Tuesday, July 6, 2010

ApParently Not

previous post: More Wonderful Wins

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134 Comments

  1. lol

  2. I retract that lol… none hold any comical value :(

  3. #1 – sounds like the typical grandfather-grandson relationship in a leftist socialist household. All generations living together smoking their Devil weed like some sort of pathetic hippy commune. I bet Greg’s house reeks of patchouli and body odor

    #2 – sounds like Cap’n Jennifer is your typical oversexed woman who has bought into the liberal feminist agenda. The size shouldn’t matter if you are having intercourse for the purposes of procreating or if you are having “pleasure seX” with your husband, whom you supposedly love.

  4. @dan. pretty sure she was quoting her grandpa…

  5. Dan, your score is:

    Approach: 4/10 – Typical tactic, but fairly effective, taking the crazy Christian conservative angle.

    Delivery: 2/10 – Way too obvious. Some points to improve on are “Devil weed,” and “intercourse for the purposes of procreating.” Someone who’s frequenting this site probably wouldn’t use phrases like that. Also, not aggravating enough.

    Response: 1/10 – It’s been an hour and nobody’s said anything. I’m only giving you 1 point because it’s only been an hour.

    Total: 7/30 – Fishing fail. You need better bait.

  6. Oh, hey, look at that, you got a response. Still keeping it at 1/10, though.

  7. So pissed off, am I!

  8. Why? nobody has mentioned Yoink yet.. Opps..

  9. looooooool i sereusly wana see a grandad stoned

  10. Speaking of the devil..

  11. Looks like Regina can’t keep track of her Vagina.

  12. @Laeif – I’m unsure as to what you’re accusing me of. In any event, my response was at 2:17 PM EST and yours was at 2:31 PM EST. A difference of 14 minutes, not “it’s been an hour”.

    Less time trying to be clever, more time learning simple concepts like “telling time” and then wrap up your day with some prayers. Sounds to me as if you’re a victim of the public school system.

  13. Dan you make me so horny.

  14. an btw fanks to evryone who sed happi birfday in over posts erliyer an also weres alordslums these days? not seen him for a wile

  15. That Christian propaganda you spout makes my lady parts tingle with desire.

  16. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    I’m seriously considering going to see Eclipse just to re-create that conversation. I’d find it amusing at a movie I was actually interested in, as long as they didn’t do it through the entire thing.

  17. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    And that totally went into the wrong thread. Sorry about that, I blame the Vicodin and Valium combo.

  18. Yoink, the way you type sounds like this fellow from American Idol in my head:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXIVe0Jq12U

  19. annsalad ferstly i anit american secundly i anit black an firdly american idal is lame

  20. Douche…Rose, now that sounds like my kind of combo, but I’d have to add booze to complete the party.

  21. Dearest Dan,

    Please accept my sincere apologies for not giving you enough time. That was my first post on here, and I did not realize the Lamebook clock was set to a different time setting than my own.

    Now that an hour has properly passed, your score will still remain the same.

    And you’re still a troll.

    Have a day.

  22. Dan,

    #1) I bet you have a small wanker.

    #2) You obviously do not own a sense of humor, so why on earth are you on lamebook?

  23. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    So in our attempt to pretend to take yoinks seriously, can someone please translate “anit”? Nothing phonetic, which is the explanation for how he types, makes sense.

  24. krasivaya_devushka

    Ain’t.

  25. krasivaya_devushka

    Dan’s comments are hilarious!

  26. CommentsAtLarge

    Oh I sincerely hope leastic is right about that being a quote…

  27. @dizzylizzy

    #1 – Why are you visualizing or considering the size of my genitals? I suggest you revisit Phillipians 4:8

    #2 – I have a terrific sense of humor. Here’s a joke that I found on the internet years ago and had my eyes streaming with tears of laughter. I make sure to tell it to all my new students in Bible study:

    A man is having a conversation with God and he asks:

    Man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
    God: It is but a penny.
    Man: God, how long is a million years to you?
    God: It is but a second.
    Man: God, could you please give me a penny?
    God: Sure, just a second.

