I was born the son of a farmer, but raised the brother of a son’s uncle. The cows had sung their last dance and the sun’s flames were extinguished as it fell into the ocean. I walked home alone that night. The streetlights were out so it was just me and the moon. I remember that time Julie had asked me for a pearl necklace. With my dairy-lad’s salary I couldn’t do it. She had that sad look in her eye on Christmas morning when all she got was a model train.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“Yes. It’s the nicest Cleavland steamer I’ve ever gotten” she smiled. I knew it was an empty smile.
That’s when Uncle Mr. Haiku came around and stole julie’s heart with a masterpiece involving coffee mugs and air compressors. I couldn’t believe it. Just like that, suddenly they were going to the spa together, getting massages and facials.
I walked home alone again that night. This time before the Ocean had a chance to lay the sun to rest. Even though the sun was smiling, the heavens insisted on raining down on me. A golden shower to dampen my spirit even more.
As the rain cleared, I walked by the ol’ repair shop. There he was, Mr. Dirty Sanchez, while the whole town trusted him with their car, you couldn’t trust him with anything else, not even your hot lunch. He warned me that some people were looking for me. Why he wanted to help me, I’ll never know. Looking back to that day, I wish I could have heeded his words and just ran away.
I finally made it home, kicking the stones up the driveway. I saw a mob gathered outside.
“THERE HE IS!”
I was puzzled, and a bit worried.
“What’s going on here?”
I saw Julie in the crowd, she looked more annoyed than the rest. Maybe it’s because I had such deep love for her, knowing I disappointed her somehow made my heart sink.
“We know what you’re up to” one villager said, with pitchfork and torch in hand.
“We know you’ve been copying and pasting your milk from the Jefferson farm down yonder”
“I’ve been whatting my milk?” I said with a laugh
“You know. Copying and pasting, boy. Stealing others milk and selling it as your own”
I laughed at them and shook my head. This is what happens when you have a town built upon incest and mercury for dinner.
I dont see what the big fuss is. She likes a pearl necklace from time to time. I’m just curious as to what the next post would be? House problems? Something about having a problem with her back door?
Maybe she needs some renovations, and intends to paint her back passage red. To paint a house properly, you need to hold the brush a certain way. Grip the shaft lightly but firmly in your hand and part the hairs.
Lol, despite instantly getting the reference, I too had to go to Wikipedia merely for the visuals.
Linda is an idiot. Darren is basically saying “hey, I would love to cum all over your throat” and she replies with a love heart. Clearly her mummy never told her that sex does not always equal everlasting love and a baby carriage.
@ Snip! and others who went to Wikipedia
Does that poor woman know she´s on there? Or is it taken from a porn clip or something? Ugh, gross (I don´t know why I went back to view it). NSFW.
@txikiwi: according to the image details (which can be viewed by clicking the image), it was made in a “private session”, presumably with consent given to put it on there.
I knew it couldn’t be safe for work… but that’s why my monitor is not visable by anyone else. My curiosity was going crazy and I had to see it, haha. The sexual drawings on wikipedia are always great also.
@ awesome – lose one ‘o’ from loose and you have lose – makes a lot more sense when you are trying to lose weight. It makes the word weigh less as well.
@4 she doesnt have them out that bad. She’s flaunting. Same as ripped dudes walk around shirtless. And she doesn’t look as half as trashy compared to the rest of facebook.
I know this post is old. I also know that people new to lamebook like myself will eventually find it. To those who were are and might be confused. Urban Dictionary defines “pearl necklace” as: the glorious culmination of tit-fucking, in which you blow your nuts out all over a girl’s tits, shoulders, neck, and, with any luck, chin. one of the highest expressions of love and affection bestowable upon a woman by a man.
The cluelessness of people actually made me feel compelled to share this info with yall. My first post and 2nd day on lamebook FTW, or not really.
HAHAHAHA. I don’t think she got it.
Well I’ve got to admit that I’ve never heard THAT before.
Jewels, the way to a woman’s heart, so it seems
That girl just screams class.
I’d drop a load on them given the chance
The pearls tell us she’s a lady.
Semantics ftw.
http://www.suffbilder.de/lustiges/images/frauen.jpg
Poor clueless Linda.
I think I’m in love …
I was born the son of a farmer, but raised the brother of a son’s uncle. The cows had sung their last dance and the sun’s flames were extinguished as it fell into the ocean. I walked home alone that night. The streetlights were out so it was just me and the moon. I remember that time Julie had asked me for a pearl necklace. With my dairy-lad’s salary I couldn’t do it. She had that sad look in her eye on Christmas morning when all she got was a model train.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
“Yes. It’s the nicest Cleavland steamer I’ve ever gotten” she smiled. I knew it was an empty smile.
That’s when Uncle Mr. Haiku came around and stole julie’s heart with a masterpiece involving coffee mugs and air compressors. I couldn’t believe it. Just like that, suddenly they were going to the spa together, getting massages and facials.
I walked home alone again that night. This time before the Ocean had a chance to lay the sun to rest. Even though the sun was smiling, the heavens insisted on raining down on me. A golden shower to dampen my spirit even more.
