Monday, December 21, 2009

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previous post: Gettin’ Crunk in the Crib

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84 Comments

  1. Weird.

  2. eeaaah – not loving this.

  3. MrCatBuyer knows CATS!
    Creepy hobo in #1 makes over 9000$ a year?

  4. Is that creepy guy giving scholarships to moms, or does he just want to give it to moms?

  5. I kind of feel sorry for the ad-person who put those together. they were probably very proud of their work and now it’s Lamebook. Not too sorry though. I hate those ads. Yep, I’m a hater.

  6. It had been two years since my mom had last shaved. She started looking like a Jesus/Hobo hybrid. I told her, “Mom, you are my true savior, but for Christ’s sake please shave. Every time we go out to dinner people refer to you as my Dad or ‘that guy who looks like Jesus’”.

    The beard started taking over her own body. She started watching SpikeTV and Poker After Dark. She saw a late-night infomercial on SpikeTV (after the Girls Gone Wild) for a men’s shaving cream. It promised all those adolescent males that it would give such an amazing shave, you’d be getting pussy like never before. Suffice to say, it was a double edged sword. Mom’s beard made her desire for women in controllable, but the beard knew this would end its own life.
    It was for the best. A life cut a few years short was a small price to pay to live like a king. She ordered the cream and 6-10 business days later, she was in front of the mirror. She was talking to herself (she claims it was the beard). They said their goodbyes. It was an emotional shave, she had to trim with the scissors first. It was painful. The beard didn’t cry.
    Before she knew it, she had all the pussy she wanted. She now also shits in a sandbox and eats flowers.

    What? Who? Cool! I’m a fan.

  7. AnonisGay I love you

  8. @AnonisGay Wow, so much time and effort just to end up sounding like a blithering idiot. This anecdotal travesty was undoubtedly similar to your first premature ejaculation:

    You started out strong and you were just having fun, then got too excited and made a big sticky mess.

  9. @AnonisGay -…wow… You clearly have way too much time on your hands. That was by far the dumbest comment I’ve ever seen. Oh and by the way, the word is “uncontrollable”. It is one word, not two. “Un” is not a word.

    @Joker -AnonisGay is just that… Gay. And if you love that comment, you are too. Frankly, it was retarded.

  10. @Adamn -Usually, you’re a douche and make no coherent sense. And yet,… I completely agree with that statement. Touche’

  11. Oh, my bad, it was “in controllable” that you had typed. And I must give you credit for that because “in” IS a word. Congratulations, you’re still a moron.

  12. @Mnic Glad you finally decided to get down on all fours for me and put on that collar i bought for you like a good little bitch.

  13. @Anonisgay
    c’mon, you gonna take that?

  14. @Adamn -I had a feeling you’d turn around and bite the hand that feeds you. Is that what you want Adamn, to drive me away from your mom over this small, yet heated dispute? Because if I leave, that means your mom would have to get a job which would, in a domino effect give you less sex. Play it safe Adamn, don’t mess with your momma’s pimp. Or else I’ll have to take away that strap-on I gave her to use on you when you won’t shut up.

  15. Either I take away the strap-on or the lube your mom uses on your sorry crack. Take your pick.

  16. @anon: yes, plenty of time for a few lulz. whatever makes the day go by

    @MNic: yes, typos happen. This message will have some. Unfortunately I don’t really care enough to proof-read a message sent to strangers who will probably understand most of it anyway. Plus, I don’t know if a self-described grammar-nazi who:

    1) Posts overwhelmingly pretentious messages about typos or spelling mistakes: (http://www.lamebook.com/tuesday-typohs-4)

    2) argues with strangers on the internet (like you and that Adam guy are doing now)

    3) gets mad at himself for making typos (http://www.lamebook.com/notsee-ing-the-issue-nsfw)

    4) gets mad at someone who mistypes the name of a LOTR character. (again– http://www.lamebook.com/frodoh)

    …has any room to talk about “too much time on their hands” or call anyone “gay”

    This, of course, proves I have too much time on my hands. Where do we go from here? divide by zero?