  28. Dang the comments on here are more entertaining than the actual posts.

  29. Dan thats a shit joke an it just sain that gods a tite wanka

  30. @dan and laeif,
    I think both of you need to stfu. You guys are trying way too hard to try to antagonize one another, and it just makes you look stupid.

  31. Dear me, Dan’s joke genuinely made me laugh. As did the second of these posts. I must be tired.

  32. @yoink – happy birthday my uncircumcised wood handling friend, I’ve missed your playful (albeit uncouth and impure) banter. You’ve inspired a whole family of yoinks, although they all speak properly so I’m not sure where you get your interesting dialect from.

  33. *the third one. The second one sucks balls.

  34. Yoink, as I said, it is how you sound in my head

    Dan, I visualize the size of your genitals with every post you make. sigh

  35. @Annsalad – You are going to have to visualise them circumcised as well now..

  36. Dan, the more you criticise permissive liberal society, the more I see how correct you are. I’m sick of living in a society where idiots like you are tolerated rather than culled.

    And that joke was awful.

    Please stop posting on here.

  37. @kateisgr3at:

    I’m just trying to help him improve his trolling technique. He’s got the potential to do some seriously successful fishing, but he’s too raw right now.

  38. Dan yeh im uncircimsized an im dam prowd of it ur dicks oviusly got sumfing missin

  39. I think I just fell in love with douchetastic, dig the combo.

  40. I’m certainly not imagining dan’s size, but if I were to, I’m picturing approximately 4 inches… hard.

    But what I am imagining is dan at his computer- one hand on the keyboard, and the other around his 4 inches, getting off on all those still buying into the ruse.

    dan baby, next time you knock one out, think of me instead.

  41. word i fink ur bein genruss sayin 4 inches for him its gota be les than that thats y hes so uptyt

  42. Hey Dan… I went through the Public School System… fuck you.

    Me and yoink have more in common than I realized… and ironically I think of word when I’m punching the clown.

  43. @wordpervert and yoink – who cares about the size of one’s genitals? God made us all the way we are and using arbitrary (and quite infantile) judgments of someone’s masculinity based on penis size says far more about your maturity (or lack thereof) and the sin in your heart. Perhaps if you spend less time thinking about sexual pleasure and more time thinking about Jesus and praying you would have properly developed emotions.

    I love my Creator, and I love the body which he has given me.

  44. wat we got in comon mass?

  45. dan yeh its wat god gav u egsept with an etra bit of skin on it that u mewtilated god jujes u based on ur penis size (or lack therof) and the sin in ur pants prehaps if u spend les time finkin bowt jesus an prayin ud get sum sexul plesur

    i luv my penis an i luv the plesure wich it has given me foreskin an all

  46. I ain’t clipped either brother.

    Heading out to score some devil’s weed now.

  47. That makes me very happy, mass.

  48. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    I’m still trying to figure out how “anit” is pronounced “ain’t.” But if you insist, it just blows that whole “just read it phonetically” argument out of the water.

  49. Rose, does that comboniation of prescription drugs suggest that you are a lonely house wife looking for some sexual gratification? If so, I’m at your service. We can totally Ashley Madison that shit and give Dan here a hard on at the sinful acts we could do all at once. We can even throw in some hardcore street drugs to really spice things up.
    (hope I got my references right, lol, and that’s what vicodin and valium make me think of)

  50. good mass u shud be prowd of it i woodnt want mine any over way

  51. an i wud like sum devils weed too its me birfday i shud get sum free looooooool

  52. Douchetastic the Forned Rose

    They’re black market, better than prescription. It’s part of the Tuesday morning party, tomorrow’s Xanax and Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine. I’m not a housewife at all, but if you want to join the party, bar opens at 8 am.

  53. Xanax, fuck yes.

  54. Douche, anit is the English version of ain’t which is more like innit, meaning isn’t it. Some people here use it in every sentence

  55. If “Ain’t” means “isn’t,” “Isn’t it” does not mean “isn’t.” Therefore, if “ain’t it” means “isn’t,” you’re fucking stupid.

