Monday, September 7, 2009

Family Matters

Family Matters

previous post: Stalk Like an Egyptian



  1. Hahaha at Aunt Kathleen! Jordyn might want to acquaint himself with the delete function and the ‘restricted profile access’ function…

  2. I thought Jordyn was a girl, which made her post slutty and disgusting. But if it’s a guy then that’s totally cool and he’s a playaaa!

  3. I think you’re right and Jordyn is a girl. Still an idiot though, whichever way you cut it.

  4. What’s the bet Aunt Kathleen rang Jordyn’s Mum in between the last two posts? LOL

  5. I think I’m most confused by Katie saying “haha shannon”. Where the hell is someone named Shannon?

  6. The real star of this is Alex. Oh, the wit.

  7. Kathleen is such a busybody she should relax and keep her nose out of it, it’s obvious the kid’s only messing around.

  8. Why do people continually friend their older family members and then post crap that they know will make their family freak out?

  9. Older family members on facebook: Just say NO to being their friends.

    No, not, ever, NO.

  10. NO to FB family members!

  11. Alex FTW

  12. I cum on Jonas

  13. It’s depressing to see that auntie Kath can out-spell all these kids under the table. Apparently only the olds can write properly in English anymore.

  14. I just don’t know why older people can’t get stuff like this. The times, they are a changin’. Your old road is rapidly aging, please get out of the new one if you can’t lend a hand.

  15. Well, their next family reunion is bound to be awkward. I imagine Aunt Kath is going to bring a powerpoint presentation on teen pregnancy statistics.

  16. Grow some balls dude

  17. I’m pretty sure this is reference to the rap done by Natalie Portman on SNL. It’s a joke people. She should just de-friend her holier-than-though Aunt.

  18. @Matt # 14: You surely are jesting. So it’s the olds’ fault that retard tweens who can’t spell vomit obscene bullshit on FB? Oh, and a word of advice about your atrocious mixed metaphors: Stick to one idea per sentence. On the other hand, I suppose I should be grateful that you’ve at least HEARD of Bob Dylan..

  19. Depends on the family!I have family members in their 60s and 70s on FB (mom, aunts, uncles, father-in-law) who log in regularly. Of course, I’m middle-aged, so it doesn’t cause a scandal if I’m profane in my status updates, which I have been occasionally. Actually, now that I think of it, I have quite a few young cousins, and nieces/nephews who don’t get grief about posting whatever they want.

  20. I’m an ‘older person’ and have several teenagers on my friends list. Most of what they post is stupid garbage, in my opinion, but I just ignore it and have even put some of them on ‘hide’ so I don’t have to see their absurd updates and crappy spelling.

    Don’t judge all oldies the same way – we’re not all fuddy-duddies and Facebook is not only for young people. In fact, women in the age group 45+ form the biggest group of new FB users.

    Aunt Kath should know what territory she’s getting into and keep her opinion to herself.

    @ Matt – yes, but remember that the old roads are often the most scenic :-)

  21. @Jax – I do the same thing w/the high-schoolers on my list. I used to be a middle school counselor and several of my former students are on my list. Their status updates were so inane/appalling/badly-spelled that it was depressing, so I just hide them. I don’t consider myself a fuddy-duddy at all, but tH15 q1nd 0v 5h1t g3ts 0n my n3rv35.

  22. @sarcasticmeow-

    Oh please, he’s probably the same age you are. Stop sucking up to people older than you when you’re just a young idiot like the rest of us. Emphasis on the idiot. Please find somewhere else to post, I hate reading your crap.

  23. Sigh… thou, not though. Oops.

  24. @ironicbark # 22: Why hello, copy-kitty-cat. Ad-hommies = the mark of a truly subtle mind. I’d go on and pulverize you with my wit, but I’m too bored to summon the effort. You and your generation bore me. Boring. Boring. Boring.

  25. Will you be haha-ing when you end up on lamebook?

    @sarcasticmeow You don’t have to be older to like Bob Dylan! You just have to get past that Woody Guthrie impersonation.

    @ironicbark Oh, honey, no. Just: no.

  26. Aunt Kathleen is a nosy bitch, regardless of whether Jordyn was dumb to post something like that in public.

  27. Remember when facebook was only used for college students?

    Good times.

