Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Background Check!

previous post: Quite a ReQUEST

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92 Comments

  1. My god 4 is terrible.

  2. Ahh, equine showers of the golden kind, should I even go there?

  3. Alexandra clearly has no issue sleeping with primates.

  4. Those are the hairiest man-legs ever.
    And extra bonus points for the ugly shirt she is wearing.
    Clearly she has no taste in anything.

  5. lol… i read you wrong at first word… I though you asked, should I ever go there… like you were contimplating it

    And what a lucky half hariy naked dude in #4… he about to have that hottie all up on him

  6. Exactly msjessie… she has no taste… I have a shot!!

  7. Holy cow! Is Alexandra advertising her whore services? Or did she just give the guy roofies and steal his wallet? There is a story here…

  8. Left backround of #3 .. lol.

  9. I am contemplating it, slim.

  10. His leg hair randomly stops half way up his ass. I can’t stop staring at it.

  11. Ha, the black dude is a Cyclopes – just one eye pixelated for the preservation of anonymity.

  12. Hahaha! Alexandra is a whore!

  13. Alexandra’s just seems like a girl on the dullest holiday of her fucking life with her dumbass drunk boyfriend.

    Not to judge, or anything.

  14. Uh-oh Alexandra…are you fitting the profile of a “Guidette?”

    -Mirror pic. Check. (Bonus points for dirty jizz looking stains on the mirror.)
    -Natural blonde but dyed her hair dark. Check.
    -Caked-on foundation. Check.
    -Extra half hour in the tanning bed. Check.
    -The infamous kissy face. Check.
    -Hair Guido boyfriend. Check.

    SMH.

  15. I meant to say hairy.

  16. He looks like he’s had some weird kind of back, sack & crack wax. Very badly done.

  17. The third one is perfect.
    She two sets of hands on her boobs.

  18. I meant to say she needed.

  19. Soooo chics arent into the hairy thigh look? crap

  20. I assume he was getting a full-body wax and they ran out.

  21. There is definitely a bad wax job going on picture 4! He looks like he’s wearing leg warmers!

    And I feel for the horse…there are probably many parking garage security cameras with footage a me peeing next to cars…

  22. We just assume it’s hair because that’s what we expect to be there. It’s actually a swarm genital crabs migrating back to their natural habitat on Alexandra’s cooch.

  23. What’s up with the duckface, Alexandra? Why do girls do this when they are trying to be hot for a photo?

  24. Was he wearing super tight underwear that left a mark around his waist and also rubbed all the hair of his ass and upper legs? And Soup dear? Alexandras the duck face in the pic not the dude.

  25. haha poor guy, just wanted to reassemble his balls after a dip in the sea

  26. my eyes are burning

  27. @Me (Schizophrenic? Who said that?):

    I’m quite capable of discerning between male and female (despite my own crippling gender identity issues). I stand by my comment that those little buggers are making the long arduous journey back to the damp, dank paradise that is Alexandra’s hog wallow.

  28. @Soup So they are taking the long way there by climbing that fellows legs? Interesting. Will they skitter across the floor too? Nevermind I dont want to know. Thats too gross to even ponder.

  29. Ha, I know the dude in Alexandra’s photo, he works in my local bar, he talks a lot of shit but there is a great story (that has been verified by several people) regarding that photo…let me begin:

    Alexandra is the sister of a guy he serves from time to time in the bar, this guy happens to big complete douche bag and one night got so fucked up that he smashed into a load of cars in the parking lot including the bar man’s. The next week when he came back in the bar man confronted him and asked for insurance details, now knowing he was hammered when it happened the guy basically told him to fuck off.

    Now the bar man pursued him for a few more weeks to get details or cash for repairs to his car but the guy turned nasty and told him to back off or take a beating (he ha a reputation for been a psycho).

    Well this guys wife works in the local salon and has a reputation of been loose but never has anyone dared confirm it as the drunk psycho would beat the shit out of anyone named to have fucked around with his wife.

    Well, the bar man served her one night when psycho was out of town rigging for 3 weeks, he brought her drinks and got her pretty drunk. After a few slammers he charmed her enough to head back to his place…fill in the gaps here. Anyhow, he had set himself with this guys wife and continued to sleep with her for around 2 weeks, the week before psycho was due back the bar man took her away for a week in Punta, no real interest in her, though the sex had been reported as wild. After a few days on the holiday he convinced her to phone her husband (aka psycho) and tell him she wanted to leave him because she had found someone else, now this girl was loose but had some afinity for her husband so it was no easy chore working her to the point she would make this call.