As the rain cleared, I walked by the ol’ repair shop. There he was, Mr. Dirty Sanchez, while the whole town trusted him with their car, you couldn’t trust him with anything else, not even your hot lunch. He warned me that some people were looking for me. Why he wanted to help me, I’ll never know. Looking back to that day, I wish I could have heeded his words and just ran away.
I finally made it home, kicking the stones up the driveway. I saw a mob gathered outside.
“THERE HE IS!”
I was puzzled, and a bit worried.
“What’s going on here?”
I saw Julie in the crowd, she looked more annoyed than the rest. Maybe it’s because I had such deep love for her, knowing I disappointed her somehow made my heart sink.
“We know what you’re up to” one villager said, with pitchfork and torch in hand.
“We know you’ve been copying and pasting your milk from the Jefferson farm down yonder”
“I’ve been whatting my milk?” I said with a laugh
“You know. Copying and pasting, boy. Stealing others milk and selling it as your own”
I laughed at them and shook my head. This is what happens when you have a town built upon incest and mercury for dinner.
Why do these pearls keep dripping?
Forget the pearls, give the girl a shirt that fits.
No, wait. He said a “real” one – not a metaphorical one. Maybe he’s genuinely offering to… sorry. I can’t finish this it’s so stupid.
I was a clueless as Linda…
Wow, Wikipedia really does have an article on everything…
Oooooh ZZ Top knows what Darren is talking about.
@boz (13 ) den y do u evn start sumthn wen u noe its stupid !!
haha.. LOSER !
I doubt it would’ve been any more clear to Linda if he’d promised a pearl necklace following a donkey punch and a Cincinnati necktie.
i love everyone here who doesnt get it.
omg it took me a couple seconds but i got it now lolz
@txikiwi: yep, everything. The best thing about that article is that some kind Wikipedian actually provided a photo.
How do you call someone a loser when you spell like that? Is that even fucking english?
@whorio omg u is de loser lyk LOLZ
@ whorio, you’d damn well better be typing like that for strict irony purposes.
also, boz is 14.
Hahaha, I already knew what a pearl necklace was, but I looked it up on wikipedia just to see the pictures someone said they provided. Oh, wikipedia.
@julie
lmao i cant believe you actually got me to look it up to confirm haha
I dont see what the big fuss is. She likes a pearl necklace from time to time. I’m just curious as to what the next post would be? House problems? Something about having a problem with her back door?
@Steve-o
Maybe she needs some renovations, and intends to paint her back passage red. To paint a house properly, you need to hold the brush a certain way. Grip the shaft lightly but firmly in your hand and part the hairs.
etc.
Next photo in the album features Linda ob a steam train in Cleveland Ohio.
and by “ob”, of course, I meant “on”.
omg wikipedia pics FTW
You always make me laugh Boz
Lol, despite instantly getting the reference, I too had to go to Wikipedia merely for the visuals.
Linda is an idiot. Darren is basically saying “hey, I would love to cum all over your throat” and she replies with a love heart. Clearly her mummy never told her that sex does not always equal everlasting love and a baby carriage.
The next pic is of her with a cup of tea, so Darren can give her a real teabag.
@ Snip! and others who went to Wikipedia
Does that poor woman know she´s on there? Or is it taken from a porn clip or something? Ugh, gross (I don´t know why I went back to view it). NSFW.
@txikiwi: according to the image details (which can be viewed by clicking the image), it was made in a “private session”, presumably with consent given to put it on there.
@txikiwi
I knew it couldn’t be safe for work… but that’s why my monitor is not visable by anyone else. My curiosity was going crazy and I had to see it, haha. The sexual drawings on wikipedia are always great also.
Oh my SHIT! Her face would look like that after my jelly jizz facebooked her!
[...] [...]
holy tits batman
Ewwwww
I see ya tits, let me cum on em
i like the comment above. good reference. haha.
I like to think she knew exactly what he meant…
@ snip, the photos ARE good, but the best bit is:
“Alternative slang terms also exist: piss in the dugout and jizz spider”
sell the pearls, and use the money to buy a gym membership and loose weight
@ awesome – lose one ‘o’ from loose and you have lose – makes a lot more sense when you are trying to lose weight. It makes the word weigh less as well.
Yeh, loose weight tends to dangle around the knees. Which is horrible when it’s a woman’s breasts.
oh damn, i didnt even realize that haha
Wikipedia FTW
Damn, those mammas makes one want to dive headfirst into them
Disregard that, I suck cocks
.
why does it look like she has 3 boobs?
It’s the pattern on her shirt. Oh, and the fact that she has enough tit for three.
@4 she doesnt have them out that bad. She’s flaunting. Same as ripped dudes walk around shirtless. And she doesn’t look as half as trashy compared to the rest of facebook.
Her tits are magnificent!
I’d pop a bollock for a diddy ride on those.
Darren was lost on me… perhaps a wink would have helped his humour. The ‘real’ was kind of misleading too.
I didn’t get it, either.
I know this post is old. I also know that people new to lamebook like myself will eventually find it. To those who were are and might be confused. Urban Dictionary defines “pearl necklace” as: the glorious culmination of tit-fucking, in which you blow your nuts out all over a girl’s tits, shoulders, neck, and, with any luck, chin. one of the highest expressions of love and affection bestowable upon a woman by a man.
The cluelessness of people actually made me feel compelled to share this info with yall. My first post and 2nd day on lamebook FTW, or not really.
Holy crap.