets lots of girls he is tha man because its harder for a guy to get a girl in most cases, than it is for a girl to sleep with a bunch of guys.

  32. Women are all a bunch of morons.

  33. chu let me make myself clear… brandon is right about the girls… but the boys.. i have no comment on the situation… gosh I hate saying that name…

  34. I’m a girl and the double standard does exist and is completely unfair. Having said that, Brandon’s comment is quite clever and made me laugh.

  35. @teiso:

    Only sluts and whores say that it is unfair.

    It’s so true what Brandon said. He’s a man hero.

  36. @bedsector

    your bar for hero-ship is pretty damn low.

    women have the rough end of the double standard, and people like brandon just make it worse.

  37. Brandon gets it….and I bet he gives it to Shar.

  38. Brandon is the man.

  39. It all makes sense to me know!

  40. now. opps.

  41. wow. Brandon and anyone who says he’s funny are just…brilliant. I didn’t know people could be so stupid/backwards.
    cool. you learn new things every day.

  42. Its true. Its sad that its like this, but that’s how society is. You may as well laugh about it, since crying about it won’t change it.

  43. @Sedna – nope, it’s not how “society” is, it’s how people who haven’t grown up and stopped giving a shit/getting on their high horse at others are.

    Not hassling, I was there myself but honestly… it’s all pretty Freudian to go around thinking vaginas are locks and penises are keys… actually they are vaginas and penises.

    Next topic: Yes guys who score a lot are in fact sluts.

  44. looks like the lamebook sluts have a problem with what Brandon said

  45. The “double standard” exists because it is seen as an achievement to get laid if you are a man. They have to coax a woman in, it’s hard work for them.
    On the other hand all a woman has to do is open her legs and wait.

    and also noone wants to hump a vagina like a bucket of porridge!

  46. end of the day people from both sexes get the herp if they do it too much lol

  47. @Sashface You don’t always have to coax a woman in. I’ve known some who will open their legs at the drop of a hat. And there are some men that want to wait.

  48. @Badsector, mistaphill, etc:

    Incorrect. I’m 22 and have been with the same man for the past seven years. It’s not “the sluts” who have a problem with this double standard, it’s the intelligent people.

  49. Brilliant, finally something from lamebook that I can use forever.

  50. Hahahaha Brandon FTW!

  51. Ok, as a woman I hate his reasoning….but as an intellegent person, I think Brandons f-ing brilliant! Fantastic metaphor my friend!

  52. Brandon’s reasoning is foolproof! Ftw!!

  53. badsector, why did you have to specify “man” in front of the word hero?
    If woman are so moronic I’d think they’re unlikely to be heroic right? For example what would be the point of saying “man mechanic”, because chicks don’t know shit about cars, right?

    /sarcasm

  54. someone should copy and paste the fights that occur on lamebook and submit them to lamebook………..

  55. Would all the woman posting please get off the board and back into the kitchen where you belong? mmmkthks!

    I like to organise my grammer.

  56. EwGross, I’m sure Grandma likes being organised.

    Brandon put his point quite eloquently; unusual for a male. What double standards?

  57. Brandon’s joke is funny, I lol’d, but people who take it seriously and actually agree with it are the problem. The importance placed on female purity is quite harmful for women in the same way that importance placed on male experience is harmful for men.

    It’s a double standard that goes back to when a woman’s sexuality/virginity was the property of her father or husband.

  58. Is it me or can anyone else see where Brandon’s analogy of lock and key goes? I’m getting a feeling that the recent remote keyless entry fad can be properly likened to watching porn and whacking off. Same result, no direct contact.

  59. Brandon is quite right all women are locks that need to be opened. Why do women incessently bang on about equality and glass ceilings blah blah fucking blah?

    If Women want to be equal they should ‘man up’ and learn to have the piss taken out of them. Constantly. Thats what us men do. They should also lets us fuck them. Constantly.