  28. I wouldn’t apologize. Fuck that hateful bitch. I bet they’re Italian.

  29. Jordyn’s a dumb shit, and Kathleen’s an officious cow.

  30. its about time that someone makes an app to test how much of a genuine fucktard someone is. if they fail, their account is closed, and their IP address barred. it won’t be fool-proof, but anything to rid the site of retards like jordyn is only a good thing.

  31. @ canaduck – its not really being nosy if you’re on some retard’s friends list and it comes through your news feed.

  32. @sarcasticmeow-

    Ahhh, yes, nothing quite says maturity like arguing with people ten years younger than you online. Oh if only our generation had the wit and wisdom of Bob Dylan to show us the proper way to chastise anonymous people on a forum revolving around an application most often used by college kids. But, you don’t have to deign to answer to me. I’m sure AIDS ain’t curin’ itself!

    @Boz. Sweetie, just stop it. For reals.

  33. who in the world is shannon?!

  34. Alright, I HAVE to say it:

    Anyone think Jordyn’s a complete pansy because the second Aunt Kathleen says she’s gonna tell mom, it’s an automatic “I’m so sorry it’s just a joke sorry sorry”.


  35. “Older family members on facebook: Just say NO to being their friends. No, not, ever, NO.”

    What unadulterated tosh. I don’t have to censor myself on Facebook for the sake of my aunts and uncles. They’re all smart and funny too!

  36. (And it should go without saying that I, at 24, have smarter and funnier things to say than “i wanna fuck you.”)

  37. I love forgotten family members who lecture. There is a recurring theme and it’s still awesome, no matter how many times it recurs.

  38. Aunt Kathleen need to get fucked, yo.

  39. Alex is the man.

  40. @Sam B. You’re lucky, some of us are unfortunate enough to have relatives like Kathleen.

  41. I can only read half of the submission which is probably just as well.

    Classy chick. At least she hasn’t divulged her rate to her friends and family.

  42. @ironicbark

    Really? No.

  43. lets joke-fuck and our baby will be loling all its life :)

  44. I miss the days when old people didn’t know how to use computers/the Internet.

  45. @Boz

    Kinda. Yeah.

  46. Hell, delete aunt Kathleen.

  47. AWKWARD.

  48. Im a big fan of family drama on facebook, keep posting them, theyre always the best

  49. Sorry auntie; too old and stupid to be on Facebook. Either get younger or wise up.

  50. Billy Wilders Dead Monkey

    old cunts…young cunts….all cunts

  51. em – exactly what i thought. portman rap. bam. great minds huh

  52. … it’s never a good idea to add your uncle/aunt/parents/grand-parents on facebook.

  53. Aunt Kath is a bitch. Jordyn is a pussy. Sarcasticmeow is far from intelligent. Boz is pretty on the level. ironicbark is fucking badass… and I’m a total loser for writing this.

    ….Shannon seems funny though.

  54. @Malnu #53: Oh, HAI baby bro! Thank you for the utmost objectivity and ruthless-but-honest criticism, as always. Love, /Your older sista.

  55. Talk about backtracking.

  56. Welcome to the internet, auntie.

  57. profile for family…

  58. Little does Aunt Kath know, he was actually talking about her!

  59. Noone. And I mean NOONE pointed out the glaring remark made by Aunt Kathleen!!

    She says “that’s just a vulgar thing to say on such a public form”.


    She only took offence to the fact that he said it openly in front of his friends. If it was in the form a private message then Aunt Kathleen would be getting it OONNNN. She could have said “that’s a vulgar thing to say, and that too on a public forum”.

    Clearly, Aunt Kathleen needed some TLC which Jordyn failed to gauge. I know. It’s sick. But I didn’t say it. Just pointing out what Aunt Kathleen stated explicitly!

    Jordyn should complain to his mother before she tels on him!

  60. thatswhat.shesaid

    Jordyn is a girl.

  61. Translation of jordyn’s last post: PLEASE DON’T TELL MUM!!

  62. “But, Mom?…”…

    I found your entry interesting thus I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)

  63. I don’t get it. Jordyn says “I wanna fuck you” to his aunt Kathleen? But he doesn’t really want to fuck her? So basically he’s only saying “fuck you”, is that the joke?

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