Monday, July 5, 2010

Beautiful Bios

previous post: A Healthy Home Life



  1. I had no idea people lost control of their bowels while drunk, until I found lamebook.

  2. first

  3. First the worst, second the best!

  4. hehe. “I also love dogs” made me giggle.

  5. “i think i’ll just keep trading my twat for mmm mmm toasty subs” LOL

  6. Ha. Is the lesson here never cheat, or just never keep a password that your pissed off ex knows after you’ve cheated?

  7. Krazy Eyez Killa

    Anita = Douchebaguette. Geddit?

  8. thepreviouspost

    you start reading and think “oh, what an adOrable boy this is,” but once the parenthesis starts you say to yourself “adorable? no way! he is fcked up” and then, then comes the love of dogs, and you cannot help but feeling “aaaawwww he is adorable after all.”

  9. thepreviouspost

    Re: the 2nd one, what can i say: those subs are good.

  10. loooooooool i luv the second one but just make me amajin her stickin a subway up her looooooool

  11. krasivaya_devushka

    The first one made me laugh when I read “I also love dogs”.

    Um, the second one can’t be real? Who would write that in their about me section??

  12. #11:

    The first sentence implies that it’s a “hack”.

  13. krasivaya her bf went onto it an changd it as lyk a revenj on her for shagin sumone else

  14. krasivaya_devushka

    Oh duhhh me. I totally missed that.
    It’s Monday; that’s my excuse.

  15. loooool krasivaya if i dint like u i wooda put a mesage bowt u bein stuped i actuly did tipe one then saw it was u then fort na i dunt wana be meen loooooooool yeh mundays suck and sos tomora gunna cus it me birfday an im werkin :(

  16. yoink purposes types completely incoherently in an attempt to be funny, right?

  17. I don’t think so. But when he’s talking about calling somebody stupid, it does seem a little like he’s being sarcastic.

  18. i anit tryna be funni i just always tipe like this dunt see wats rong wiv it peple undastand me an if they dunt like it they can get fucked by a lamar

  19. imagine if any of his dogs ever bites someone, or piss on the carpet! i don’t want to picture it… if does all “that” to people, then what does he start when snoopy screws up?

  20. krasivaya_devushka

    You can’t be mean to me yoink; I was the first one to be nice to you when you came on here. Haha :D

    But no, I’m far from being stupid; I just skipped over that part completely.

    Why didn’t you get tuesday off for your birthday?

  21. yoink it is funny because this site constantly makes fun of people who type like you. What’s wrong with it is it gives me a headache and takes too long to read. Grow up and learn real words.

  22. krasivaya_devushka

    capital T*

  23. also, I don’t know what’s worst: anita chating with some 40-year-old guy that cuts tomatos, eggs, etc for a living, or actually cheating with him… while the second one, for what he says, is a matter of hungry-to-death situation, the first one shows desire in talking to that creepy old sandwich-maker, like when you’re prospecting for work… God, I really don’t know…

  24. *if he
    *where does he

  25. na i no ur not stuped krasivaya an naaa im not gona be meen to u u dont deserv meeness i dint get it of cos i onli get payd for what jobs i actuly do no holiday pay so if im of i get no moni an had taday of so i cud recova from the weekend insted anit to bovered bowt workin it cus anit gunna do anyfing done my celbratin the weekend insted

  26. whit dunt reed it then u nobmunkey if u dont like it u dunt hav to reed it so dunt cumplain wen u chos ta reed it

  27. Apart from sounding absolutely ridiculous and having to think more about how to not-spell a word, yoink worries be because
    Why should I have to learn how to spell for ‘correctness’ and you guys don’t? Shameful.
    Also, once all these youth are used to the stupid text-speak abomination, are they actually going to be able to read Shakespeare [etcetera] and understand him? It’s difficult enough correctly elocut’ing the (mainstream) Queen’s English as it is!
    P.S. WTF is a ‘lamar’?
    P.P.S. I also love dogs.

  28. thepreviouspost

    @Aesthetic: a Lamar is prob one of those “South American camelid, widely used as a pack and meat animal by Andean cultures since pre-hispanic times.”
    Off course, Lamar is yoink’s way of spelling “Llama.” It is a matter of style, not of ignorance.

  29. im tryn to tipe lyk u yoink but its achelly quit dificult dun no how u do it yoink i take mi hat of to ya bruvva.

  30. asteticwaif wat the hel has shakspere got to do wiv anyfing im sure he wud prob say that the way u talk is ridiculus the reeson we dunt talk how shakespere spoke is cus langwiges evolv no one talks how they did in the olden days an its the same fing evryone in tha world is a difrent person an y shud evryone hav to do the same fings and say the same stuf? it wood be a borin world if we al did

  31. lamars r awsum they can gro afros

  32. LOL..’I also love dogs’..that made my day..:P

    I just love how people give away their PW to BFs and never change it back when they break-up..Anika.. you are an Idiot.period.