  60. I laughed when I read Brandon’s comment, but is a stupid, stolen joke enough to win you over and say, “Haha! He’s right! Girls are sluts! Boys only sleepover! No girls allowed!!”

    It’s really annoying when guys act like frat boys on the internet because they know it can’t come back to them back they can hide behind a computer.

  61. With women like these that are commenting on this post, it’s hardly surprising that some men believe women to be intelectually inferior. Good job jackasses.
    I would ask all those uptight drama queens to let it rest, have a giggle at the metaphor and get it on with it! It would benefit woman-kind.

  62. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    Makster – agreed. This is hilarious, it’s a joke. It’s not going to bring women’s lib crashing down, Pankhurst is not turning in her grave, we still have the vote. But it’s funny.

    Anyway, Shar is only asking this because she’s a massive whore. Public forum, public comment, public comeuppance.

  63. I’ve got a whole binful of locks that I’ve lost the keys for. What does that mean??

  64. @Anitalaff – I’ve got a stack of keys and have no idea where to stick them. Maybe we can help each other out?

  65. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    @Anitalaff – are you trying to say that you have a binful of vaginas? Do you have different ones to match different outfits? Like wigs?

  66. Anyone knows Brandon’s last name? :D

  67. @Anitalaff,

    Do they all like to hang out at the same bar? ;)

  68. Awesome joke, but the point the girl (oh, I’m gonna look like a dick now because I don’t remember her name and am just gonna have to call her ‘the girl’) makes is still a good one. And I’m a guy. It seems like guys that sleep with everyone get tons of respect for it and (not exactly helping the women’s case) tons of girls begging to sleep with them. But a girl is a slut. It’s odd because a guy who’s slept with tons of women is seen as someone awesome and that makes some other women want him, but a girl is seen as a slut and that makes guys think she’s disgusting and would not want to sleep with her.

    Maybe it’s just the difference between how guys and girls see each other.

    Love #17′s comment.

  69. To all the sickipedia boys, please note this appeared on bash first (and probably somewhere else before that), from where it was shamelessly ripped to sickipedia.

    That said, its a great metaphor and one I will be using in future!

  70. Also, it does make me laugh, something someone else here mentioned… all the people on the internet who act like proper sexist men and are all “get in the kitchen and make me a sammich” who never would in real life. T’internet brings out the worst in people.

    I know, I’m no fun. Deal with it.
    Did laugh, though.

  71. It was a joke. Way to miss it. You are dumber than a bag of hammers.

  72. @ EwGross or maybe a bag of locks? :)

  73. @Laura.. HahAh nice!

  74. Let’s look at the lock and key analogy a different way. No matter how many locks a key opens, that key will always remain the same, never changing the length or width.

    However, if a lock is opened by many different keys, eventually it will start to get worn out and eventually broken. Depending on the size of the keys that are opening it, the locking mechanism can get widened to the point that even the most average size key won’t be able to open it properly.

    So, to put it bluntly, a guy can fuck a hundred women and his dick will never change. A woman can fuck a hundred guys and her pussy will get all streched out to the point that she needs John Holmes as a lover just to not feel like there’s a hotdog in the hallway. never mind that the more sex she has, the more the pussy looks it was put through a taffy puller. The guy’s dick will look the same as the day he popped his first cherry.

  75. Meh, there are double standards for a lot of things. I’d rather you call me a slut for sleeping around, but then buy me dinner so that I can save up money for a new car.

    Women might get the “short end” of this stick, but they are usually on the better side of double standards.

    BTW, I think if a guy sleeps with 22 women, then he’s a slut also.

  76. haha who cares? if you want to sleep around, go for it. i never understood the whole “slut” thing. are we still in puritan times?

  77. No matter its origins I still got a chuckle. Some of life’s Truisms bear repeating.

    note to @Spanky who said “So, to put it bluntly, a guy can fuck a hundred women and his dick will never change.”