  17. oh dear how much do you go on with yourself?? MNic you’re an eeeeediot. Shut up and eat a dick!

  18. @ Mnic, sigh…. Why do you do this to yourself? Is it your presumptuous nature that allows you to be lulled into a false sense of security? That somehow i won’t verbally buttfuck you?

    More likely you’re just a glutton for punishment, you strike me as the kind of fellow who used to spend his time getting arrested for trying to buy sterilized razor-wire on Ebay.
    Well Mnic I’m not here to be the screwdriver in your urethra.

    Regardless of the “why” it all ends up the same, with you huddled in your corner cradling what’s left of your dignity spitting out little insults like a baby chimp in a shit fight.

    Just the same I’m not going to kick a bitch when it’s down, no matter how much you like it.

    Hope this little response didn’t give you a boner.

  19. @Joker -I’m having a hard time taking something seriously from someone who doesn’t know how to spell “idiot”… And thanks for your offer, but I heard it was illegal to fool around with the mentally handicapped.

  20. holy shit anonisgay is and always has been a fucking dildo, he writes stories that arent funny and everyone seems to love them, and by everyone i mean 2 people, and joker youre a fuckin dick like can u bumlick him anymore, hes jus a 40 year old homo, also adamn, ur a dick

  21. @MNic So funny I forgot to laugh!! I didn’t offer you anything, the only thing I’d offer you would be a noose! You’re a ballbag, end of story.

  22. @MNic you seem to be a total cock.Your the type of person who thinks there perfect when there not and you seem to be as much of an ass hole as Americans

  23. sorry for posting twice but i just bothered to read adamn’s fuckin las thing he said and what the fuck is wrong with you mean youre the most boring person ever omg, like ur post was just full of narccisisstic shit hahaha whats your RL name, lamebook would love your profile im pretty sure ur interests would be ‘I looooooooooooove spelling! And being a massive bender!”

  24. Why am I a dick? Cos I’m not a jumped up little prick who only finds joy in hating the world??

    Get a sense of humour.. If you don’t find it funny keep your shitty gob shut!! No harm done.

  25. what i understand from these ads..

    ad #1 – if you are a mom and have a dirty bum of a jobless son and need extra money to continue buying him tv dinners and snackpacks, youre gonna need to go back to school to get a better job to support that loser and this is the deal for YOU!

    ad #2 – Ladies, tired of your man complaining about your stubble when you kiss his smooth face? burn it off with lasers!

    ad #3 – Since your cat pretty much runs your life, let him make all of your important financial decisions too!.. just tell your cat to log on to Mrcarbuyer.com and have bonkers the cat drive one home now!

  26. no cus ur a bellend who finds anonisgay funny, dont be so hard on yourself man i dont think youre a jumped up little prick who hates the world, jeez get a girlfriend or a hug from ur mum or something, that will stop u thinking these horrible things. do you want a hug from me????????????????????????

  27. @Joker
    also, if i cant say i dont think hes funny, then surely you shouldnt be allowed to express your opinion of finding him funny, which started this whole thing, so go suck some ballz

  28. I’m not a lesbian (I am female). I don’t hate the world and I didn’t create an account under a name that hates.

    I don’t want your hugs I bet your armpits stink!!

    You can say you don’t find it funny, you don’t have to throw out the insults though..
    So you go suck some balls, waster.

  29. @Adamn -Speaking of going on and on and on and on off strange tangeants and making absolutely no sense whatsoever, you hit the nail as a perfect example of red-neck and inbred. Have you ever noticed that our verbal battle comments are always ending with me having the last word? Just a thought to ponder…

  30. @ Anonisgayisgay coming from an amoeba that swam out of a dog’s anal excretion that uses lamebook to add validity to it’s existence, that really hurts my feelings.

    The fact that you took the time to create an account just to find a platform for your infantile assertions is pathetic.

