Thursday, November 5, 2009

Happilee Married


previous post: Daddy’s Girl 2



  1. Shot down. That was way too much self pity there

  2. Carla seems like my kinda girl

  3. what. a. loser.

  4. How much is Andy a manipulative, overly-dramatic, blathering, idiotic, self-important, conniving douchebag…let me count the ways.

  5. Seriously, eat a dick.

    Points for correct spelling and grammar though.

  6. “Self-writhe”? Seriously? I think what you were going for here, Andy, was “self-loathe”.

  7. by the fuck.
    Obsessed? I think so.
    Andy is a douche.
    My brain hurts from reading all of those unnesscary adjectives.

  8. would have accomplished more with ‘hey how you been lately’

  9. Clearly Andy sucks, but do you think that he might be writing this as part of some misguided attempt at an AA amends (6th step)?

  10. Awww… he cheated on her, messed around a bit more, found out that he actually had something good, and tried to re-enter her vagina- er, life with only the best, most harmless intentions.

    What an asshead.

  11. I love how Kate knows what the 6th step for Alcoholics is.

  12. Kate is probably right, except for Andrew it would be NA, not AA.

  13. So. Many. Adjectives.

  14. wow – someone had a dictionary for breakfast. What was Andy thinking? I think Carla’s response was the best.

  15. That shit is worse than the melodramatic poetry I wrote in the fifth grade!

  16. It seems likely that this guy was trying to weasel his way back into this girl’s pants, but on the off chance that he is really genuine and feels a sincere regret, then i feel really badly for the guy. And it’s like #9 and #12 said, it could well be part of a program that forces Andrew to face his demons.

    Also the husband’s macho territorial reply didn’t do very much for me. The thinly veiled threat was pretty stupid.

  17. This is pathetic! Kudos on the hubby for sending this one in. So we could all laugh at how pathetic Andy is.

  18. Wow, Carla really has bad taste in men. At least she married the lesser of two douches.

  19. Geonardo DiMetrio

    @Saxon: a SINCERELY sorry person would just write “I’m sorry” instead of composing some huge florid literary opus. Andrew’s post is clearly designed to make Carla swoon at how awesomely poetic he is…and/or take pity on him because he’s just so darned contrite and miserable.

    He’s looking to manipulate his way into her pants.

  20. I agree, Geonardo. If this is a 12-step program apology he must have skipped the “don’t be an ass clam” step.

  21. Thesaurus, much?

  22. Am I the only one who thinks Andy is genuinely trying to make up for his past? Because to me, it just seems like Lee is the bigger dick here.

  23. I can’t believe I just read that entire thing. I think I’ve lost a few years of my life.

  24. There will never be two better responses to such a message EVER.

  25. Andy is a douche. If he was trying to make up for his past, he wouldn’t be trying to come off as a poet. He’s trying to work his way back into her life and Lee should absolutely beat his ass.

  26. Andy's Dick Dinner

    I rarely ever utilize such lexicon, but ‘pwned’ seems quite fitting in this situation.

  27. Paragraph much? That monstrosity could’ve been summed up with the sentence, “I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

    Oops, I forgot we were using at least three adjectives for everything. That monstrosity, eyesore, and melodramatic pity party could’ve been summed up with one sentence. Better?

  28. Dear Carla,

    You gon get raped

  29. I had something like this similar happen to me with an old girlfriend.. who IS married and pregnant. I wish I could have posted the chat dialogue on here because it was pretty epic… She asked me why we broke up in HS and I was like okay with the way this conversation is going, it’s jogging my memory. You were a psychopath and obviously 12-13 later things haven’t changed.

  30. “Between Andy and You”

    That means that guy who got buuuuurned posted his own lameness?! wtf?!

  31. NO Alex, it means CARLA’S HUSBAND posteed it, Andrew is the one who got burned. Keep up. lol

  32. My god!
    I can’t see how that guy isn’t on a bucket-load of drugs. What a pretentious twat.

  33. @geonardo di metrio

    I have incorporated “huge florid literary opus” into my list of “insults appropriated from unrelated phrases”. Because it is SO going to baffle the brainless masses.

    “Get a life, you huge florid literary opus.”
    “Are you calling me a fag?”

  34. This is the best Lamebook entry EVER. I thought it was already brilliant after Carla’s reply, but Lee just put the icing on the cake.

  35. sounds like Lee wants to get together with Andy sometime…

  36. Kate, it’s the 8th step.

  37. I agree with Adz. Andrew’s lame but Lee’s kind of a douche.

  38. This does sound like a 12-stepper.

  39. I think Andrew’s e-mail was waaaaay too over the top to be considered anything other than manipulative. Otherwise, a simple “I’m sorry I was a dick to you back in the day. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,” would’ve sufficed.

  40. Kidding, he sounds like a tragic needy cocksucker who never got over his old ex/crush.

    I tend to get over them pretty easily. Why? BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL WHORES.

  41. Even though he’s an atrocious writer and most certainly a dickbag, I do have to give Andy points for having perfect spelling and near-perfect grammar. After all we’ve seen here, I think that needs to count for something. Although, the lack of paragraph breaks was making my head hurt.

  42. I think both responses are full of win. Wouldn’t you feel insulted if someone KNEW you were in a serious relationship and yet proceeded to try to wedge himself/herself between you anyway? It’s pretty presumptuous and disrespectful. People do this kind of stuff because the internet provides a buffer zone where no one fears consequence. There should be consequences for trying to break up a home. I want to beat this guy’s ass!

    It’s pretty apparent that Lee had her blessing anyway. I’m assuming Andy sent this private message to her and she sent it to Lee. They probably both got a good kick out of it.

    Also, I also don’t get genuine remorse from Andy’s emo opus. I get manipulative, trying too hard, and ulterior motive. I’d like to know how long ago he had this relationship with her and just how long it really lasted. Surely it had to be serious enough to justify screwing with other people’s emotional welfare.

  43. I agree Andy is a needy, self-obsessed, piteous, miserable, wretched specimen.

    I can’t however get out of my mind how much more self-glorying Lee is for sending his “damning” response to Lamebook.

    *That* is the lameness.

  44. well somebody bought a thesaurus.

  45. The husband’s a douchenozzle for responding to the guy. Keyboard commando with his “let’s meet for coffee!” not once, but twice. He wrote that for her. I suspect the husband’s cheating on her.

  46. Self-writhe??? Okay, Andy’s letter was awful even before that, but, self-writhe???? WHAT THE FUCK. Way to butcher the English language like so many other self-pitying fucks “trying not to be melodramatic or cliche” before you.

    I’m a magazine editor, and we get some terrible submissions…but this has got to be the worst thing I’ve seen in the past 2 years.

  47. so good.

  48. Sometimes you just need to say something. I think that is all Andy was doing. If you give someone hell for an extended period of time and you have one chance to apologize you often do have to use a lot of adjectives and flowery phrases. I think he was completely sincere and really hoping to at least offer closure or some consolation, no matter how weak it might have been. Sometimes this is really the best a person can offer when they have been a terrible person.

    I think that was Carla’s call to say what she did. He offered her something, she didn’t accept, good for her, good for him.

    The douche here is Lee. Like he needs to be some god damned knight in shining armor. That part was gross and that part was lame. It was none of his business. His wife, in theory, is a grown-ass woman who handled HER shit well enough on her own.

  49. 43, 45

    Agreed on self-glorifying lameness and “internet tough guy”. Looks like Mr. Lee M***** has a tiny penis and is very insecure about it. His response and the fact that he sent it in triple the lameness.

  50. @blimey – LMAO!!