  33. People should have a go at trying to type like yoink, and see just how difficult it is. It took me 5 times as long to type, and it’s like the letters on the keyboard aren’t where they normally are. Weird.

  34. it dunt take me long to tipe word???

  35. Yeah, yoink’s totally doing it on purpose to get a rise. *lol*

  36. beleve that if u want douche but its actuly a mixtya of bein dislecsick an just got into habit of tipin like it wiv me mates on msn

  37. YorkshirebornNBread

    an the git’s good at it :D

  38. Being a dickelstick?

  39. YorkshirebornNBread

    Yoink, as long as you’re understood you can write in swahli….it’s still gotta be better than the plonkers who get featured on here.

  40. dislecsick not dickelstick u chimpshit

  41. fanku yorkshire u get me dunt ya as mane overs do peple ho dunt get me its there problum init

  42. See, you slipped by typing “chimpshit” correctly.

  43. YorkshirebornNBread

    Chumpshit? Quality. That’s my word for the week….beats Wankstain that I’ve been using for putdowns ;)

  44. YorkshirebornNBread

    *Chimpshit* even

  45. I’m just not that good at fucking up words, yoink, but if you can type that way and still be understood, then more power to you.

    Loving dicklestick and chimpshit.

  46. yeah douche i no insults want me to list em for ya? cus they r al relivent for u

  47. Oh, I just misread you, you meant dyslexic, but somehow I like dicklestick as a new put-down.

  48. wrd yr rite its fuken dificlt i dno why nt jst bothur 2 us rl wrds, wrd? wrd.

  49. I’m not quite sure why I basically just removed all the vowels.

  50. dicklestick wood be a good putdown tho word loooooool

  51. List some more insults, yoink. I need to add to my repertoire.

    Hobes, hard init?

  52. Both of these are ridiculously amazing.

  53. loooooool i find it esiyer to cum up wiv insults wen im angry loooool

  54. How the fuck do you fuck a tumbleweed?!

    @Douchetastic- not only did I laugh immediately when I saw “dickelstick”, but I LOL’d several times again just remembering it. Now everyone in my house thinks I’m crazy.

  55. Then somebody get yoink angry. I have my pen and paper ready, yoink.

  56. Carefully, Rufio.

  57. @wordpervert

    there’s an easy and hard way to everything, and the hard way isn’t always the better/right way… I’m not saying that yoink’s way is wrong, but I’m sure his English teachers are crying right now.

    I also don’t believe that he writes everything like he does here, so his point of being sick,(dislec-sick) or just dyslexic looks like jello nailed to the wall, doesn’t really stick.

    The fun fact is that I’m not even an english-native writer/speaker, and I try to do it the modern “Shakespeare” way. Evolving is one thing, going back to the mud it’s a completely different point…

  58. its spelled dyslexic yoink, and it has nothing to do with spelling like that, i should know my brother and i both have it and we can and do write properly. Its called Education.

  59. krasivaya_devushka

    How does yoink sound ridiculous? Seriously, leave him alone. He might be a bad speller, but that does not mean he’s an idiot.

  60. I love yoink.
    Where I used to just come to lamebook for the submissions, I find myself reading the discussions far more often. :)

  61. yelelow then how cum if ur such a sticla for langwige u spelld yellow rong an im pretty sure u anit ritin like shakespere wiv a the ye shit

  62. I once knew a guy at school who used dyslexia as an excuse for just not doing any fucking work.

    Case in point: my stories are boring, but short.

  63. why don’t we just scream our way out of this? like in the old, cavemen times? arght!


    You have some crazy posts here, typhos or not, your opinions are always a good laugh, in a good way… cheers mate!

  64. I don’t think case in point was the phrase I wanted to use, was it?

  65. Feel free to list the insults you “no” yoinkers, people here are always looking for new screen names.

    One of my pet peeves has always been people who use a learning disorder as an excuse to be willfully ignorant. No wonder the rest have to fight so hard against the “idiot” label.

  66. just cus i dunt rite like u an follo the werld like a sheep it dunt meen im badly educated and dunt make me stupet i can rite how i like its up ta me an if u fuckaroons dunt like it dunt reed it i rite so peple who do wana reed it can the ones that dont can just fuck there japs eye wiv a forned rose

  67. that’s not how you write the butter/taxi colour? fuck.

  68. Sure. Ok. If you insist.

  69. yoink – What the FUCK did you just say…?

  70. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    Every rose has its forn. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song… Every rose has its forn.

  71. yoink honey, I know you can spell, and spell well, so come on, give it up to Mama word.

