Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Good Lord…

previous post: Your Ink Stinks

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81 Comments

  1. first

  2. I’m really hoping that “Pastor” is just another in a long list of terrible first names appearing on Lamebook and not an actual job title.

  3. Also, it’s really bothering me that I can’t decide who I hate more: Kyle or Dawn.

  4. Kyle definitely sucks more. What a douche. He didn’t even give a second thought about her issues (not that it’s his business anyway, but if he is going to offer help, it would be better if it wasn’t “talk to yourself and something might happen eventually”).

    I like the Pastor’s, “Love is about Kia”. They should market that.

  5. #2 makes no sense. What’s the problem with being kind of Catholic and not caring about politics? Catholicism and political stances do not go hand-in-hand.

    Pastor’s message also doesn’t really bother me. It’s the grammar and syntax that makes me cringe. God help anyone who writes “remeber”. I’ve never understood that. It doesn’t even sound like the word!

    P.S. Admins, I’d really appreciate not having to see the “HERPES, INVADING YOUR PANTS SINCE NOW” ad anymore. So gross.

  6. Sexmaking… never the best way to prove your love! Thanks Pastor for my morning chuckle!

  7. I’m sure fasting is a great way to solve your problems if you don’t believe in abortion! Thanks, good Kyle!

  8. Cosette , there is no competition here , Kyle sucks donkey cock !

  9. Man i really hate people like Kyle , Dawn tells him about severe problems and he advertises his church in stead of listening and offering compassion, help or advice

    That would actually help his cause and make him look like one of God’s worthy pupils

    ps note to self , never become one of God’s worthy pupils

  10. My guess? Pastor is someone who just gave himself that title & runs a church. Plenty of people give themselves titles like that such as “Prophet,” “Prophetess,” & “Bishop,” regardless of actual training.

  11. Or maybe he got ordained online. Who knows…

    Da Lord knows.

  12. O man i just submitted something that would have fit well in this batch.

    My friend Joy became a fan of 1M PEOPLE BEFORE EASTER 2010 WHO LOVE JESUS & ARENT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!!!!! and I love you, but I’m not in love with you :].

    Don’t want Jesus to get the wrong idea, yaah?

  13. I randomly came across Pastor’s profile a couple of weeks ago (don’t remember how), and searched through my history cos I remember seeing that Valentine’s day post. He writes like that cos he’s Nigerian.

    Plus he’s got an open profile, so you can leave comments on his religious thoughts.If anybody has a comment they want me to leave on that post, say so, and I’ll put up a screenshot of it on imageshack.

  14. Prophetess eenerbl: All should go forth and rejoice in the sexmaking!

  15. Why would Dawn even get close to being pregnant if she’s that broke? God helps those who help themselves, sister! She sounds like she’s reasonably well educated, too. Fuck the church and keep looking for a job.

    Kyle needs an energetic raping.

  16. Kyle is a douche for spouting his religion… but Dawn is a bigger douche for seeing someone have a long diatribe about praying and God and thinking it was the right time to guilt trip her entire friends list.

    It’s always sad when people can’t pay their rent or for gas or food… but at least she has a computer with strong internet access.

    I know a woman that literally had her gas turned off for 2 months… but kept her cable and internet. Priorities, I guess.

  17. The last one made me chuckle, I’m feeling the “sort of catholic” one, and both Dawn and Kyle are idiots, but Kyle more so

  18. For some reason I doubt that Valentine’s Day is a time to remember he who has died for love.

    Groundhog’s Day is a time to remember he who has died inside a groundhog.

    Labor Day is a time to remember Saint Luscious, who died during labor.

    Easter is a time to remember an egg laying bunny that died for our sins.

    And of course… Arbor day is a time to commemorate the loss of Johnny Appleseed, the original Arb.

  19. @13 Prophetess eenerbl. I like the sound of that. Prophet Andrizzle has a good ring as well.

  20. mccowles, you make me giggle.

  21. “sexmaking”? how do you make sex? any tips, ladies and gents, I need to cook up a batch for the weekend

  22. @knobjockey

    whoa………

    that is all.

