Thursday, October 22, 2009

Call the Police


previous post: Mac N Sleaze



  1. autoplaying ads with sound on your front page is a fucking wack ass move you dumb cockfaces

  2. Hm.

  3. Wow.

  4. i hope the kids not his either… apparently theres a good chance its not.

  5. how does the title related to the post?

  6. She is a dummy. Then again, I would have preferred to see some drama. I listen to girls bitch about somebody all the time, but I know I’m hearing their twisted version. I don’t think this is lame unless the chick comments too and confirms it.

  7. That is truly disgusting. Ian’s a fucking douche.

  8. I’m not sure this is that lame. I mean, it’s a bit of a TMI on David’s part, but he’s hurt. Ian’s joking is a little psychotic, but he’s just trying to break the tension and show David he’s a loyal friend. These guys are kind of… normal.

  9. i am so sorry for david. he s right to wish the kid s not his`.
    by the way, ian is an ass. trying to be funny, but not succeeding

  10. before they appear on jeremy kyle, i predict has fucked up teeth with at least one black tooth and the woman has hair scraped back so tight it destroys the brain cells that are left

  11. *i predict he has

  12. Maybe I’m reading too much into things, but I’m sensing some bitterness here?

  13. How exactly do you “Princess Diana” someone? Is he gonna take pictures of her as he runs her off the road?

  14. Yahoo! Answers Caveman

    They need to do way instain mother! My pary is with David.

  15. Seriously, that stupid ad with the voice is fucking annoying…stop it and get back to some lame facebook shit

  16. @ mcowles – I was wondering that too. Maybe he means divorce her and marry a horseface, despite what your queen mother tells you?

  17. If you are bad in bed, your woman is gonna cheat. Since this happened to him 3 times in a row he must be really bad!

  18. Princess Diana her = cut her brakes?

  19. Yeah…if ALL your girlfriends have cheated on you…it’s time to figure out what you’re doing wrong. On some level, people attract the kind of relationship they WANT to attract–even if it’s horrible.

  20. thank you, Dr. Phil.

  21. @Katie

    Count Blah is an idiot. Women are an evil species that would be wiped off this planet, if it wasn’t for the whole “baby” thing. If this world was 100% male, they’d create the most amazing sex toys possible and having sex would a tree would FINALLY be allowed.

    BTW, what are you wearing?

  22. Dr. Phil,

    We’ve had enough of your sour walrus looking mug. You can go back to being Oprah’s dingleberry now, at least she kept you smothered most of the time.

  23. David hasn’t considered the obvious: the common factor in all his failed relationships is David.

  24. @ Everyone

    Increase da peace. Ladies, stop cheating, and fellas, stop making dumb jokes.

  25. I don’t get the title. What am I missing here? PS- Poor David:(

  26. Yahoo! Answers Caveman

    How is babby formed?

  27. Come on guys, you’ve got to feel sorry for someone who’s three girlfriends have all cheated on him. It’s not his fault he’s a whiny bitch.

  28. @ 27 Ben

    Wtf Ben? Sympathy for humans? What is this shit?

  29. Yahoo! Answers Caveman… well u have a B then an A then two more Bs and a Y…

  30. David should stop taking Extenze male enhancement pill. Turns women off.

  31. she probably told you she was cheating because she isnt sure if the baby is yours or not. definately get that paternity test and stay the hell away from her.

  32. Hold the phone, I agree with Ben. Yeah, most people have been cheated on, but when ALL of them have cheated? You’re probably pretty unbearable.

    If a person is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat and there’s nothing you can do about it. What most people don’t realize is that perfectly faithful individuals can be driven to cheat, even if it’s outside of their nature. Common causes of cheating (when it’s the cheatees fault) are: abuse, emotional or physical, or (and this is the biggest one): constantly accusing the other person of cheating. WTF. People will only put up with that shit for so long before they get sick of being punished for something they’re not doing – so fuck it, they cheat.

    End lecture.

  33. @32


  34. These two our my heroes!

  35. @stinkypie:


  36. No sympathy for someone who makes such pathetic generalizations.

  37. The Meanest People in the World Live on Lamebook

    @ everyone saying it’s David’s fault:

    So, maybe David’s doing something wrong in relationships, but that doesn’t make it okay for the people to cheat.

    @ southernbelle:

    Um, it’s called getting out of a relationship rather than cheating. If any of those things are happening . . . break up with your significant other. Cheating is stupid, and selfish and wrong.

