Tuesday, December 8, 2009

<33 Attack


previous post: NSFW: MasterPIECE of Shit



  1. queer <333

  2. Neither one of them knows how to spell ‘shining?’ Really?

  3. I’m so glade too

  4. I wish my boyfriend made a complete douche of himself with stupid, cutesy comments all over my Facebook.

  5. Take every < and 3 key out of all the keyboards in the world and feed them to these two for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Maybe then they will learn not to over-use

  6. I think this is the most painful thing I have read on this site.

  7. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit….

  8. I just vomited into my gingerbread latte.

  9. This guys probably not even her boyfriend. Seems like a friend she feels sorry for and keeps around for when she gets lonely and down on herself.


  10. Don’t worry everyone, it’s OK. Elizabeth is dead now. Mark gave her an infection that slowed her heart rate to 13 beats a second and she fell into a coma and died.


  12. So what we can gather from this, is that they are both “glade” and “mean it from the heart”. They are also both babies (their words not mine) who are about as obsessed with facebook as they are with each other. The question is, have they even met?…



  14. Don’t worry everyone, it’s OK. Elizabeth is dead now. Mark gave her an infection that slowed her heart rate to 13 beats a MINUTE and she fell into a coma and died.

  15. You know, if you look at <333 in 333-D, it looks like a stack of hearts. Personally, I prefer the old 8======D~~~ It really lets her know you find her sexually attractive enough to nut on.

  16. lostintranslation

    So many hearts, not one “I love you”.

  17. I’m not sure which was more sickening….that or the pic of the rooster shaped shit.

  18. Shinning?? Glade??

    Let’s hear it for higher education!

  19. Neither one of them knows the difference between your and you’re. That is more worrying.

  20. I guess when it says “Pure Heart” it must mean one which hasn’t been tainted by the wear and tear of beating at normal human rates (60-80bpm; as low as 30bpm in well-conditioned athletes). In order to obtain such a heart, I imagine one would need to capture a baby, immobilize it, and keep it on a strict regimen of heart rate-reducing medication. In order to keep the baby from becoming distressed (which would raise its heart rate), it would potentially be necessary to keep it unconscious.

    In other words, Mark is a monster. Run, Elizabeth! Get away before it’s too late!

  21. Ime so glade dat emo wubb trumps howe to korrectly speel. gudbyeee brekfast!

  22. why cant people who put shit like this on the internet get hit by cars…

  23. So apparantly these two people have ZERO friends, otherwise someone surely would have posted a comment telling them how completely lame they are.

  24. Elizabeth: That’s right my baby boy I’ve been fucking around on you <33

  25. I know I’m reading between the lines here, but I suspect Mark and Elizabeth are fond of each other.

  26. If my husband wrote this type of sappy shit to me, I would be forced to kick his ass.

  27. The Scarlet Pimple

    I was hoping this would end in one of those amusing fights and breakups. Was rather disappointed. <3333333

  28. Oh this will end in a fight alright…..

  29. @ Anitalaff: It totally will. People that are this fucking lame when they are dating always eventually flame out. And its epic when it happens. I hope to see the break up posted on here, hopefully soon. When I started dating my husband we never bothered with this sissy shit. We started out with thinly veiled hostility then on to open. And then we dabbled with casual violence. Nothing too major. Nothing that left bruises. And then calling each other out to the yard to handle to settle things now and again. And here we are married 7 years and 2 kids later. Now that the kids are here its more frosty silences and slow poisoning.

  30. I just vomited EVERYWHERE.

    Those comments were just… ugh. What are they, in middle school?

  31. Your all just jealous. Personally, I am defiantly glade for them. They are both shinning stars in my eyes.

  32. I bet she really is Glade she met him

  33. This pair defiantly need a good shinning.
    I’d be glade to do it myself.

  34. What happened to Zombie kid? I kind of miss him.

  35. *wretch* more so at the spelling than anything else

  36. Lol, “wretch”

  37. I will be so glade when Emo’s and their sappy Emo love bullshit fades out of existence. Heres a tip the glade and shinning pair GO OUT AND GET LAID!!!!

  38. Don’t get MADE, get GLADE!!!
    Really, it’s as if they inhaled too much of a Glade air freshener and feel the need to rave about Glade’s effectiveness on depleting their brain cells. Oh wait, that wouldn’t work because they have no brain cells to begin with!

  39. They need to learn the proper form of “your” and “you’re”

  40. “My shinning star who is an angel.” What does that even mean? Come up with a real compliment for fuck’s sake. I wish guys understood that gushing over their girlfriends like this makes them sound like giant blubbering vaginas.

    Mark, you should really ask Elizabeth to give your balls back, you need them.

  41. FlapjacksAreAmazing

    “shinning” that sounds so painful, it should be used as the verb for when one crashes into something with one’s shins. Either that or it’s the forced removal of their shin bones, with a spade.

    GLADE! damn that made me laugh <333333333333333333333333333333333

  42. I hope these two get hit by a bus and I mean that from my heart.

  43. @23 – dude_chill:

    either that or their friends _knew_ someone’d put this on lamebook so didn’t wanna be associated with them..

  44. @25 Antarctic Circle and this here WOG above me – brilliant comments, I ledol.

    (I’m trying out the grammatically ‘bit better’ past tense of lol)

  45. “You’re always on my mind and I mean that from my heart”?!?! This pair is definitely on my gag reflex, and I mean that from the bottom of my gallbladder.