  51. Holy F. That was intense. I’m touched.

  52. I think Carla just has a thing for douchebags.

  53. I think Ms. Terri hit the nail on the head. Lee just isn’t the apologizing-for-being-a-douche-bag stage yet.

  54. Headless – I didn’t notice that Lee was the one who must have made this submission. I stand corrected, Lee’s lame response DOES trump Andy’s flowery manipulation after all. Lee, how does it feel to be even MORE of a douche than Andy? Your mama must be proud.

  55. I like the fact that Lee sent his threatening note to Andy three minutes before Carla sent her “I don’t think about you” note. Lee must have sent his, decided it was too subtle for Andy, then bullied Carla into writing that.

  56. Toast for the husband!

  57. Andy may be pathetic, but Lee M. is the bigger douchebag here

  58. I don’t think people in healthy relationships really spend all that much time talking about past relationships. Unless they’re control freaks, which it seems extremely likely Lee is.

  59. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    “Huge florid literary opus” is without doubt the phrase I’ll be taking from this one; as opposed to any of the twaddle from that crawler Andrew.

    “. . . cataclysmic destruction of self-writhe.” Fuck sake.
    It’d be a mercy killing . . .

  60. personally, i thought andy’s writing was beautiful.
    i admit, it’s pathetic and sad,
    but i thought it was pretty to read.

  61. I am the husband. A few things to clear up:

    1) I did submit this. I did so with her blessing and my initial response was indeed partially crafted by her. She was sitting in my lap and she clicked “send.” What can I say? We don’t dig invertebrate assholes with no regard for anyone other than themselves. It takes a special kind of person to meddle with a marriage, and to do so behind closed doors. She appreciated it less than I did.

    2) We both found this correspondence to be pretty comical and transparent in motive. Even my response to it was half jest (but yes, I wouldn’t mind kicking his ass). We felt the lamebook world would be lacking without Andy’s epically bad histrionics.

    3) Their brief relationship, if it can be called that, was more than ten years ago and lasted less than three months. She was in high school. He cheated on her and she dumped him. She was quite shocked to receive this after so many years and over what seemed so insignificant. She also said he was clearly delusional and that he harbored a revisionist recollection of how important their relationship was.

    4) No, I did not “bully her into writing” anything. In fact, she was quite interested to see the comments this garnered on lamebook.

    5) Lamebook cut out the last response I received from Andy. I’m guessing the admins thought it was too conciliatory for their liking. For all his verbosity, he replied with a one sentence tacit admission. “I apologize and will delete her from my account,” he wrote.

  62. Team Andy! Fuck you, Lee.

  63. Twilight series still has a higher adjective density.

  64. Excuse me while I vomit.

    Both the men are douches here: Andy for trying to get into Carla’s married pants and Lee for being so domineering he can’t allow his wife to let her own response suffice.

    This entry would’ve been so much more awesome if Lee had never said anything. Carla’s response was filled with the biting set-down we all want to see.

  65. Mary: The husband replied first. Learn to read dates.

  66. Lee is completely justified. You’ve gotta draw the line very explicitly when you’re dealing with a horny, self-obsessed, entitled drama queen who clearly has no interpersonal boundaries. Fuck Andrew.

  67. TL;DR

  68. Looks like Lee submitted this one. Get over yourself, tough guy.

    Andy is a weirdo. Lee is a douche. End of story.

  69. ZING!

  70. that was so hard to read that after the first half line I skimmed through the rest and all I notice was an incredible number of adjectives…

  71. @Rick: It doesn’t matter when the douche^W husband replied. And he certainly didn’t submit this to Lamebook before Carla’s response. He obviously has no clue how pathetic and insecure his response makes him look or he’d never have submitted it. He either doesn’t get that Carla’s response was epic or he thinks his response was more epic. That makes him a douche.

  72. Never mind, Andy.

    At least your English Literature degree didn’t go to waste …

  73. Scroll up and read my previous comment. I don’t think my response was any more epic than hers. We both had a hand in my reply first and then she sent a separate, shorter repsonse of her own volition three minutes later. I guess she wanted him to hear it from both sides. And I think it is important to confront the idea that when you attempt to insert youself in the middle of a marriage, you are dealing with two people and not just one.


  74. Nah, Andy was trying to be manipulative. Do any of you read the blog Psychotic Letters From Men? You’ll see a billion Andy’s on that website. It’s hilarious!

  75. It works if you work it

    so work it because you’re worth it

  76. I think the husband is the bigger d-bag of the two men.

  77. This sounds like an e-mail I recieved from my lying, cheating, narcissistic, pitiful, faggot ex boyfriend and Andy sounds like a pitiful, melodramatic, annoying, idiotic, fuckhead, retarded bastard who likes to be overdramatic, rdiciulous, wallow in his own pity, dumb, stupid, and manipulative.

  78. Ikea/Lee, if that’s who you are, there is nothing you can say to contradict your own douchebaggedness. You included your own response in the lamebook submission, apparently under the impression you have wit, when really you just came off as a jack ass.

  79. Lee, FTW. Andy, step away from the computer and get back to cutting yourself.

    If someone wrote a similar note to my wife, I would probably take offense as well. If Andy was sincere at all, he would have just said “I feel really shitty about being such a dick. I’m REALLY sorry.” and leave it at that. This is borderline stalker.

  80. I got the same kind of letter once from an ex who was just as narcissistic and manipulative as this guy, but there wasn’t even a hint of an apology. He tried to get in touch over Facebook as well recently, lied a few more times and made excuses as if it still mattered 18 years later (!) and told me he was married and had kids, one being a newborn. Yet he didn’t acknowledge my marriage or daughter who was in my profile photo. Needless to say I didn’t respond.

  81. This is how supervillains are created.

  82. @ bzr

    It would say, “Via Facebook Mobile,” if he already were one.

    “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, about as long as the, ‘reconnect with carla – - -’ popped up on the side of the screen.”

  83. Of course Andrew gave his game away with that “grab some coffee and talk” line. Carla’s own response to that was spot on.

    However, Ikea/Lee, the “seriously, eat a dick” line in your response removed any kind of higher ground you thought you occupied. And your explanation for submitting this yourself is hardly satisfactory – you thought lamebook-fans would all have a laugh at Andrew along with you, when your-&-Carla’s message is just as cringe-inducing as Andrew’s “florid” bile?

  84. Leave me alone! I apologized! I loved, adored, admired her.

  85. Lee and Carla were offended by some jerkoff that knew she was married but still felt it was necessary to go on some diatribe about his lost love and his regrets in life.

    They were shocked and angry at the audacity of Andrew and replied to this fact. Who said they were “taking the high ground”? They were mad, they replied to a douchebag, end of story.

    I think the Lee/Carla replies were both perfectly acceptable and Andrew needs to keep his lengthy love letters to people that 1) are single and 2) he’s talked to in the past 10 years.

    BTW, I love me some IKEA.

  86. Although Andy *is* being a douche and overusing the thesaurus, I think he’s truly sorry. Lee didn’t need to be such a dickweed about it. Andy just needed to say some shit. He was pretty respectful about it. He sounds like a sad guy. Leave him alone.

  87. I know a kid from high school who’d totally do that.

  88. Lee is The Man. Seriously, eat a dick. Outstanding.

  89. @.lin.

    ummm, are you serious? If he was really sorry and feeling bad then he should’ve just said that. “I’m sorry for what happened in the past. I was a jerk and treated you horrible. I hope you are doing well.”

    But the fact that he went on to tell her how incredibly sexy and gorgeous he always found her and then invite her for “coffe and talking” is over the line.

    If someone sent something like this to my wife AFTER seeing that she was married, I’d be pretty pissed off too. Andy needs to learn some tact and not think that his own thoughts and feelings are more important than everyone else’s.