  56. Laeif, you were right on in your original post.
    Dan, the size of your penis might not matter to you but it does to everyone else haha.
    Advising people to reread the bible to “mature their emotions” still isn’t gonna make your dick any bigger you poor schmuck.

  57. Don’t argue with culture. The British have been saying innit since time began. Innit, Yoink?

  58. yeah souldancer but i dunt usuly say init in reel life i sumtimes say int it

  59. So this is the translation:

    “annsalad ferstly i anit american secundly i anit black an firdly american idal is lame”

    into

    “Annsalad – Firstly, I isn’t it American. Secondly, I isn’t it black, and thirdly, American Idol is lame.”

    Any questions?

  60. Or “in tit” perhaps? :) So it that actually what your anit means or did I read it wrong?

  61. mymomruinedfacebook

    No sense in trying to decipher the meaning of “ain’t” because it has multiple meanings. No one really knows what ain’t means until it’s said out loud in a sentence. Then we have context clues to decipher the message being spoken by the redneck. The number of times ain’t is spoken in the same run-on sentence by said redneck greatly decreases your chances of translating the message.

  62. Per wikipedia:

    Ain’t is a colloquialism and a contraction originally used for “am not”, but also used for “is not”, “are not”, “has not”, or “have not” in the common vernacular. In some dialects it is also used as a contraction of “do not”, “does not”, and “did not” (e.g. I ain’t know that).[citation needed] The word is a perennial issue in English usage. It is a word that is widely used by many people, but its use is commonly considered to be improper.[1]

  63. So basically can be used for pretty much anything, innit, unless you want to sound educated and ponsy like Fred

  64. souldancer i like in tit looooooool yeh usuly it is i duno realy i just say it a lot sumtimes it meens like int it an sumtimes it means like aint but its esier for me to rememba anit so i use it for bofe cos i get em mudled up

  65. mymomruinedfacebook

    lol see ain’t has like 50 definitions. And i think that guy was misspelling “aint” hence “anit” cuz he obviously couldn’t spell anything else correctly

  66. 4inchesin4weeks-wowguysa6inchpenis

    @dan_fargis
    Please stop being such a Creationist. And you wouldn’t like it if I started posting some nasty jokes about the G-Man, so please stop posting your religious propaganda.

    &
    @yoink
    I’m guessing you have perfect English, but you are just f*cking with people’s heads. Like this dude (Hint: his username is Play Brian Moore):

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Phil_Lynott

  67. an i gota say fanks to dan made me relise how much i need to get layd guna hav to hav a trip to me gfs soon as i can its lame that on me birfday i anit had no sex

  68. 4inchesin4weeks i dunt get that link at al but relly cant be bovvad to reed it an na man i anit fuckin wiv peples heds iv egsplaynd a milyon times now i got used to ritin like this wiv me mates on msn how many more times do i gota egsplayn it?

  69. Refer to comment #54:

    Soul Dancer: Douche, anit is the English version of ain’t which is more like innit, meaning isn’t it. Some people here use it in every sentence

  70. i was gonna tear down small dick dan.. but i see he has disappeared.. damn…

  71. i no pouty lips hes a propa coward

  72. Fred, refer to comment #63 – reply to your wikipedia pasting. Do you know the meaning of ponsy? (or poncey.) Or educated?

  73. Nope.

  74. Rose, I’m sold on this party idea. I think I just fell in love. Nope, just lust. Word, are you already one of the VIP members at the bar?

  75. Errr well that explains things then!

  76. I’m satisfied.

  77. 4inchesin4weeks-wowguysa6inchpenis

    Sorry yoink, I’m new.

    @Pouty_Lips:
    Do you want me to start posting some subversive anti- Creationist jokes? That’s sure to cheer you up! ;)

  78. I’m also pissed off!

  79. fred y u pised of?

  80. anit no y ah pist ov. ah unli dehl wid da usyull more ons. anit da troof.

  81. wat morons fred an im pised of to had a shit birfday

  82. naht morons, ya moron. more ons. ah gatt ta menny ons on ma ahm. mo dan shood bay.

