Friday, October 9, 2009

God, the Devil, and David

God the Devil and David

God the Devil and David

previous post: Beach Party

RELATED POSTS:


73 Comments

  1. I really wish I did know what she means by “pickles, pinapples and pizza”…

  2. Gotta give you credit on the obscurity of the title reference.

  3. TLDR

  4. How do these people get anything done with all this god/satan bullshit?

  5. To Hand – pickles, pineapples and pizza must be the foods of Satan. You know, Eva’s “pretecter.”

  6. What is it about evangelicals? How come they all seem to be divorced?

  7. I am wondering why David wanted to throw down with Tyson at, of all places, Tyson’s parents’ farm.

  8. I heard tysons parent make a mean lemonade.

  9. Why don’t I get people like this as my facebook friends? It would make reading my homepage so much fun.

  10. @#7.Mimi: Maybe he felt like chicken tonight?

  11. The devil and god are raging inside of David.

  12. So wait…lemme get this straight…Satan will protect me, help me sleep AND I get to do all that fun sinning stuff!? Where do I sign up?

  13. I NEED MORE INFORMATION

  14. She called her kids’ dad Stan, not Satan.

  15. I wish the person who sent this in had waited a while. You know there had to have been some real gems posted after this.

  16. Listening to evangelicals talk about their god and other deities and how they intervene with mortals really reminds me of Homer’s Illiad. Its like Aphrodite vs Athene

  17. the best part def. is “why do you act like a scared baby when i see you at wal mart”

  18. To hide behind a satanised(!) person instead of finding reasons for your broken marriage…. i would sooo divorce you David. I cant stand those people who find every answer in god and satan and holy books bla bla.

  19. What I don’t understand is why broadcast all this shit on Book of Face? I mean, pleas don’t stop, awesome giggle time reading after shifts, but, if these people are so “God shines outta my butt crack” why go on a nerdrage with a keyboard? Just go pray and let the women do what they do with Pickles, Pineapples and Pizza….whatever that is

  20. So can we all agree that Eva’s confidence is misplaced in assuming that the meaning of “Pickles, Pineapples, and Pizza” would be immediately accessible to the reader?

  21. Shoelaces, peppermint gum and the Super 8 motel in Pawtucket, RI.
    You know what I mean!

  22. so what is this song?

  23. What I want to know is…what did Eva actally do? Did she seduce Mary or what? Come on, David! Clue us in!

  24. #22 I think the lyrics are from “Michael Row the boat ashore” (traditional).

  25. I love how David is so self righteously moral, yet is keen for a punch up with Tyson.
    At his parents’ farm no less! Take that Wal Mart…

  26. Creepy David – only a matter of time before the killing starts; “God told me to do it” . . .

  27. “How do these people get anything done with all this god/satan bullshit?”

    i would like that too. did they have so low selfesteem, that they cant handle own lives, without messing some spiritual figures?
    it has seen that with messing things like that (doesnt matter is it god nor devil)makes u unstable.

    oh well, if u do something bad, plain god/devil/jesus/allah whatsoever…punks

  28. The reason he said he wanted to meet at Tyson’s parent’s farm is probably so the snakes can eat him, I’m guessing. :)

  29. @ mental health? WTF I did not understand one word of what you were saying towards the end please explain

  30. I am so going to use “lets meet at ur parents farm” as much as possible from now on.

  31. The song Mary’s quoting is ‘Sunshine’ by Jonathan Edwards. Paul Westerberg did a good cover of it, too.
    And, reading through David’s rants about how Mary said it was ‘half because she liked the song, half to get at me’….is he splitting up with Mary because Eva used the Satanic powers of 70s country folk music to turn her against him?!

  32. @milkproofrobot – Ditto lol

  33. David must be some really important dude for satan to want to break up his marriage. Or, just possibly, Mary realized she married an asshat.

  34. I think Chuck’s last year of school will be remembered less for his parents’ divorce and more for being the year that his dad finally lost his shit.

  35. I didn’t understand 90% of what that man said. Jesus christ.

  36. I spit up my wife. I hope Stan pretects me.

  37. All right, this guy is clinically insane.

  38. Am I the only person who took “Pickles, pineapple, and pizza” to mean that David got Eva pregnant?
    In which case, David is possibly one of the biggest assholes on Earth.

  39. @Apple Crisp. I think he got someone pregnant, but not Eva. My guess would be that Eva is just Mary’s friend who knows all the gory details and is reminding him of his transgressions. To David, Eva is actually Lilith – tempting the innocent Mary to defy her husband. Let us hope she is completely successful.

  40. Just noticed this publication: Siegmund Hurwitz. Lilith, die erste Eva: eine Studie uber dunkle Aspekte des Wieblichen. Zurich: Daimon Verlag, 1980, 1993. English tr. Lilith, the First Eve: Historical and Psychological Aspects of the Dark Feminine, translated by Gela Jacobson. Einsiedeln, Switzerland: Daimon Verlag, 1992.