  90. 1st!!!!!!!!!!!1lololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!111

  91. This seems like something that Jezebel would run in its Crap Email From a Dude feature.

  92. @mcowles

    Thank you. Neither of us claimed to take the high ground. We were both a little pissed off at the sheer, narcissistic temerity of his letter. We were also quite entertained by his needlessly verbose attempt to impress her. And we found it particularly insidious that he judged a rocky, three month fling important enough to try to break up a marriage ten years after the fact. This letter was not about an apology. Otherwise, he would have left it at “I’m sorry.” No, this letter was about reinserting himself into her life at the expense of everyone else involved. That’s some serious disregard, people (and it’s what more than a few of you seem to blatantly ignore). Both of our reactions contained a mixture of surprise, anger, and laughter.

  93. If this was part of a 12 step program… how does it count to send a facebook message? Shouldn’t you at least call the person? At the very least?

    When did sending a facebook message or email to give a sincere apology count? I realize that would have been more work, but he should have at least attempted it.

    This post is lame for many reasons, but partly because he thought facebook would be the appropriate outlet for this kind of message.

  94. when you invite a married/engaged ex out for coffee after ten years, it definitely makes you pathetic. per Lee, andy was with carla for three months in high school. silly of andy to think he was worth remembering after that long – so he fully deserved that response.
    i’d advise andy to sign up with eharmony or to avoid any further embarrassment from exes that probably won’t even remember him.

  95. Cpt Brown Sauce Sandwich

    “Seriosuly, eat a dick. I’ll meet you for coffee sometime.”

    is Lee asking him to eat his dick?

  96. Yes, “eat a dick”, truly an outstanding insult. You’re “The Man” if you can say such things. (#88)

    Lee, nobody blames you for being offended & upset – you have all the right in the world to be. And I don’t agree with anyone saying Andy deserves sympathy – he certainly doesn’t. However, showing off your don’t-mess-with-macho-me response to the wider public takes some shine off Carla’s marvellous own response – as another poster noted, that was the response that satisfied us all. Take a bow for that, Carla. But accept that not everybody finds knee-slapping humour in the longer response you crafted together, nor would’ve submitted it by themselves to lamebook.

    Still, if you ever meet Andrew in person, I’d be in your corner, as he’ll deserve whatever he’ll get. His intentions were clear, you’re right about that.

  97. Lee/Ikea, how did he even have access to your wife’s page?

  98. I can see Andy repeating his histrionic speech in front of a camera later as material to send to film auditions. What a drama queen/fucking peasant.

    Glad to notice I wasn’t the only one a little perplexed by “self-writhe.” Andy must have got a little too carried away while jacking off to his adjectives and forgotten a little something called the dictionary.

  99. Carla is my new hero.

    Do you reckon Andrew had the thesaurus out?! I just had to pick out my favourite lines:

    “a cataclysmic destruction of self-writhe” – WTF? ‘writhe’ means: to twist the body, face or limbs or as in pain or distress. Can you cataclysmically destruct self-twisting in pain? Probably not. Moron.

    “I hope not to sound excessively cliche, melodramatic, or self-deprecating” – LMAO. Melodramatic? Emphatically yes. Imbecilic? Certainly, yes.

    AND THE ABSOLUTE WINNER: Describing her as “cunningly innocent with dark side” – LMAO.

    Lee’s is okay, but a little superfluous I think. No need for the boy to go flexing his muscles when the girl put him down so succinctly.

  100. @Jaco

    I understand being turned off by the whole “macho me” thing. Honestly, I WAS pissed off enough to kick his ass. And I did feel that he deserved to, at the very least, acknowledge the possibility of real life consequences for his complete disrespect. However, I included my reply not because I thought it made me look like a bad ass but because it solicited his one sentence apology. I found that apology akin to both a retreat and a simultaneous admission that his motives were apparent. Unfortunately, lamebook chose to edit that portion out.

  101. @ Lee,

    OK, I understand, and you’re right, lamebook editing out Andrew’s final response puts a different complexion on it all. That’s a real pity. Sorry about my song & dance here.

    And er, I’d like to keep my apology very brief and short!

    Best wishes to you & Carla.

  102. Both these guys are pretentious fuckbags.

    Hey Carla, wanna grab a coffee? Your husband’s a douche.

  103. this whole thing is fuckin EPIC!

  104. 2 things to say about this..
    1. Ouch.
    2. Way to throw as many adjectives into a sentence as possible!

  105. @ Jelly
    You made my day. ^^

  106. What could it have been, only angels and demons will know…wow, what a fucking idiot, he’s drowning in self pity and spews that nonsense out

  107. This is an instant classic.

    Can we forget about my monster fail now…? Please…?

  108. Jason – NO.

  109. @jason – what was your epic monster fail?

  110. I’ve eaten dicks, in China – a horse’s penis and a bowl of ferret penis’. No joke. I’d never suck a dick though, eugh.

  111. Carla’s response was perfect. Her douchebag husband’s response was stupid. He needs to learn to let his apparently smarter wife deal with the problem, and spend less time beating his chest and pointing out the territory he’s pissed on.

    I feel sorry for Carla, being sandwiched between a wet noodle and a simian thug.

  112. The only way that Lee is not as big of a douche as Andy is, is if Carla asked him to reply also. If Lee took it upon himself to reply then he’s just an egotistical neanderthal pissing on his territory. Carla’s response was perfect and said it all. Nothing further was needed.

  113. Lee’s a douchebag.

  114. Andy does seem pretty narcissistic. The way he keeps talking about how Carla was able to hold his interest, as if that is a rare accomplishment: that’s a big red flag.

    I’ve written a letter like that before. An ex friended me on Myspace, but we never talked. I wrote an email telling him that I was now aware that I treated him like crap when we had dated years before, that he had deserved better, and that I was sorry. It was pretty brief.

    No wailing about how we should still be together, no self-pity, no excuses, no dumping on him, and NO REQUESTS. You can’t hope for anyone to reward you for apologizing, or to want anything to do with you. It reeks of insincerity and self-absorption.

    (Anyway, the guy wrote back and told me he appreciated the email and that I wasn’t as bad as I remembered. It was more than I expected, and I’m glad I wrote to him. )

  115. Wow, judging from Andy and Lee, Carla seems to have terrible taste in men.

  116. No doubt that Andrew is a self-absorbed emo nutbag, but after Carla’s devastating eight word put down, Lee would have looked like more of a man if he had just kept his mouth shut.

    (By “mouth shut”, I really mean “fingers off the keyboard”)

  117. LOL @ #114, so true.

    Lee (or Ikea man) is trying to act all big and bad on “the internets”, but in real life he’s probably a big ol’ insecure pussy.

    (and honestly, he sounds like a nerd… just like Andy)

  118. Oh my gosh that is some funny shit right there. The husband so hit the nail on the head and I love the woman’s response. I am married and I don’t think of you. hahahahahahahahahaha

  119. Anybody who would defend Andy is only doing so because they would write (or have already written) something equally pathetic and retarded. Go back to dreaming about Edward Cullen and cutting yourself.

    And Lee, I do appreciate your response, and I can see where the first inclination is to do what you did, so I can’t call you a douche because that might have been my first response. But sometimes you just gotta let it go — you already had the high road, and Carla’s line was the best thing ever. Take this as a lesson learned. It would have hurt Andy more to know that you weren’t even concerned about him getting between you and your wife.

  120. How am I the only one who finds the “She was sitting in my lap and she clicked “send.”” part of Ikea/Lee’s rebuttal to be creepy and odd? I mean, I sit on my husbands lap, but it seems almost odd to bring it up, not to mention it seems co-dependent or controlling.

    I could be way off.