  38. yep being cheated on sucks balls but seriously you think talking about punching her in the stomach to make her lose her baby is pathetic! hey that baby may not be yours but its still a child, your no better than the pathetic parents who beat the crap out of their children.

    what your wrote is disgusting, pathetic and immature grow the fuck up you loser

  39. That was the friend who said that. I agree with 37. I’ve noticed you guys are mean. The gf cheated because she knew he accepted another gf back for it so only 2 gfs cheated on their own.

  40. David is clingy and impossible to break it off with. Also they live together, so it was probably the only way for her to get an easy breakup and scuttle off to abort her baby.

  41. @AyHy

    Honestly, I agree with you. I read this and was like “this isn’t exactly lame… a tad rude, but understandably so.”

  42. Neil Gaiman's Left Sock

    It’s probably not that David is such a horrible person/ so bad in bed that women are driven to cheat on him. He probably is attracted to the type of woman who would cheat in the first place. Several girls I know do this with abusive guys, and end up in an abusive and destructive relationship time after time. It’s depressing.

  43. @ Meanest People:

    Obviously you’ve never been stuck. Oh such simplistic suggestions – as if people who have cheated have never WISHED or TRIED to do just that!

  44. @ Ryanoceros (or however you spell it)

    AMEN! I’d bet any amount of money that’s what was going on!

  45. @southernbelle – I know some people might *feel* stuck, but this is how you do it:
    Dear David: We are breaking up. Signed: AllThreeGirlfriends.

    People with standup morals and principles can NOT be “driven to cheat.” Sorry. It’s an excuse.

  46. Uh, yeah. No. People do not FEEL stuck. Sometimes, you literally cannot leave. As in the person will not let you. As in they are abusive and steal your money when you try, and then you call the cops and they don’t do anything, and they threaten your friends and family.

    So I guess it must be nice for you. What a charmed life you do lead.

  47. @southernbelle
    Yes. It is nice. The first time a guy acts like a douchebag, I’m outta there. If you know about abuse, you know there are ALWAYS red flags. And there are ALWAYS choices – like women’s shelters, etc.

    And if a woman feels her life is in danger if she leaves, do you REALLY think she’s going to risk cheating?

  48. Ahhhhhhhhhh so now we’re playing the “it’s all the victim’s fault” game. Abusers can fool you for months at a time, sometimes it’s too late. And women’s shelters are often just as abusive to women as abusers – psychologically and financially.

    And to answer your question: I’ve seen it happen more than once.

    But I think since you’re so judgmental of victims, it’s pretty safe to say that you’re abusive as well – so I guess whatever you have to tell yourself to make yourself feel like mistreating people is justifiable.

    Go fuck yourself, you judgmental twat.

  49. I continue to be amazed at what people decided to share on facebook. Nothing is personal anymore.

  50. Jimmy from Southpark

    I mean, come on.

  51. Anyone know any good rape jokes?

  52. Ms. Terri got raped.

    Well. I thought it was funny, anyways. :D

  53. Oh, Holly. You call me judgemental and then you say you hope I get raped and that my husband beats the shit out of me? It’s like rain…on your wedding day…

  54. fyi – I’ve been there. I’m don’t mean to blame the victim. I suppose it kind of sounded like that. I’ve been the victim. I know about the cycle of abuse. I just think that cheating is a result of values and morals, not a result of a bad situation and it was a short-sighted observation to make.

  55. good advice…that you just didn’t take

  56. The only ironic part about that song is that nothing in it is ironic.

  57. Heh, if I got pregnant, I’d PAY my boyfriend to punch me in the stomach.

  58. @ Ms. Terri

    I think it’s dangerous to assume anything is a result of values and morals. People in horrible situations will do things they normally would think were unacceptable.

    So I am sorry you went through that, but remember that not all women are as lucky as you are.

  59. @come on – what. being short-sighted? Could be right.
    @southernbelle – true story. I seriously didn’t mean to come off as blaming the victim. I truly don’t and get super-annoyed when people say that “if she stays, she deserves it.”

  60. Jimmy from Southpark

    L L Ladies ladies, p p please… j j just, come on.

  61. @ Ms. Terri

    I apologize, I misunderstood you and it’s a very touchy subject for me.

    I shall now go eat a sweaty sock.

  62. Ok, ok –
    David needs to stop picking cheater girls, and his gf sucks for cheating. And Kevin kinda sucks for suggesting punching her in the stomach and then, what…killing her? Well THAT’S a little harsh, huh?

  63. I agree. HA!

  64. @southernbelle – I apologize also. I realize my comment above came out WAAAY wrong.

    I’d make out with you, but after that dirty sock an’ all…

  65. LOL! No I am really sorry. I was harsh. Like I said, it’s a touchy subject, and I get so used to people being assholes that I jump the gun sometimes. My bad.

