@freezit4: My husband after his vasectomy (like a week after) accidentally sat on his balls. I seriously belly laughed. He called me a horrible bitch but he laughed too. Bc a man sitting on their balls is comedy. Whether his own or hearing about someone else doing it.
I’m 32 and my balls still don’t sag enough to actually sit on one of them. Given this, I’d say Paul is around 85 years old…this would explain both his lack of a filter on what he shares with other people, and also his ability to correctly use to and too.
@Sensible – Congratulations on your testes, too bad about your brain. Paul actually did use the word ‘too’ correctly. You can sit down ‘to’ dinner (noun), and you can sit down ‘too’ quickly (adjective) but you cannot sit down ‘to’ quickly.
I am in a position to tell you that your #3 tip, well, isn’t exactly fun should that junk get into a lady’s eyes. Trust me on this one. So unless you have good aim, don’t try it. I suggest practicing on your own face a few times first.
In my husbands defense they were quite swollen. Not to the almost comical proportions of the first few days after but still pretty bad. I also am not married to a 85 year old. That will be all Merry Christmas.
@Insane: He said “If that’s too porn-y for you, let him come on your chest instead.” Breasts are on the chest unless the female is over 60 or so, so you’re still not disagreeing. Unless you’re into knee-knockers. Forgive me if that’s your thing.
Hmmm, sex therapy and lovin’ advice from Dr Mark; is it uncharitable of me at Christmas time to wish for Mark to be brutally sodomized by several carriages full of large prison-bent thugs who “love the express train 90% of the time”?
I guess it might be a little OTT to go laying all that jackhammering on his virgin poot poot . . .
Poot Poot. Baby Jesus! I bet Gretchen is one of those twee cutesy-kitty types on the surface, but likes ‘#3′ more than most, and has sexual proclivities so far outside Mark’s experience (i.e. furtively reading Mom’s back issues of Cosmopolitan) that he would barely recognise them as sex at all.
And the whole #3 thing, is that not one of the most disrespectful and misogynistic things in regular porn? What’s the attraction in going from any accommodating feminine orifice, to finishing yourself off with a hand-job? With the added risk of temporarily blinding your partner – of whom, few have ever expressed a predilection for it either. If they had, they’d have probably just pulled a shut-eyed duckface and put me off my stroke anyway.
Just seems a bit pointless and unrealistic.
Having said that, I’d probably help hold Mark’s eyes open for Paul from Oxford . . .
It’s really not that misogynistic. Or am I the only girl that finds it a bit hot? &it’s not any more unrealistic than running out of money when the pizza guy comes… Or am I the only girl that that happens to?
@Nublet: Ok well let’s replace the word ‘breast’ with ‘tits’. “I’d prefer to come all over her fucking tits rather than her face!”. Does that read a little better for you??? What’s wrong with the knee-knockers? Insane doesn’t discriminate!
@Dee-Lite: I agree with Elaine. One of the best insults my husband ever said about another driver was “That old guy shouldnt be on the road! His face has more wrinkles then my balls!” Years later and it still makes me giggle.