  23. @eyeheartbrains

    I’m assuming you’re female, since I have a knack for making women giggle. And then I cry.

  24. @ mcowles: I don’t know whether that’s just sarcasm or actually genuine whoa?

  25. @mcowels Dawn could have been at the library,a friends house, or mooching off someone else’s wifi. Just cuz you post on FB doesn’t mean that you are neglecting your other bills to pay your i-net. SHESSH

  26. @Trixie

    The fact that she posted first at 5pm and then again at 11:47pm means that either her neighbors don’t secure their wifi… or she has internet access at home. I was more talking about in general, but you’re right, I don’t have enough information here.

    She is still a tool for ranting about her problems in such a way. If Kyle is a close friend, send him a private message, don’t just reply to his status update with your issues.

    @knobjockey, that was genuine, haha. Let’s see how eenerbl takes it :) , but I, for one, enjoyed it greatly.

  27. Awesome! If you have a message for his holiness, the Pastor, please post it here and I shall provide.

  28. I’m ok with it. He should rejoice in the sexmaking as well.

  29. @knobjockey

    So… is he really a pastor? Or is that just what he calls himself (like Father Sha, haha)?

  30. i can’t escape the feeling that the pastor’s facebook profile is going to see a lot of action today

  31. hehe mcowles , i am your daddy and you love it :-)

  32. @leonardmustdie: The recipe may vary depending on the ingredients used.

  33. note 2 me 2remember 2 smack Pastor 4ever!

    LOL @ mcowles & that bunny better be laying chocolate eggs!

  34. “Who is your daddy, and what does he do?”

    “My dad’s a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.”

  35. Pastor is Mr Echo from lost, he carries a stick with scriptures carved into it. You can’t see his twisted little beard in the photo.

  36. @ mcowles: I don’t know if he’s an actual Pastor, but he puts all these religious and moralist updates on his profile every day. I think he does do some work in a Church, but don’t know if he’s ‘ordained’ or whatever the word is. I would love to post his full name, cos commenting is totally open on his page, but I couldn’t live with myself :)

  37. sweet jesus I hope that isn’t a real “pastor”…as I understood it, pastors usually attended colleges. May the good Lord help our learning institutions if this jerk graduated a college.

    Also, what the fuck is wrong with a guy who would recommend that a possibly pregnant woman fast? Jackass.

  38. Hello my friends children of God. I see some1 tells me about the post at the lamebook, knw dat god is nt to be made humor off and dat if u ppl respect dat holy god will respect u back. Ur place in heaven wil be for sure and in hell vise vica if ur sinner.

  39. *looks around wide eyed* um did that pastor just tell me i’m gonna go to hell??!!! i think i’m insulted !!!!

    Oh wait no i’m not :)

  40. Awww, why did you guys have to mention the part about him being Nigerian? The whole time I was reading Pastor’s post, I was imagining with the Ladies Man voice.

  41. Dear Pastor , i like to hunt down innocent women with self esteem issues and use them as my sex slaves

    I also make them believe that we love eachoda and that our relationship is based on undastandn,kia and not about sex or beuty

    does that make me a bad përson ?

  42. @ father sha: aaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa :D

  43. Father Sha is going to hell. Hahahhahahahahaha.

  44. I think the only words Pastor spelt correctly were Money, sex and fame… Jesus needs to toughen up his application requirements

  45. mccowles: “For some reason I doubt that Valentine’s Day is a time to remember he who has died for love.”

    One of the legends of Valentine’s Day (the one that the Catholic Church assigned when they highjacked the date from the ancient Roman Lupercalia) is that a dude named Valentine married soldiers (who weren’t allowed to marry) on the sly and then was killed for it.

    See? Cute AND smart! That’s right, dammit, I’m fucking CUTE!

  46. and ladylike. ;-)

  47. These comments have reminded me why I first started worshipping at the church of Lamebook.

  48. Oh, we can tell you are ladylike Ms. Terri…no need to mention it. ;)

  49. Fuckin’ a, teeda! haha!

  50. Sexmaking? Seriously? And also 90% seems a little high…

  51. : )

  52. Wow… did anyone else notice Kyle’s response to the fact that Dawn and her family can’t afford food?
    ‘Start fasting’.
    Right, yeah, like they’ve got a choice about it. Fucktard. And what’s with the plug for his website?
    ‘Yah Dawn, I’m sorry about the poverty, and the starvation and all. Want to download my podcast?’