  66. Jimmy from Southpark

    NA NA NA Crips and Bloods

  67. The solution for David is simple. He is obviously constantly going after women who are prone to this sort of behavior. The patterns are pretty obvious if you focus on their attitude and behavior and a little less on just the ass and titties. If you pay even a little bit of attention, slutty, amoral women are easily recognized and can be avoided.

  68. No worries.

    @sukmyboomstik – do you know how hard it is to take someone seriously about “amoral women” coming from “Suk My BoomStik?” LOL!!

  69. Those of you who don’t understand why this is titled “Call the police” are either pretty stupid or have no morals. Either way, sucks to be you.

  70. @southernbelle – people suck. Sometimes I’m one of them. (and I don’t mean that in the slutty way. Or DO I…)

    p.s. – I like using ellipses

  71. @ Ms. Terri- hahaha. Despite my admittedly vulgar choice in sn, I’m actually in a committed relationship. I’ve just had a bit of experience with trying to turn a whore into a housewife is all.

  72. …me too.


    And I still don’t understand “Call the police”, so I guess I’m stupid and/or have no morals. ???

  73. Oh and thanks for being so forgiving.

  74. “Call the police” was referring to all of the psychotic comments from Ian

  75. is it a coincidence i saw an ad for “Ian’s $1 Abortion Emporium” on the net just now?

  76. Call the police
    Comin straight from the underground
    A young rapist got it bad cuz I’m brown


  77. The interaction between David and Whore can’t be criticized without allowing some room for the changes that each experiences as a result of the other. Due to things that people put importance on (rental lease agreement, bun in oven, he hits me because he loves me), they are afraid to bring about changes that will endanger these things. After quite probably mulling this over for months, Whore probably saw an opportunity to quit ‘cold-turkey’ and get some room temperature sausage at the same time, damn the consequences. I think she should have admitted her affair on facebook too. It would have been funnier.

  78. @southernbelle- I don’t capitalize ryanoceros because I think it’s kinda pretentious. Also, I’m much smaller than a real rhinoceros, and they are rarely capitalized.

  79. What southernbelle said is true. Accuse someone of cheating relentlessly and they will cheat, or just plain leave your ass.
    This girl cheated on this guy cause he’s a crybaby little bitch. Plain as day.
    I don’t agree with cheating but there is always a reason someone does it.

  80. How do you know this guy was whiny throughout the whole relationship? This status is posted directly after he finds out he was cheated on by his pregnant girlfriend. I don’t agree with his generalizing comments, but he’s also just angry. You have no idea what he was like in the relationship!

    Also, people have reasons for doing everything. That doesn’t make it okay. Cheating is a dishonest and cruel thing to do. People have reasons for murder too.

    And if she thinks he’s so whiny, then why doesn’t she leave him? She clearly wanted to be forgiven, and this obviously isn’t an abusive relationship, so don’t jump on me southernbelle. She cheated with the intention of being forgiven by her boyfriend. As far as we know, and given the evidence, he’s done nothing wrong and been good enough to her that she doesn’t want to leave.

    So, no, I don’t think it was okay she cheated. Her reason wasn’t justified and it was immature, cruel and dishonest and he has every right to be mad. His friend says some weird things, but the cheatee is just angry and venting. He’s done little wrong.

  81. @ Neil Gaiman’s Left Sock: “It’s probably not that David is such a horrible person/ so bad in bed that women are driven to cheat on him. He probably is attracted to the type of woman who would cheat in the first place.”

    Thank you, that was my point. Not that the guy is so intolerable that women have to cheat on him. Although that’s possible, too.

    And, before anyone jumps all over me, NO I’m not saying the this guy literally looks at a woman and goes, “Wow, she looks like a cheating whore, I MUST HAVE HER!”–it’s something subconscious. Maybe his mom cheated on his dad and so he doesn’t believe a healthy monogamous relationship is possible–and therefore inadvertently sets himself up to repeat history. Maybe (because he himself admits he’s a sexist prick) he wants so badly to believe women suck that his vibe is attracting exactly the kind of woman who’ll prove his theory. Whatever.

    Me, I’m a magnet for dudes who are still getting over someone else. It’s not that I go looking for it; heck, most of the time the guys approach ME. But the good news is I’ve figured out why I’m putting out that vibe, and I’m working on fixing it.

  82. @Count Blah

    Why are you putting out that vibe?

  83. @Count Blah

    Yes, why are you doing that?? Because I do the same thing and I honestly don’t know why. I guess they’re emotionally unavailable? I get to help them heal and feel like Mother Theresa?

