Thursday, May 20, 2010

Lessons from Last Night

previous post: Speedy Success



  1. Benifer

  2. I am the Lizard King!

  3. While I certainly understand where Jack and Jordan are coming from, not being a fan of the thicket myself, I think it’s a dick move to discuss it in a public forum where their friends can read it and then humiliate the poor girl. Lame. If there’s any justice in the world, word will spread and none of the other chicks they know will let them get anywhere close, for fear of having their own anatomy discussed and debated in semi-public internet forums.

  4. WhyNotTheWhales

    What the hell is Michael saying?? Was he thrown up a lamp shade??

  5. Michael – Time to buy new lamp shades. You may get the puke stains out, but the smell will linger forever.

  6. Someone has vomited on his lamp shades and he is wondering how to get them clean.

    #1 How I hope that Marla is the girl Jack went down on and that they posted at the exact same time!

  7. To the poor girl referenced in No.1: Although I feel bad that all that chatter between Jack and Jordan is probably going to come back to you… I can’t help but say C’MON! It doesn’t take much to go to a salon and have that taken care of… or in the least bic that shit.

  8. Snatch meet razor, razor meet snatch. That is all.

  9. No need for the public slating….but keep we do need to keep it neat, ladies. Also, Michael, just call it ‘puke’

  10. why there was two ‘keep’s in there, i couldn’t tell you.

  11. WhyNotTheWhales

    Oh darnit, now I see. Sorry for asking dumb-ass questions.

  12. @whynotthewhales – i think it was a perfectly valid question, i mean, who calls it ‘throw up’?

  13. derangedfangirl

    Guys who complain about pubes should probably stop taking all their cues from porn. Unless he’s waxing his bits on a regular basis, she can do whatever she likes with them.

    I don’t get it. Seriously, dudes, explain it to me!

  14. simon got what was coming to him for keeping that doll house

  15. @terribletimes

    I no one around here uses anything other than ‘throw up’ to describe vomit. That’s the word I’ve always used.

  16. I loved the ?uestlove reference too, Jack.

  17. @jaz my sincere apologies then! I don’t know, i just don’t like things that sound too much like the action of doing it. ‘Throw up’ makes me feel a bit ill

  18. In NZ everyone calls it either throw up or vomit. No one says puke. Maybe he’s just not American, or wherever you’re from terribletimes.

  19. Not sure about everyone else, but whenever I do say throw up, I use it as a verb. Otherwise, I just say puke or sometimes vomit, which work either as a verb or noun.

  20. ijustsawvalhallarising, it wasn’t especially good

  21. @jmdp; i might start using ‘throw up’, it’s expressive!

    @katypants; agreed.

  22. I agree. I think everyone should shave their bush, male or female. There is nothing attractive about it on anyone. Nothing.

    But to have that conversation on face book is just too much. I’m speechless anyone would ever think that appropriate.

  23. BTW throw up as a verb OR a noun is very common from where I’m from, if a little childish. It was a term used more often when we were kids.

  24. Exactly. Throw Up was what we called it until we were old enough to not get yelled at for saying “puke” … or, my personal favorite, “spew”.

  25. Sometimes I simply call it pizza.

  26. @Bulldog – i have to say, ‘spew’ is my all time favourite aswell as ‘technocolour yawn’ and ‘ralphing’

  27. michael should call ed gein.

  28. WhyNotTheWhales

    @ slippyslappy
    Ooh I have to disagree with you there, at least partly. I find it to be very unattractive when a man has no bodily hair. Especially if I find out he actually waxes his chest! It’s like if a guy uses spray-tan or gets his nails done. It’s just not manly enough for me. I like my man with a beard and a hairy chest. The downstairs is up to him, or rather, if he wants his ornaments to get any attention, he shaves.

  29. 4 of my comments are being moderated! I didn’t use a swear or anything vaguely derogatory, bizarre!

  30. Spicy Boughner

    In the end, it’s not your body. Don’t like what someone does with theirs, move on and don’t be a whiny bitch about it. And guys that shave absolutely everything have always seemed less masculine to me, no matter how much they try to make it up with well-toned muscles and other douchetastic things or what have you.

    At the same time, a freshly shaven pooter right out of the shower is a delightful thing to stick your tongue into.

  31. did you say siarra?

  32. did you say the name of ‘she who shall not be named?’
    a.k.a. the amazing one?

