Friday, August 20, 2010

Busy Brian

previous post: Background Checks

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54 Comments

  1. best post in ages!

    :-D

  2. I can’t wait to see if Brian will cum to my house and see huws there… What a knob.

  3. This dude is so not self aware. Must be nice to be that oblivious.

  4. alord – you forgot to say Steeeever / Ben / whatever….

  5. Perhaps it’s Brian off Family Guy. He may have a a problem typing with those paws… But he’s still a dick.

  6. @ 4 no, i didn’t.

    also, i’m at pains to add, there are markedly different species of ‘dick’. some people are nasty dicks, some people are big dicks, some people are arrogant dicks. some people are just dicks. but some people are funny dicks – they’re a dick, but you’re glad they are, because they’re a constant source of amusement. brian, for my money, is definitely of the latter genus.

  7. alord, I concur. But I feel that this particular Brian is a wanker.

  8. he’s not a wanker, pseudonym. he clearly said he doesn’t jake off.

  9. alord, I agree. I’m also so glad that he loves his junk. That’s very important! One must love their junk!

    btw, what’s with the CAPS ON, caps off. Brian, pick one, use it and love it like you love your junk.

  10. There seems to be a surprising correlation between caps lock usage and illiteracy.

  11. Sorry buds, that was an oversight on my part. Jakeing is a new one on me. I must try harder.

    Graham, again, I concur. YOU ARE THE MASTER.

  12. I am now embarrassed to have the name Jake now :(

  13. It’s a good thing that accident in Iraq didn’t blow off his junk.

    Jake Jakes His Snake.

  14. 93 women? God, that’s disgusting. There’s no way he’s clean and childless at this point. This guy is the perfect example of why abortion exists.

  15. I love the part where he says, “I live in a 250 thousand log home”

    It makes me think that he lives in a home made out of 250 thousand logs.

  16. @ excruciasm
    Do you mean he should’ve been aborted or that because he’s so prolific? Wonder how old he is… 93 chics? I don’t even know what that means… Poor chickens.

  17. He lives in a $250,000 log cabin with his mother? YUM!

  18. @nuff. Would they be really small logs, making up a moderate sized home? Or a log mansion?!

  19. Do we think he counted all the logs? That’s dedication for ya…

  20. @6 Ahh, yes. Phallus Amusicus. Not to be confused with Phallus comedicus, who are *intentionally* funny, P. Amusicus are just so dickishly stupid, you can’t help but laugh.

  21. what the fuck was that all about? The only way that tool bedded 93 women is if he raped 93 times

  22. lamebookpro, or hookers. That’s about it!

  23. @pseudo, you mean Mistress! And golly, you’re making me blush!

    I have heard of “jilling off” (it’s what ladies do) but not jaking off…

    I didn’t even realize that he meant $250K, I thought he meant the number of logs. I was wondering what country or century he lived in where a quantity of logs in your home is a sign of extreme wealth…

  24. LOL@lamebookpro!

  25. eenerbl, given his affinity for drugs he’s probably broke. having said that, I’m going to go smoke something big and fat right now. It’s Friday yo…cough cough….

  26. Yo GrahamD. I apologise for my assumption in thinking you were male. I’d hit you. In a nice way of course. I think that’s what they say on the internet. Now that the foreplay is over with, BRACE YOURSELF, I’M COMING IN!

  27. Goddamn it, I have to go get checked. He told me he loved me!

  28. @excruciasm – abortion exists because liberals like giving their constituents an easy way to murder God’s children because the mothers are promiscuous and/or irresponsible and want an easy way out.

    God will not have mercy on those who kill the unborn. They may think they are doing the right (selfish and irresponsible) thing, but they will spend eternity in a pit of fire for their actions.

  29. @dan_fargis Fucking Q. I would’ve said fucking A, but I’m having an abortion at the moment and mistyped.

  30. Brian is another casualty of war. Brain injury, no doubt.

    \

  31. Jeebus, I’ll bet he makes all the other soldiers proud!

  32. @ suedonim I’m flattered and a little disappointed at the same time…

  33. fuck me. I get high and have to come back to dan faggis? gonna roll another

  34. Mega douchebag. I don’t know which is worse, his drug problem or his grammar problem.

  35. I just love the mental image of brian typing with his paws, lol

  36. Hello. I know I probably shouldn’t be back here, but I just had a request. There was a guy here in the bar other day, and I heard he had a rather large penis. Did you see him?