    Also, it appears from things that they have already had an amicable breakup. I figured this was the case from Elizabeth calling him “an amazing friend”, and Mark’s second to last post clinches it. I’d be willing to bet she broke it off gently with him, but he is desperately holding onto the hope that he will win her back.

  46. This is so obvious:

    Mark is the fat nerdy kid who has loved Elizabeth since the first grade. He has her pictures all over his wall, and he regularly writes truly awful poetry about how they were meant to be together and how much he loves her. He’s the one who’s permanently in the “friend zone”, does all of her homework for her, makes her lame handmade valentines cards, and cries himself to sleep at night thinking about her. He’s the one who’s always there as a shoulder to cry on when she has a nasty breakup, and he’s the one who sits by the phone for hours trying to work up the nerve to ask her to prom while she’s out getting gangbanged by the football team.

    There are only two ways this can end: Either he moves on to college before he figures out what’s really going on and finds some drunk slut at a frat party he sneaks in to and loses his virginity, thus ending the obsession, or the cops find him one night in Elizabeth’s bed wearing her skin as a coat.

    Or, you know, maybe it’s just young love.

  47. Mark needs to get laid. He will [probably] start to spell better and more than likely not be so fucking mushy on Facebook to someone is as equally retarded!

  48. @ Sensible Madness: “There are only two ways this can end: Either he moves on to college before he figures out what’s really going on and finds some drunk slut at a frat party he sneaks in to and loses his virginity, thus ending the obsession, or the cops find him one night in Elizabeth’s bed wearing her skin as a coat.”\

    Dude where is your medal? You deserve one after that!!!

  49. Insane
    For The Story WIN!

  50. Sensible Madness
    For The Story WIN!

  51. sensible madness… i’m so glade someone told it how it is.

  52. Makes me want to throw up in tin foil and eat it.

  53. That’s sooo loveeeyy dooveeyyyy <3333 <333..


  54. I had to punch a kitten after reading this

  55. Punching kittens is a stress relief! It’s puppies that you punch when you want to recover from over cutesyness (I made that word up so any spelling variations will work)

  56. So I’m pretty sure the lot of us have been vomiting throughout reading this, yes?

  57. “mittens – Neither one of them knows how to spell ’shining?’ Really?”

    I find it a little more disturbing that neither one of them knows how to spell “glad.”

  58. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  59. It makes me so glade that all Elizabeth says is a recap of what Mark says… talk about a one-way relationship, lol!

  60. learn to use god-damn apostrophes, douche bags (@mark and Elizabeth)

  61. yawn

  62. wow, I wish I knew how to be this lame.

  63. S…so…l…a..me..c….can t ..r…re….resist..g…go…gotta….puke….uergh

  64. It’s disturbing she calls him baby boy. I call my brother baby boy. Gross, now I feel like I’m committing incest.

  65. I defiantly think these two should just fuck and get it over with already! It would make my shinny heart very very glade..

  66. Pass the sick bucket.

  67. What’s defiant about meaning something from the heart?

  68. Mark & Elizabeth get a room! You make my bowels rumble!

  69. I think this post gave me diabetes :-(

  70. dont get made, get glade

  71. What’s disturbing is that my dad’s name is Mark. And he uses iHeart. Fortunately he doesn’t *quite* talk like this with his female friends.

  72. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    Defiantly awful.

    What is a <33333333. I get that a

  73. hitmewithyourrhythmvic

    huh? What happened there? Ok…

  74. yo dawg, I heard yo like love so I put a dick on yo dick so yo can love while yo make love.

  75. Wtf… who talks like that? Pixie Sparkle Unicorns!?!?

  76. Colin Sich and Pink broccoli you made my day!! lmao

  77. this reminds me of that episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Charlie writes the musical…

    “tiny boy, little boy, baby boy i need you…”

  78. uh oh! the shinning is what willy on the simpsons warned us about! elizabeth has the shinning!

  79. BARFFFFFF<33333333333

  80. @Spooky
    Me too!
    I once saw a movie where a man was kidnapped and held in a coffin with a walkie-talkie, and on the other end the kidnapper held the guy’s wife hostage. So he let the couple say they love each other, then said “That’s sweet, but I have diabetes.”

  81. What kind of a pet name is “baby boy?”

  82. seems like; sappy couple

  83. posty mcposterson

    @ 46 Sensible Madness- LMAO. Nice imagery. A little Ed Geinish. I love it!

  84. why are they glade??.. WHY????… and wtf is a shinning star?.. is that like a ninja star that only sticks to shins?.. what does this all MEAN?!?!



  85. insert clever name here

    Ohhhhh. Those are hearts? I thought everything they were saying was less than 33, 333 or 3333. Cool.

  86. “I’m so glade ur my shinning star baby girl and I defiantly mean that from my heart.”

    “And I’m so glade ur my shinning star too baby boy and I defiantly mean that from my heart.”

    Case of echolalia anyone? I feel like I actually can’t comment on Elizabeth’s spelling since she just seems to copy and paste Mark’s comments back to him.

  87. miss_snarky_pants

    And thus read the minutes of the summit meeting between the Mutual Admiration Society and the League of Horrible Spellers. Translators worked feverishly to interpret the messages, but to no avail.

  88. my teeth hurt.

  89. He needs some balls. And she needs a brain. Maybe in this scenario he is lacking balls because she is using them as her brain? The only logical explanation as to why she is so fucking retarded and why he is such a pussy.

  90. Will you fucking ask her out already so she can reject you and get it over with?

  91. :\ These statuses remind me of how me and the girl I was involved with at the time would correspond.

  92. was it thanksgiving? i just threw up in my mouth. yaaay.

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