  121. I have a sneaking suspicion that Lee has more than one alias on here – double-douche.

  122. #120 – lol i concur

  123. My spiritual consciousness is totally plagued right now

  124. Dirty Pirate Hooker

    I call this whole thing a fake. Andrew, Lee and Carla are the same person.


  125. spooning leads to forking

    lmao “She was sitting in my lap and she clicked “send.”” how fat must this dude be for his missus to fit “in” his lap…unless carla is imaginary or some kind of sex toy. maybe carla is the name he’s given his hand

  126. as it appears both andy and lee/ikea appear to have eaten a dic(tionary) i’m calling fake too.

  127. Yeh, there couldn’t possibly be two literate people on facebook.

  128. tl;dr
    took me like 5 minutes to scroll down this shit

  129. Cliffnotes = something you pay for.

    You can do the hard work, you can hand over the cash or you can fuck off. Your choice.

  130. @ spooning leads to forking
    that is an awesome name!

  131. spooning leads to forking

    thank you flips

  132. The people who feel sorry for Andy must be kidding. There is no way he genuinely was sorry cos if he was he would have just been pleased she was happily married and moved on. I mean come on, the guy is so self centred it is ridiculous.

  133. it’s awesome when guys think it’s their place to speak for women, both on facebook, and here. oh wait, no it’s not.

  134. Hey all.

    What “K” (#133) means is, girls can speak for themselves. They don’t want or need men to ride in like white kights and do it for them. Seriously people, it’s the 21st century. Right K?

  135. penny: “not to mention it seems co-dependent or controlling.” agreed.

  136. hey some guy, i c whut u did thurr. you’re witty. or…something.

  137. I’m happy for you that your English teacher was ee cummings, that must have been pretty special.

    Seriously though, “you’re witty. or…something.” is about is witty and original as a “not joke”.

  138. So many adjectives. My head hurts.

  139. Andrew, this is your phrase of the day: ‘short and sweet’.

    While we’re at it, here’s your word of the day: ‘sorry’.

  140. Alright guys/girls, the husband-bashing is now going too far. I also questioned his role in this (from post 83 onwards), but if you paid attention, you’ll know that lamebook didn’t post his whole submittal. Andrew’s final response was edited out, in which he retreated and can realistically be interpreted as an admission of his intentions.

    Because Andrew’s one-sentence reply (suddenly he kept it short and to the point) was cut, it now seems as if Lee posted this only to show off – which is a false impression. I also felt that way, but didn’t consider all the facts first.

    Remember you have a married couple here – whether you like them or not is besides the point. And then comes a grovelling old ex-flame from years forgotten and try to worm his way back into Carla’s life in a rather pathetic way. Maybe you’d have been the bigger man and stayed out of it, but you can’t blame Lee for reminding Andrew that there is a husband in the equation as well.

    Andrew immediately promised to sever contact – which proves that Lee & Carla’s replies had the desired effect. Wouldn’t you have wanted the same had you been in their position?

    And yes yes, Carla’s own response may also have sufficed… but maybe not. Just consider the bigger picture first before slamming him for becoming involved. (I didn’t either, was proven to be off-base with my initial accusations against Lee, and again, I’m sorry about that.)

  141. Lee = Jaco = douche

  142. Please also note the timings. Lee actually responded BEFORE Carla, but the order has been changed for lamebook. Yes, Lee seems like a bit of a dick after reading what Carla wrote, but he doesn’t look quite so dick-like once you realise he responded to Andrew before Carla’s awesome putdown.

  143. @ 141

    The most tired of all postings, the “person a = person b” logic when someone sticks up for another.

    But no, “some guy”, I very much doubt if Lee lives in South Africa, like myself.

    And if I was Lee, why would I (initially) have posted negative comments about myself? Try another punchline, buddy.

  144. Bitch got trolled.

  145. PS, look up “equal” as in “=”. It does not mean “is”.

  146. Then use grammar to bring your point across, some guy. This douche signing off.

  147. Lee owned that little dickweasel, and he’s got one helluva woman.
    It was obvious that he was trying to get into a married woman’s pants.
    If you were the husband, would you really stand idly by while some desperate arsebandit wannabe Don Juan tries to hit on your wife using facebook, of all things?
    Jesus Christ on a pogo stick; facebook stalking. How pathetic.

  148. lee’s attempt at white-knighting is the funniest thing here. why the fuck are you reading each other’s facebook messages anyway? i would refused even if my girl offered! ugh, awful.

  149. Lee, let it go. I can see right through your samefag antics. Arguing with your alter egos to clumsily try and mask your attempt to back yourself is pathetic. Seriously dude, stop making lamebook shit.

  150. Lee is a legend for this. Anyone who reckons he wasn’t justified is either the kind of girl who would fall for that drivel Andy spouted or a man with no balls at all.

  151. Haraken, Jaco, lucifer sam, Bottlecap, and of course ikea: samefag. I feel sorry for you. Get help…or a life.

  152. *rolling my eyes* … Next I’ll be accused of being Andrew and Carla too! Oh, idiot parade, I’ve posted on many other threads as well, under my own name, and only my own name. Even attracted the obligatory foulmouth-imposters here and there. But, nevermind.

  153. snip, timelee, Jonathan James…the list goes on. Oh, and “Jaco”, how do we know you’re from South Africa? For that matter how do we know Lee is not? You are not nearly as clever or witty as you think you are.

  154. Hahaha I thought you’d “signed off” Jaco? And yes you manufactured this all yourself you pathetic little fellow. Good try dickhead.

  155. Idiot Parade, suit yourself. If it is so important to you to believe that I am one and the same person as Lee, then go ahead. It matters not whether anyone believes I’m South African or not, nor whether anyone thinks I’m clever or witty (which I haven’t even tried to be in any of my posts here.) We’re all just people who are curious about submissions to lamebook, and sometimes we contribute to the discussions. I had a few things to say on this here thread, I said it, and if you insist on thinking I’m Lee, then it’s really no skin off my nose.

  156. Idiot Parade/Andy, make of it what you will but seriously, you came across as a complete jackass. If you seriously think you didn’t, seek professional help.

  157. Oh and if you like, put my e-mail addy into facebook.

    I’m quite real.

  158. Ah, no Jaco…or Lee, or ikea man or whatever you want to call yourself. You are a douche. It is painfully obvious what you are trying to do. Like I said before, it is quite clearly you who manufactured this entry. Get back in your box.

  159. Jonathan James / Jaco / Idiot Parade / Lee, etc – you are ALL a bunch of cunts. You can hook up using Jonathan James’s email address and arrange a bumming session elsewhere. Fuck off

  160. Well, he certainly has more chance of getting into a box then you have getting in Carla.

  161. Skips such an angry bad man and hates this discussion so much, he took the liberty of reading all the comments and noting everyone’s name down. Just goes to show you shouldn’t post on this site if your intellegence level leaves you struggling to tie your own shoe laces.

  162. I only had to read the last 9 comments to get the gist of it thanks. And thanks for the email address! Spam ahoy! x

  163. Andrew – pretentious twat.

  164. God, you really are sad aren’t you? You’ve not learnt about the block button? It’d be slightly more concerning if:-

    a) It wasn’t already spammed to death by regular junk mail meaning :-

    b) I only ever mail people over facebook.

    Regardless, you’re still a brain dead cunt.

  165. Oh you owned me Jonathan. Yes all facebook profiles are genuine, as you have to prove your identity to create one. Hang on, no you don’t. Yes I am Andy, and I’d love to grab a coffee with you – I’ve loved you all along. Fuck Carla, I want you big boy *tiger claws* reaow ;)

  166. It happens. I don’t blame you.

  167. oh god please stop

    andy and lee – please take your shit elsewhere

  168. I’m so sorry Jonathan & co, having read the above posts I retract my earlier statements. It is me that is the cunt.

  169. HAHA. wow guys, going crazy much? And why, oh why would you put your email address on here??!
    Anyway, I think Andys post was funny as fuck. SO lame. So SO lame.
    Words can’t even describe how lame. Oh wait, yes they can. About four-million of them already did in his original letter. *vomit* How pompous can you get? ugh.