    The phone call panned out and the husband blew his top, the minute the call ended he vowed he was getting the next flight out there to beat the shit out of the bar man and drag her home. Aware of the time difference our the bar man consoled the wife and dragged her back to bed with promises it would be fine and they could just pack up and leave the next morning before he arrived, heading for NY for a week where he promised her a job in his sisters salon.

    Well, the next morning they both left for the airport and he went to get tickets at the airline’s desk while she got coffee, he came back with two tickets and they went through security into the airline lounge, just before boarding the bar man told the guys wife he was going to the restroom and if they started boarding he would see her at their seats. And so he left.

    Now we can only speculate as to how long she waited on her own or when the penny dropped (probably after takeoff) that something was wrong because he wasn’t back. Sure enough he was on a flight to Vancouver to take a up a new job that started the following week.

    Now, back in town when I got news of this I died laughing. When the husband arrived back after having spent $1200 flying out to get his wife only to find she wasn’t there and then receiving a call from her crying in JFK, then having to fly out there to bring her home. The guy was pissed but she managed to get him to believe nothing had happened which, probably after much pleading, he did.

    Well they got back together on the premise she had not fucked the bar man and he started back at his old ways acting a complete tool in the bar over the next few months.

    Around 3 months later after the dust had settled the aforementioned photo above arrived at a guy I knows email account with the instructions along with $50 paypal transfer with the message “flyer the parking lot, restroom and bar”.

    Needless to say the husband is no longer her husband and is last reported to have taken a rigging job abroad. One less tool in our bar.

    P.S. Our hero and dearly missed bar man, Hairy Mike, will spit feathers when he sees this.

  30. @username… Jesus Christ… that’s amazing xD

  31. I suppose it is the “Count of Monte Cristo” of revenge plot / execution, did he go to far? No, the guy was a fucking douche.

  32. So then she posted this photo as a punta cana 2010 vacation photo… nice story username, but fake

  33. if that is true, why did Alexandra (the douche-husband’s sister, right?) post the photo in a vacation album with 112 photos in it?

  34. @slimjayz – dude that’s just a dumb ass assumption, that was his camera – he was passed out and she took it – he found it in Vancouver 8 weeks later, he thought he had already fucked this guy over, he didn’t know she would go back to him but figured sending it on to flyer the shit out of the bar would be the coldest vengeance dish.

  35. and note – the guy who posted this originally to LB did so on his profile with that caption, it was back in october last year, the 2010 caption is an inside joke – that’s another story, less amusing.

  36. just shows how little some people read into things. well done those who examine stuff on this site, the reason for this social experience was to just say take each submission with a pinch of salt, I know of several “lame” submissions that have been completely warped to fabricate some truth / funny incident.

  37. I love how every other sentence of your story starts with “now.” Freakin’ annoying, and totally fake. Seriously, you sat there and made up a story that long about a lamebook post? I’m just as bad for taking the time to read it. Ugh.

  38. I think Username’s comments deserve the lame crown, you are Frodo, You are Ben.

  39. I got time, username.

  40. Yeah, for reals. Why would the wife-fucker’s sister post this picture in her own vacation album? Your explanations are not standing up to Occam’s Razor. Although the story would be hilarious, if true.

  41. @TurkeyVulture – I agree but think that the holes and lack of consistency (except for use of Now.. to start a sentence) reside this story to the urban bullshit hall of fame. Wouldn’t be the first time that has happened on here. Shame – it’s like X-Files – I want to believe.

  42. Actually that hairy guy is me… He is how it went down… I was on vacation with my family when the wife and I got in a fight… Now I have been in many fights with my wife, but have never raised my hand in anger… This time was different… I had been drinking and smoking weed and was fucked up… Well at the bar downstair some guy was hitting on her and she was totally loving it… I started arguing with the dude and we began to push each other

    Well my wife just wanted us to get out of there so tried to break it up… It was just a reaction when she pulled me back and I swung and clocked her in the nose… Blood started streaming out and I freaked out and jet’d… I went outside and didnt know what to do so I called my mom… my mom got scared, she said your moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. i whisted for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror. if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought nah, forget it yo homes to bel-air!

