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Social Media Explained

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:00:50 +0000

Let the Good Times Flow

admin — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:00:37 +0000

Lamester Review:
Today was obvious. Congrats “ladies.”

Dopes

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:00:18 +0000

Lamester Review:

After a month hiatus Lamesters are back! …and who better to restart things off than these assholes. Didn’t Michael Phelps teach you kids anything? Keep it off Facebook and just say NO!

No.

admin — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:00:03 +0000

Lamester Review:

When I was in high school we didn’t have social networking sites like Facebook. And every day I thank God for that because if I had had access to everyone’s personal shit and a public profile of my own while those hormones were surging through my body, it wouldn’t have been pretty. So no, I wasn’t on Facebook in high school, but I WAS aware enough to know what was considered “cool” and “not cool.” Here are a few examples.

Getting caught spray painting your girlfriend’s name on the side of the school: Cool. Getting caught with a backpack full of inhalers and acne cream: Not Cool.

Rigging your locker to immediately open when you smash your fist into it like the Fonz: Cool. Accidentally shitting your pants while holding your head back to dump the remaining Cheetos crumbs out of the bag and into your mouth: Not Cool.

Letting a girl sit shotgun during one of your drag races and having a sign at the finish line that asks the girl to homecoming: Cool. Arranging digital crops (wtf?) from some lame-ass online video game and taking a screen shot of it to ask a girl to homecoming: Not cool.

Bang!

admin — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 19:00:32 +0000

Lamester Review:

As I sit on the edge of this glorious canyon with coffee in hand, I can’t help but think back to the early days of our wonderful country. America. The land of the free. The home of the brave. I can only hope that the ghosts of our forefathers are in a public library somewhere today, searching through Facebook, only to stumble upon this snapshot of such a familiar scene: An American flag, a field where perhaps a war was once fought, and a sturdy, reliable cannon … being air-fucked by a drunk sorority girl.

Smokin’ Dopes

admin — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:00:07 +0000

“Hey bitch! This weekend rocked! I got smashed at Jimmy’s house and let’s just say the backdoor was unlocked LOL!”

Ah shit, I just sent that text to my mom.

Happy Birthday?

admin — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:00:06 +0000

Oh Felicia you are definitely one for sweet birthday greetings. I assume your message was too long to be written with icing on a cake and that’s why you posted it online instead. Every year my grandmother sends me a birthday card and I gotta tell you, the message is NEVER as good as this! I can only imagine what wonderful things you will have to say to your own grandchildren some day.

Also, I wish you had mentioned shooting Gandhi into outer space a while ago when he was still alive … because ironically, it’s a little known secret that Gandhi did, in fact, once wish that he could be shot into space before blowing out his 76th birthday candles.

The Internet Always Remenerbers

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:00:12 +0000

As history tells us, drinking copious amounts of alcohol plus transferring information from one to another never turns out well…most of the time. The same holds true for status updates. Hannah, cut your losses and fill the void with a pepperoni pizza.

Mood Swingin’

admin — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:00:09 +0000

Hey Ahmed, if the unfortunate happens and Elaine DOES become a Period Ghost, can I recommend a romantic tune? It’s perfect for those nights when you cuddle up with that special ghost after a nice, hot blood shower.

Boring As Heel

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:00:06 +0000

Everyone in my family loves Aunt Cloe. However, I don’t. She lives up north just a few hours away from New York city and you can pretty much count on her calling the family at least three times a week. She’ll talk about the time her cat Belgian brought in a field mouse … or recap the “delightful” conversation she had with the sacker at her local grocery store. The point I’m trying to make here is that she talks. A LOT. Thankfully, we have the option of hanging up the phone by “accident” when her verbal diarhea begins. Unfortunately, we all lack this beautiful gift when it comes to Facebook. Joan, do you think anyone wants to read some pointless tirade that you and your underage friends have regarding shoes? NO! Do we honestly care if your hormone-raging body can or can’t fall into step with this year’s latest fashion trends? NO! So please save your girl talk for this evening’s nail painting session and do us the favor of not wasting our own precious time. Thank you.

Lamesy Pamesy Wamesy

admin — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:00:38 +0000

Lamester Review:

When reading someone’s post we often don’t realize what’s going on around their computer. They may have popcorn cooking in the microwave. Maybe they’re watching another episode of CSI while listening to the latest Nickelback album. Or in this case, they may be spending time with their beloved pet. Here we see Destiny wishing her best friend a happy birthday. She’s currently speaking to her about her financial issues on the phone (which she will soon discover once she views her Facebook page). Destiny is also anxiously awaiting this afternoon in which she and “Harry” will ride in a “Mexicano Mobilleee”. But what we’re not seeing, being the quiet internet observer, is that Ballsac Sacajaweaa is perched upon her keyboard watching his beloved owner type her love and devotion to “Harry.” You see, Ballsac is the name of her hamster who does in fact have a very pronounced scrotum. So pronounced mind you, that it lays quietly on the caps lock key – its owner oblivious in her current state of loving bliss.

