Lamesters

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Tuesday, June 16th

wisdom

Wisdom,

Are you a wizard by chance? If that’s the case, don’t worry about it “felling” your EOG’s. You’re in good company.


Monday, June 15th

makemomproud

What part of today is the eye socket? I bet it’s not around 11:21 AM. James, if you are going to skull fuck a day of the week, you should probably wake up a little earlier…

Thursday, June 11th

speltcheck1

Let’s see … where do we start with this one?  Everything about it is … how do you say … “gold.” First we start with the overall idea.  Katie meets Mandy, Mandy meets Katie, they hit it off.  Then Mandy decides to solidify their new friendship by opening that program that “I think her little brother, like, uses it, called like Photoshop or something.”  She opens the program, finds a wacky (but friendly font), then … Aw screw it these girls are morons.

♥ The Editors

Wednesday, June 10th

rachel1

Rachel, good Lord.  Keep the photos of your baby baking factory to share with your main squeeze but not with the poor folks who had to find this on their Facebook feed.  Oh … and yeah … Congrats on the new rugrat.

♥ The Editors

Tuesday, June 9th

ryan-reaklly-loves-shannon

Ryan. Seriously. You love Shannon too much? Reaklly?! Lame.

♥ The Editors

Monday, June 8th

lildick

Rule #1: Don’t post poorly spelled, personal details from your weekend on Facebook. Judging by your impeccable spelling it’s safe to assume you are still in that same vulnerable state. I can’t believe Oscar got you drunk and ate you out. I hate when guys buy girls drinks all night, get them drunk, then take them home to orally pleasure them. I mean, props for getting some, but publicly posting that stuff just to take Oscar down makes you look a little … you know … whore-ish.  In the end, however, it does sound like Oscar got the short end of the stick (no pun intended).

♥ The Editors

Friday, June 5th

davidthatguy

Congrats David. You think you’re the suave guitar playing babe slayer, when in fact you are a douche. Stop playing crash into me or else.

♥ The Editors


Thursday, June 4th

whatjusthappened

WHAT? YeeEEA! oKaYYyY! GuRL, U iz KAAAAAARRRRRAAAAZYYYY!!!!


I have no clue what your name is, so I am going to call you Profile Girl. Not only do you have amazing taste in music, you like Shrek! And not just Shrek 1, you like all 3!!!


Good hygiene???  Check.


Great Speller? Check.


Overuse of the tilde? Check.


Profile Girl, It’s safe to say that you are my dream girl. You, Me,  CRACKER BAREL, this Saturday.

♥ The Editors

Wednesday, June 3rd

sistersrack

Tiffany,

We all need to thank Ken for a lesson he is trying to teach us. That lesson is “when it comes to relationships, communication is vital.” Sure, Ken made a crack about your sister’s breasts, but at least he used a non-derogatory term. What you need to realize, Tiff, is that Ken is considering your feelings. I’m sure he could have called you to apologize, but he wanted everyone to know how sorry he was, by posting it on the World Wide Web (despite his misspelling of the word “didn’t”). Nothing says healthy relationship like Facebook exploitation.

♥ The Editors

Also Ken, kick ass truck bro, but next time zoom in a little. It’s hard to make out that kick ass TapOut sticker on the back window.

Monday, June 1st

wow

Actual Dialogue preceding this photo:

Krista: Ok girl, you just need to stand there and act really shocked, I’m going to stand over here and make a gun with my hands!
Ada: Oh Krista, you crazy! This is almost as funny as the time you asked those Indian people in Starbucks if they were terrorists.
Krista: Haha oh yea!  …. That reminds me, we should totally get a frappacinno after this.
♥ The Editors
Thursday, May 28th

zackattack

Zack.  Dude.  Take it down a notch.
Now I’m not gonna lie; Colorado is a beautiful place.  But just because you’re there doesn’t mean you can’t pop a few Xanax here and there, OK?  These posts are telling me you have a shit-ton of pent up energy just surging through those fingertips of yours like giant bolts of mountain dew-powered lighting.  I’m glad you’re having a good summer, but let’s just take it a bit easier on the Caps Lock button from here on out.
♥ The Editors

Wednesday, May 27th

bffs

Avery, I’m with you bro I cannot stand it when you’re all ready to kick some dudes ass only to walk outside and find that your tires have been slashed and you’re thinking to yourself, “fuck me I was going to kick that guys ass but he’s going to England sometime tomorrow and I’ll have no way to drive over to England because these tires are in no condition.” I’ve been there bro.

♥ The Editors

Tuesday, May 26th

erickan't communicate

When I first read this I was just as confused as everyone else. I didn’t know if Ericka was attempting some terrible Yoda impression, but I think Wendy nailed it. Ericka you are drunk… At 2:34 in the afternoon…

♥ The Editors

Wednesday, May 13th
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Jesus. This hurts my head. Who are you? Learn how to fucking speak english.
♥ The Editors

Tuesday, May 12th
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First off. Justin. Linkin Park? Seriously?

Kristin. That’s a Bummer. I’m not really sure where that came from, but I’m sure your dad would compliment your ability to give an improper status response.
♥ The Editors

Monday, May 11th
picture-421

Today we’re going to focus on Jonathan, but not for long because there’s some other news to discuss that’s way more important than a hateful young man.  In fact … let’s just leave it at this; Jonathan, not cool. No reason to bring back the “yo’ momma” jokes unless you’ve time traveled to the blacktop behind your elementary school, and especially on Mother’s Day!  Alright … now that we’ve touched on that, we here at Lamebook want to apologize for the recent lack of frequent updates and let you (special) Lamester readers know that we’ve been busy working to improve the layout and functionality of the site.  So stay tuned and we’ll smack you up with a whole ‘lotta lame real soon!
♥ The Editors

Friday, May 8th
start

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate those so in touch with their guilty pleasures they posses the stamina to write 300+ words on their douchy existence.