  43. @username’s story is the kind of story one would be likely to hear repeated ad nauseum at a bar, and the kind of story only people who spend a lot of time in said bar would believe.

  44. OMG! amber you bitch!!! i thaught u were joking wen u sed u posted that foto! i hate you right now! i look so stupid with that powt and jays gross hairy legs behind me!!! hey every1 i didnt sleep with him it was his camera i took the foto on cos he passed out at 9pm!!!

    amber im so submitin the foto i have of u and kyle in the bar practicly bonin each other!

  45. fuck. Wonder how many people have vomited in that guy’s crotch after seeing those legs. Bleuch.

  46. how do i delete the photo of me off here theres no button to remove it. amber take it of here now! i meen it i look so stupid you better not hav shown kimberly this she will freak she already is a bitch and thinks i fancy him cos shes jelous she coudlnt come with us

  47. the plot thickens…

  48. jesus christ, nice piece of fiction by username but it needed a good editor to proof the consistency.

    @alexie pixie – judging by your syntax and basic disregard for grammar your photo is mearly the tip of the iceberg, I fear that you might see more of your lame submissions appearing on here shortly. The first rule of lamebook is you don’t try and defend yourself on lamebook, the second rule of lamebook is do not set yourself up to fall by typing so appalling, this is not SMS, you do not have to abbreviate words, a bit of practice typing correctly might be good for you, that said I imagine you typed that with your opposable thumbs on your blackberry.

  49. Everyone talking about username’s post: Gotta admit that fake or not, it’s creative xD

  50. I also know the horse that was pissing…

  51. So why is the horse’s ass in every other picture blurred out, but not in the second one?

  52. I agree BritishHobo

  53. alexie pixie’s fake…who the fuck says “powt”?

  54. slim, you were at the top of my list, but knowing your all crazy hairy, you’ve moved down a notch. Sorry.

  55. @Slim, you are now at the top of my list now that I know you are hairy.

    @Alexie: hahahaha ha duckface.

  56. Oh dear goodness that man beast in number 4 is just awful, it’s wrong on so many many levels.

  57. @slim – I can dig it.

  58. So…does he shave his ass?

  59. Just a really quick question… in the horse photo… if that’s pee… why does it look white on the ground? I’m just sayin’.

  60. Pee foams up when it hits a surface and the bubbles are white. You’re not a guy (I don’t think?) so I don’t expect you to know this.

    And 4, she looks the type of trashy, low self esteem whore. That’s why planet of the apes over there got lucky (in the loosest sense of the word)

  61. @Charade, I had a nice little chuckle over the planet of the apes. Very nice.

  62. I actually like hairy guys, but the last picture makes me want to tear my eyes out.

    And I find Username much more entertaining than Alexie Pixie, regardless of the possibility of either being fake.

  63. I like hairy guys too, Purple, lot’s of hair usually means lots of testosterone, which usually means high libido, which usually means you’re in for a good time… well it usually means that.

  64. Hair is good word, bear back however… not so much. lol!

  65. Wow, okay, Bigfoot wears either tightie-whities or bikini briefs. Underwear will wear away your hair. Because I know it’s gonna come up; I wear boxer briefs.

    @Alexie, you have huge balls. You didn’t sleep with him because he passed out? So, had he been conscious, this photo wouldn’t have happened or maybe would’ve happened later with your hair all messed up. Noice.

  66. @nashntth, nice. Thanks for the info. I have been repeatedly staring at that mans ass wondering wtf would make such a mark! (Seriously!)

  67. Exactly wordpervert! It separates the men from the boys, usually. ;)

  68. And ee, I agree with you, bear back no, but now a bit of bare backin’, that’s just fine.

  69. Hey I just wasted a good 30 minutes of my time reading about 68 comments, and just realized you guys are so focused in the man’s ass (which happens to be the last picture in this entry) that none of you noticed the black kid (which happens to be the first picture hmm) has a boner and trying to hide it.

    Also, you people are racist. You got something against hairy people? I got hair and I’m never gonna get it waxed. Why? Because I’m proud of who I am; I’m never going to change my physical features just to appeal to racist bigots like you bunch. Now this is different from sanitary concerns, of course I don’t consider taking showers a change in my physical being but getting a nose job for example, is.

    So sort out your racist minds people, some people in the world are hairy. I was so offended I had to register to comment.