  84. niccoleandynamite

    southern belle…i just wanted to say you fucking rock! i love it, well spoken, all of it, i think i found my long lost twin in you!!!!

  85. Ian should run for presidency.

  86. Ouch. I feel really bad for this. And also I now love Ian.

  87. …*guy. Feel bad for this *guy. No, I am not the woman described here.

  88. I don’t feel bad for this turnip, whatsoever. Sounds like he keeps making the wrong decisions, again and again, then takes it to the airwaves of Facebook. He’s weak and stupid.

  89. …how is anyone defending someone who says he’d like to punch a pregnant woman in the stomach?

  90. Is it normal that the only person I’m pitying here is the kid?

  91. Ian, I’mma let you finish, but The Manson Family had the best hardcore abortion techniques of all time. Of ALL time.

    (oh, don’t bother saying anything pious – my seat on the bus to hell is already bought and paid for. It’s 4C; if you’re next to me, bring Diet Coke.)

  92. I love to file false rape charges on men who didnt buy me a drink or call me after the first date. I also wear skirts so short that my labia and clit hang out, then slap men for noticing. Gang bangs make my nipples hard.

  93. ^ prime example of raging misogyny

    also how does a clit hang out? If you’ve ever seen a clit “hang out” I suggest you direct the person to their nearest doctor.

  94. BoozehammerOfGalem

    Bravo, Spike. Bravo.

  95. @gaybriel – you’ve not seen the Joanie “Chyna” Laurer sex tape, have you? It hangs. It hangs like a midget wang.

    I’m warning you – before you GIS it, there are some things a person can’t un-see.

  96. @ 93_southernbelle; you’ve just ruined my day!!


  98. Some people don’t read properly. *stares at 89*

    I agree with unlinked Boz here. He clearly says that was the closest he’s come to knocking a girl out so I doubt she’s abused. I also doubt a girl afraid of her guy would cheat on him and tell him to his face by herself. She expected to be forgiven before doing it and did it out of anger. That’s not his fault. My advice is to not date such a petty girl. She thought she would get away with is why she did it.

  99. ^ That’s rich coming from you, Vincent.

  100. I feel for David. He appears to be a decent guy, uses restraint on his emotions rather than ressorting to violence with her. Poor guy sounds as if he’s in emotional pain. The skank is potentially carrying his child and she’s fucking other men…I think most men would find that soul destroying, especially as he has no ability to control how she behaves while pregnant. Get the paternity test, if yours then seek custody of the child.

    Ian = cockless :)

  101. @ 91

    “bought and paid for” is redundant. just sayin’.

  102. ryanoceros, tell me about your horns? I dated a triceratops once

  103. “there are no decent women anywhere”

    mate, you are friends with Ian. Do you think hes some sort of top bloke? a really stand up guy?

  104. @a theist

    Probably, but I never do anything serious like that expecting to repent afterwards. Like I said if you do it expecting to repent afterwards then you’re not really sorry you did it.

  105. HUH?

    I meant the “Some people don’t read properly” bit.

  106. @Boz and QQ: my friend pointed out to me that while I WANT to find a happy forever-relationship, I have a lot of fears that there’s no such thing (all the couples I know are deeply fucked up, I myself was married for almost a decade and it didn’t work out, etc.).

    So basically the universe knows I’m scared of having another long-term relationship fail on me so it’s making sure that won’t happen–by preventing me from having ANY long-term relationship. (Or, for the less spiritual people in our studio audience, let’s just say my cynicism made a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

    I generally have my head together, have awesome relationship skills, and know how to present myself well on dates–so there’s nothing about ME that’s gonna uniformly put guys off. And by this point I know all the signs of an abusive asshole without ever needing to have even ONE date with one. So the only remaining option is for the universe to send me perfectly nice guys who are either too flaky to settle down with ANYONE, or who just broke up with a long-term gf and aren’t ready to be with someone new. I also had two different guys break it off with me when an ex from years before resurfaced and wanted them back.

    I think the key to breaking this cycle will be to make a list of what I want in my ideal guy (a VERY SPECIFIC list, because the universe is kind of stupid and overly literal when interpreting requests) and try to stop being afraid. Just because all my friends are either single or in dysfunctional relationships doesn’t mean those are the only two possible states of being, after all.

    Wow, this post feels entirely too earnest for this website. But you asked for details, so…yeah.

  107. @a theist

    Oh, then you’re wrong. I can read properly.

  108. Vincent, Boz, et al

    How dare you all disagree with our expert opinions on relationships? The internet is the only place people actually BELIEVE us when we say we have experience with women. Which is why we post teal deers over-analyzing failed relationships.