    Uh yeah, the mans member will never change, if you don’t count the weeping oozing pustules from all the STDs he’s gonna get from running around indiscriminately dropping his “key” into hundreds of well used “locks”.

  78. SWMBM is a lock. There are many keys out there.

  79. Spanky- Your analogy fails. If a woman has sex with a 100 different men or has sex 100 times with the same man, her pussy will still change physically. It’s not as if having sex with only one man 100 times will keep her pussy perfectly tight.

  80. How is this a double standard? It’s apples to oranges.

    Since men pursue, and women are pursued, men will as a gender never be in the same position as women. Until the day comes where men always bring their best friend to the bathroom with them, or dance in exclusively male groups on the dancefloor, men will not be pursued like women are. It’s different.

    It takes no skill to allow a guy to have sex with you. It does take integrity, loyalty, sense, and dignity to deny all men. However, it takes plenty of skill for a man to sleep with plenty of women. May be disgusting, but it takes skill. Being a slut is “easy” hence why we call them that.

    So if this “double standard” only applies to sluts, why are self proclaimed intelligent women fighting for this? If you despise this male behaviour, why are you trying to justify it for your gender? Nobody said men weren’t sluts. However, to be a slut requires skill if you’re a man since you’re the one trying to win her over. That skill gains praise smong men

  81. speaking of things being stolen, this is good > http://img140.imageshack.us/i/picture1fx.png/

  82. Loving Brandons logic xD

  83. It’s all about degree of difficulty. A woman bragging about getting laid is like a guy bragging about finding a woman who wants to get married.

  84. @spanky – the vagina is a muscle. It stretches and then tightens back up, pretty much. The only thing on earth that can really stretch it out for any length of time is a fucking baby going down the birth canal, and then it returns to pretty much normal after a while.

    In other words, there is no dick on this entire earth that could possibly be big enough to have any impact on a vagina.

    Face it, you guys are just scared she’ll know how crappy you are at sex if she’s had time to get good at it herself.

  85. yeh it is unfair, but i for one think sluts are fuckin great, i’m all for a campaign to turn more girls into sluts, sex is fun.

    brandon’s comment is still funny as fuck and amazing tho =D

  86. This is so frigging funny.

  87. That was a very clever comment Brandon, however still sexist. Surley if its about “locks” and “keys” then surley a universal or master key should be in the right hands. Who knows what would happen if some sexist brutes were the owners of the “master key”.
    There is no “master key” and there are some locks which can be opened by many keys. Take a key down to the key cutters and he can make you exact replicas which fit your lock. These aren’t “shitty” locks, its just easier to have spare keys lying around , you know? I’ve certainy seen people break alot more keys , than locks. So it wasn’t a flawless metaphor.

  88. Randomchick2 I think you’re being quite picky and you took the metaphor waaaay to far.

  89. Yo, chill out randomchick.
    Are you one of those feminazis?

  90. HAHA!! Brandon is the man!!!

  91. @Randomchick2
    Pull yr tampon out and make yr man a cup of tea.

  92. I’m impressed! A Very funny analogy.

    Not so impressed with all these “make a sandwhich” etc comments.

  93. great analogy. it’s too bad that brandon is gay and only likes male locks. what of that?

  94. having actually worked in the locksmithing industry, i can safely say that it’s a flawed analogy lol

  95. so this is what they call an epiphany.

  96. When are people going to stop proclaiming this double standard like it’s a profound new way of seeing the world?

  97. “When are people going to stop proclaiming this double standard like it’s a profound new way of seeing the world?”

    As soon as we stop having teenagers. Every old idea is new to them. That’s not a bad thing. It -was- a profound new way of seeing the world the first time you heard it. The same is true for them. They can’t and shouldn’t be expected to be omniscient.

  98. Flawed analogy or not, pzo, Brandon broke out some old school shit for all the right reasons! He gets mad props for a job well done!

  99. He just stole that from here
    http://bash.org/?908184
    that jokes been around forever

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