  170. i can’t believe i wasted my time reading all these comments. lamebook used to be funny, this is just sad.

  171. It’s the 9th step – “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

  172. Hey skip, I’d love to keep in touch or grab a coffee and talk sometime. Nevertheless, I totally understand if you decline. But until the hereafter…Respectfully, Jonathan…I mean Jaco…fuck I’ve had enough trolling for one evening. Goodnight, you special people you :)

  173. I didn’t read all the comments, but with Carla being married, why the fuck would she admit she still has feelings or thinks about him? That would be kinda stupid on her part, especially with her husband reading her stuff.

  174. Oh,and Jonathan…I do actually believe you’re a real person – posting your email address was incredibly foolish. I was fucking with you and you took the bait HARD. Why on God’s sweet earth would you use your real name and email on this site?? So, so stupid…oh dear. You might want to start a new account – I’m not done fucking with you yet.

  175. Lee, Andy – let’s make love not war. I want you both. Menage a trois…serenade me with your vocabularies boys \o/

  176. Hey Jonathan, please meet me in the Cathedral Close in Hereford next Sunday. Please draw an apple on your forehead.

    Cheers, Robin

  177. ya lee is lame. his response(s) are overly edited and not witty nor necessary. submitting this here and then hanging around checking comments and chiming in smells pathetically of wannabe cool.

    carla’s response was the winner here. I think she’s probably too cool for either lee or andy and is likely to at some point end up having a torrid affair with a spanish matador.

  178. a spanish matador

    @lee+andy4ever: I would never fuck a bitch that has been with those two losers. Don’t use my name in vain.

  179. Put up my name and e-mail address because I’m not enough of a nerd to really care about what happens to a crappy e-mail address I barely use. Robin, sorry, regardless what you may think of me, I am no where near deformed enough to enter the English version of District 9.

  180. I like how most of the comments on any given entry here are part of a lengthy discussion as to who is “lame” or who “wins”, and the many reasons why.

    I mean seriously what do a bunch of people who seem to spend the majority of their life on here know about whats cool and whats lame?

    Lee mate, I’d take it as a compliment that the majority here are against you.

  181. Dear Jonathan, how about 2am in York?

    Please, as before, draw an apple on your forehead

    Yours sincerely, Robin

  182. lee+toney+andy4ever

    lets eat each others dicks mate!!

  183. Robin, any chance of it being in Cardiff at 6pm? Gives me time to finish work and not get bogged down with the traffic.

  184. let’s not.

  185. The fact that Andrew’s last comment was edited out is not in FAVOR of Lee! Sorry Lee and Carla. The fact that he backed off instead of cyber-posturing back shows, imo, that he was sincerely trying to make amends. A guy who wants married pussy isn’t the type that is going just slink away with his tail between his legs.

    I really think this guy, in a flowery way, was feeling bad for making some girl the target of his self destruction. And maybe he’s really changing.

    *forever optimistic about humanity*

  186. I think Lee is sorry that Andy’s last reply was deleted because it made him feel like such a ‘big, strong man’ that the guy backed down. That’s one of the main points he’s come in here rambling about. He wanted to make sure we all knew his little rant saved the day. Lee – you’re a douche. Andy – also a douche. Carla – Take care of your past business yourself without sitting on your husband’s lap in front of the computer and creating anymore stupidity in the world.

  187. Lee Doesn't Get It

    He’s only making it worse by claiming (truthfully or not) that the wife was involved in the crafting of his letter to Andy. Honeslty, my wife’s ex-husband was a major douche, but if he sent her a letter like this, neither one of us would give shit one. It would hardly require a joint effort on our part to deal with it. And this is some dude from highschool? Lame.

  188. Carla is probably a dirty little slut anyway. Just not a dirty slut with Andy, or Lee for that matter. The three of them are retards.

    But Lee is the biggest. Egotistical faggot.

  189. Right, that’s why you’re so optimistic about the other parties involved. Am I right?! Your sincerity only works in one unfortunate direction, Penny.

    a) You’re gullible as fuck and it’s clear you know nothing about men. Anyone else with half a brain and a slight awareness of how men work would know this letter smacked of insincerity and ulterior motive. Good luck walking around like an easy mark for the rest of your life.

    b) His “relationship” with her was over ten years ago and lasted less than three months. According to Carla, he didn’t even make an impression beyond being a cheating, self-absorbed, sociopath who thought he was smarter than everyone else; who pretended to be tormented to manipulate the sympathies of two women. She saw through it, dumped him, and moved on without a second glance. In fact, she’s reluctant to even use the word “relationship” given the brevity and overall lack of attachment. Basically, she says he must have seen her recent pictures and decided that she was still hot. He thought he could impress her with this overwrought, sophomoric diatribe despite her obvious relationship status. And if you don’t think that asking to meet for coffee while using present tense descriptions of how she’s still the most beautiful woman he’s ever known is fraught with ulterior motive, you’re just ignorant. It seems like you’d fall right into his trap for little more than some poorly strung together adjectives.

    c) Men who want “married pussy” are not stand-up guys. You make an egregiously stupid mistake in assuming that every man who wants a taken woman is willing to fight for it in the open (as if that somehow makes it better). Let me tell you something: men like him prefer to conduct such business under cover and without fear of repercussion. They are spineless and they usually do slither away at the first sign of exposure. This is exactly why he used the facebook medium to begin with.

    d) My wife and I love each other very much. All you armchair philosophers who think you wouldn’t have reacted angrily have obviously never been in a simialr situation. Talk to me when some sociopathic yahoo thinks it’s ok to try to sabotage something beautiful because he’s too self-absorbed to see past his own desperate dick. Passion begets passionate response. I defy you all.


    Your militant feminism is comical at this point. At no point did I ever force her into writing anything. In fact, she had just as much of a hand in my response as I did, if not moreso. I felt no compunction to “speak for her” as I am more than aware that she can handle herself (often more adeptly than I). I do not not lament Andy’s missing response because it makes me look like a “tough guy.” I lament it because his reduction to a one sentence apology after all he initially wrote was quite comical, and it was essentially a tacit admission of guilt. That you so readily assume I must be some domineering, macho-man, misogynist is based on little more than my sex and your very limited knowledge of the context. So what if I wanted to kick his ass? So what if BOTH of us decided it would be best if he faced the possibility of conequences from TWO sides? Afterall, he tried to mess with a marriage.

  190. Lee, I’m far from a feminist, and never said you were domineering…I think what you are is insecure, and you keep proving that fact by your posts. Keep it up!

  191. That Lee is more of an idiot than Andy is.

  192. Alright, I’m done being trolled. Keep it up, though. That’s why it’s here.

  193. I realise the conversation has moved on, but why does it matter whether or not I’m from South Africa? (I’m not, incidentally)

  194. Oh darn. Lee is leaving? I’m gonna miss his incessant whining.

  195. Snip, they’re worried you will shot them.

  196. @Lee:

    Re c)

    You knew Andy was pathetic and would slither away just by shining a little light on the cockroach. Yet ‘you’ still felt the need to threaten him and tell him to suck a dick – that’s a douche move.

    Re d)

    Andy’s smarmy Facebook posting is pathetic, but it hardly merits a response at all. Carla’s response was perfect. It shut him down and didn’t invite further communication. “Your” response was little more than dick measuring. Andy backed down, and I’m glad he did, but if things had escalated your implied threat could have easily backfired on you.