    Sexmaking. Speaks for itself, really. Brilliant.

  53. I did notice BritishHobo. And a more appropriate response would have been to offer FOOD. The Church must have something better to offer than a podcast.

  54. Ahahaha on the last one!
    Sort of a Catholic? I think Kyle might have words to say about that!
    As usual Father Sha FTW!!

  55. lmao >.< mhmmm whoa :D i like these lol

  56. @mccowles
    Yep. Guilty as charged. I have girl bits. Don’t want to make you cry though.

  57. knobjockey, Bet he’ll ponder that for a bit huh?

  58. Considering he believes the world was made 5 thousand years ago, I think trying to get to grips with that fact will make his head explode.

  59. @knobjockey – I couldn’t resist looking at his profile. I’m a bit scared now. One day he’ll post something about how at exactly the same time, all his followers across the world should drink a pint of bleach or something, to demonstrate their love of God and secure their places in heaven. Wa(k)co…

  60. Haha if he did, that’s what’s known as Darwinian selection. Let’s hope it happens sooner rather than later. Maybe we could get the ball rolling by posting something along those lines now gingivitis?

    Oh, and damn you lamebook for taking down my links.

  61. Haha – much as I love that idea, I don’t think I could cope with the deaths of 738 people on my conscience…

  62. I believe the “Pastor” here is an imposter. Lamebook is always best when the subjects find out they’ve been lamebooked and flood the comments section with even more lameness and arguing. Kind of like in championship wrestling when the wrestlers spill into the audience and start beating people up.

    Speaking of which, where did “Jason’s Monster Fail” go?

  63. Are you guys serious? I don’t understand why it is such a big deal for people to talk about their faith openly.
    For Kyle, I’m sure he had good intentions, but “advertising” was the wrong way to go. Fasting, at least as Catholics believe, really does help. If this was about Muslims or something I wonder if everyone would make fun of them. I am getting so sick of everyone making fun of Catholics.
    For the pastor, yes many Protestant pastors are not educated, but that does not mean that they aren’t good at what they do. Simply because he can’t spell doesn’t mean he can’t lead people to God.
    And for the record, Valentine’s Day is a Catholic saint’s feast day. Look it up.

    “kind of a cathlic” – at least he’s honest. If he is on the fence, at least he can say so.

  64. @eyeheartbrains

    It’s ok, I cry all the time, don’t worry about it.

    Girl bits FTW!

  65. @ jinkies: nobody said he can’t spell. He’s Nigerian, and their form of writing is a lot more phonetic than ours. The reason we’re going on about him is cos I knew who it was and saw that post before it was up on lamebook, and showed the original. You’re the only one who said he can’t spell. And, in fact, he has led me to god.

  66. I have Christian beliefs (and respect other peoples’ beliefs), but when someone like Kyle puts those kind of comments on their page it makes me feel uncomfortable, lol. Plus most of those kind of “devout” people take to FB to put on a show. I used to have a boyfriend that would act all “holier than thou”…but he turned out to be the biggest fake I’ve ever met, completely different person when no one was watching…

  67. hey just throwin this out there, fasting can be from anything. you don’t necessarily have to fast food. you can fast from facebook or tv or long walks in the park. it’s about sacrificing something you enjoy and spending the time you would normally spend doing that praying or something. i think you guys all looked at kyle’s reply wrong. he was just offering something that helped him through his hard times. they obviously don’t live close together so sending food isn’t exactly practical. it’s the same as sending your dinner to those starving kids in africa that parents are always talking about.

  68. The reason you see Catholics generally made fun of rather than Mormons or Buddists or Islams is because Catholics are the greediest, most self-absorbed, and most likely to preach to those of other or “wrong” religions religious people out there.

  69. why on earth is dawn on the internet if she cant afford bills???
    this just doesn’t make any sense-idiot!
    And if she might be pregnant that is just shows what an idiot she is because you do get free condoms (ok not nice…)but you do get!