  33. @spicy boughner; guys who shave everything are, exactly that, douches, HOWEVER, as you said, a freshly shaven pooter is delightful, as are some freshly shaven balls…..although not covered in lotion like ‘Shawn’ from a previous post.

  34. WhyNotTheWhales

    @ Spicy Boughner
    Hear hear!!

  35. WhyNotTheWhales

    No that doesn’t exactly help with the taste. “Mmmmm.. lotion?”

  36. @whynotthewhales; exactly, sweaty sack is better than lotion sack……well, actually no, i take that back.

  37. WhyNotTheWhales

    @ HOOPS
    Good point! Think I better try one of those lotion sacks before I rule them out completely!

  38. @whynotthewhales HAHA oh do! they’re not one to be missed out on. God ‘Shawn’ would love this conversation.

  39. WhyNotTheWhales

    @ HOOPS
    Hahaha!! “Oh Shaawn.. a word in my office please?”

  40. @whynotthewhales; haha he’d love it! ‘Oh Shawn could you and you’re hairless balls come in here please’

  41. Agreed with Deranged… “unless he’s waxing his bits on a regular basis” then he has no say-so whatsoever.

    Katypants – who has the time and money for trips to the salon every 3 weeks at $50-$75 plus tip?!? not this girl, I gots things to see and people to be doing with my non-prepubescent looking self.

  42. Maybe want to keep that stuff on the downlow fellas. Generally guys who have a reputation for discussing how they went down on Chewbacca last night and ended up using her pubes as toothfloss start to see a bit of a decrease in willing females.

  43. Woooohooooo, this post is rife with ridiculous sexist beauty standards! Before handy disposable razors, no one thought ladies ought to shave their thatches, as it were, because no one was marketing that beauty standard. Personal aesthetic preference is one thing, but blindly accepting a bullshit pressure on women to keep themselves “appropriately neat for the men kindly acquiescing to pleasure them” is just ridiculous.

  44. @nailbait; i agree…..but don’t you find shaving so much better??

  45. rebarbativebecc

    @41 I agree, and I think it’s hilarious when you ask a guy what they prefer and they say “Shaved” and then you ask if THEY shave and they’re like “HELL NO”. Double standards.

  46. Double standard or not, a bald pussy is 100 times more attractive than one with a fro. If you want your man to go down there, and go often, keep it clean and tidy. End of story.

  47. Why do I seem to disagree with Lamebook on almost 100% of female beauty standards? I think a nice bush is vastly more attractive than a bald crotch.

  48. I agree with Jack and Jordan. If you can floss while you are down there or need a weedwhacker, that’s all bad. Shaving is not hard nor is it time consuming. Publicly discussing her unshaven lady parts is a major dick move though.

  49. Unless you have experienced the resulting ingrown hair that becomes more and more horrendous until it ends up a deep red/purple sore that makes your eyes water everytime you even breath, or have had to lay down in a doctor’s office while the nurse tells you they are going to have to use a syringe to drain the swelling puss out of one the most painful things you have ever experienced as your partner simultaneously holds your hand for comfort and tries desperatelty not to dry wretch, you are not allowed to have any say in what people should do with their pubes.

  50. Seriously? Shaving? Have you people never suffered ingrowing hairs?

    I’m very wary of people who say they prefer a quim to be hairless. Adult women have pubic hair. Little girls don’t.

    Having said that, there is no excuse for not having a wee trim and tidy up of one’s clunge.

  51. lollipoop.

  52. All I’m saying is, that has to be serious Tarzan vine between that chick’s legs for it to be soooo terrible that commenting on it like a freshman is acceptable. Mhmm.

  53. Paranoid Android

    @48 ‘quim’ = win

    Re: Pubic hair, CYE anyone?

  54. Damien is a freak, and his actions and reasoning are proof of his freakdom.
    You were all too busy arguing the pros and cons of bald vs hairy genitals to notice this? I’m so surprised… NOT.

    mwnci tal, “quim”, now that’s a new one to me, haha.

  55. Ahh, you noticed it too, Paranoid, it’s a good one, huh?

  56. quim is quite a common turn of phrase in england. it’s the word for a vagina. it would be socially acceptable to use the word ‘quim’, for example, during a protracted joke at a bar. i may be wrong on this, but i think it shares a common origin with the word ‘cunt’ from chaucer:

    ‘ full prively he caught her by the queinte ‘

    is a line from the miller’s tale. also, sorry to poop your party mwnci tal, but i’m fairly sure the word ‘clunge’ means vaginal fluid – ‘knee-deep in clunge’ – QED – hence the action of ‘a tidy up of one’s clunge’ requires not some tweezers/a razor and a small mirror, but a mop and a vasty slopbucket.