  83. i dunt undastand u fred

  84. Kud it b bcoz nowuns gettin ya, Fred, lyke deep doun in ya liddel hart, nowun kan relie andastannd ya? coz that kan b rewl eyesolaiting. butt doent worie, coz thairz self-help groopes for thut kainda thing. givme a kawl iff ya eva need to chat

  85. do u undastand him then soul?

  86. Not deep down in his heart, Yoink, but I try :)

  87. na dunt meen like that soul meen wat hes sayin cus it makes no sense ta me i fort he was sayin thers to many morons in his lyfe but he rites reely bad im not as hard to undastand as that

  88. I cant believe i just read all comments..lol i need a life
    My first guess about that stoned grandpa was that he was dutch..but it is about july 4th..hmm im confused
    or maby all of the penis comments got my head on a complete different track.

  89. You won’t rope me back into this. I’m a reformed ponce, now.
    And I’m…what’s that word you used…educated!

    or

    yontrop mibah kinta dis. ahma reef ohmmmed ponce, nah. anahm…wud dat wad u yoozed…ejuma kate ed!

  90. Well I could be wrong but….
    means “anit” know why I’m pissed off. I only deal with the usual morons.
    Then you asked about morons and he changed it to:
    which means: not morons, you moron, More ons. I’ve got too many “ons”(?) on my arm. More than there should be

    The question is, what is this mysterious “on” that he has too many of?

  91. Hmm, for some reason that cut out the quoted text. are we not allowed to quote here?

  92. looooooool fink hes ons his periyid mabey thats wat he meens

  93. The first one, was submitted by the person who wrote it.
    Just thought I should point that out.
    That’s still a really funny situation, though, I usually catch myself staring at my screen saver for a long time, completely sober.

  94. I think Freddie here is retarted. He should go back and take the 2 year course at the local college in yoinkinese and then try again. I haven’t seen someone destroy such a perfectly acceptable form of English so brutally.

  95. ons. doze tins dat krall n haf lossa leggz n et shooga n haf nintendos on da hedz. day bot ma ahm cos ah shayv et wit wip crem. one on es kay bot more ons es bad!

  96. I opted to get rid of my screensaver all together. I prefer my desktop background of Tori Black. Fucking gorgeous.

  97. nuff u cant undastand a werd he sais can u? i anit as bad as that am i

  98. fred u fink ur beein funni but ur relly not noone can evan undastand u an u fink ur takin the pis outa me wel ur not ur just makin a twatmong outa urself so id stop if i was u

  99. FredNordie is pissed!

  100. Also, ironyyyyyyy!

  101. Good to be in the habit of reading the last comment first and deciding if anything was resolved.
    Nothing is ever resolved.

  102. Yeah yoink you do make more sense than Fred it seems… and I’ve smoked more and drank more since 5:00p.m than most normal people do in a weekend…fuck it’s Tuesday .. I better call my work.

  103. Thanks.

  104. Calenthedestroyer

    Yoink’s last post:
    fred u fink ur beein funni but ur relly not noone can evan undastand u an u fink ur takin the pis outa me wel ur not ur just makin a twatmong outa urself so id stop if i was u

    Translation:
    Fred, I am very upset with you. You think you are being humorous, but I assure you that you are not. For one, no one can understand you. You are not stealing urine from me, if you think you are. Because you are not. You’re just making a vagina monkey out of yourself. So I would stop, if I were you.

  105. loooooooooool vagina munkey!!!!! loooooooooool

  106. Wouldn’t the phonetic spelling of “lol” be “ell oh ell?”

    You know what, nevermind.

  107. fred i neva sed i tiped foneticly sunone else did i just tipe how i tipe

  108. Yes, yoink. That was a reference to the previous “anit” joke-run.

    Nevermind.

  109. Calenthedestroyer

    Fred. You are under the wrong assumption. I never said I typed phonetically. Someone else did. I just type how I type.