    Kyle is just one of those annoying bible bashers….erg those type of people drive me up the wall!

  70. I don’t hate Catholics, but I don’t think ‘Pastor’ is Catholic, I think he is just a loon.

  71. bollywood_rocks83

    Jinkies, I am ex-Catholic: I only go to church on Christmas eve and Holy Saturday. The candles make it all pretty and I get to have the best sleep.

    That being said, I do and will always make fun of Catholics. Half of the views are archaic esp. if you know half the crap they do to brainwash people in Africa and Asia. How many American Catholics go to church with dresses and scarves on? Yet in Africa, they’re told that to wear pants/trousers to church and not wearing scarves(women) will put them on a straight path to hell. How many so called Catholics are divorced in the USA? In Africa, they’re taught to believe that leaving your husband(NEVER THE WIFE) is a sin. The Catholic church is still very partriachial and until they fix some of their so called dogma, I’ll keep making fun of them because I’m also making fun of my family.

  72. Everybody knows that God/Jesus likes to barter.
    Offer up an ulcer and he grants your every wish!

  73. bollywood_rocks83

    @ Lady Katara: Thank You! Oh and the older ones have no problem telling you the Church is the best and the authentic of all the Christian denominations because it can be traced back to Peter. Coming from a Catholic family, let me just say I will blast the church any day, anytime and won’t feel a shred of guilt

  74. @Lady Katara and bollywood_rocks83: Unfortunately, you two are correct, there are many evil and corrupt Catholics. The Catholic Church itself has had many evil people in it, including popes of the past. That being said though, Jesus welcomed sinners. Also, many that the Church has, God does not have and many that God has, the Church does not have. I am not trying to say that Catholics are the best or that everyone is wrong in their beliefs if they are not Catholic. Even the Church does not say that. In fact, it is explicitly stated in Vatican II’s Lumen Gentium that there is salvation outside the church.
    Also, bollywood_rocks83: Cannot all of the Christian denominations be traced back to Peter, since they broke off from the Catholic Church? I know that the Catholic Church is the one that acknowledges Petrine Ministry and the Holy See, but I don’t think that Catholics say that it is the only denomination traced back to Peter. True, educated Catholics (not the kind that will chastise others) know that we are in the midst of the ecumenical movement and are trying to unite all denominations at least in terms of what we agree on. This is also a document found in Vatican II.

  75. I’m with jinkies. I don’t care what people spout on FB – it’s their choice to say what they want to say. Personally, I think the people who advertize their STDs are dumber and more annoying than people who are religious. At least religious people don’t (in most cases) intend any harm, and only want good for others, and aren’t hoey slutbags tramping their cooch all over the internet because they think they’re the first people ever to be this hot.

    Maybe it all has to do with who you’ve met in life. People who’ve been around douchebaggy religious people are of course going to hate religion. But for the record, there are religious people who are awesome.

  76. I don’t think this has been pointed out yet, but Dawn could be accessing the internet from, you know, not her own computer.

  77. So most everyone seems to be against Kyle spouting his religion. What about you spouting your non-religion? Seems kinda hypocritical to me.

  78. @shooblie It had been pointed out. It’s also been pointed out that she accessed Facebook at both 5:45pm and 11:41pm. How do you propose she was getting online?

  79. worst_episode_ever

    i just have to thank @mcowles for the kindergarden cop quote, that just made my day!! especially after the downer i got from dawn. man, ppl are sad …

  80. Um. Who said Kyle was Catholic. While we’re on the subject of bashing religions, why not consider Scientology. Maybe he’s a snake tamer. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’ve never been to a church that offered podcasts. This guy isn’t Catholic. Baptist maybe, but not Catholic. Regardless, he’s a douche. Then again, so is Dawn.

    Pastor – BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I laughed so hard I peed a little. I know several people who hail from Nigeria. This isn’t how they write or speak. I don’t think we can justify his written language based on the fact that he’s from Nigeria. I doubt his English textbooks spelled four with ’4′. Perhaps Nigerians speak like this, but speaking and writing are two different things.

  81. Prayer: works so much better than actually doing something.

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