    No? Okay, I was just… hang on. Hang on! I just wanted to know if I could check the security tapes.

    Well why not?

    Well he said I should just ask.

    Because he said he can pull his penis out of his pocket.

    I know, it sounds painful, but… hey! Hey, fuck off! He… fine. Fine! I’ll leave! Jesus. Asshole…

  37. Has anyone ever answered the age-old question (at least as old as FB has been around): why are people – especially girls – “friends” with douchebags like this??

    “I’m on suboxin [sic] I got help 3years [sic] ago.” FAIL!!! Dude went from one addiction to another.

    As Steve Martin said in The Jerk: “All I need is this Suboxin. That’s all I need. And me. My suboxin and me, that’s all I need. And my junk. But that’s all I need: my suboxin, me, and my junk.”

  38. JacksSmirkingRevenge

    That was pretty entertaining, not gonna lie. Also, maybe he just should’ve stuck with opium, I’m not sure that suboxin’s cuttin it.

  39. What an example of class brian is… Maybe just a tad too much based on the james bond character, but hey, noone’s perfect right?
    How come he counted all the 93 girls? I mean, that’s hell of a job there, especially since he has to relay on surveillance (or servalence) cameras and bouncers (or boncers) to remember it… I hope he doesn’t count as one every repetition of the same tape.

    On a side note, thanks alord for the insight about how being different dicks has different outcomes with girls, that is always a good lesson to hear, and I am not being sarcastic.

  40. Good thing Brian warned me not to fall in love…..TOO LATE!!!!!

  41. seriously, I’m not sure why, but it seems that girls flock to A-holes like this.
    thankfully not me as I would be the girl sitting there laughing at him to his face and telling him to quit being a douchebag.

    as for why girls keep him as a friend on facebook? it’s always good to know what the idiots are doing… keeps you far away from them (and like we just saw, it’s always good for a laugh)

  42. Thank you Pink Hobo. I bet you smell lovely

  43. @BritishHobo – I SERIOUSLY laughed out loud at your last comment.

    I also love that Brian had to stipulate “No falling in love.” I bet that happens frequently to the poor lad, what with his 250 thousand log house, and junk he can pull out of his pocket. Who wouldn’t fall in love with him?

  44. I think he is suffering from OCD. He seems to need to count everything.

  45. All the caps sounds like yelling in my head. I now have a headache. On an unrelated not, BrittishHobo, you will always be my favourite :)

  46. @Pseudonym Well that’s one way to interpret that, but I actually meant that having slept with 93 women, he’s bound to have knocked up some of them, and no doubt SOME of them had abortions. That’s what I meant.

    @Dan_Fargis I’m pro-life too, but if I start saying stuff like that I’ll get flamed, so I’m going to leave it at that.

  47. @#4 alord: I’m a sick dick myself.

  48. methinks British Hobo FTW!

  49. @excruciasm would it be the same if he’d had had sex with his wife 93 times? Hunn? Hunn? Just sayin…

  50. @Pseudonym
    No, that’s the same woman. Monogamy is much safer because then he won’t be exposed to STDs. Sure, he might get HER knocked up, but that’s his wife. Husbands and wives are supposed to have children. Unless they don’t want them.

    Now if his WIFE was sleeping around… then yeah, he may be exposed to STDs anyway, despite being monogamous.

  51. I think this guy has some kind of TBI. He clearly needs help with that and his drug problem, and he’s not getting it.

  52. There is such a term as jacking off. Not jaking, jacking. That is a phrase for masturbation I use sometimes. Shit, that just makes it sound like I talk about masturbation all the time.

  53. Brian, Brian, Brian.

    Where to start with this cunt?

    Well I would start by cutting his prodigious junk off and shoving it down his bastard throat, before smearing his testicles in syrup and leaving him staked out over an anthill.

    Why the vitriol? Certainly not for his way with the ladies, which i admire, nope it’s just for typing in Caps like a retarded twat bag.

  54. I thought the funniest part of this thread was the girl calling him “Brain”.
    Too bad he wasn’t killed in Iraq.
    And raped by bearded men.
    Don’t care in what order; as long as they send pictures to his mommy.

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