CHICK. TV. GOD. LAME.
♥ The Editors

Thursday, May 7th
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Bethany’s epic status-based retelling of her daughter’s first proper visit to the Necessary Room brings to bear an epidemic peeve on Facebook: account holders that post pictures of their offspring in their profile image as opposed to pictures of themselves.  Some might contend that it’s no big deal: the Information Age equivalent of the proud office display of wallet 2x3s.  Problem is, these misguided showoffs make sure that these images are permanently changed out with fresh ones in infinite sequence, making sure everyone knows what unimpressive rite of passage their brats have performed (like not crapping themselves), reinforced by the asinine comments of account holders with their own over-coddled broods, encouraging their fellow self-absorbed freaks to maintain this endless cycle. One that plays out itself out tens of millions of times every day in the blue halls of FB, taking up valuable bandwidth that would otherwise be dedicated to the exchange of more enriching information such as cute new flip-flops that don’t fit and how drunk that one girl got last night bro.  Cryin’ shame, really.
♥ The Editors

Wednesday, May 6th
picture-71

Hey Chels,

Just semi-curious why you’re using the internet to tell your boyfriend how much you love him when he’s sitting next to you on the couch. Unless ‘BLAH’ means he is unconscious or in cardiac arrest, in which case Chels, you need to send the paramedics a text requesting immediate medical attention.

This transcript makes more sense if we assume it’s recipient isn’t your boyfriend at all but rather some sort of domesticated animal. A ferret perhaps. They can be ‘blah’. Drink water and beg for a turn on the computer. I’ll bet it’s funny to watch him type. I imagine he uses his nose to press each key and then quickly looks up at the screen to make sure he hit the correct one. That’s just how I picture it but you may have raised him differently than that Chels, I just don’t know.

♥ The Editors

Tuesday, May 5th
anything-lame

I enjoy reading peoples profiles to learn a little bit more about the people I call friends. I usually don’t take profiles like this seriously but I’m not sure about this one. If you want to OD on drugs like heath ledger, It’s not that hard. And that worries me, because you do grind hard and play harder.

♥ The Editors

Monday, May 4th
picture-23

Hey Kendall,

Wow. So glad Adley isn’t relying on you for milk anymore. Now He/She can rely on daddy for breast feeding. I am glad Adley is so excited to eat, because I’ve lost my appetite. Too much information. Thanks Kendall.

♥ The Editors

Saturday, May 2nd
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Things that I understand: You have been having “tantric sex” for 12 hours. You encourage others to have “tantric sex” because you obviously enjoy it. You offer helpful advice and your friends return it with a concern for your hydration.

Things I do not understand: Is your real name King or are you an actual king? The latter would make more sense due to the fact that you are having “tantric sex.” Next, 12 hours? Seriously? No one believes that. Also, what kind of girl lets you stop and update your facebook status during “tantric sex.”

I hope you are joking because nobody buys it. It’s lame. Congratulations.

♥ The Editors

Friday, May 1st
obama

Natural Selection: the process by which Charles Darwin described nature’s ability to filter out the weaker and less “worthy” creatures of a species.

Nature is amazing. It gave us Mt Everest, the Rainforest, Bald Eagles, and loveable Koalas. It is amazing but not perfect. It also gave us the DoDo Bird, Indiana, and Mosquitos. The aforementioned natural selection works great but has somehow allowed you, Timothy McVey, and Billy “Oxyclean” Mays to slip through the cracks; all purveors of great ideas. That being said, here is one more term for you…

Strip Search: the process by which the secret service will undoubtedly make sure you aren’t carrying weapons after they break down the door to your one room efficiency apartment and find you facebooking your exboyfriend who is now boning the hot brunette chick from his Psychology class.

♥ The Editors

Thursday, April 30th
full-cup-of-lame11

Who doesn’t like a good recipe? Recently I found a great one for some no-bean chili … and boy was it good. But honestly, (maybe I’m alone here), I have never ever once in my whole life wondered what the recipe for a good teacher is. Ever. I just can’t help but wonder where the hell this came from. Did this come from Jessica’s brain? Did she make this shit up? Or did it come from one of those cutesy teacher books that are only sold in stores with wooden crafts on the wall? Point is, it doesn’t matter. You can’t use the metric system for things such as “knowledge” or “dedication” … it’s impossible … and ridiculous. And how the hell do you grab a “pinch of humility?” Growing up, my recipe for a good teacher was a bunch of leaving me alone, a whole lotta hotness, and good deal of looking the other way. So thank you Jessica for making this post, but I’m afraid this list will not make it into anyone’s recipe box.

♥ The Editors

Wednesday, April 29th
picture-531

Congratulations to Rachel for being our very first “Lamester.” The Lamesters are basically the editor’s pick of the day. The post that out-lames all of the others. Rachel I hate to break it to you, but Hoobastank (which you misspelled, silly) or 3 Doors Down are not bands that you will find at the top of anyone’s playlists. Those bands suck. And what’s with the hostility? Here we are all are minding our own business when BAM, Rachel drops us an online f-bomb because she’s fortunate enough to be backstage with some dirty old guys. A skank with a few drinks down is a scary thing, but I hope you had a good (and safe) time.

♥ The Editors