    And for the record, my wife’s ex actually held a gun to her face. I don’t recall being angry. I don’t let douchebags ‘make’ me feel things. I didn’t threaten him either. We just got a restraining order and pressed charges. Problem solved.

  197. “And for the record, my wife’s ex actually held a gun to her face. I don’t recall being angry.”

    Nice. Way to be a pussy, bro.

  198. @ 196 & 197

    Seems like man is the new woman.

  199. I’m with Lee & Carla on this one. Way to go guys. All the best!

  200. to get shut down after that novel like letter does somthin to the soul…i bet dude just went into a a uber depression

  201. “I love my wife so much that I must monitor her facebook account and ‘save’ her from having coffee with an ex-boyfriend from high school, because she is obviously going to submit to his erudite, pedantic, sophisticated charms if I don’t ‘protect’ her!”

    What a jealous, controlling prick.

  202. This would have been so much funnier if it just stopped with Carla’s response. Lee’s little note at the end is pathetic.

  203. You’re all worthy of each other. Go find a Westin somewhere and have a menage a trois, you’d have fun. LOL

  204. Thesaurapist 13(F)

    And this thread’s *clever-word-we-don’t-know-the-meaning-of-but-will-throw-about-anyway* is ‘diatribe’.

  205. The Reeeeeal 27 year old Carla

    This asshole dated me while he was at Emory at Oxford, while I was still in my senior year of high school!!! I was impressed at the time, I guess.

    BTW, I ended up going to the real Emory WAY before his stupid ass ever did. And, by the way, why you guy’s hatin’ on my husband!? That boy is the shizzle!!!


    P.S. (AND IMPORTANT!!!)Any of you girls out there that actually believe what Andy just wrote (that ridiculous letter), well, I take pity on you! You are fuckin’ fuck stupid! HA! Take that, bitches!!!

    “Lee’s asleep—- I’m his poor little, sad, wifie!!! Ooooooohh, poooor meeeee!!!! Whatever, I’m probably one of the most stubborn women out there!!! Should I be more adjective heavy?

  206. I honestly think women like you keep us (women) down. Just go give another lap dance and call it a day!!! You’re stupid, you automatically assume that women are weak, and feeble minded (because you are), and that men rule us. No one rules me. Go fuck yourself. Fuck your man while he drinks a budweiser! That’s all you think women are good for, right?!!! Whateves, I LOVE ME SOME LEE….

  207. Seems to me there’s a lot of douchebaggery going around… and it’s not limited to the two guys…

  208. aaaaahhh…. Gotchya! I’m douchbagrey! HA! Nah, I just got off work! Estoy arrurida!~.

  209. Ouch! fuckballs! Estoy abburida!(I’m bored!!!)!! (somehow managed to hit the “B” key rather than the “R” key) . Weird. I’m somehow stimulated by this. Double Weird.

  210. I think Andrew is a bit schizophrenic. I bet he read this on a website somewhere and now he thinks it’s really about him.

    But seriously, his patterns don’t convey a message of step 6, or I want to get in your pants to me. Maybe I’m just projecting. A mouse just ate my toe.

  211. LOL!!!! That Lee guy at the end just winds up sounding like an insecure little whiny retard. He should have just left it alone. It’s much funnier with just Carla’s response. haha!

  212. “seriously eat a dick. I’ll meet for for coffees some time”

    is lee hitting on andy? LOL

  213. This is bullshit, as shit as the message is i dont think this site should be posting fucking emails! Public displays of stupidity yes but private dumbarse shit should stay private. FUCK YOU LAMEBOOK.COM!

  214. @Boz You do realize that most of this is user submitted, right?

  215. emo much, DOOSHbag?

    Carla FTW!

  216. Lee is an asshole

    Well, that was entertaining. I might add that when I reached the end of the post, I knew that Andrew was a narcissistic blowhard whose attempts to bang a married woman were more more than a little painfully obvious.

    But I also suspected that Lee was an aggrandizing asshole who uses big words because he’s SURE they make him sound intelligent. A quick perusal of his replies here confirm that suspicion.

    PROTIP, Lee: When you respond, try not to sound more than a little insecure.

  217. Lee was just repeating the same words Andy used in his message. He was most likely trying to make fun of him not trying to sound smart.

  218. Little Miss Bitch

    This sounds just like my ex boyfriend. We broke up and got back together a few times, and this is the kind of stuff he used (still does actually) to send when trying to win me back. He;d then do a 180 after a couple of months. These guys don’t live in reality. They like the idea of a relationship more than the actual relationship.

  219. way to go for Carla and the husband. Anybody who sides with andy why don’t you just send him your email , so you can be the next target of this manipulative, sociopathic drug addict.

  220. I think that a lot of people are only empathizing with andy because they identify with them, and are pathetic losers themselves.

  221. Yeah, Andy’s message was melodramatic and arguably out of place.

    But Lee’s reply was just pointlessly cruel. And then he posts it here. God, he’s the individual I respect least in this. Needlessly cruel and vindictive.

  222. I came when I read this: “cunningly innocent with dark side”

  223. He’s dead Romantic he’s like Byron rolled into Shelley, fucking Victor Frankenstein up the arse.

    The bird aint worth a squirt anyway if she can’t give a compassionate response.

    Lee is right nob head; he says “eat a dick” followed by “I’ll meet you for coffee.” 1+1 = Lee wants a blowie of the ex.

    You can just tell Lee is a cunt.

  224. what a loser

  225. Seriously, I got like three lines down and thought tl;dr.

  226. @189-Lee-Ikea

    a – Not all men are like this. Sorry that has been your experience of/contribution to the male population.

    b – Sometimes people feel bad for things they’ve done. Sometimes something can have a powerful impact even if it was small to another person.

    c – You assume that posturing back makes him a “stand up guy”…which is really sad! Sorry but caveman posturing is NOT “stand up” behavior.

    d – I have been in similar situation and neither my husband or I react in an angry way. We have compassion for others and trust in each other. I know that is just so shocking in this day and age…

    Lee, let your wife speak for herself.

    Carla, grow up. Being a damsel in distress is gross.

  227. I just want to say, I’ve been where Andy seems to be coming from. That is why I feel he is sincere. Accepting an apology doesn’t make someone a wimp. Accepting an apology is a way of not letting something from the past control you.

    I am a completely different person than I was in my late teens. I was one of those “mean girls” and I’ve apologized (in a not so flowery way) for the things I’ve done wrong. Some people accepted, some people didn’t, some people didn’t remember me. How ever they responded was about themselves. I offered up what I could for the mean things I did. Carla’s response was healthy…but sitting on hubby’s lap while he cyber-threatens someone is idiotic. If this guy meant nothing to her then why say anything more than she did? Hubby wanted to be a big shot. And I think the little damsel on his lap got off on it. Sad couple.


  228. “I hope not to sound overly cliché, melodramatic or self-deprecating”

    Not at all, Andy. Not at all.

  229. I actually feel sorry for Andy. clearly he’s not used to writing any essay if he made the high school student’s mistake of copy/pasting thesaurus synonyms to make his letter longer and “intelligent”. Maybe he was trying to get into her pants, or maybe he’s a changed man, I wrote letters asking for forgiveness to people I didnt see eye to eye with in my past (though nothing like he did or to ex’s)

    Carla’s reply was harsh, she sounds like a bitch, sh could have declined nicely

    and her husband shouldn’t have gotten involved at all. He treats her like his property, and threatning Andy like this is middle school.

    all 3 are idiots

  230. Note to Penny Lane. I really admire your ability to psychoanalyse people you fleetingly met through…lamebook.

  231. Oh Jester…you read way too much into what I say. IRONIC ISN’T IT?

  232. Lee loses here. Not only should he not feel the need to reply to such an obvious loser, the fact that she never mentioned a dude that did this much stuff to her must show she is harboring feelings of some sort. That and her dorky reply.