What?

admin — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:00:17 +0000

Lamester Review:

It’s not uncommon that many of us forget what the “www” stands for at the beginning of a web address. To refresh your memory it means, “World Wide Web”. That’s right. The Internet is accessible WORLD WIDE. To the far reaches of our beloved planet, the Internet has sunk its claws deep into any patch of land it finds. And here, it has found Jasmine. Most likely, you and I will never run into Jasmine. Her exact location probably could not be discovered even by Google Earth. You see, she lives in a world that fantasies are made of. In fact, if you were to peruse her friends list on Facebook, you’d find that they are all animals. Yes, she lives with Mr. Cat. She takes a daily stroll with Mrs. Wolf and she buys groceries from Mr. Cow. To post on Facebook that someone has tried to steal her baby egg, may in fact seem lame to readers like you and I. But for Jasmine, it’s just another day spending time on her social networking.

Cocky Tattoos

admin — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 21:00:38 +0000

Lamebook Review:

Schuyler,

Looks like I just found myself a D-A-T-E! How about it? By the choice of body art, I’d say you’re one classy female. Too bad they made cockfighting illegal, it would have been a fantastic first date! Nothing says romantic like the sound of a rooster dying. Hmm…well…how about dinner? No wait! I have a better idea! Why don’t we just skip dinner and go straight to dessert? You can show me those other tattoos. Here’s a photo of my tattoo. I support animal fights too!

It’s Complicated

admin — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 21:00:18 +0000

Lamester Review:

It definitely wasn’t complicated to figure out who today’s lamester award goes to. Sierra, we congratulate you! It sounds like you have had a pretty rough year, while ol’ Gary has been livin’ it up. So here is your award. Go shove it in Gary’s face. Who knows? He just might take you back.

Madden ‘LOL

admin — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:00:53 +0000

lol i totes understnd lol. why do these gyz keep plyn games lol? my bf iz the sme way lol and he alwayz wntz to play lol but lol i guess i’ll figure out how 2 deal wit it lol omg lol lol lol l o my god.

My Gun!!!

admin — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:00:25 +0000

Well crap. Sometimes here at Lamebook we screw up. Here we are, thinking that this was some lame post containing a baby with a lethal weapon laying on top of him when really it’s just a promotional poster for the new movie “Look Who’s Shooting.” The movie is a hilarious comedy staring John Turturro and previous recordings of Bruce Lee as the baby’s voice.

What happens when a new-to-the-scene bank robber decides to pull off the ultimate heist without a bit of planning? I think you know … But wait, a talking baby, strapped with a gat shows up on the scene?! Oh no!! Who knows what will happen?! Be sure to check local listings for times and locations.

Dust Thruster

admin — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:00:37 +0000

We really enjoyed this post. We enjoyed it so much that we did a little research and found out that Ashley is actually an actress working in LA. After a little more digging, we found a commercial starring our very own Ashley. Check out her steamy hot tub scene!

I wonder if she is a natural blonde?

Dicksie Cups (NSFW)

admin — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:00:49 +0000

Good Lord.

I’m Enraged!!!

admin — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 23:00:29 +0000

Ohh to be a fly on the wall in this bedroom. I can only imagine the conversation these two love birds shared. “Hey, Cara?” Jebediah quietly whispers to his soon to be dashing young bride. “Yes, honey? What is it you want from me?” Cara replies, putting her clothes on. “I know we just met two hours ago at Uncle Billy’s Bar & Shrimp Shack but…” ”What is it sweetie?” Cara asks, reaching under the bed for her cellphone. “Well, baby, I just wanna say…will you marry me?” Jebediah asks, dropping to one knee. “Well HELL YEAH I’ll marry you, sweetie! Let me get my camera so we can tell everyone on Facebook!” Cara squeals. “SWEET! Take my picture with the one thing I love most in this world, baby” Jebediah shouts digging through his bedroom closet. “Wait a minute, sweetie…say what?”

Im Not That Racist

admin — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:00:04 +0000

Stafford,
It looks like Jersey Shore Community College has taught you well. They should be proud to have produced such an intelligent student. All along, I thought this economical slump was some complex dilemma requiring the skills and intellect of several brilliant minds…

Then you come along and remind us that the solution is not so difficult. You’re right, Stafford, there is an obvious link between The United States Recession and way too many chinks opening up Dollar Trees. As Americans, we must resist the urge to go buy 49 cent toothpaste so that our country can once thrive again.

Wow.