  72. I really don’t have such a big a problem with your writing yoink. It’s easy primitive to read, in a way that you write as you speak. But saying that when we use the dictionary, grammar and spell-check correctly, we’re “follo the werld like a sheep” it’s just crazy. In any case, you’re not building a new world-order, are you? Fuck the grammar, i want dibs on that!
    I’m in, where do I sign?

  73. word i can spell some fings good like medium density fibreboard

  74. just one word wrong in the last yoink’s comment. Becoming lazy are we?

  75. I’ll take one for the team word, here goes.

    Hey fuckaroonie, and I mean you and your pindick yoink. You couldn’t even FUCK a tumbleweed if you tried, you would be better off shoving a gerbil up your ass and having it run around in circles shitbrick. I don’t know how…

    Ughhh… I can’t do it anymore. You better be pissed off yoink! You cocknoodle crab fucker. We need to utilize your word bashing repertoire!… Lol, word bashing, I just completely imagined word in the dirtiest way possible right there.

  76. just kidding, keep on posting yoink.
    On a wood topic, I was wondering if you could lay me a hand yoink. Is beech wood a good floor choice?

  77. nuff i anit got a pindick but i cant be angry at u nuff lil dude i no ur mesin rownd wiv me looool

  78. So yoink, since you’re tossing off the shackles of the commonly accepted behaviors of us sheep, can I bang your girlfriend? Jealousy and monogamy are just remnants of the bourgeoisie society that you’re railing against.

  79. yoink: I’m with ya. fuck these sheep

  80. yelelow i duno wat tipe of wood u meen cos beech can meen the colour of the wood if it sais beech wood its not normaly the actul wood they usin that propaly the colour of it they cal it by

  81. soup go fuck a cheesegrata turtledick u woodnt get wivin a mile ov my gf before id snap that lil tiig of of u and stick it up ur own ass tho that woodnt be much of a problam cos u woodnt feel it

  82. nuff, calling what yoink is doing “word bashing” doesn’t bode well for me. No bashing of word, ok, but a little light slapping is always appreciated.

  83. Damnit! Oh well, we will just have to wait for soup to proceed with taking advantage of yoinks gf before we get any new words. We could start yoinks word of the day from now on out!
    So far in the dictionary we have a few examples:
    Fuckaroon (quite the popular one these days)
    pindick (that’s a bad dick)
    And we got a two-fer with dicklestick and chimpshit today.

  84. Someone sounds like they’re overcompensating. It’s ok though, it was a nonsense question. I’ve been nailing her for weeks while you’re away at work.

  85. I mean it in the best way possible word ;)

  86. u wish ud been nailing her ur just upset cos u tryd the cheesegrata an the hole was still to big u cudnt fuck shit wiv that tiny cockpeece

  87. If Soup’s last comment doesn’t give me at least 2 new insults to add to my list, then I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

  88. We’re getting there.

  89. Cheesegrata turtle dick has been added to the yoinkinese dictionary

  90. Grace said it fit just right. I was all Goldilocks up in her snizz.

  91. Fuck me, I wish I didn’t have to leave.

  92. fuck u rite in the tetnus soup

  93. So many new words to add to my limited vocabulary. Thanks yoink! You always deliver

  94. u woodnt get close enuff to her u shitbag god shed take one look at u an larf her fuckin hed off ur cocks got rabies dickgrabba

  95. The rabies part is true, and I have to thank you for that. Being with you has lowered her expectations to such a degree, even my diseased member is a step up.

  96. fuck u shed get more plesure from a singal hair than from u ur diseesed an ur balls look like flopy bunnyears

  97. I love you guys.

  98. Again, I have to give all the credit to you. Thanks to your ineptitude, she doesn’t even have an expectation of pleasure. She’s like my own real-life fuck doll.

  99. shut the fuck up you neva fucked grace youve neva fucked any chick you cummuffin its al just wisful finkin cos you havnt been layed since u got ur cock stuck in the plughole

  100. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this meeting to happen! I could prove it too if I could find the first thread yoink started commenting on and the post… I mean, not that it matters, but I knew it would be shit your pants funny.

  101. I love bunny ears, they’re cute.

  102. Oh come on, yoink. Don’t be like that. We’re pussy pals now. We should compare notes. Personally, I think it is fantastic when Gracie tickles my balls with her fingernails.

  103. And that’s exactly what you do with bunny ears.

    I gotta get out of here.

  104. we anit pussypals dunt fuckin use her name yeh gracey did tel me actuly she sed u got bigger tits than her an that ur nipples were bigger than ur dick she got no plesure from it an only dun it to see if it was actuly posible for sumone wiv such a smal strawnob to mayntayn an erecton so u anit the winna wiv it dildonipples

  105. Ha ha. You just admitted that your girlfriend is a whore who has a thing for fat deformed freaks.

  106. no i dint u just admited u was a fat diformd freek who goes to hores cos that the onli way u can get layd

  107. ur a fuckin cumnugget

  108. That was beautiful.

  109. wat was nuff?