    Positively biblical!

  41. @Cellist: Ooh, that actually makes more sense. Unless he’s an even bigger hypocrite than he appears to be.

  42. Need to get more information. Who’s up for a trip to see the throwdown at Tyson’s parents’ farm?

  43. I’ll already be there, preachin’ with snakes.

  44. I will not read this!
    I have better things to do!
    Seriously, I do.

  45. FUCK! Sorry.

    I will not read this!
    I have better things to do!
    No, really, I do.

  46. @Cellist & Apple Crisp

    How on earth did either of you come to the conclusion that he got anyone pregnant from “Pickles, pineapple and pizza”!? Please explain.

  47. Ooooh you better hope I don’t see your ass at Wal-Mart.

  48. Damn, Mr. Haiku
    Was our faith misplaced in you?
    My heart hurts now, Satan.

  49. whoa, I didn’t try for a haiku, but it was close, haha… damn, I should’ve said “Stan” instead of “Satan”.

  50. Praise Jesus!! He did one a hell of a job on my roof.

  51. @mcowles

    who you trying to kid that you weren’t trying for a haiku but got it wrong?! lame

  52. Haha, good call hmmm.

    Inside the mind of mcowles: Shit! I put six syllables in the last line afer bagging Mr Haiku! What the fuck am I going to do? Oh hell yes, that’s a great idea, I’ll pretend it WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A HAIKU! NO ONE WILL KNOW! Brilliant!

  53. @Rick, #11

    Love the Brand New reference :)

  54. I don’t really find this lame or funny. I don’t find people talking about religious people funny either. Eva was obviously adding to the problems which Mary confirmed. The foods were probably part of the song they were using to talk about him with. I’d be pissed too if some whore started making problems in the marriage I was working to fix. Sure he was long winded and could have typed better but his wife and the mother of his kids just left him. I fully believe Satan could have worked through her to help destroy his marriage. I don’t think Satan protects people but he generally seems like a nice guy. Tyson seemed like a puss though.

  55. Yeah, Tyson is obviously the puss here, let’s trash his parents’farm and kill all of their snakes! That’ll teach him.

    Oh wait…no.

    I would be forever grateful if i had a great friend such as Eva to get me the hell away from an idiot like David.

    If i’m wrong, i’sm sure stan will get me soon enough.

  56. lol that’s why I said generally.

  57. Funny thing is, David still hasn’t realised there are no gods or deities. Poor guy, still slaving away for a pointless religion. Stop letting a book control your life and fucking enjoy yourself.

  58. @Charlie – If it’s not the bible controlling people’s lives, it’s facebook, so can’t really win haha.

  59. She has Tyson by the balls?

    Lucky bastard.

  60. i bet 1 in 10 married couples divorce because of facebook.

  61. @ aruabba
    Sadly enough, you’re probably right

  62. After reading all this middle school drama…
    I have one question.
    Are they even old enough to be married? O.o

  63. Another reason why religion fundamentalism is blatant heresy.

  64. good luck Google searching “Pickles, Pineapples and Pizza”… the second hit was this very post XD

    the first was a pizza place… who puts pickles on a pizza O.o???

  65. I feel bad, because the devil is in all of you. Satan truly caresses your innards, you lot of mischievous devil-worshipers. May Moses and the four horsemen of the apocalypse rain lightning bolts from heaven unto your wicked hearts. This post of me and my family is PRIVATE. That’s why I posted my response to that she-devil Eva on facebook.

  66. umm….fyi. Facebook isn’t all that private…

  67. yeah, maxxiine, that isn’t the real david. funny impersonation, though.

  68. i wonder if David # 65 is a joke…

    this post was too much why do people put all their business on facebook like that, are they trying to make people uncomfortable?

  69. Simply fantastic. I am rather sure there’s another conversation exactly like this where god is whining to David about how Satan has a hold on Eva’s heart with stuff about Moses and snakes. How else would David have so much divine inside knowledge. It’s just sad when people keep going on like that. lol

  70. Not trying to defend a religious d-bag, but any guy that has had his girlfriend and her friends gang up on him knows what David is going through. I feel for the guy, women need strength in numbers.

  71. His “I pray for God’s mercy on your black sinner’s heart” card got old really fast. Just own up to the fact that you’re pissed off. If you were actually going to take the moral high ground, you wouldn’t air it all out on Facebook in the first place; it’s pointless trying to make yourself look better with that holier-than-thou BS.

  72. all this talk about god, satan, farms, and walmart……rednecks?

  73. wow… i’d leave david to with all that talk. I could hardly read it but i did hoping something so stupid it was funny popped up, sadly nothing did. just made david look like a sobbing baby…

    and KyleZombie… women dont need strength in numbers.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.