    We know about these things. Really. We do.

  109. Feel sorry for David.
    Ian sounds like he needs to be in an asylum.

  110. i agree with all those who are pro-david. the fact that she cheated because she thought he would forgive her is crap and he clearly isn’t abusive because of the whole closest-ive-ever-come-to-hitting-a-girl thing

  111. All women are whores.. etc

  112. One word = CONTRACEPTION

  113. All Bozes eat cockmeat sandwiches, etc.

  114. David, do we sense a pattern? Three for three…and yet you boast of being sexist?

  115. *eyeroll*

    skora – southernbelle and I had “words” yesterday here. Her arguments are FAR too intelligent for “let my clit hang out.” That’s clearly a troll impersonating her. An adolescent troll who’s never seen a vagina to know that a “clit hanging out” would earn a spot in the freak show.

  116. Oh, and the eyeroll wasn’t at you, skora. It was at the fake southernbelle.

  117. sigh… Lamebook admins, is it really THAT hard to allow people to register here? I’ll set it up for free.

    This is getting pretty ridiculous.

    @Ms. Terri

    I’ve seen a vagina… they’re pretty. :) (I’m not the fake southernbelle, haha, I’m actually pretty sick of all the impersonators here. Lamebook’s webmasters need to go to college for 3 weeks and figure out how to set up their site with accounts.)

  118. Dude, they could probably take a 1 hour seminar and learn how to do it.

  119. @101 – that may well be the case, but it’s also a recognised and well-used phrase. Google it.

    Furthermore, “to boldly go where no man has gone before” is a split infinitive, but nobody seems to have puppies over that.

    When the legend becomes truth; print the legend.

  120. I used to take testosterone so I could beat old people out of their bus fare so my clit grew like a small cock. My labia needs surgery to get cut back because it is getting to drag on the ground….here is proof..
    That was me before I got into a 20 niga gang bang….

  121. Now Ian is my kind of guy, I wonder if he’s taken!!!

  122. i know both of these guys and attended highschool with them. david is a sad little emo who is 24 and the . girlfriend in question is a 16 year old high school student. ian is a very odd kid who dresses up in the anime girl doll style…whatever thats called. and wears makeup.

  123. Toot toot, here comes the misogyny parade, led by David and Ian!

  124. bitch a hoe, need to be put in her place

  125. I am now your secret admirer. I’ll be here, admiring you.

  126. What’s wrong with this? A slut cheats on you, you fucking destroy her. A slut carrying your baby cheats on you, you make fucking sure she loses that baby.

  127. Love this guy Ian. He’s my hero.

    How do you turn a dishwasher into a leaf blower…….give the bitch a rake. I kill me. Hah.

  128. with regards to sukmyboomsticks comment that if david paid more attention to the behaviour and attitudes of the slutty amoral women he ends up with rather than their ass and titties then david would never get laid. What David’s real problem is his emotional insecurities that cause him to form a relationship with said slutty amoral women and cling to them and convincing himself he’s in love, rather than just banging them and going search of another slut too bang.

    David is indeed a first class wanker who can’t be bothered to wank.

  129. There seems to be a plethora of guys names Ian on this site.

  130. @CaitieDid
    good use of the word plethora… thats all… XD

  131. give me a few minutesh with that cheating whore, I’ll show her whatsh what…I always shay it’s perfectly fine for a man to shlap a woman when she’s been a dirty whore

  132. In response to Sean Connery’s comment, The police need to be called on you. Violence in any shape or form is unacceptable especially when a man hits a woman!!! Only a coward would find this an acceptable way to teach somebody a lesson!!!!

  133. please…men hitting women isnt acceptable? double standard, if a chick hit me and i were a dude id hit her back. women can call men names and threaten to beat their asses all the time for stupid shit, but when its a man saying it, call the cops? please. when you stop acting like a lady, you arent a lady in my book. slap her pregnant ass.

  134. ruvie –

    You said that there’s a double standard and that you, if you were a man, would retaliate against a woman who hit you. Fine, whatever. The pregnant slut didn’t hit anyone, though. Hitting her would be initiating the violence, not responding to violence. Also, she’s pregnant. She’s carrying around a vulnerable fetus. Finally, most people think men hitting women is wrong for the same reason that we think non-disabled people shouldn’t beat up on people in wheelchairs. There’s a considerable strength difference. It’s considered almost dishonorable to fight someone who’s physically so much weaker than you are. You can call that a double standard if you want, but it’s not altogether crazy to have different standards when there are *actual* differences.

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