    All three are losers. But Lee is the biggest.

  233. Carla should have submitted that as a “Crap Email From a Dude” on Jezebel. What an asshat, writing that garbage knowing she’s married.

  234. I don’t think it is anti-feminist or whatever to want your boyfriend/husband to stick up for you. I used to have a bf that would be like ‘you’re grown up, you can stick up for yourself’ and i’ll call it for what it was, which is weak. Isn’t it instinct to stick up for your family/friends?


  236. [...] Double Fail – Not only does Andrew completely lose at trying to win some affection from his ex he also writes like he’s been taking tips from the How To Write Badly Well blog. [...]

  237. All of you who think Lee is a tool/loser are tools/losers. Andrew needed to be shut down unequivocally, and if you wouldn’t have done the same, that’s pretty gutless.

  238. Mikewikeypikeysikeylikey

    Fake, status/comment cap is 420 this is much larger…

    thats what she said..

  239. #237: Calm down, Lee.
    #238: It is screen captured from their inbox messages, not a wall post.

  240. I do not understand why people have to take this so god damn serious. It’s on here for a few a laughs, not to be fucking analysed.

    All of you, get a grip.

  241. Lamebook Inside Lamebook

    Ikea’s/The Husband’s posts seem like they would qualify to be on Lamebook had they been posted on Facebook. To me, him posting this letter from Andy has come back full circle, making him look like a total jackass.

  242. Whatever you think of Lee’s response (I for one think it justified), any one defending this Andy guy and his motives is a retard or just as scummy.

    When men act like this, they are chasing pussy, pure and simple. This guy wants to try and break a MARRIAGE up. A MARRIAGE. Not a three month relationship, not a six month relationship, not even a serious relationship of a 2+ years, but a fuckin marriage. Absolute 100% scumbag.

    My ex-girlfriend of 4 years went to college with a kid who would do just this kind of thing… text messages on New Year’s “Hope you’re having a wonderful New Year’s beautiful” (yes she is with me deep inside her LOL dipshit), long florid Facebook messages like this (not apologetic, but long on adjectives, cliches, self-pity/loathing, and overly flattering), draw her pictures of flowers, buy her flowers, and the whole nine yards. He creeped her the hell out (but as per many girls, she was too timid/afraid to rebuff him strongly and clearly as Carla did here, which was great/funny).

    Now, did I ever respond in any way to this bumblefuck shrimp-dicked dipshit… even when he was sending that kinda shit when he knew she was with me? No. Did I want to? I wanted to knock his teeth out. We got a good laugh out of it, but still…

    It’s not about insecurity or being controlling, it’s about boundaries and respect. That’s not respecting me (or Lee here) or respecting the boundaries of a relationship. Most women would feel the same way, perhaps stronger, if the shoe were on the other foot. It’s just not respectful, that’s what gets you mad, not some deep-seated insecurity that some wannabe William Faulkner is going to win your girlfriend/wife over with such nonsense.

  243. Also, if this guy is anything like the guy who used to harass my ex, I’m guessing he sent similar messages to any girl he’s ever been anywhere near involved with that he could find. That’s what my experience did, he’d do it to all the girls in her dorm, same old creepy pseudo-stalker shit.

    That’s these kinda guys’ M.O., they’re just trying to drum *something* up to fuck.

  244. #241: Calm down, Andy.

    Good on you, Matt. I also wonder how some of the females who objected to Lee’s response here, would have responded had some psycho stalker female tried to have a piece of their husbands/boyfriends… they’d have let the husbands handle it by themselves, wouldn’t they? Ha. Ha. Ha.

  245. “Seriously, Eat a dick”

    XD That made my fucking day after reading that terrible melodramatic letter.

  246. Hahahahaha!
    Lee is my hero!

  247. Wow, I had to skim read over half of Andy’s sel-pity essay-sized letter lol. Only for him to be shot down by a single sentence. TAKE THAT BITCH, HA!

  248. 150, 242, and 244 sum it up.

    Lee’s response is justified.
    I would go the fuck off on a woman if she tried to message my man with that kind of bullshit.
    Who the fuck does something like that KNOWING that the other person is married?
    A fucking NO COUNT, that’s who!

  249. Holy shit.

  250. Epic WIN…

  251. Lee’s response is totally justified. I’m married and if one of her ex-boyfriends started writing long letters to my wife, I would take it for what it is, disrespect. Lee shouldn’t have to tolerate it. Of course he’s going to respond with a veiled threat of violence. If some guy grabs my wife’s ass, he’s going to get punched. It’s disrespectful to her and to me and to our marriage. Well done Lee. Not only did you call into the open the truth of Andy’s pathetic message, you managed to threaten violence without being lame. There are times when being possessive of your significant other is perfectly okay, and this is one of those times.

  252. Justin (#251) – now that’s what I call a voice of reason!

    *raising my glass*

  253. tl;dr

    Although if this happened to me, my husband wouldn’t threaten an ex like that (not saying that this guy was wrong in doing so). He would just post something like “LMAO!!!” Because he’s a smartass.

  254. Anyone who thinks that Andy has been treated unfairly should take a look at themselves and their motivations for thinking so. If your motivations are that you can see yourself in Andy’s shoes, trying pitifully to weasel your way back into an ex’s pants and destroying her marriage, do humanity a favor and kill yourself now, or at least cut your balls off so that you don’t reproduce. The world needs fewer losers.

  255. Holy shit, what an epic retard. Worst written letter ever.

  256. @242

    “When men act like this, they are chasing pussy, pure and simple.”

    Yes all men are clones of each other and you are their all knowing translator. Thanks.

    “This guy wants to try and break a MARRIAGE up. A MARRIAGE. Not a three month relationship, not a six month relationship, not even a serious relationship of a 2+ years, but a fuckin marriage. Absolute 100% scumbag.”

    That’s a leap and who the fuck cares. So someone signed a legal document, it doesn’t mean that relationship is any more important than any other. I hate this marriage-is-sacred crap. (And I’ve been happily married for over 10 years. The stupid marriage license didn’t and doesn’t change anything and it never will. All it means is that I get treated better than gays by the government.)

    So, Matt, in your opinion a male can NEVER apologize and want to make amends with any female? They are always trying to get laid. Your opinion of not only men, but women is troubling.

  257. “I’m married and if one of her ex-boyfriends started writing long letters to my wife, I would take it for what it is, disrespect.”

    You are an ape. An insecure ape. Sorry, but you are.

    “There are times when being possessive of your significant other is perfectly okay, and this is one of those times.”

    That is NEVER ok.

    YOU ARE AN APE. (Figuratively speaking of course, evolutionarily speaking we are all apes.)

  258. “…they’d have let the husbands handle it by themselves, wouldn’t they? Ha. Ha. Ha.”

    It’s happened and yes. I am not the owner of my husband. He can handle it himself.

  259. The Reeeeeal 27 year old Carla

    “That’s a leap and who the fuck cares.” Yeah Penny Lane, who does care? Apparently, you do… very much. You should drop this personal crusade. You look pretty ridiculous at this point. I know you feel some empathy for Andy’s position because you have admittedly written similar letters. Why was that again? Oh yeah, you were a self-proclaimed bitch. Well Penny, I wouldn’t so much call you a bitch as I would a pathetic, bored woman who’s married to a pussy.

    Have a nice life and shut the hell up. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

    p.s. If only your husband was an ape…you might actually get fucked from time to time.