  70. Wow….So….I am never going to the beach again…LOL…flippin perverts.

  71. Aw, Aryo, you go girl. Burn that bra!

  72. @ Charade And 4, she looks the type of trashy, low self esteem whore.

    That’s the ideal date after a hard day at work, minimal effort with maximal result

  73. lostintranslation

    @aryo: I’m probably going to regret asking this, but exactly how does a preference for less hairy men make one a racist? “Hairy” is not a race. I, personally, prefer not to feel a blanket of hair on a man’s ass while I’m bumping uglies with him, but I do find a moderate amount of chest hair to be sexy. This applies to men of all races and ethnicities.

    You strike me as one of those people who has such low self esteem that you are constantly on the defensive, and actively looking for reasons to take offense at things that are said. That’s sad, and I feel sorry for you. But get your facts straight before you go accusing people of being racist for expressing a personal preference regarding hair! And don’t even get me started on the whole double standard here–it’s okay for men to be hairy, but women should shave, wax, tweeze, pluck etc. in order to be considered sexy?!

    Nothing like a good rant to get you going in the morning, is there? :)

  74. lost , would it make you feel better if i went out and got a full manly body wax later on ?

    Just to share the pain :-)

  75. Surely Aryo was joking?!

  76. lostintranslation

    @Father Sha: you’d do that for me? How sweet of you! :-D

  77. I just can’t over the fact that his legs are hairy but the rest of him doesn’t seem to be… its just plain weird

  78. Lost , i am not a very hairy man but still a full body wax sounds really painfull :-) I’ll contact the local beautician hehe

  79. lostintranslation

    @Father Sha: You’re very brave. I once had my underarms waxed. I nearly punched the beautician, and reverted to shaving shortly after. And I’d imagine having ones nether regions waxed would be at least as bad.

    @seznz: I’m thankful the hair stops where it does. I think a hairy butt in that photo would double the ick factor for me!

  80. Right on word!

  81. my god last one makes me gag

  82. @Ayro – so everyone’s racist for calling someone hairy, but you’re not when you said “the black kid” OHKAY…

  83. Jessika’s photo is hilarious.

  84. LMAO @ Aryo.

  85. OMG the last one!!!!!!

  86. Look closely at the first one…dude has a hard on. Just sayin.

  87. worst_episode_ever

    @username- great story but um, it doesnt explain the photo!

  88. Before you go and get a full body wax, watch “The 40 Year Old Virgin”.

    I think Aryo was talking about the first one, where everyone is making fun of the black horse, but the Asian horse has a happy rider.

  89. Forget about that hairy bugger in #4 for a second. The guy with the red shorts in #1 – there’s something not right about that fold of material.

  90. @LostinTranslation,

    Obviously, moron, you failed to understand the overarching message of my argument but yet you felt the need to type an entire block of bullcrap for me to read.

    Let me get this straight, preference has absolutely NOTHING to do with discrimination. I could care less if you preferred (There’s your keyword) hairy men or waxed ones. I do, however, find it offensive that many of bigots here use that as a means to promote and spread your racist thoughts. YES IT IS RACIST to discriminate against the man and I quote someone called him “Planet of the apes,” now that, motherf**ker, is racism, whether you want to believe that or not is another argument.

    And to the ignorant guy who said me saying “black kid” is racist: I have nothing to say to you; your ignorance astounds me beyond words. There is no racism in saying a black man is black and a white man is white.

    Obviously you’re too much of an idealist and I am, on the contrary, a realist.

    For the record, LostInTranslation, not only am I not insecure about my physical features, on the contrary, I am very confident in my looks: I am a hairy man, I weigh 180 lbs and 6’3″ tall, I’m ripped and I display my 8-pack with pride, and I recently just finished the P90X program, which I’m sure most of you fatties sitting at home behind the computer chowing down your Big Mac have not even heard of.

    So Good day to you all, but I actually have a life outside of the cyber world.

  91. @Aryo

    Clearly, you have a life outside of the cyber world.

  92. Aryo, all that muscle must have taken the blood flow from your brain… Such a shame, you seem like _such_ a good role model.

    Racism is the discrimination of people based on their race (Asian, Hispanic, African, White). Last time I checked, there was no ‘hairy’ race. If there was, every human would be part of it. We _all_ have hair, some people just choose to keep it in check.

    I personally don’t like when I see a man take off his shirt, only to be wearing a sweater underneath. That’s just disgusting.

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