  57. quim is quite a common turn of phrase in england. it’s the word for a vagina. it would be socially acceptable to use the word ‘quim’, for example, during a protracted joke at a bar. i may be wrong on this, but i think it shares a common origin with the word ‘c*nt’ from chaucer:

    ‘ full prively he caught her by the queynte ‘

    is a line from the miller’s tale. also, sorry to poop your party mwnci tal, but i’m fairly sure the word ‘clunge’ means vaginal fluid – ‘knee-deep in clunge’ – QED – hence the action of ‘a tidy up of one’s clunge’ requires not some tweezers/a razor and a small mirror, but a mop and a vasty slopbucket.

  58. Paranoid Android

    I see your ‘clunge’ and raise you a ‘flange’.

    Old school genital slang, it’s the future.

  59. lol

  60. I’ve had too much coffe.

  61. minge anyone…?

  62. Btw “full prively he caught her by the queynte” from “miller’s tale”? What’s that? Some ancient lore about genital exploration?


  63. naw, clunge is just another word for va-jay-jay.

    keeping it tidy is nice but i’m always wary of men prefering ‘bald’. gives me the creeps.

  64. If there’s grass on the field, play ball.

  65. ParanormalRomance

    Couldn’t agree more, Nantaise…I mean, when you think of the age that is naturally bald — and that is what they prefer? So so wrong….>.<

  66. Quaint and Cunning (or later, cunny) come from the same time period. No puns intended. All seem a nicer way to say the “C” word. Gotta love Chaucer and Shakespeare for representin’.

  67. Doubt anyone’ll be reading this now, but quim comes (snigger) from the welsh word cwm, meaning valley.

    @55 I see your flange and raise you a growler.

  68. Awaiting moderation? WTF?

  69. Gonna do me a little experiment… bear with me folks…

  70. quim

  71. cwm

  72. flange

  73. growler

  74. Hm. Lamebook has no problems with any of those words… then why won’t it post my explanation of quim’s origin?

    Damn you, Lamebook!

  75. mwnci – have just looked up ‘clunge’ – i stand corrected. accept my ‘umbles.

    ‘growler’ made me choke on my coco pops.

    also isn’t a ‘cwm’ a kind of glacial lake? i was thinking of writing a post about medial and lateral moraines, but now i’m worried the lamebook censors might get to it!

    you’re not allowed to say the word in the phonetic alphabet that represents ‘s’, but with an ‘a’ instead of the ‘e’. true story.

  76. Excellent literary references, folks, thank you!! I remember being shocked when I snuck in my first read of “Lady Chatterly’s Lover” back in middle school to see the word c*unt in it.

    Not for the word itself, but for how old the word was.

    @ mwnci tal, don’t let it get you down. LB will simply not let the two word phrase for “pan that fries” escape from the moderation gaol either.

  77. frying pan

  78. I’m learning so many new words by reading this! I’ve definitely never heard of Quim, clunge, flange or any other ones you all just mentioned.

    @Nantaise and ParanormalRomance; I get the connection you are making, but I don’t think that is necessarily accurate. I mean, maybe it’s just common in my area, but I don’t know any girls that don’t shave. I would think it would just be something guys are used to. As for myself, I cannot stand body hair, so any girl sporting an afro down there would be a major turn off.

  79. Quite aside from the “what do men prefer” aspect of things, waxing/shaving also prevents those stray pubes that emerge from the bottom half of a bikini, as well as making periods just that little bit less icky.

  80. Shaved, trimed, bushy, it’s all fine. Fantastic, even. However I don’t get the “oh, you like pre-pubescent girls” thing regarding the shaved snatches. What if you bang a chick with small boobs? Like, really really tiny boobs? Does that make you a pedo? If you ran away after seeing the insignificant chest mounds, would that make you a stand up guy, or just a tit obsessed dick?

    Everyone has their own tastes, and that’s wonderful. Variety is the spice of life. But I don’t like you people discounting the effort I put in to nailing 8 year olds by comparing them to consenting adults.

  81. @72 Cwm is a Welsh word meaning ‘valley’, which is where the English got ‘quim’. Quite possibly it’s also a name for a glacial lake in another language.

  82. Dammit Soup, you made me snort my tea back out of my nose!

  83. @81 Well now I just want to call it my fjord.

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