  260. Haha, hmm well actually, is it really true he was trying to get back into ur pants?

    might have been nice if u just said, sorry i do decline but thenk you for apologising, or did he really hurt u that bad?

    if so ur justified in doing so i guess

  261. Roses have thorns

    @ Penny Lane – you lost whatever integrity you had when you called another person an ape for simply stating his point of view. I’d suggest a different approach if you want to convince anybody of the merits of your own point of view.

    And Penny, you may be right that Andy’s intentions were pure and all. But there’s a helluva good chance that you’re not right. Just because your experience tells you that apologies are always sincere, doesn’t mean others have the same lucky experiences as you.

    @ Jazz – good point but there are ‘some’ men who’d see any acceptance of an apology as further encouragement. It’s best not to take any chances, and I suspect Carla had enough experience of this Andy to not give him any chance whatsoever to get back in her life again.

  262. “You should drop this personal crusade.”

    Wow…just having a fun and lively discussion I thought. Not a crusader! lol

    “you lost whatever integrity you had when you called another person an ape for simply stating his point of view.”

    No, I didn’t call him an ape for stating his point of view, I called him an ape for acting like it is ever ok to be possessive of another human being. BTW, what I said is pretty tame compared to much of what goes on around here. LOL! BTW, this is just fun…calm down now…deep breaths.

  263. thesaurus much?

  264. Demitri the Lover strikes again.

  265. I feel terrible commenting on this, so long after the fact, but at 19, am still young enough to feel offended by a lot of the stuff said here. Especially given the awesomeness of the couples response.

    To people who feel that the apology is genuine, I disagree:
    “bitten and suffocated by the serpentine spirit of my on demise”- for one, I don’t know how you could ever side with somebody so effing terrible at writing. But major evidence of it not being an apology- he’s not actually taking responsibility for any wrong doing, he’s too busy painting himself as “vulnerable,” plagued by regrets, being “very depressed”. He’s trying to make himself less culpable for his actions by blaming all these weaknesses out of his control. You’ve gotta man up to the fact that less of the letter is an apology for his effect on her, and more an apology for himself, and it reeks of narcissism.

    Oh screw talking about it, Lee and Carla are timeless heroes of the lamebook. They stomped on what should be criminal use of facebook- getting on it, just to forgive how much of an asshole you’ve been in the eyes of people who have much better things to do.

    At best, he’s a narcissist for thinking people should be want to hear from a blotch on their ancient history, at worst he’s a sexual parasite who uses peoples pity for him as a mechanism for insinuating relationships. Either way, he’s a human stain, and I would be friends with Lee and Carla on fb any day.

  266. First of all: I didn’t read the comments. If mine overlap, I apologize.

    Yes, Andrew is lame. He’s whiny and melodramatic and trying to “re-connect” with a married woman.

    However, the people who posted this here on Lamebook are self-important twats. What does a random apology from a lame ex have to do with anything? If he’s really as irrelevant as the woman claims, why post this? Random, lame apologies from exes aren’t a symptom of Facebook in particular… no one cares that your wife’s ex boyfriend is actually desperate enough to go for your wife.

  267. Anastasia from Russia

    @ Brendon C

    Well said. And if you’re indeed 19 y.o., then you’re an awesome 19. When I was as young as that, I’d probably have believed “self-writhe” was a real word.

  268. Hours of the post don’t match: The husband answered before Carla…

  269. It looks like the husband answered first because the husband was writing a message, not a response to a wall post. Look at the postings. The original one doesn’t say “Between [HIM] and You”, which indicates it’s a wall post. However, the husband’s post DOES say “Between [HIM] and You”, indicating it is a wall post.

  270. Ooops, make that “indicating it’s a message”, not “wall post”.

  271. [...] November 2009 BOTM Candidate #2 was submitted by Ross W. Have you ever wondered what happens when an inborn beta becomes a little too aggressively creepy in his pursuit of a taken woman? Well now, thanks to Lamebook, you can read a stellar example of just such a specimen. [...]

  272. HOLY SHIT!!! That part about “I’ll meet you for coffee sometime” made me realize how hilarious this entire thing is. I figured the husband would say something like “I’m gonna kick your ass” or some shit, but he actually worked his threat into the lame ass letter lol.

  273. Just throwing this out there: Penny Lane does NOT speak for all women. Certainly not for me. If I was Carla, I would have felt disrespected, so I certainly wouldn’t blame my husband if he did too! (So no, Matt, I don’t think you’re an “ape” for feeling disrespected when you have every right to).

    I’ve gotten douchey letters like this (though thankfully none as verbose), and no, I was not sympathetic. “Awww, poor dear, just wants to apologize to me, wish me luck in my current relationship….and ask me out.” Riiiiight.

    I would be more likely to believe that Andy was truly sorry if:

    1. he had given her the respect of referring to her as MARRIED. Maybe I didn’t read enough of these comments, but I can’t believe no one mentioned the fact that he referred to her as “engaged” instead of “married”. Unless she just happened to be having her wedding at the exact time he was writing this thesis paper, that sounds deliberate, and really rude. Oh, but I’m sure it was *just* an oversight. Because a creep like Andy who spends pages upon pages describing how “cunningly innocent but with a dark side” she is didn’t once give her profile a quick glance. Sure.

    2. he wouldn’t have ASKED HER OUT ON A DATE.

    I personally thought Lee’s response was funny, and completely NOT uncalled for. If I was Carla, I would have shown my husband. Not because I’m a “damsel in distress”, but because it would have irritated me, but I still would have been amused by how pathetic it is and would have wanted to have someone to share a laugh with. And if my boyfriend had responded like Lee, I would have laughed even harder. Sorry, but for those of you who think Carla should have “responded nicely”…you’ve obviously never dealt with people like Andy. Being nice – even if you’re blowing them off – comes off as some invitation to keep bothering you.

    Well, now that this comment has become about as long as Andy’s letter, I’ll end it with this: “Team Carla & Lee! (and Matt)”

  274. I love that after that endless bull shit from Andy, Carla responded with ONE sentence, making it very clear that she doesn’t give a shit about him and kindly reminding him of her marriage.
    As for Lee, though I could go on and on about how he had every right to say what he said, I’d just like to say one thing: WIN.

  275. Actually, she responded with two, not one.

  276. @mantherz #273

    I agree with your entire post. I feel the same way (I’m a married woman).

    That is all. =)

  277. “It takes God a long time to get us out of the way of thinking that unless everyone sees as we do, they must be wrong. That is never God’s view. There is only one liberty, the liberty of Jesus at work in our conscience enabling us to do what is right….Jesus said, ‘Go and make disciples,’ not ‘make converts to your opinions.’” -Oswald Chambers

  278. Funny

  279. Why can’t we all just agree that all three people involved are dipshits?

    Andrew, while manipulative and arrogant, also seems genuinely depressed — not that it helps his self-righteous cause. Yes, in a way his apology could be seen as sincere, but only in the sense that he sincerely wants to fuck Carla. Were his response shorter and not so melodramatic, I would have felt bad for the guy. Instead, he’s just a pretentious asshat. Final grade: PRETENTIOUS.

    Lee, while reacting in a somewhat understandable manner, went about it the wrong way (I’m not saying I would have reacted perfectly, but I think I would have tried to sound a little calmer and less threatening/tough, since I’m neither threatening nor tough), and his defensive attitude in the thread has dug him deeper. FINAL GRADE: INSECURE.

    Carla, who delivered a beautiful smackdown to Andrew’s attempt to get into her pants, cannot type for shit and comes off as nothing but an asshole (in the thread, I mean, although I’m not entirely convinced it’s her). Her ad hominem attacks against people in the thread make her seem like an immature redneck. FINAL GRADE: STUPID.

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