    Your existence is laughable.

    @ Joker, you are either a 6 year old girl or a 15 year old eunic, either way still that bitch tongue of yours until it’s time to taste another ball sack.

  31. @Joker -”I don’t want your hugs I bet your armpits stink!!”… really? How old are you? I didn’t realize jr. high got out this early.

  32. hahaha adamn ur a total fag hahahahhah, but nice one for owning joker and also

    @joker – go suck some ballz

  33. @Swankys -You spelled “Adamn” wrong. ;)

  34. @Adamn 6 year old girls shouldn’t taste ball sacks, if you think that is normal then i suggest you take your fat sweaty arse off of Lamebook and get yourself some therapy. Biiiiiaaatch!!

  35. @Joker -I think he meant your mentality level was of a 6-year old girl… and I agree

  36. @MNic apparently I’m a 6 year old girl :)

    And I’m not American so you’d probably be wrong

  37. @Joker -Oh I could have guessed you weren’t American… Arse? Them is fightin words. :)

  38. I’d fuck the girl in the shaving ad. why?

    Cos shes the best a man can get. With three blades for tripple action, shes the smoothest fuck in the world and won’t leave me needing to apply balm afterwards.

  39. @Swankys, learn to spell my name you fucking moron.

    @Joker, Mnic is correct, watching your shallow attempts to insult others is watching a grown man in a boxing match with a child, it’s so cute watching the child’s little fists up in the air trying it’s best to look like a grown up.

    That is until you see the adult bring his fist into the child’s cranium and crush it like an overripe melon.

    Mnic’s assessment of your mental age should be considered a compliment.

    Still, you seem like a nice little kid so run along now while you are still without a bright red hand print on your ass.

  40. *LIKE

  41. Thank you!!!! Finally someone addresses the weird creepy caveman dirty hippie who is encouraging moms to go back to school.

  42. Swankys is frodo

  43. @Rallylover -I think you meant “You’re” and “they’re”… just a suggestion… :)

  44. @MNic: That wasn’t a suggestion at all. Cool, you have perfect typing and proofreading abilities, but you can’t differentiate between a suggestion and a correction. :)
    You’re as cool as a internet-arguing-LOTR-geek-grammar-nazi can get.

    And adamn, I called you ‘that adam guy’ … I didn’t say your name was adam.
    You’ll get over it, don’t worry.

  45. @Rallylover, you’re a dipshit

  46. @Swankys -I called it a suggestion because I wouldn’t want to damage your oh-so-frugal ego. However, internet arguing is clearly not something someone of your rock-bottom intellect would ever be caught doing, right?

  47. @swankys, it’s ironic that you would claim that Mnic is “as cool as a internet-arguing-LOTR-geek-grammar-nazi can get” when you followed him like a fucking golden retriever whilst meticulously copying and pasting his every statement.

    Congratulations, you can copy and paste and have the time and energy provided by a lack of a social life to accomplish a fully documented retort on lamebook complete with bibliography.

    You’re also a hypocrite and a complete dumbass.

  48. @Swankys -I think you meant “You’re as cool as ‘AN’ internet… blah blah blah”… just a SUGGESTION… in case you want to salvage what’s left of your self-esteem at least…

  49. lol@ What? Who? cool!

  50. Wow guys, you’re fighting on the comments page of a website which is supposed to be a laugh. It was more entertaining reading your comments than the actual post! I’m a student so I have an excuse for procrastinating by surfing random websites. Don’t you guys have jobs? Haha anyway, carry on. As you were :)

  51. @MNic

    You said “I called it a suggestion because I wouldn’t want to damage your oh-so-frugal ego.”

    You mean fragile, not frugal, unless you are suggesting his ego is careful with its use of resources.

  52. oh my god… people, when someone is being an absolute douche, whatever that definition may be in your own mind, just flipping ignore it. lamebook is not for lame arguements. only the ones from facebook that are posted on here. maybe they should make a webpage out of the comments on lamebook.

    now, about this snapshot:
    the third advertisement is the best. hands down!