It’s that simple.

Bless you Stafford.

Good to Hear from You James…

admin — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:00:03 +0000

James, yeah the family’s great, thanks. You wonder why you never hear from me? Because when we DO talk, you don’t say that your kid got straight A’s, you don’t tell me about your new promotion … you tell me CRAZY SHIT LIKE THIS!! Anyway, talk to you later.

♥ The Editors

Mother Truckin’ Mike

admin — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:00:41 +0000

Mike, easy there. Dee seems like a good woman. She moved you from the truck to the trailer. If you’re not careful, you might be moving back to the Chevy, never to see that “honky tonk ba donka donk” ever again. This could be bad, unless your truck has a really awesome wi-fi connection. We hope for the best. Congrats.

♥ The Editors

Certain Information My Ass

admin — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:00:53 +0000

Where do we start with this bad boy? And when we say “bad” we mean bad. It seems Kyle here is in love with himself and wants to share it with the entire world, in perhaps a vain attempt that the world will, in return, love Kyle as much as Kyle loves Kyle. Let’s say you’re one of Kyle’s buddies and you happen to be a male. How do you respond to such a picture? “Hey Kyle it was cool seeing you at the mall this afternoon…I guess. Nice pic, bro!” Or maybe you’re one of Kyle’s female friends. “What’s up Kyle? Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday…I guess. I sorta, kinda maybe like your photo there. C ya!” How can one not lose every friend they have by posting a nude photograph of themselves for all to see? What makes Kyle today’s Lamester is by far the fact the he decided to go with the always artistic “black and white.” No Kyle, your body’s not a work of art. Keep your shirt on. Please.

♥ The Editors

Sum1 Lame

admin — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:00:08 +0000

Dear Gloria,

I think your boy Gavin just misspelled sum1. Here is the correct response.

Chelsea Wears the Pants

admin — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:00:18 +0000

I jsut want everyone to know that Jordan is a real man. Jsut because he wants to please his girlfriend by having a super witty and hilarious joke wedding doesn’t mean you can jsut make fun of him.

In fact, you go ahead and jsut throw your pretend wedding.

And I will pretend to go.
And I will pretend to meet a single girl.
And I will pretend to go get her some punch.
And I will pretend we dance all night.
And I will pretend we hook up after the wedding.
And I will pretend she becomes my girlfriend forever and lets me jack off on Skype in front of a webcam.

Classy Girl Ya Got There Anthony

admin — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:00:03 +0000

Val, girl, you are not the first to pull this amazing prank! One time I bought this cute boi an 800 dollar bracelet (cause every girl knows the way to a man’s heart is through expensive jewelry). So I go online expecting his relationship status to say “single” but guess what?! Instead I find a picture of his gf giving him a HAND JOB in the back of a ’98 Ford Taurus while wearing the bracelet!! I was like sooo pissed off! Ugh. So props to you Val, I’m sure that skank will lay off now.

WHT U TLKN BOUT?

admin — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:09:57 +0000

Nikki,
Now I’m not a betting man, but I’m willing to wager a few dollars on the fact that you did, indeed, go to elementary school. And at this school, I’m sure you were taught that the word “and” does, in fact, start with an “a”. I know those 3-letter words can be tough, but education is the cornerstone of our future.

Well, Nikki, even if you don’t desire to further your studies, you obviously have a future in the music industry. With lines like “BITCH BOO I AINT GOT TIME FA U” you’re destined to be the next Beyonce.

How Not to Sell a House

admin — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:00:58 +0000

Note Found On Shelly’s Front Door:

Dear Shelly,

I am sorry I hit your house with my truck. The damage ain’t too bad, so looks like it won’t cost you too much to fix. Thank God that house has got great bones, or my Dodge would have leveled the thing! Well … you take care now.

-Hank Boscoe

P.S. Heard Mikey got shot with a pellet gun. What’s this neighborhood coming to?!

You Lost Us at “Actually Care”

admin — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:34:51 +0000

Josh, congratulations … all of the time you spent writing this note has earned you a Lamester Award. Not only because it’s long, a little pretentious, and includes the word “schadenfreude,” but also because if we understand you correctly, and what you’re saying is true, you’re leaving Facebook for a while. And sure, this may be right for you, but come on man! If you start some sort of Facebook exodus revolution then … well, we’re out of business. And frankly that’s just lame.

♥ The Editors

Lame-onades!

admin — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:33:10 +0000

Brittany, honestly; you’re hurting your computer. Does your spell check not fly into an epileptic seizure every time you type a sentence? Let me clue you in on something, your spell check is not the problem, you are. Unless your computer automatically becomes fluent in ‘sassy bitch’ I don’t think the two of you are ever going to get along. That restaurant is really good though.

♥ The Editors