  110. i totally forgot about the original lamebook posts by the time i got to the bottom of the comments. i liked them too, but that meeting of souper wit and yoink was great.

  111. Obviously yoink received his education via porn magazines. He can spell fuck, cunt, cock,dick, ass,cum,tits and nipples correctly, but that’s it.

  112. haha, what was this post about again? ^ I’m with you AndSheWas

    I find it a little worrisome that I can understand what Yoink’s msgs actually say.

  113. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    Soup, you are the anti-dicklestick. I bow to you.

  114. lurking verbiage

    i have nothing whatsoever to add here, other than to say i’ve enjoyed this tremendously and plan to lurk more in the future.

  115. Ah…the meeting of Soup and Yoink was overdue…and delivered as well as I had hoped….

    The sad part is….is that I’m not sure if Yoink was actually offended by Soup or if he was just responding so everyone could laugh their heads off…..I don’t know about anyone else but I laughed…

    I bow to Soup and Yoink

  116. I’m with lurking verbiage.

    It must be a British thing because I feel completely out of my league wit-wise, and I was told I was pretty quick on the draw.

    Yoink puts me to shame as a spelling Nazi. I can’t get over the insults…and I thought I was creative with things like “dickmunch”.

    My final comment before I lurk again: the username has nothing to do with your Grace, Yoink. Grace is my nickname (albeit as an oxymoron because I am a complete klutz). Didn’t want to get my ass virtually kicked for it!

  117. Achmayzinggrace

    When I read your name…I got a vision of Achmed the dead terrorist from Youtube o.O

    Yes it’s late and I’m a slightly disturbed individual…but seriously….-.-”

  118. I’m flattered by that, sadly. I have a bit of a Jeff Dunham obsession.

  119. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Achmed the dead terrorist Rules.

  120. LMFAO @ soup & yoink…. I love u guys

  121. Yoink your comments are actually funny but your pretending not to know how to type is getting to me. I’ve seen you spell correctly, stop this act it’s annoying! … (yes you know me.)

    Anybody that’s a friend of Yoink is an enemy of mine. former fan of Kras, Hobo and Word.

  122. Saffer, that last lane made you look like the Queen of the E-Tools

  123. fuck me…..line*

  124. Saffer, I’m yoink’s friend?

  125. Anika’s ex is awesome. I bet she doesn’t even know about it… until now

  126. Yoink, if you will continue to write like this then I have no choice but to break the promise I made to your dying mom; I am going to hit you repeatedly on your head with a baloney sandwich.

  127. what the fuck is a balony sanwich an my mum is not dead an shes stil wiv my dad u fuckaroon

  128. Ummmm. Anika, I work at subway. Does that count?or are you only interested in quizno’s employees… I have a toaster oven if that makes a difference

  129. I freaked out so much when I read this because lame #2′s name is the same as mine and I thought someone hacked my account or something… -.-

  130. Mmmm, cumnuggets.

  131. Saffer, are you saying you no longer like me word and kras because we’re friends with yoink? Because I can’t speak for kras, but… well, or word, but… I can’t take the rejection :’(

  132. Also I’m not sure where me being yoink’s friend has come from. :S

  133. Paranoid Android

    Pure fucking comedy gold, television – I am done with thee.

  134. We stil love you Hobo.

  135. Someone (yoink0 has a lot of time to molest his keyboard to post on Lamebook. A LOT OF TIME.

  136. krasivaya_devushka

    lol @ Turkish!

  137. Strawnob and dildo nipples made me giggle. Also I believe that Turkish is spot on about yoinks edukaysion.

  138. Calenthedestroyer

    Last post of Yoink:
    what the fuck is a balony sanwich an my mum is not dead an shes stil wiv my dad u fuckaroon


    Dubya Tee Eff, mate. My mother still lives within the land of the living. She also still resides with my father. You fuckaroon.

  139. Calenthedestroyer

    Ah, forgot the first part.

    Also, what on earth is a balony sanwich?
    I always thought it was a balogna sandwich. Am I incorrect in this assumption?

  140. OMG!!!! i laughed my ass off and was crazyily aroused by Soup…. wat does that say about me? and i wanna be best friends with word and hobo. i love you guys and been following you for a very very very long time… i’m like your stalker.. hahahahhahahhaha WHERE IS SLIMZ????!!! he fucked me then never appeared again. :(

  141. don’t take me seriously w00kie. Someday I’m gonna marry Hobo (after he ditches his current fiancee)

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