  53. @Continental Op -Yeah I know:) What I meant by that is that the ego has so little left that it is being very careful/frugal in order to save itself what dignity it has left:)

    @African Sugar -I know, isn’t it great!

    @Dukachevy -When you wrestle with a pig in a mud pit do you know what the difference is between you and the pig?… Exactly my motivation:)

  54. @ dukachevy, if you don’t like it you can always switch back to your other internet explorer window and continue viewing samoan buttsex.

  55. @Adamn -You’re retarded… funny, yes… but retarded nonetheless.

  56. dont judge me. samoan buttsex is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

  57. @dukachevy -Haha! Nice:)

  58. @dukachevy You hold firm to your convictions sir, i salute you. Enjoy the sloshing undulations of various sweat and mayonnaise-smeared samoans with my blessing.

  59. Great submission! Spoiled by the comments.

  60. @antarctic Circle Your name is fitting as you are as big of a buzzkill as genital frostbite.

  61. @Antarctic Circle -(sniff sniff) Aw, come on… You don’t like that? Isn’t it glorious? “Introduce a little anarchy”

  62. Someone slap Antarctic Circle, @Mnic you just made me all tingly

  63. @Adamn -Adamn, play nice. I thought I taught you better than that:)

  64. @Mnic come off that bullshit matronly soapbox you love so much and admit that Antarctic Circle is an asshat!

  65. @Adamn -”That’s no way to talk to your mother!”

  66. @ Mnic, Rocket Man?

  67. @Adamn -Fo’ sho’!

  68. @Mnic Yahtzee!

  69. @Adamn -”Hey sanka, whatcha smokin’?”

  70. @Mnic I’m not smokin’ I’m freeeezing!

  71. @Adamn -Okay fine… You seem to be an okay guy… You’re still a douche bag though.

  72. @Adamn I won’t dispute either point

  73. @Adamn -deal

  74. Awesome post! I especially love the hairy woman! Hairy women are hot ;)

  75. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOCAT

  76. These remind me of a FB advertisement I got that said “Inhale Jesus: get high on the gospel!” Trippy.

  77. Weird… the “scholarships for moms” dude is showing up in an ad on a Yahoo News article. He’s also the picture for a driver’s license about insurance regulation. Still just as creepy.

    BTW, #72 Adamn… why are you addressing comments to yourself?

  78. @Birdie: Good spot. Why is adamn addressing comments to himself?

    I just scrolled down to see lots of posts from mnic and adamn. I’ve not bothered reading the majority of them as the earlier ones indicated that they did not have anything interesting or funny to say. Birdie’s spot suggests that that they are the same person, talking to themselves. That is fucked up. He is obviously that-kid-at-school-who-got-bullied-mercilessly and had no friends, hence his need to invent friends on here. I bet if Lamebook checked the IP address they would be one and the same.

    I love this site – it is an amazing look at the extremes of human behaviour.

  79. @birdie & Mercure -That’s messed up. Adamn is a douche. I know there’s probably not much I can say to prove you otherwise but I will say this, having two accounts on Lamebook would be retarded, and arguing with one’s self is something that should be left to Jeff Dunham. As to why Adamn addressed the last comment to himself… who knows. All I know is that Adamn isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. He’s a funny guy, but most of the time he just doesn’t make sense.

  80. @MNic: What a coincidence. You’re about as funny as Jeff Dunham’s show.

  81. @Spoons: MNic is funny, just post #79 is not humorous. You leave Jeff Dunham out of this! He is talented and fucking hilarious which is more than anyone can say for you!

  82. This entire page is golden.

  83. @Spoons -The only way you could NOT like Jeff dunham is if you and your family is just like Bubba or whatever that redneck’s name is. That would explain why your name is Spoons at least. (No solid food for people without teeth)

    And #79 was not meant to be humorous… I don’t find someone comparing me to Adamn as humorous at all.

  84. *are

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