    ~Yoink’s last post

  110. Confession time:

    I am yoink, SoulDancer, dan_fargis, Laeif, Calenthedestroyer, FredNordie, and BritishHobo.

    Phew.

  111. I just can’t keep this up anymore. I am hereby tendering my resignation.

  112. Calenthedestroyer

    I also have a fetish for stuffed animals that look under 13.

  113. Boy, do I!

  114. Calenthedestroyer

    Touche, me. Touche.

  115. There are no 4 inch dildos because not everyone needs a dildo to get off. Like with breast size, it’s really a matter of personal preference, which is something not enough people realise. I actually knew a girl who went home with a guy, but left without having sex with him. Her reason? His dick was too big, and she thought it would hurt, which was something of a turn off. The only reason I believe this story is because I heard it from the girl herself, who was one of my oldest friends.

  116. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    I’m actually freaked out that I can completely understand frednordie. “on” = ant, “ons” = ants, “nintendoes” = antennas. I need a beer

  117. Dukey rules.

  118. Dookie, on the other hand…

  119. Anyone else notice that the second one was posted at 4:20? :D

  120. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    95) FredNordie July 6th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    ons. doze tins dat krall n haf lossa leggz n et shooga n haf nintendos on da hedz. day bot ma ahm cos ah shayv et wit wip crem. one on es kay bot more ons es bad!

    Exact Translation: Ants. Those things that crawl and have lots of legs and eat sugar and have antennas on their heads. They bite my arm because I shaved it with whipped cream. One ant is okay, but more ants is bad!

  121. 10 points to whoever got the Flight of the Conchords reference in the third one! :D

  122. haha i did something like that at the new moon one :L
    Bella: “i want to come Edward”
    Edward: “i dont want you to come”
    Bella: “i really wanna come”
    Edward: “im not going to let you come”
    Bella: “im going to come”
    me: *burst out laughing uncontrollably*
    rest of audience: *give me evil looks*
    me: give them a thumbs up*

  123. woops i commented on the wrong one :/

  124. laugh.out.loud

    Lol dukey… I could not for the life of me figure out how nintendo got into that sentence lol great job. @ 38 sumfin missin ha fuckin ha how rood! Yoink. Can we be friends? I think that I love you.

  125. Walter Sobchak

    Yoink stop complaining about not being able to understand Fred you hypocritical whinger. If you have a problem with it don’t fuckin read it.

  126. I can understand Yoink and Fred no worries. The trick is figure out what accent they’re typing in. So ons=ants. Once you get a few sounds right, it’s simple. We should all type in accents. Who wants to do French?

    And can we ask, Fred, why you shaved your arm with whipped cream? Some kinda fetish….?

  127. damn!!!! i missed out on a lot!!! and still no dan.. muahahahahahahah…

    @4inches: sure darling! its sure to make my bed a bit warmer. ;)

  128. sen az ah no no ha ta ritenn reed tiz uh meerkal ahg awt krem etal.

    ev shav ya ahm wif buddha? ah half. ah koont hole ahnta nuff in an ma fin gus slep toff da keez walla teyept!

    splanes samuch!

  129. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Wow Fred.

    Translation #128:

    Seeing as I no know how to write and read, it’s a miracle I got cream at all.

    Have you shaved your arm with butter? I have. I couldn’t hold onto nothing and my fingers slipped off the keys while I typed (teyept dude really?).

    Explains so much!

  130. I’m only commenting (sadly) for this to Dan Whatshisface.

    As a graduate of the public school system and a future teacher going back into it, and a Christian, I say: Public school does not make people sinful. THEIR OWN WILL DOES.

    Therefore: Fuck you.

  131. Dukey Smoothy Buns

    Excellent display of Christianity Grace.

  132. I’m impressed Dukey…was having trouble with that. Is that a southerners accent then Fred? Sure ain’t French. I like the way you turned butter into Buddha

  133. I’m impressed Dukey…was having trouble with that. Is that a southerners accent then Fred? Sure ain’t French. I like the way you turned butter into Buddha.

  134. suvern lan tick maff akt. iffinyouwantstatangle.

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